I Hope You Find Me (16 page)

***

I woke in Connor’s arms. He was talking in
his sleep, calling out in desperation for someone named ‘Roan’. I
could tell from the pain in his muffled voice, Roan must have been
his son. I shook him gently and eventually he quieted, but the
furrow on his brow told me he was still lost in an unfriendly
dreamland.

I lifted his arm from my side and carefully
rolled away from him, resting on my back in the middle of the bed
and stared up at the ceilings antique copper-colored tin tiles that
glinted in the early morning sunlight. I traced the Fleur-de-lis
style pattern above me in random zigzags until I felt a headache
building up behind my eye sockets. My palms felt cool as I pressed
them lightly against the swollen heat of my eyes. When I opened my
eyes again, an image of the little black-haired girl with blood
dripping from her mouth escaped from my memory and I sprang
upright…breathing hard and clutching the covers around me.

Jesus, did that really happen?!
I
thought to myself.

I glanced down at Connor, who was asleep,
with a sullen look on his face, and felt compelled to shake him
awake and ask him what had really happened on the street. It was
obviously morning, and the events from the day before were hazy at
best. I remembered running towards the girl, being surrounded by
hundreds of dead, rotting people and when the little girl tried to
speak to me, foul smelling blood rushed out of her. They touched
me, I felt them. I heard their cries.
They seemed so
real.

I had pulled my knees up to my chest and was
rocking back and forth on the bed when Zoey came into the room, a
guilty look in her eyes. She approached the bed with hesitation
until I patted the space next to me. I lowered my knees so she
could lay her head in my lap and I murmured soothingly to her.

Connor woke with a gasp, which startled the
dog off the bed and scampering to the doorway where she lingered
there for a moment before quickly scanning the room and leaving.
Her padded feet barely made a sound on the carpet as she walked
into the kitchen and seconds later I heard lapping sounds coming
from her water bowl.

When I reached out and touched the arm that
Connor had draped over his face, he looked at me and smiled faintly
but I could see perspiration building up on his forehead.

He swallowed hard before he spoke. “How are
you?”

I considered my answer carefully. “I don’t
know what’s real anymore.” I paused before asking him, “What
happened yesterday?”

“What do you remember?” He sat up and scooted
closer, but didn’t touch me.

A small trickle of sweat rolled down his
temple and I almost reached out to wipe it away. Instead I turned
and looked out the window at the bright blue sky.

I closed my eyes and cleared my throat. “Were
they real Connor? The girl…the people…were they really there?” I
kept my eyes closed, hoping he would ask me -
What
people?

His hand shook slightly as he ran it through
his hair and down the back of his neck. “I’m not sure but I think
they were real, at least for a little while.”

My heart sank into my stomach and I instantly
felt nauseous. I whispered, “
That’s not possible.
”

He touched me then…his warm hand slid across
my back and pulled me to him and I resisted the urge to cry. My
throat was dry and hoarse, and sore. I didn’t want to cry
anymore.

“I think you fainted. You didn’t wake up
until we got back here. Do you want me to tell you what happened?”
His voice wavered slightly.

I turned to look at him and nodded yes.

“After you started running I saw them. It was
like they came out of nowhere.” He stopped to look around the room.
“Riley, they went straight for you - there was nothing I could do.
I tried to get to you, I promise. There were just too many of them.
I’m so sorry.” He looked ashen and paused to take a deep breath
before telling me the rest of the story. When he was finished we
were both shaking.

“So…they just disappeared?” I asked him.

“I told you, it makes no sense but that’s
what happened.”

“Are you saying we were somehow attacked by a
mob of angry ghosts?” I stared at him, wide-eyed.

When he nodded, I let out a humorless laugh
that chilled the room.

“Then where do we go now? Somewhere far away,
where no one lived, where no one can come back to haunt us?” I spit
the words out like they tasted bad.

Connor leaned forward and pushed the hair
from my face. “Yes. We go to the mountains, like you said…where
less people died.”

