I Hope You Find Me (24 page)

“I guess you already met Matt,” Skip said,
behind me.

I looked over my shoulder at him and noticed
that the group was watching me carefully. Jacks shifted on his feet
and sent a glance Connor’s way. I noticed Alan pocket the small
item he had been holding before he looked around the room.

“Uh. Yes, we met in the City, downtown.” I
glanced at Connor before aiming my question at Skip. “Where’s
Mariah?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know a Mariah.”

“Matt’s sister? You haven’t seen her?” I
looked around the group and Bobby stared at the ground while he
shifted his heavy weight around from foot to foot. His red face all
but glowed in the dim and natural light of the lobby. If he knew
anything, he wasn’t going to say so.

“Matt’s had some issues with all of us,”
Jacks said to me. “He hasn’t exactly spilled his life story out but
he hasn’t said anything about a sister.”

When I looked away from Jacks, I glanced at
Connor, and he met my gaze for the first time during the entire
conversation. Part sadness, part confusion, and part mistrust
reflected in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if the look was meant for me,
or for Mariah.

“Hello! I need a place to put my stuff. I
don’t want to stand around
here
all day,” Ana said
impatiently.

Jacks sighed and looked at her. “So, go get a
room.”

She sent a scathing look in his direction
before she turned on her heeled boots, clicking and clacking out of
the room and cursing under her breath at us in Spanish.

“She seems lovely,” I said to no one in
particular. Jacks and Skip laughed.

Jacks crossed the room and put his arms
around my waist. “Hope you have space for me.”

I blinked at him, embarrassed, and slightly
annoyed. One thing I could count on was that he always spoke what
was on his mind.

“Uh, I’m staying by the lake,” I answered,
fully aware that Connor and Fin were both staring at my back.

“Sounds romantic.” Jacks grinned and hugged
me.

Skip clapped Jacks on the back and smiled
down at me. “I’m really glad we found you, hon. This boy here was
pretty worried about you.”

I smiled faintly back at him and felt the
heat from Jacks body pass through my clothes and warm my skin. Just
that morning, Connor’s hug was almost identical. I stood still, my
feet stuck to the same spot on the floor, with one man holding me,
and another man wanting to and I didn’t know what to do. For the
first time in weeks, I wanted to be alone again.

***

Connor stood outside on the back porch next
to Fin, while the group toured the inside of the lodge. He kept
wondering when the shock would pass, the shock of seeing Riley flee
from the trees and run into the arms of another man. And that
kiss…it took his breath away, and not for good reasons. He hadn’t
said much of anything. He wasn’t sure he could speak, even if he
wanted to. He knew she wanted to talk to him, but it was obvious
that Jacks wasn’t going to leave her side any time soon, and what
he wanted to talk to her about couldn’t be said in front of the
other man.

He kicked at the dirt around the path with
one foot, while Zoey paced nervously around them. The dog hadn’t
sat down all morning. She seemed afraid of everything and everyone.
He bent down and rubbed her head and tried to soothe her while she
waited for Riley to come outside.

“
It’s okay girl. It’s okay,” he said to
her while stroking her head and back.

Eventually the dog sat down beside his feet
with a heavy sigh and he looked up to see Fin watching him with
curiosity.

“
What?” he asked.

“
Nothing. Was just wondering how long it
was going to take before you crack, and lose it,” Fin
replied.

“
What, you read minds now?” Connor asked
with a sigh.

“
Well, it seems like Riley’s past has
caught up with her. At least for now.” Fin shrugged, peering into
the windows of the second floor. “He seems to really care about
her,” he said, almost as an afterthought.

“
Jesus, Fin. Is that supposed to make me
feel better?” Connor reached his hands behind his neck and looked
up at the sky.

“
Damn.”

“
We’re all damned, man. You should know
that by now.” Fin started walking away from the building, across
the lawn, in the direction of the cabins.

“
No point standing around here.” He
plodded through the grass, and kicked a twig out in front of him
before adding, “I need a damn drink.”

