I Got This (10 page)

The album did better than the label expected. The album made its debut on the Billboard 200 and the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart with first week’s sales of 217,000 copies. It was eventually certified gold for selling more than a half million copies.

I
n the fall of 2008, I had started a new weight-loss regimen in preparation for a film adaptation of Winnie Mandela’s life called
Winnie.
I had been cast to play the amazing Winnie Mandela under the assumption that I would lose a significant amount of weight to look more like her. I noticed I was feeling unusually tired. I know
my body, and something felt very different. I wasn’t sure if the way I was feeling was due in part to my new dieting habits, stress, or perhaps some combination of both.

I didn’t think I was pregnant because I had no obvious symptoms. Even so, I decided to take a home pregnancy test just to rule it out. I stood in the bathroom and waited for my results. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander and think about the possibility…and the irony.

I looked down.

Positive.

I was pregnant.

The only person we decided to tell right away was my manager so that he could let the producers of
Winnie
know I wouldn’t be able to do the movie anytime soon. We didn’t give them an exact reason. We just told them it was personal. Thankfully, they agreed to wait it out because they didn’t want to recast the lead. They wanted me to play Winnie and were willing to wait. The producers told me to do whatever I needed to do and that they would be ready whenever I was. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I thanked them for their gracious patience and understanding.

David and I loved to take weekend trips to amusement parks like Disney World and Universal Studios. I had always loved going on rides. One day we approached a ride that had a sign posted that read, “Do not ride this if you are pregnant.” Funny, I had ridden this roller coaster many times before I was pregnant, but had never
noticed that sign until that day. I stood there for a moment trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t make up my mind. The people behind us in line were getting annoyed for sure. Of course, no one knew I was pregnant so they couldn’t understand my hesitation. These types of decisions were all so new and unfamiliar to me.

I suddenly went from thinking for myself to thinking like a mama in thirty seconds flat and have never looked back since. Going forward, everything I did, every decision I made, and every road traveled would be considered with my baby’s welfare in mind first. It was exciting to approach life from this brand-new perspective, and even better, without anyone knowing why—at least for a little while.

I
had been keeping a pretty low profile, but I couldn’t stay out of the spotlight forever. I was asked to sing the national anthem at the 2009 Super Bowl, scheduled in Tampa on February 2. It was an easy decision since I didn’t even have to fly anywhere. Thankfully, I wasn’t showing yet, so I wasn’t worried about anyone finding out that I was pregnant. Although I had been on one of the most-watched television shows on the planet,
American Idol
, I don’t think there is a larger audience and platform than the Super Bowl. God gave me the nerves of steel that I needed that night. This was the first time I was stepping out since the tragedy that struck my family. It was a very strange evening because I had never been hounded
or stalked by the media like I was that night. It was overwhelming. When I stood on the field facing the crowd, there was a roar in the stadium unlike anything I had ever heard. Luckily, once I started to sing, the tension faded away, as it always does. Singing is always my saving grace. I sang from my heart and soul that night—and I think it showed.

Even though we had been given a skybox to watch the game, as soon as I hit that last note, I was eager to leave. David stayed and watched the game with my brothers and a few other relatives while I headed straight from the stadium to the nearest Chipotle, in full hair and makeup. A pregnant woman wants what she wants!

The next time I would sing in public was at the 2009 Grammy Awards. I wore a black-and-white dress that strategically hid my ever-growing baby bump. I simply wasn’t ready to let the world know I was expecting, much less answer questions from the press. That night, I worked with a new stylist who kept trying to put me into undergarments that were way too tight across my belly. I had to tell her I wouldn’t wear them. I also had to tell her not to push on my stomach, but I never told her why. Hopefully she only thought I was just strangely obsessed with my abs. At my record label, no one ever suggested that I might be pregnant, though I wonder if they suspected. No one ever asked me. And really, when you think about it, who asks a grown woman if she’s pregnant, anyway? What if she isn’t? Boy, that’s awkward.

