I Hope You Find Me (20 page)

My stomach pitched and rolled as another
thought came to mind: Connor’s job was to act. He was paid to lie
for a living. I watched him play with the dog in the kitchen and
asked myself…
Is anything between us real?

***

We spent most of the day allowing Fin to play
tour guide around the complex. He seemed overeager to make us
comfortable and I had a feeling it was because he felt he owed
Connor one for outing his past. Connor stayed close to me, even
holding my hand as we walked down some of the many pathways that
snaked through the landscaping. I tried hard to relax and tell
myself he was the same person I met on the dock, the same person
that carried me back to the hotel, the same person who followed me
out of the city, but it was true we didn’t really know each other.
I hadn’t shared much of my past either, and reminding myself of
this fact kept me from getting too angry with him.

By the time we had made our way back to the
main building I couldn’t keep from blurting out my thoughts and I
surprised even myself by asking, “What were you in?”

Both men stopped to look at me. “Huh?” Fin
asked.

I glanced at Connor and felt my cheeks flush
with heat. “What were you in?” I asked again.

“Uh.” He looked at Fin nervously, who was
laughing.

“That’s all you brother, don’t look at me,”
Fin said. A gust of wind tousled the already messy blonde hair on
top of Fin’s head, and the sunshine lit the hazel of his eyes on
fire. I imagined his rugged good looks had broken many hearts in
his teens and twenties.

Connor cleared his throat before saying,
“Well, do you mean
everything
...? Or just recent stuff?”

“There’s a lot?” I chewed on my lip,
embarrassed to be caught thinking about Fin’s eyes.

Connor laughed, and said nonchalantly,
“There’s a lot of crap, and then there’s a few good things, I
guess.” I smiled at him, glad that he didn’t think less of me for
obviously being out of touch with the world
before
it
ended.

“Okay, I’ll start with some older stuff.
Let’s see...
Day Runner, Collision, Ned
...?” He looked at me
with a smile.

I shook my head no, so he continued to list
off movie titles, “What about
Shadytown, Full Force, First
Bite
...?” I slowly shook my head again.

Fin rose his hands up in the air and with
exaggerated enthusiasm said to me, “I’ve seen all three of
those...how could you not see
Shadytown
?!”

“I don’t know, maybe I have. What is it
about?” I asked Connor, but Fin took over the answer by spending
the next five minutes explaining the plot to a movie I not only
hadn’t seen, but had never heard of.

“I’m sorry; I’m more of a book person.” I
watched as Zoey sniffed around the base of a nearby pine tree. She
started scratching in the dirt with her front paws, and jumped
backwards with surprise when she stepped on a small twig. “I do
like Indie movies though,” I said as an afterthought.

Connor’s eyes lit up and he said, “What about
Hello, Margaret Skye
? That one was filmed in Ireland some
years back.”

“Yes! I remember it. I saw that a few years
ago--it was a beautiful story. Oh my god, were you the kid in it?”
I asked with excitement. Images of a young Kevan O’Connor began
forming in my mind as I remembered the character he played so
well.

“Kid? I was twenty when we filmed that,” he
laughed.

“You were so young! I mean, not that you’re
old now...you know what I mean.” I stopped talking when Fin laughed
and I felt the color rise back into my cheeks.

Fin clapped Connor hard on the back before
saying to him, “Hey man, at least now she knows who you are.”

***

Connor watched her play on the lawn with the
dog, chasing the little Black Lab-spaniel mix around with a stick.
Yes, now she knows, he thought to himself. He wondered why he
assumed someone like Riley would care about his past and his
fame...or the money he used to have. She surprised him by asking
only a handful of questions before changing the subject. Fin was
more eager to talk to him about his career and annoyingly insisted
on calling him the Resident Movie Star every chance he got. Every
time the phrase came out of the man’s mouth, he resisted the urge
to punch him in the nose, but Riley just smiled.