Connor watched Fin march down the slope
towards the lower pathways until only the top of his blonde head
could be seen through the trees. He knew Fin was right. Jacks did
care about Riley, it was obvious. And it would be selfish to fight
his way in between them. She had a chance to hold onto a piece of
her past everyone else had lost. A connection.

“
Damn,” he said again, into the crisp
breeze. “Come on girl, let’s go for a walk.” He patted at his leg
for the dog to follow him in Fin’s direction, but she stayed,
sitting at the porch door, her ears up and her head cocked to one
side as if asking, ‘Where ya going?’

He set off through the grass without her,
the thickness of it wetting the toes of his shoes from the moisture
trapped among the blades from the night before. He had to get back
to the cabin and grab his stuff before Riley figured out he was
even there. He wasn’t going to share the cabin with another man,
and she seemed confused enough at Jacks arrival…putting space
between them was the right thing to do. It was easier that way. He
walked down the winding trail, listening to the insects in the
brush, a bird chirping in a tree above him, and the sounds of his
own beating heart.

When Connor got to the end of the pathway,
Fin was sitting on Riley’s cabin steps, his arms hung loosely over
his knees, a knowing look on his face.

“
What?” Connor asked.

“
Thought I’d help you pack,” Fin said
casually.

Connor stared at him, wondering if he had
spoken his thoughts out loud on the walk to the cabin.

“
I figure, you’ll want your own place now,
right? I mean, that’s what I would do, if my girl was making out
with another dude, unless you’re into that kind of kinky stuff.”
Fin winked.

“
Nice, very nice, Fin. I love your tact,”
Connor grumbled at him, but let Fin inside anyway to help him
gather up the few things he had in the cabin.

Fin helped him drop off his bags at the
cabin next to his, and urged him next door for a beer. He would
unpack later. Morning or not, right now all he wanted was to join
Fin for a drink…a strong one. As they sat on Fin’s messy couch, he
drank the steady flow of alcohol that Fin supplied without argument
until his body buzzed and the room jumped when he turned his
head.

Fin eyed him carefully and then warned him,
“Just to be clear, the only room of the house I care about keeping
clean is the kitchen. I don’t care if your drunk ass crashes here,
but I’ll toss you out if you take the last cold beer from the
fridge and don’t replace it. And you better keep your clothes on. I
catch you walking around the place naked--I’ll shoot you
myself.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

After coming out of the main building and
finding Fin and Connor gone, Jacks pulled me aside and sat me down
next to him on a wooden bench. Zoey stretched out along my feet,
her eyes flicking quickly back and forth between Jacks and the
other strangers who branched out, some to explore the grounds, the
others to get their things from the vehicles out front.

“Riley. Tell me everything. What happened?”
he asked. He leaned his head into his hands and began
absentmindedly twirling his thick hair between his fingers. Some
things never change.

I sat quietly for a moment, watching the
trees sway gently and listening to the sounds of people around the
lodge. People. Talking, laughing, and whispering. Life.

I turned to look at Jacks with his tanned
face and bright eyes. While I watched the others, he had pulled a
knit hat over his brown hair, which made the ends curl outward from
under the woven fabric. He leaned against the bench, watching me.
Waiting for the story.

“What is it you want to know, Jacks?” I
asked.

He blinked at me, surprised. “Everything.
What happened at home? What happened in the city? How you got
here.” He stared at me, waiting. His arm rested behind my shoulders
on the bench, and he reached out to twirl the ends of my hair.

“How’d you find us, Jacks?” I shifted in my
seat.

“What do you mean? You told us where you were
going. Remember?”

“No. I didn’t. I mean I didn’t say we were
here
.” I looked past him, at the lodge.

“Oh. Well, we drove down every driveway and
road near that fire station. Figured you would have to be close.
Didn’t make sense to sit there and wait for night-fall. Took some
time to find you, but it was worth it.” He smiled and tugged gently
on a section of my hair.

I watched a leaf lift off the ground, and
then roll into the grass, pushed by the force of the breeze. I
pulled my hair from his grasp, tossing it onto my back, away from
his curious finger tips.

I sighed, “Jacks, I haven’t seen you in
years. I can’t just sit here with you and talk about my dead
children.”