I pictured the girl, how she seemed oblivious
to me on the street until the others came, and I recalled her
outstretched hand and the expression on her face.

“Connor, I think she was trying to ask me
something.” I blurted out.

“Who? You mean…the girl?” He asked, clearly
confused.

“She was trying to talk to me. I think she
was trying to say something.” I looked at him, and he stared
blankly back at me. I turned my body towards him and rested my hand
on his bent knee.

“I think she wanted…help.” I didn’t know why,
but I felt it was true.

“But…” he stuttered, “She’s dead, isn’t she?
Like the others? How can we possibly help them?”

I thought silently to myself.
I don’t know
what they want. I don’t know what to do, but we should try, we
should try to help. The voice inside my head changed, as if my
conscience was ripping itself in two. I can’t stay here. There’s no
one to help us. It’s hopeless.

“I don’t know what to do Connor, but I can’t
stay here.” I replied painfully.

CHAPTER TEN

If the dead were seeking us out by the
hundreds, I wanted to be as far away as possible from the miles of
metal, concrete and glass that entombed my fallen citizens; it was
time to leave the city. Connor had luck finding the keys to the
F250 in the employee locker room, which meant neither of us had to
search any dead bodies.

By noon we had mostly filled the bed of the
truck and I stood before the hotel lobby doors, tightly gripping my
black marker. We had both agreed it could be dangerous leaving
messages with our exact destinations but I told Connor I wouldn’t
stop believing someone could be out there, looking for me. Our
compromise was leaving the directions to a neutral location where
we could set up some sort of two-way communication system that ran
on batteries. I had an idea of the place we could use. There was a
fire station within a few miles of the lodge. There had to be a
radio there but not knowing what sort of communications were in
place at the lodge, it made sense to stop somewhere along the way
and pick up a set of long range walkie-talkies that we could charge
in the cars.

Connor had pulled the truck around to the
front of the hotel and the idle of the engine hummed loudly down
the empty street. He had already taken the truck down the block to
pick up the contents of the shopping cart we had abandoned the day
before, so all that was left was for me to leave my last note
downtown. I pressed a piece of the hotel letterhead up against the
glass and began writing.

1/14

It’s time to leave the City. I’m going East
with Connor and Zoey…up into the Mountains. I’ll leave a message
for you at the Mt. Laguna Fire Station (From the 8, go North on
Sunrise Hwy). You’ll know how to contact us once you get there. If
you’re still looking, I hope you find me. – Riley

p.s. Be careful on the streets. The dead are
watching.

***

The sky was bright blue as I navigated our
way through the inner and outer streets of downtown, and a sense of
relief began to wash over me. I had spent days driving around my
part of town knocking on the doors of extended family and friends
after my children died. I only went into the city to prove what I
already knew was true; that my mother was dead as well. That made
it official. I was truly alone. And then Connor found me and that
changed things. I had never planned to stay in the city, I didn’t
want to see what happened there, but Connor was eager and willing
to share his resources, and for just a little while, it made sense
to stay where other people could find us. But it was obvious to us
both, the streets weren’t safe.

I worried about what would happen if the
wrong people followed us, but I was even more terrified of
disappearing without a trace. If anyone I knew came looking for me,
I wanted them to be able to find me. So when the skyscrapers and
lofts and businesses began to fade behind us into the distance, I
was left feeling relief. Relief that we were no longer surrounded
by dead bodies or the horror of what happened to them. And relief
that I was moving on, that my trail was warm again. I hoped that
someone would someday catch up to us.

***

The Jeep was where I had left it and a quick
glance inside proved everything was undisturbed and Connor let the
truck idle as I transferred my things. The sun was high in the sky
- heating the day quickly. As we organized our supplies, and
properly packed our items from the previous day’s excursion to the
mall, we were sweating under our long sleeves and jeans. I stripped
down to my tank top before loading Zoey into the Jeep.