She looked up at where he sat underneath a
massive pine tree, and waved at him with a happy expression on her
face. He thought it was the best thing about her--that smile. It
made him feel sappy and almost like a teenager again. He leaned
into the rough trunk of the tree and took in the musky scent of the
fallen pine needles around him while Zoey chased Riley down the
grassy slope, the dog’s tail wagging vigorously from side to side,
barking in unison with Riley’s laugh. This was the happiest he had
seen her since they met. He hoped the feeling lasted for both of
them while he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, letting the
sounds of her laughter lull him to sleep.

***

“Look at that,” Fin said.

I turned to look behind me and saw Connor
leaning against a tree with his eyes closed, a peaceful expression
on his face. His arms were crossed against his chest, his lean legs
straight out in front of him with one ankle over the other. A shift
in the breeze swirled his hair around his forehead and ears, and I
caught a glimpse of a younger version of him, a carefree boy asleep
under a tree. The visual made me smile.

“I think he’s asleep.” I turned to look at
Fin and he nodded.

“Let him sleep, I want to show you
something.” He started walking up the path to the main
building.

I took one more glance at Connor and lightly
slapped my thigh, calling Zoey to me before heading up the path
behind Fin. When we caught up to him, I asked him where we were
going.

“It’s a surprise.” He turned around and
winked at me. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to like it though.”

We rounded the pathway and took a smaller
trail between the recreation area and the back of the main
building.

“It’s just around the corner, this way,” Fin
said as he took the lead on the narrow path. From behind, I noticed
how tight his coat was around his broad shoulders, how it didn’t
seem to fit him just right and as I slowly took in the rest of his
frame from my vantage point, I concluded his low-hanging jeans fit
his curved backside perfectly. His build was totally different from
Connor’s…tall, muscular, rough around the edges…and I blushed with
embarrassment as I let my thoughts wander towards less innocent
thoughts.

The lodge was to our right, partially
obscured by a row of citrus trees and carefully shaped rosebushes.
Even without their blooms, the neat round shrubs looked beautiful
alongside the rest of the landscaped plants, and I reached out and
touched almost every bush as we passed by them. When the path
rounded a corner, Fin stopped and turned to face me.

“Okay, close your eyes,” he said with a smile
tugging at the corners of his round mouth.

“What? No.” I laughed nervously at him and
glanced down the empty path.

“Oh, come on, I’m not gonna try anything
funny.” He reached out to take my hand after I closed my eyes and
gently tugged me down the path several more feet. When we stopped
he turned me sideways, and said, “Alrighty...open.”

I opened my eyes and blinked through the
sunshine at a bronzed, aluminum framed, dark-mirrored structure
that was attached to the side of the lodge. It ran the width of the
building, coming out at least thirty feet, with the pointed roof
rising high above the lodge’s first floor. I could see our
reflections clearly in the tinted glass panels even though we stood
more than twenty feet away.

“It’s beautiful! What is it?” I asked with
excitement.

I jumped when Fin’s warm breath hit the side
of my neck as he spoke from behind me, “It’s a greenhouse. Fully
stocked, solar operated, all the bells and whistles. Wanna go
inside?”

I nodded yes, and followed him inside the
storm doors. The lower half of the glass house was an intricately
designed rock wall, with vented windows just above it that ran the
length of the building. Inside, there were several rows of plants,
mostly vegetables, at different growing stages. Citrus trees filled
the corners and ran down the center aisle. Large baskets of
colorful perennial flowers hung from the ceiling in no apparent
pattern. Low metal benches for sitting and holding gardening tools
sat every few feet, surrounded by ceramic and clay pots of all
shapes and sizes.

“This is amazing!” I squealed, and turned
around to hug Fin. He awkwardly patted my back. When I let go and
moved away from him, he stuck his hands into his coat pockets.

“We can grow everything we need here, Fin!”
He grinned as I wandered down each isle, reading the plant names
off their labels. “Look... there’s green beans, eggplant, zucchini
squash, carrots, onions, potatoes...how did they do this? There’s a
little of everything!” I beamed at Fin, excited at the prospect of
not having to live off of canned goods and bagged rice
indefinitely.

