I, Claudius (46 page)

"And what else?"

"O Tiberius, be good to my children! And be good to me! Let me marry again. I am so lonely. Since Germanicus died I have never been able to forget my troubles. I can't sleep at night. If you let me marry I'll settle down and lose all my restlessness and be quite a different person, and then perhaps you won't suspect me of plotting against you.

I am sure it's only because I look so unhappy that you think I have bad feelings towards you."

"Who's the man you want to marry?"

"A good, generous, unambitious man, past middle age and one of your most loyal ministers."

"What's his name?"

"Gallus. He says that he is ready to marry me at once."

Tiberius turned on his heel and walked out of the room without another word.

A few days later he invited her to a banquet. He used often to invite people to dine with him whom he particularly mistrusted and stare at them throughout the meal as if trying to read their secret thoughts: which shook the self-possession of all but very few. If they looked alarmed he read it as a proof of guilt. If they met his eye steadily he read it as an even stronger proof of guilt, with insolence added.

On this occasion Agrippina, still ill and unable to eat any but the lightest food without nausea, and stared constantly at by Tiberius, had a miserable time. She was not a talkative person, and the conversation, which was about the relative merits of music and philosophy, did not interest her in the least and she found it impossible to contribute anything to it. She made a pretence of eating, but Tiberius, who was watching her attentively, saw that she sent away plate after plate untouched. He thought that she suspected him of trying to poison her, and to test this he carefully picked an apple from the dish in front of him and said: "My dear Agrippina, you haven't made much of a meal. At any rate, try this apple. It's a splendid one. I had a present of young apple trees from the King of Parthia three years ago and this is the first time they have borne fruit."

Now almost everyone has a certain "natural enemy"--if I may call it that.

To some people honey is a violent poison. Others are made ill by touching a horse or entering a stable or even by lying on a couch stuffed with horse-hair.

Others again are most uncomfortably affected by the presence of a cat, and going into a room will sometimes say, "There has been a cat here, excuse me if I retire." I myself feel an overpowering repugnance to the smell of hawthorn in bloom. Agrippina's natural enemy was the apple.

She took the present from Tiberius and thanked him, but with an ill-concealed shudder, and said that she would keep it, if she might, to eat when she reached home.

"Just one bite now, to taste how good it is."

"Please forgive me, but really I could not." She handed the apple to a servant and told him to wrap it carefully in a napkin for her.

Why did Tiberius not immediately try her on a treason [309] charge, as Sejanus urged? Because Agrippina was still under Livia's protection.

XXV

AND SO I COME TO THE ACCOUNT OF MY DINNER WITH Livia. She greeted me very graciously, seeming genuinely delighted with my gift. During the meal, at which nobody else was present but old Urgulania and Caligula, now aged fourteen--a tall pale boy with a blotched complexion and sunken eyes--she surprised me by the sharpness of her mind and the clearness of her memory. She asked me about my work, and when I began talking about the First Punic War and discrediting certain particulars given by the poet Naevius [he had served in this war] she agreed with my conclusions but caught me out in a misquotation. She said: "You're grateful to me now, grandson, aren't you, for not letting you write that biography of your father! Do you think that you'd be dining here to-day if I hadn't intervened?"

Every time the slave filled my cup I had drunk it straight up, and now at the tenth or twelfth draught I felt like a lion. I answered boldly: "Extremely grateful.

Grandmother, to be safe among the Carthaginians and Etruscans. But will you tell me just why I'm dining here today?"

She smiled: "Well, I admit that your presence at table still causes me a certain amount of... But never mind.

If I have broken one of my oldest rules that is my affair, not yours. Do you dislike me, Claudius? Be frank."

"Probably as much as you dislike me. Grandmother."

[Could this be my own voice speaking?]

Caligula sniggered, Urgulania tittered, Livia laughed: "Frank enough! By the way, have you noticed that monster there? He's been keeping unusually quiet during the meal."

"Who,

Grandmother?"

"That nephew of yours."

"Is he a monster?"

"Don't pretend you don't know it. You are a monster aren't you, Caligula?"

