I Need You (Learning to Let Go) (15 page)

Even though they had somewhat tackled that obstacle, Sara had still asked Darrin that they try to give each other some space. They spent almost all day together now that Sara wasn’t working at the pharmacy, and she hadn’t found another part-time job that was worth her time. At least, that
Darrin
said was worth her time. Plus, Sara was exhausting herself running from Darrin’s farm, to her trailer, to her sister’s, and round and round. She needed to decompress at the end of the day, and it was hard to do; she was used to having some solitude in her life.

Things this past week had been wonderful, maybe even peaceful would be a great way to describe the emotional serenity that Sara had found in her life.

Sara let herself into the apartment with her spare key, and made quick work of sorting her clothes onto the floor in the bathroom where the washer and dryer sat. After starting her first load, Sara decided to walk the three blocks down to the lake while she waited. It was a beautiful August day, and she could maybe even venture down the boardwalk and enjoy the sunshine. Her phone chirped in her jean shorts pocket.
You coming over tonight?

Her reply was short and to the point.
Yes, Darrin.

It didn’t take Sara long to walk down to the water and then along the boardwalk, until she was all the way on the other end of town, next to the old historic train station. Sara watched as a fairly well-built man, dressed in all black and wearing a bandana around his head, as he sat on a motorcycle with his shoulders slumped down, fiddling with a piece of paper in his hand.

Sara was sure that the person on the bike was Brett, one of the twins that had accompanied Bryn and their friends to Sturgis.
Maybe he’d had to come back before everyone else for something?
she pondered. Walking up to him, Sara called out softly, “Hi, Brett. I’m Sara Lonneman, Bryn’s little sister. Can I ask how she did on the ride out to Sturgis?”

There was no way that Sara could have prepared herself for what she saw next. The man lifted his head, turning to face her in the same motion. It was certainly not Brett. Sara could feel the air rush out of her lungs when she recognized the gorgeous grey eyes and chiseled features.

“Chris,” was all she could say before he bounded over to her, sweeping her up in his arms, spinning her around.

“I found you, Sara! Oh, sweet Jesus, I finally found you, little one.”

Chris set her down on the ground as he pulled her close to his body, the familiar mix of his cologne and manly scent permeated her nose. Without giving it a second thought, Sara pulled his face down and was kissing him, with all her passion flowing into the connection between their lips.

Sara heard tires squealing next to them, and a door slamming before she was pulled away from a reluctant Chris. Suddenly, the crunching sound of a fist landing on bone split the evening air, and Chris flew backwards.

“What the fuck are you doing with my girl, man?” was all Sara heard before her actions started to register in her brain.

“Darrin,” Sara gasped as she said his name, watching in slow motion as Chris stumbled and fell backwards onto his arm, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the foot plate of his motorcycle. Blood was dripping from his mangled nose as he tried to get up.

“Oh my God! Chris, are you alright?” Sara ran over to where he lay, pulling the bandana off his head, using it to staunch the flow of blood from his nose. Chris tried again to stand, but something was wrong with his arm, and he could barely hold himself up, let alone use it for balance. Sara wrapped her arm under his back, trying to help him stand. Once Chris was up, Sara could tell that he wasn’t steady on his feet, so she kept her arms wrapped around his waist.

When both of them were standing, Chris wrapped his arm around Sara’s waist, possessively tugging her into his body. It seemed to be more solid than it was before; almost like hitting a brick wall.

Sara couldn’t bring herself to look at Darrin, knowing damn well the anger and the hurt that would be splashed across his face. She turned and put her right hand on Chris’ chest, pushing him back enough so that he didn’t pull her flush to his body. “Can you stand on your own?”

His face hardened a bit as he wiped the remaining blood from his nose. “Sure, I’ll be fine. I’ve been hit harder than that before, Sara. This fucker considers you
his
girl?”

Darrin stepped in, grabbing her arm, practically ripping it out of the socket as he pulled her away from Chris. “Yes, she is, douche bag!”

“Get your fucking hands off her!” Chris yelled as he stumbled forward, grabbing for Darrin’s T-shirt.

Sara braced her hands on their chests, pushing hard to keep them apart. “Darrin, stop it, please! And Chris, please keep your hands to yourself, okay?”

Chris’ body visibly tightened as he turned his head to spit; Sara grimaced at the blood tinged saliva that flew out of his mouth. “Boyfriend, huh?”

Her heart was practically thumping against her ribcage as she tried to think of a suitable answer to his question. Darrin was her boyfriend, her lover, her protector, and her savior. But the minute that Sara realized that Chris was here, she had thrown herself at him, practically attacking his mouth with her own. