Sexual Desires of a Woman
Read Sexual Desires of a Woman Online
Authors: Ashley Goss
Contents
I was at work one day when my phone rang and it was Sarah. I have known her since Junior High and she had recently moved back to Texas after being in Arizona for a couple of years. We were very close when we were younger. She wanted me to come over and keep her company because her boyfriend, Preston, was having a poker party and was inviting all his friends over and she did not want to the only girl with all these men in her house. Plus it would be a great time to catch up. I really wanted to get out of the house since I don't do much besides work go home and sleep every day.
I walked into Sarah's house, and she looked gorgeous. She had long blonde hair all the way down to her butt and beautiful blue eyes. Everyone was drinking and looked to be having a good time.
I went over and sat on the couch and began talking to her. That's when I found out that she wanted to set me up with Tyler. Tyler is her boyfriend's best friend or well one of them. He thought every girl in town wanted him. He tried talking to me on several occasions throughout the night but I just was not into it. About halfway through the night, some more people started to show up and of course I didn't know any of them besides Sarah so it was getting a little awkward.
I was sitting on the couch by myself when I noticed someone looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He was handsome, rugged and had a winning smile and I felt like I had seen him before. He was smiling at me and of course I smiled back. I watched him play from afar and couldn't help but stare. He was older too. He was about five years older than me and I am not usually attracted to older guys.
My age gap is usually about three years at the most. But, there was something about him that had me intrigued. When I looked at him it was like my life was in slow motion for a brief second. We made eye contact and held it for about thirty seconds and then he went back to playing poker with a smile on his face. I could tell he was losing the game on purpose.
He got up and walked over to me and told me, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing sitting over here by her?"
We instantly had an attraction and I felt a fire in the pit of my stomach that I had not felt in a very long time. I could tell that he wanted me and it was nice. We stayed on that couch talking for hours. I realized that I had known him when I was much younger. He used to live across the street from me but he ended up moving away. We both learned a lot about each other that night and we became best friends.
Sarah, Jake, Preston and I were inseparable after that. We did everything together.
One morning I woke up to an email from Jake.
I don't know how to start this letter because I am not sure of what I want to say. I told myself I might as well take the risk because it's the only remedy I know that could unburden this feeling that I know you are feeling. Brooke, I can't love you. I know you'll find it hard to believe me if I tell you know how much you mean to me. You are most kind hearted, beautiful woman I have ever met but I can't get close to anyone. It never works out and I can't be the person that hurts you. You mean too much to me for me to do that to our relationship. I hope that you can understand and that we can remain friends like we are and nothing changes. Believe me, if I didn’t have the issues I did then we would be together and I could be a good man for you but I’m not. I am so sorry.
When I read this email I started to cry.
I really thought that he could love me more than just a friend. I guess that I was wrong. I can't shut him out because he is my best friend. I can't walk away from him when I know he needs someone in his life. He needs someone that he can trust. He has never been anything but honest with me and I can't get mad at him for that. I guess I always wondered when it would be my turn to be happy. Sarah has Preston and I have always since that night had Jake. I figured that one day he would be able to return the feelings and we could be happy but I was wrong. Maybe I can get him to change his mind. I could show him what it would be like to be with me and maybe get him to see that we are perfect for each other. We never fight and we get along perfectly. We like all the same things and we can sit and talk for hours about the most random things.
I got up and got dressed. I had been invited to a dinner tonight over at Sarah's house by her boyfriend, Preston. He said that he had some good news that he wanted to share with everyone but it was a secret so not to tell Sarah. I wanted to look nice so I picked out a nice mid length red dress to wear. I wanted to show him what he is going to be missing. I am pretty and I have a pretty nice body I think. Most men stared at me but he didn’t want me. I just find that peculiar. I still want to look my best even though I had got some semi-bad news. I will be fine. I did some final touches to my makeup and headed out the door to Sarah's house.