He pointed into the far corner. “Look over
there. I call it a salad garden.” An enormous round garden pot took
up one entire corner of the greenhouse. It was overflowing with
red- and green-leaf lettuce, tall shoots of green onions, and
several types of tomatoes...cherry, roma and beefsteak, and several
different herbs. I plucked a ripe cherry tomato off its vine and
popped it into my mouth.

“I think it’s the best tomato I’ve ever had,”
I said to him.

“Yeah. I haven’t done much in here, but
obviously some of this has to be harvested and taken care of if we
want to keep it going.” He walked around to a short avocado tree
and pulled a few of the ripe fruits off their branches. “Grab some
of those tomatoes and onions and I’ll make the best guacamole
you’ve ever had.”

“Deal.” I grabbed a nearby basket and loaded
it with lettuce, tomatoes and onions. I laughed as Fin filled his
coat pockets with food, including a wicked-looking Serrano chili
pepper, and a handful of cilantro. “There’s a lemon tree over
there,” he pointed down the center aisle, “grab one for me?”

“I could spend all day in here.” I smiled at
him after meeting him by the doors. Zoey rushed back outside into
the cooler air and dashed down the pathway ahead of us, back where
we had come from earlier. “Thanks for showing me this place, Fin.
It’s pretty exciting. How’d you know I’d love it so much?”

We were walking side-by-side along the
pathway, our elbows bumping into each other every few feet. I was
sure we looked like we had raided a nearby farmer’s market--Fin,
with his coat pockets brimming with ripe avocados, and me,
protectively holding the overflowing woven basket in front of my
stomach.

“I saw you checking out the roses,” he said
quietly, looking straight ahead of him as we walked.

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“When you first got here, you were checking
out the roses on the back porch...like you were admiring them...or
something. And you spend more time looking at the landscaping along
the trails than you do at the buildings.” He looked at me shyly
then, and I noticed the sunshine glinted through the stubble on his
chin, making the dark hairs look reddish in color.

“You notice quite a lot.” I stopped on the
trail and we faced each other silently for a moment.

Fin took a step towards me, and pushed his
stomach into the basket I held tightly out in front of me. Before I
could react, he leaned down and planted a solid, moist kiss on my
mouth. The tiny whiskers of his upper lip tickled and teased my
skin as I let my own lips part slightly, inviting the silkiness of
his tongue in. I almost dropped the basket that was between us,
before I realized what I was doing. I pushed gently on his chest
with my hand until our mouths parted, but Fin didn’t immediately
move away He stood before me, with his hands shoved into the back
pockets of his jeans, as if he was afraid of what they might do if
he released them.

“I’m sorry…I…” I stammered to find words that
wouldn’t make me feel like more of an idiot.

“Can I ask you something?” His voice was low,
husky, and inviting.

“Sure,” I said nervously.

“You and Connor...are you a thing?” He asked
the question without blinking. The blues, browns and greens of his
eyes reminded me of space pictures of the Earth…and I struggled to
focus while looking into them.

“A thing?” I finally looked away from his
stare to the open trail ahead of us and listened to the creak of
the branches in a nearby pine tree before I answered him. “To be
honest, I don’t know what you’d call it. But, well, we like each
other.” I looked back at him and he nodded. “Is that a good enough
answer?”

“Yeah, that’ll do for now,” he said and
smiled weakly before backing away and continuing down the trail in
front of me. “It figures,” he said flatly.

“What?” I said from behind him.

“Shit...it figures the only woman alive in
what could probably be the whole fucking state is not only
beautiful but already taken.” He laughed and turned around to look
at me. “It’s just my luck, you know?”

Not knowing how to respond, I quietly said
the first thing that came to mind, “I’m sorry.”

He jerked to a stop and whirled around.
“Sorry for what? Being beautiful, or being taken?”

“Um, both...I guess.” I stared up at him,
wide-eyed, waiting for his response.

He laughed out loud and nudged my arm with
his elbow. “Shit, Riley...never apologize for being gorgeous. But
if you decide Connor ain’t doing it for you anymore, well, you know
where to find me.” He winked and tipped an imaginary hat on his
head.