“Right. We used to be able to do this. Talk
about anything,” he said, after a heavy pause.

“You’re kidding, right? You walked out of my
life. Then
this
and you show up here.” I stood up and raked
my hands down my face. “I just can’t believe this is happening--any
of it.”

He pushed off the bench and faced me. “I
walked out because you broke my heart.” His eyes bore into mine so
fiercely I was afraid to blink. “I never stopped loving you, but
you didn’t choose
me
, remember? You chose that cheating
bastard, John, and look how that turned out.”

I glared at him and felt my fingers twitch as
my brain fought against my will to slap him across the face as hard
as I could, even though he was right.

“Marrying John might have been a mistake, but
I would never change that. He gave me Shannon and Dean. I’ll never
feel guilty about marrying him.” I stared viciously at Jacks,
challenging him to say anything degrading about my dead
ex-husband.

He nodded and sighed heavily, studying the
tops of his boots. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” I snapped.

After an awkward pause, I was surprised when
Jacks leaned forward and hugged me tightly. I tried not to inhale
his familiar smell, but I let myself burry my face into his chest
for just a moment before he gently pulled away.

“We shouldn’t be doing this, Riley. All these
people…they lost everything too and now we only have each other.”
His words stung.

“I know that.” I sat down again, exhausted,
the fight gone from my entire being.

“How about we start over?” he said, gently as
he took the seat next to me again.

“Fine.” I took a deep breath. “So…why
Portland? Work, fun or a girl?”

“A girl, of course. Some work, maybe a little
fun.” We laughed together.

“You never could be alone, could you?” I
nudged his arm.

“Yep, you know me so well.” He grinned.

We sat on the weathered bench together, close
and yet far away at the same time. I thought it would feel better
finding someone else, someone who knew me. In the first few moments
of seeing Jacks I was deliriously happy but after the shock of his
arrival wore off, it seemed that even the end of the world couldn’t
erase our complicated past.

“I was with them when they died. I left, and
everywhere, everyone was dead.” I started my condensed story.
“Connor found us in the city. He helped me and I guess you could
say we’ve been together since.” I exhaled sharply.

“Connor. The dark, brooding one.” He sat back
and folded his arms over his chest. “When you say ‘together’ what
do you mean?”

I didn’t answer him, just looked at him and
tilted my head to the side.

“Ah. So,
that
kind of ‘together’.”

“To be honest, it’s a bit confusing.” I
rubbed my hands on my jeans. “And I can’t believe I’m talking to
you
about this.”

“I’m surprised. He’s not really your type.”
He stretched his legs out straight in front of him, digging his
heels into the dirt.

“But the other one, the tall guy…who looks
like he was born in a nest at the top of one of these pine
trees…Fin, is that his name? He seems your type.” Jacks cocked his
head to the side and laughed at my shocked expression.

If only he knew about the kiss I shared with
Fin. I looked away before he read my mind, something Jacks had
always been too good at.

“So, for you and me…does this mean no more
kissing?” He playfully kicked one of my feet.

“Jacks don’t get me wrong. I’m really happy
to see you. But I can’t pretend the last several years didn’t
happen. And I can’t pretend the last few months didn’t happen with
Connor.”

“I think I understand,” he leaned in close
and slowly, softly kissed my cheek, “But
you
understand
something. When I found that note on your door, I knew for sure
that all the hell I went through to get here became worth it. I
couldn’t lose you like that. Riley, I’m never leaving you
again.”

***

I left Jacks with Skip to unload the vehicles
after I had given them all a rudimentary tour of the property, but
I didn’t show anyone the greenhouse. For some reason I wanted to
keep that a secret until someone stumbled upon it on their own.

I walked with Zoey down the cabin trail,
hoping to find Connor and Fin. The energy was different in the
forest. The trees moved and swayed and creaked the same as they did
before. I could hear the birds chirping, and a random twig snap in
the distance, but the bird calls and shrieks were louder, almost
competing with the sounds of the new people. I wanted to apologize
to the birds, to tell them it was my fault this new, clamorous
group had arrived, but all I did was walk quietly down the trail.
Even the dog seemed subdued and a little tired.