I knocked on the door and Sarah answered. She looked gorgeous as always. She was wearing a short white lace dress with her hair in a French braid. I walked into the house and there he was, Jake. He looked as handsome as ever. He was wearing a light blue button up shirt that really brought out his gorgeous eyes and black pants and was smiling talking to Preston. His smile really does light up the room. I went over and gave him a hug, a kiss on the cheek and sat down. Sometimes it was a little weird considering it was always Preston, Jake, Sarah and I doing things together. We were all inseparable. Everyone always think that Jake and I are a couple because we are always together.
Preston was whispering to Jake about something but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. Jake got into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little black velvet box. My eyes got big. Is he proposing to Sarah tonight?
This is great. She has been waiting for this day since they had met. Preston asked us all to start making our way into the dining room for dinner. Jake turned around and took me by the hand and walked with me.
He pulled out my chair and gestured me to sit and then sat next to me. I could tell the email he sent has changed things. I have caught him staring at me a couple of times this evening and not in a friendly way. Sarah was sitting at the table talking to me when Preston walked in and sat down.
"So I invited you both to dinner because I have something I want to bring up." He told us all.
He got up and walked over to Sarah and got down on knee, pulled out the box.
"Baby, you are my whole world. I can't imagine waking up without you every morning and falling asleep next to you every night. Will you marry me?"
Sarah looked puzzled and started crying.
"Preston, I have been waiting for this and I feel the same way. I want you with me every day and couldn't imagine my life without you. Of course, I will marry you." She said as she screeched and kissed him.
I am over here sitting and practically balling like a baby. I am so happy for them. They have been madly in love with each other pretty much since they met and have been inseparable too. Jake looked at me and smiled as we both congratulated them. We ate dinner while Sarah and Preston was all lovey dovey with each other.
I mean of course I am used to it but they were being extra tonight. After dinner, we opened a glass of wine and started talking about how we all first met.
Of course, the story of me meeting Jake came up and was told from his perspective. I just sat there listening to him tell it and I felt like there could be something there but he just isn't ready to let there be.
One day hopefully it will happen but I will just have to deal with it until then. I had drunk too much wine and couldn't drive home so Jake took me home. He walked me inside and helped me get into bed and undressed me. He just stared at me as he undressed me and I could tell he was torn. He wanted to touch me but he couldn't bring himself to do it. So I leaned over and kissed him. It was a sweet and short kiss. He pulled away and stood up.
"Brooke, we can't do this. I cannot be the guy that messes it up for you. You are an amazing woman and you deserve more than I can give you." He told me.
"Jake, I know how hard this is for you. I know you have commitment issues and feel like no one can love you but I can and I do love you. I have loved you since the day I met you. I have wanted us to be together since that day. Please trust me when I say I won't hurt you if you let me in." I told him.
He just stood there looking at me with a puzzled look and walked out of the room and out of the door to go home. I don't know what I should do but that probably wasn't the best way to do it.
I get dressed and meet my best friend Sarah at the Always and Forever to help pick out her dress. She is a southern girl so I am sure it will be something beautiful and elegant. She came out in a trumpet ball gown and it was gorgeous on her. She has such high self confidence and it's amazing to see her walk around. All the guys want her. She is the most beautiful girl in the town. After Sarah picked her dress, I went home and passed out. I was exhausted from the night before. I slept 12 straight hours.
When I woke up, I thought that I should call Jake. I should apologize for the other night. So I did. He asked if he could come over and talk. I jumped in the shower and got ready for his arrival. I heard knocking on the door and it was Jake.
"Good morning Jake. I haven't heard from you in a couple days." I said.
“I just wasn't sure exactly what to say to you or what to do. You are my best friend and you know everything about me good and bad. For you to still be able to look at me the way you do and want to actually have more of a relationship with me is baffling. I can barely look at myself in the mirror." He said.
"Jake, you are the most honest kind man I know. It was a blessing that you came into my life because I wouldn't have gotten through a lot of my hard times without you. You have always been my backbone." I told him.
"I just don't know if I will be able to truly love someone or be able to give them the emotional attachment that comes with a true relationship. I have come to terms with that. This is why I only sleep with women that I have no interest in and I make it clear beforehand that there is no strings attached." He said.
"Jake, I really wish you would just give it a try. I would like to at least try and see what happens, please?" I asked.
