I Need You (12 page)

I took a couple of gulps of the water, screwed the lid back on the bottle, and turned around, smiling, but not pleasantly I was sure. My head dodged around all sorts of ideas and my heart played through a dozen emotions. Want. Anger. Pain. Annoyance… The list went on. There was a tornado of stuff going on inside me. “Why?”

“’Cause I want another cuddle. Get back in bed.”

She turned to her side, looking at me, her legs curling up under the comforter.

I guess cuddling wouldn’t harm, and the truth was my former piss-proud hard-on was dangerously close to being a real hard-on, as I imagined her nude under there. She wasn’t nude, though.

I left the water on the side, walked over and got back in next to her. Immediately she turned around to snuggle against me, her arms slipping around my neck, as mine burrowed around her middle.

Lindy was tiny; she was like a little doll with her makeup on.

Her forehead pressed into my shoulder, her hair getting caught on my stubble.

But that didn’t seem to bother her. She pressed in closer, her legs together next to mine and her warm, soft breasts brushing against my chest, through the cotton of her top.

Then she kissed my neck.

My whole body stiffened as a shockwave ran straight to the tip of my cock.

She carried on kissing, sucking and nipping at my neck.

My groin got heavy, flooding with lust. My brain knew better, but my body didn’t.

I brushed her hair back from my chin and her face, running my fingers through it over and over as she carried on, and then started kissing the stubble on my jaw.

Something painful and desperate gripped hard in my belly.

There was no doubting I wanted her, and when her lips touched mine, I rolled her back onto the bed, taking over the kiss and slipping my tongue in her mouth.

Her tongue moved against mine, but there was hesitation in the movement and she did not press her tongue back into my mouth when I tried to lead her into doing it…

I broke the kiss, my forearm beneath her head as I leaned up on that elbow. My other palm rested on her hip over the satin of her pajama bottoms. “Lindy if you want this, honey, you’re gonna have to take off your pj bottoms.” It was a test. I wanted to know if she was really up for this, ‘cause I still wasn’t convinced.

She bit her lip looking up at me, then she said in a quiet voice. “Okay.”

She looked scared, though. I wasn’t sure. I got out of the bed, another test, and stripped off my boxers. My interest was plain. This hard-on was absolutely down to her and it bounced a little as I peeled my boxers off my feet.

She shimmied off her bottoms, still buried under the covers.

I got back in the bed, turning to her as she dropped her bottoms on the floor on the other side. My palm settled on her naked hip, touching flesh that felt smoother than the fabric she’d taken off.

She wasn’t overweight at all. I could feel her hip bone through her flesh. She had broad hips, that was all.

I leaned to kiss her and pressed my tongue into her mouth. She answered it, her tongue moving around mine and her arms coming about my neck.

My erection brushed against her hip as she lay on her back, while my hand slipped up under the cotton of her sleeveless t-shirt. I didn’t know why she hadn’t just taken her top off too, but I wasn’t going to stop again.

Kneading her small breast, I brushed my fingertips over her nipple. It peaked proudly for me. A sharp breath left her throat, leaking into my mouth, but her body didn’t move. She was still lying flat, her arms about my neck and legs together. I kissed her harder, seeking more response, seeking something that would tell me this was about me, and nothing else… But her body didn’t move much, just a little.

I slid my hand from her breast down her body to sweep through her pubic hair, but there was none there. Her body jolted and she gasped.

Was that good or bad? She was so like stone I couldn’t read her.

She was just doing this. Not following instinct, and definitely not burning up with need for me.

I ran my fingers down the seam between her closed thighs.

She didn’t part them.

She didn’t want this!

I rolled to my back, sighing, one arm still beneath her, as my other lifted from under the covers, and my hand ran over my hair.

Fuck.

“Billy?” She rolled onto her side, leaning up on her elbow.

I looked into her blue eyes, such a pure color. “Look, Lind, I’m not stupid. If you want sex, you have to open your legs. You don’t want sex.”

I got out the bed, trying to get a grip on my frustration and grabbed my boxers up off the floor, sliding them back on, before sitting on the edge of the bed. My elbows on my knees, I rubbed my hair with both my hands. Feeling her shifting in the bed, I turned to see her slipping back into her bottoms.