The Grammys that year were pretty special to me, wardrobe
issues or not. My album received three nominations, including Best Female R&B Vocal Performance for “Spotlight,” Best R&B Performance by a Duo or a Group with Vocal for “I’m His Only Woman,” a duet I recorded with Fantasia Barrino, and Best R&B Album, for which I ended up winning the award.

Winning a Grammy was a dream come true for two very special reasons. To begin with, it was my first, and a great vote of confidence in my music career from my peers. And while that
was
truly exciting, receiving that award from Whitney Houston, my idol and greatest musical influence, was the icing on the cake. I couldn’t believe I was standing right next to her on the same stage, much less receiving an award from her. I was in complete awe, but not for the first time when it came to Ms. Whitney Houston.

I actually met Whitney Houston for the first time at a charity event in October 2006. It was one of the first times in my life that I can honestly say I was starstruck. I was scheduled to sing during the event and was sitting in a hallway inside the Beverly Hilton hotel, where the fund-raiser was taking place. I was waiting to go into the ballroom to perform. My publicist and choreographer were sitting with me when I noticed a herd of men rushing down the hallway looking like secret service. They were surrounding a woman and walking very fast. When I looked up, I realized it was Whitney. As she passed by us, she held up her index finger and said, “Stop.”

Her entourage stopped cold in their tracks.

Whitney walked over to me and stood about three inches from my face.

“You. You’re the one.” She practically whispered when she spoke.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I was mesmerized and frozen by her presence. It was such a surprise that Whitney Houston came over…to me!

“You’re the one. It is you. I know you.”

My publicist elbowed me to get up out of my seat, but I couldn’t move. Before I could say anything, she was gone.

I didn’t see Whitney Houston again until the night of the Grammys. If there was anything that could have lifted my spirits at this time, it was receiving my first Grammy Award from her. As a way of showing my appreciation and respect for everyone who had reached out to me over the months since the family tragedy I had just endured, for my Grammy performance I chose to sing a song from my album called “You Pulled Me Through.” When I recorded the song, I had no idea why I was singing it, but I knew it had a purpose. Singing it that night helped me discover that purpose. That song suddenly made perfect sense because I felt as if I had seen the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows in my life. Rickey Minor, my musical director at the time, told me that I am a storyteller and I could paint the picture for an audience through my music. I knew that song had the potential to reach people on a deeply spiritual level—and in the end, I believe it did.

If it’s true that God never gives us anything more than we can handle, he sure knew I would be able to handle things that night. I was able to go out there and still have a sweet taste in my mouth after all of the bitterness I had suffered. I’ve always been emotional when I sing, but on this particular night I was extremely so. As I’ve said, my crying through a song used to irritate my mama. She’d say, “Jenny, why do you have to be crying when you’re up there to sing. What are you crying for, baby girl?” On that night, I was thinking of my family and just wanted to make them proud. I didn’t care if I cried or not. I don’t think anyone did.

I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house.

After the Grammys, I agreed to perform on
American Idol
for the first time since I was voted off. I have to admit, it felt good to be back on that stage. It was like going home. For sure I thought someone there would notice my belly—but they didn’t! I even appeared on
The Oprah Winfrey Show
and
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
around this time, and even though I was now several months pregnant, no one ever said a word.

I tried maintaining my regular diet and exercise routine for the first four months of the pregnancy. My first trimester was easy. I had no signs or symptoms that I was carrying a baby and therefore often forgot that I was. David was terrified as I’d race up flights of stairs, go for a run, or do anything physical. I felt great and kept living my life as I normally did. Funny things started to happen
though, like not being able to stand the smell of David’s cologne and an occasional unexplained meltdown over the smallest things. I never wore maternity clothes throughout my pregnancy. I just wore my regular clothes, though I went for the looser stretchy ones as my belly grew. This was a big realization for me…maybe I did need to think about losing some weight after this baby was born. If I could wear my regular clothes during pregnancy, maybe they were a little…big.