"Whatever you say, Great-grandmother," Caligula said with downcast eyes.

"Well, Claudius, that monster there, your nephew--I'll tell you about him.

He's going to be the next Emperor."

I thought it was a joke. I said smilingly: "If you tell me so. Grandmother, it is so. But what are his recommendations? He's the youngest of the family and though he has given evidences of great natural talent..."

"You mean that they won't any of them stand a chance against Sejanus and your sister Livilla?"

I was astounded at the freedom of the conversation. "I didn't mean anything of the sort. I never concern myself with high politics. I only meant that he's young yet, much too young to be Emperor; and that as a prophecy it seems rather a long shot."

"Not a long shot at all. Tiberius will make him his successor. No question of it. Why? Because Tiberius is like that. He has the same vanity as poor Augustus had: he can't bear the idea of a successor who will be more popular than himself.

But at the same time he does all he can to make himself hated and feared. So, when he feels that his time's nearly up, he'll search for someone just a little worse than himself to succeed him. And he'll find Caligula. There is one deed that Caligula has already done which puts him in a far higher rank of criminality than Tiberius can ever now attain."

"Please, Great-grandmother..." Caligula pleaded.

"All right, monster, your secret's safe with me so long as you behave."

"Does Urgulania know the secret?" I asked.

"No. It's between the monster and myself."

"Did he confess it voluntarily?"

"Certainly not. He's not the confessing sort. I found out about it by accident. I was searching his bedroom one night to see if he was trying any schoolboy tricks on me-- [3"] whether he was doing any amateur black magic, for instance, or distilling poisons or anything of the sort. I came across...”

"Please,

Great-grandmother."

"A green object that told me a very remarkable story.

But I gave it back to him."

Urgulania said grinning: "Thrasyllus said I'm going to die this year, so I won't have the pleasure of living in your reign, Caligula, unless you hurry up and murder Tiberius!"

I turned to Livia: "Is he going to do that. Grandmother?"

Caligula said: "Is it safe for Uncle Claudius to be told things? Or are you going to poison him?"

She answered; "Oh, he's quite safe, without any poison.

I want you two to know each other better than you do.

That's one reason for this dinner. Listen, Caligula. Your uncle Claudius is a phenomenon. He's so old-fashioned that because he's sworn an oath to love and protect his brother's children you can always impose on him--as long as you live.

Listen, Claudius. Your nephew Caligula is a phenomenon. He's treacherous, cowardly, lustful, vain, deceitful, and he'll play some very dirty tricks on you before he's done: but remember one thing, he'll never kill you."

"Why's that?" I asked, draining my cup again. The conversation was like the sort one has in dreams--mad but interesting, "Because you're the man who's going to avenge his death."

"I? Who said so?"

"Thrasyllus."

"Does Thrasyllus never make mistakes?"

"No. Never. Caligula's going to be murdered and you're to avenge his death."

A gloomy silence suddenly fell and continued until dessert, when Livia said: "Come, Claudius, the rest of our talk shall be in private." The other two rose and left us alone.

I said: "That seemed to me a very odd conversation, Grandmother. Was it my fault? Had I been drinking too much? I mean, some jokes aren't safe, nowadays. It was rather dangerous fooling. I hope the servants..."

"Oh, they're deaf-mutes. No, don't blame the wine.

There's truth in wine, and the conversation was perfectly serious so far as I was concerned."

"But... but if you really think him a monster why do you encourage him?

Why not give Nero your support?

He's a fine fellow."

"Because Caligula, not Nero, is to be the next Emperor."

"But he'll make a marvellously bad one if he's what you say he is. And you, who have devoted your whole life to the service of Rome..."

"Yes. But you can't fight against Fate. And now that Rome has been ungrateful and mad enough to allow my blackguardly son to put me on the shelf, and insult me--me, can you imagine it, perhaps the greatest ruler that the world has ever known, and his mother, too..." Her voice grew shrill. I was anxious to change the subject. I said, "Please, calm yourself. Grandmother. As you say, you can't fight against Fate. But isn't there something particular that you want to tell me.