“I let you do it before,” she said.

“Let…” That was the key word here. “Lind, ‘let’ is very different to ‘want’. I don’t want you to let me do anything. I’d rather not do it.”

I stood up. “I’m going back to my room. I’m gonna go down to the gym for a bit. What do you want to do today?”

She looked like I’d punched her in the gut. Pale, afraid, and doubtful too.

I carried on. “You said you prefer the pool. Let’s hang out by the pool today, then.”

She nodded.

“Shall I knock for you in a couple of hours?”

“Yeah.” She breathed, like she was gonna say more.

I didn’t wait to hear it. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I grabbed my clothes and walked out into the hall, semi-naked.

There was a couple out there with a kid. They stared at me, no doubt judging this as a walk of shame. It was, but not for the reason they were thinking.

Ignoring them, I headed straight in to my room.

In there, I dropped my clothes onto the bed, and hit the side of my fist against the wall.

When was I gonna learn?

Lindy

When Billy knocked for me, he’d obviously just got out the shower, his wet hair was waxed up, he’d shaven, and he smelled nice. He had a white tee on with the shorts he’d worn yesterday, and a towel hung over his shoulder. He looked strong and domineering, and… like Billy––except his blue eyes flashed and his jaw was taut. I didn’t know if I preferred him in a white t-shirt or a dark one. I’d thought dark, but the white against his sun-tanned skin looked good, and it seemed to define his muscular build more. I wanted to touch.

Wanted
. See it was more than let. But that was my brain talking. My body had a mind of its own.

“I’ll just get my towel.” I couldn’t keep looking at him. I felt too awkward. This was a mess and I’d made it. Everything I touched turned to a pile of crap.

He leaned a massive shoulder against the door, holding it open as I grabbed my towel. I didn’t take my backpack, so we could go in the water easily.

“You okay?” he said as I walked past him out into the hall.

“Yeah.” He seemed deflated not really angry. Just frustrated. “You?”

“Oh, okay. I might need to sort myself out later, after our little game this morning, but hey, that’s not going to be anything new…”

What was he on about?
I didn’t ask him; this was a minefield I was tip-toeing through. If I asked, the whole thing would explode in my face again. I wanted the Billy of yesterday back. “Cheer me up.”

He glanced at me.

“I know I’m an idiot, I’m sorry, forget it, and just cheer me up.”

“How do you want cheering up?” His shoulder’s relaxed a little, and a smile twisted the edge of his lips, accepting that I’d chosen to walk away from the minefield.

“Tell me jokes.” He’d always been good at remembering and telling jokes, and when we’d shared a place at college I always used to say that to him when I was feeling down. Hours of my time had been spent sitting on the sofa with my legs tucked up under me, with him leaning on the back of it, throwing joke after joke at me.

He threw me a sharp smile, accepting the olive branch I’d tossed at him. “Okay…”

When we got down to the pool, I was laughing and breathless, and he was laughing at me, not his jokes.

“I can’t believe you really find that shit funny.”

“I like your shit. You should’ve gone into stand-up, you have the timing.”

“And the stupidity.”

I brushed my fingers along his cheek as I dropped my towel on a lounger, “and the courage…”

He made a scoffing sound. “The courage to make a fool of myself. That would be about right.”

“You’re no fool, Billy.”

“Yeah, well…” His words ran dry as he threw his towel down and looked away from me, then stripped off his tee.

A hot tingle gripped tight in my belly at the sight of his chest. The tingle slid down between my legs.

It was want. I longed to reach out and touch him.

He looked at me as he slid his shorts off, leaving only his swim trunks on. “You stripping, or you gonna swim fully clothed?”

I’d put the dress I’d worn last night on over my bikini, and now I held my breath as I stripped it off. I knew I had to. If I was gonna get more confident in bed, I had to get more confident about my body.

I’d talked to my counselor over the cell while he’d been in the gym. I’d told her everything Billy had said. I couldn’t talk to Mom about anything, so it was good to have a new person who was there to listen, and I’d got on well with her from the first moment I’d met her. She’d been really understanding. Not judging, or commenting, just listening.