By my fifth month, my hormones really took over and my body wanted me to eat whatever it wanted to eat. I like spicy food and was craving it morning, noon, and night. I remember going to a Mexican restaurant to order up some nachos (without onions, of course) to go. I was very specific about what I did and did not want on my nachos. The waitress took my order just as I had given it—
no
onions! Unfortunately, when I opened the box in the car, those nachos were covered in everything I had asked them to skip. I was so mad that I threw them out the window! Now, maybe it was the hormones that caused me to act that way—but everyone knows you don’t play with a pregnant woman’s food!

As he always did, David acted nonchalant about the scene I had just caused. Looking back, I hope it wasn’t because I had been acting that way so often he was no longer fazed by that behavior. Oh well. You
can
get away with more when you’re pregnant, right, ladies?

Not long after this, my sister sent me a text that said, “If one
more person asks me if you’re pregnant, I’m going to give them a due date. Jenny—what’s the deal?” she asked.

I texted her back with my due date, and that’s how I told Julia I was pregnant.

I then wanted to make sure my whole family knew the good news now, before the press started talking. So in the spring of 2009, I decided it was time to make an official announcement to my big family. It had been a while since I had seen them. As I said, I was still wearing my regular clothes, so even after I shared the good news, everyone thought I was playing a trick on them. My aunts were all there that day, and in my family, all I really needed to do was tell my aunts. Sure enough, shortly afterward, everyone else in the extended family was finally in the know.

The rest of the world found out I was pregnant when I sang at Michael Jackson’s memorial on July 7, 2009. The service was held at the Staples Center and was covered by the media worldwide. By this time I was eight months pregnant and really only wanted to be at home resting. I was getting uncomfortable and just wanted my baby out and my body back. Of course, Michael’s death was so sudden and unexpected. So I was happy to be part of the celebration of his life and to have my chance to honor Michael. It was a sad but amazing day, and I was glad that I was included, despite feeling very tired at this point.

Even though my sister has special feelings about these things and had predicted that we were going to have a boy, David and
I never knew the sex of our baby until he was born. We shopped for a boy and a girl and had outfits for both in my suitcase that I took to the hospital. We had names picked out for both, too. We had resigned ourselves that whatever it was going to be, it would be.

When the baby came, David said, “It’s a boy, Jenny!”

I could hear my son yelling and screaming. He definitely inherited my strong voice!

And there he was—my little munchkin. David placed our baby atop my chest so I could feel his little heart beat against mine. He looked just like a mini version of David. We named him David Daniel Otunga Jr.

It was love at first sight.

As I held him close, I cried more than my newborn son.

My circle of life was now complete. I had a man I loved and, together, we brought a new life into the world. After everything we had been through, we were both so happy. I couldn’t think of a better way to honor my mother than becoming a mother myself. From the very moment my son was born, I have felt my mama’s presence guiding me. She was such a great role model in so many ways. I want to be that same kind of inspiration to my son, too. And now, I had the rest of my life to do just that.

I loved being a mom from the very start. Little David is the light of my life. Whenever I had to travel for work in those first few months, I did what I had to do and hurried back home to be with my son. I had someone waiting for me, someone who unconditionally
loved me with all his heart, and someone I couldn’t wait to hold in my arms. I cherish every moment we have together.

Munchkin quickly developed his own unique personality. The older he got, the more of me I saw in him. My son never met an audience he didn’t like. He loves the sound of a cheering crowd. Maybe it is because I performed so much during my pregnancy, the sound of a clapping audience is familiar to him.

About a year or so after David Jr. was born, I was doing a show in Barbados. The crowd began to cheer in the middle of one of my songs. I thought it was odd, but chalked it up to the audience just feeling the music. I looked to my right and noticed Munchkin standing off in the corner of the stage with his own microphone in his hands. They were cheering for
him
—not me.