Grandmother, connected with all this?"

"Yes, it's about Thrasyllus. I consult him frequently.

Tiberius doesn't know that I do, but Thrasyllus has been here often. He told me some years ago what would happen between Tiberius and me--that he'd eventually rebel against my authority and take the Empire wholly into his own hands. I didn't believe it then. He also told me another thing: that though I would die a disappointed old woman I would be acknowledged a Goddess many years after my death. And previously he had said that one who must die in the year which I know now is the year in which I must die, will become the greatest Deity the world has ever known and that, finally, no temples at Rome or anywhere in the Empire will be dedicated to anyone else. "Not even to Augustus."

"When are you to die?"

"Three years hence, in the spring. I know the very day."

"But are you so anxious to become a Goddess? My uncle Tiberius isn't at all anxious, it seems."

"It is all I think about, now that my work is over. And [3^3] why not? If Augustus is a God, it's absurd for me to be merely his priestess. I did all the work, didn't I? He no more had it in him to be a great ruler than Tiberius has."

"Yes, Grandmother. But isn't it enough for you to know what you have done without wanting to be worshipped by the ignorant rabble?"

"Claudius, let me explain. I quite agree about the ignorant rabble. It's not so much my fame on earth that I'm thinking about as the position I am to occupy in Heaven.

I have done many impious things--no great ruler can do otherwise. I have put the good of the Empire before all human considerations. To keep the Empire free from factions I have had to commit many crimes. Augustus did his best to wreck the Empire by his ridiculous favouritism: Marcellus against Agrippa, Gaius against Tiberius. Who saved Rome from renewed Civil War? I did. The unpleasant and difficult task of removing Marcellus and Gaius fell on me. Yes, don't pretend you haven't ever suspected me of poisoning them. And what is the proper reward for a ruler who commits such crimes for the good of his subjects?

The proper reward, obviously, is to be deified. Do you believe that the souls of criminals are eternally tormented?"

"I have always been taught to believe that they are."

"But the Immortal Gods are free from any fear of punishment, however many crimes they commit?"

"Well, Jove deposed his father and killed one of his grandsons and incestuously married his sister, and... yes, I agree.... They none of them have a good moral reputation. And certainly the Judges of the Mortal Dead have no jurisdiction over them."

"Exactly. You see now why it's all-important for me to become a Goddess.

And this, if you must know, is the reason why I tolerate Caligula. He has sworn fhat if I keep his secret he will make a Goddess of me as soon as he's Emperor.

And I want you to swear that you'll do all in your power to see that I become a Goddess as soon as possible, because--oh, don't you see?--until he makes me a Goddess I'll be in Hell, suffering the most frightful torments, the most exquisite ineluctable torments."

The sudden change in her voice, from cool Imperial arrogance to terrified pleading, astonished me more than anything I had yet heard. I had to say something so I said: "I don't see what influence poor Uncle Claudius is ever likely to have, either on the Emperor or on the Senate."

"Never mind about what you see or don't see, idiot! Will you swear to do as I ask? Will you swear by your own head?"

I said; "Grandmother, I’ll swear by my head--for what that's worth now--on one condition."

"You dare to make conditions to me?"

"Yes, after the twentieth cup; and it's a simple condition. After thirty-six years of neglect and aversion you surely don't expect me to do anything for you without making conditions, do you?"

She smiled. "And what is this one simple condition?"

"There are a lot of things that I'd like to know about. I want to know, in the first place, who killed my father, and who killed Agrippa, and who killed my brother Germanicus, and who killed my son Drusillus...."

"Why do you want to know all this? Some imbecile hope of avenging their deaths on me?"

"No, not even if you were the murderess. I never take vengeance unless I am forced to do so by an oath or in self-protection. I believe that evil is its own punishment.

All I want now is just to know the truth. I am a professional historian and the one thing that really interests me is to find out how things happen and why.

For instance, I write histories more to inform myself than to inform my readers."

"Old Athenodorus has had a great influence on you, I see."