After I’d finished, she’d asked what I thought about it. I’d told her he was right. She told me I had to deal with my issues, but she’d said it was probably just because of everything that had been going on, and not to worry about it. To just relax and do what felt right.

The conversation had made me feel a lot better, and now I was just trying to relax and not pressure myself into going too fast. She’d said I had to take things a step at a time. Look at my own body more and learn to like myself… Then the rest would follow.

But stripping off was hard.

Billy watched me, or rather my body. His gaze lifted when I threw my dress on the lounger. “Do you want to lie down or get straight in the pool.”

“Can we get in the pool?” I hated being on show and there were a lot of people lying around the pool. I just wanted to be in the water and out of sight. My head was having a hard time dealing with the exposure. I felt like a beacon crying “ugly” with flashing lights, even though no one around us looked at me.

I turned quickly and walked to the pool, to sit on the edge and slip in. But Billy grabbed me and swung me up into his massive arms.

“Billy!” he was gonna throw me in the water. “My makeup!” I squealed at him.

“That’s boring, Lind.” He dropped my legs back to the ground. “Why even wear makeup down to a pool?”

With that he turned away and dived into the deep end, slipping beneath the water like an arrow, all smooth, elongated muscle and sinew. He was big, but his muscle was loose. His shoulders mostly looked relaxed and not stiff at all.

I sat down on the edge as he reappeared on the far side, then used a fast crawl stroke, his face slipping in and out of the water. Some women around the pool watched him. He had a good body, the definition in his abs and pecs was gorgeous. Their observation didn’t annoy me. I was proud to be here with him. I’d watch him if I was a stranger.

I lowered myself in carefully, and with my head up so my face didn’t get wet, I swam breaststroke toward where he was swimming into the shallow end. Trying to keep my hair out of the water as best I could, though I could feel the end of my damp ponytail trailing on my shoulders.

There was a bar serving drinks in the water on the far side of the pool and a couple of people sat on stools in the water, leaning on it, talking to the bartender.

There was a kids’ pool the other side of the complex, with slides and stuff. it meant there were no kids around here to splash me.

Billy got to the end of the pool and stood up in the shallows, facing me with his elbows on the side, looking casual and handsome, smiling at me as his leopard tattoo shifted like it really clawed his chest.

That leopard looked angry. It bothered me. There was something weird about it. It looked cool and colorful. It was a work of art… But it screamed anger and I knew how that felt.

Beyond Billy’s shoulder, a girl on a lounger watched him.

“Hey tortoise,” he said as I swam up.

“Hey.” I put my feet down on the bottom and my fingers slipped to pull the hem of my bikini bottoms more snugly over my ass. It had slipped up while I was swimming.

“There’s a girl behind you thinking you look mighty fine.”

He laughed. “Well, nice to know that someone thinks it, Lind.” The implication was I didn’t.

I leaned back into the water and then started swimming backwards doing an invented stroke, still trying to keep my head up. “I think so too.”

He came after me, catching hold of my ankle as it lifted, and pulled me back, but then he let go and started swimming on his belly next to me, doing the breaststroke. I turned and swam next to him.

“Well I think you look pretty good in that bikini. I like stars. I might be making some wishes.”

My bikini was dark blue with little stars all over the material, and there wasn’t much of it. It tied either side of my hips. But I’d liked the little halter-neck top. It had a gold star between my breasts. I’d bought it to wear under clothes, though. I felt self-conscious now.

We didn’t talk as we finished the length and then swam back, both of us using breaststroke. Words span around in my head. I wanted to pick the right ones.

He stopped, standing up in the pool and leaning against the side again. I caught the same girl watching him.

“Come here.” He reached out and gripped my arm, pulling me closer, and then his arm stayed around me and I put mine up around his neck, holding his gaze and letting him capture all of my attention.

“Sorry about earlier.” His fingers lifted a lock of my hair that had come loose from my ponytail and tucked it behind my ear. “But you do understand.”

“Yeah.” I swallowed back my fear. Just relax and get the words out. “But my head does want you, Billy, it isn’t just
let
. My body just doesn’t know how…”