Across the street, a large blue Victorian
house with ivory shutters stood like a wooden skeleton on the
street. Its paint was faded and chipped, and the yellowing grass in
the front yard along with the trash that had blown up onto the
front steps gave the property a long abandoned look. I sighed, and
glanced up and down the street before looking back at Connor.

“There’s a sporting goods store a few miles
from here. How about we go there first, and find a set of
walkie-talkies? We can charge them in the cars as we drive, and
also use them to talk.” I leaned against the back of the Jeep,
wiping sweat off my forehead. My hair was pulled up into a high
pony tail but my neck still felt hot.

Connor had also taken off his warmer top and
was wearing one of his expensive, tightly fitted white t-shirts
that showed the definition of his lean pectoral muscles perfectly.
I swallowed hard, and took in the sight of him. He looked rugged
and sexy as he leaned onto the truck’s dented and scratched front
end and crossed his arms loosely at his chest. He had used the
truck to push through the blocked intersections, leaving a ragged
pathway of broken glass and pieces of plastic behind us on our way
to the Jeep.

“Sounds good to me,” he replied with a
smile.

“You ready?” I asked him, trying not to stare
at his chest…with no success.

“Not yet.” He shoved himself off the damaged
bumper and in two quick steps he was in front of me, blocking out
the sun, with his mouth on mine, his hands around my back, and his
body pressed against me. He let go as quickly as he had grabbed me
and walked back to the truck. My heart thudded wildly against my
ribcage at the desire that flooded through me as I watched him hop
inside. He winked at me mischievously and in response I sent a
casual smirk his way and walked around to the side of the Jeep and
climbed in.

While I drove, I listened to the MP3 player I
had tucked into my backpack before leaving home by plugging it into
the dashboard console. As we traveled the quiet residential
streets, I rolled the windows down and let the fresh air envelope
us as the music played. The first song we listened to was Kings of
Leon’s
Radioactive
.

***

After spending almost an hour in the sporting
goods store, we walked out with two sets of radios, batteries,
cords, and a handful of other things. I led Connor through a maze
of side streets, even driving up on curbs when the roads were too
packed with parked cars. Out of habit, a few times I heeded traffic
signs and each time I stopped or yielded for traffic that wasn’t
there, Connor’s voice would boom through the hand-held radio set
and tease me.

When we hit the eastern side of El Cajon, I
pulled over and studied my road atlas, marking out the best roads
to take into East County. From where we were on the streets, the
freeway still appeared congested on both sides, so I decided to
take us through Crest, which would eventually spit us out into
Alpine. My hope was that anyone that far east of the city would
have tried to flee to Arizona, not go west, back
into
the
city and I was right. After we passed through Harbison Canyon, we
traveled parallel with the freeway going east on Alpine Blvd,
driving slowly through the empty mountain town. Zoey sat with her
head resting outside the open passenger window, letting the breeze
blow her floppy ears around her face.

We turned onto Willows Road and drove over I8
and entered the nearly empty westbound lanes from the exit. Once we
were on the freeway the winds picked up speed, and the temperature
dropped at least fifteen degrees. Twice we slowed down to a crawl
to safely maneuver around crumpled and burnt vehicles that had
collided together or struck the median. Every few miles, cars had
piled into each other, causing a chain reaction of fender benders.
They had gone into the median or over it in places, and smashed
into other vehicles on the opposite side of the freeway. With every
mile we put between us and the city we saw at least one vehicle
pulled over to the shoulder, the dead driver slumped in their seat
or across the steering wheel.

I forced a yawn until my ears popped as the
elevation steadily rose on our way through the Cleveland National
Forest and after we passed the 79 exit I radioed Connor to tell him
we would be leaving the freeway soon. I had always been at ease in
East County, having spent most of my childhood in the country-side.
The shrubby Manzanita of the Cleveland National Forest and the
pines that dotted Laguna felt like home. I hoped nature would
welcome us more than the city had.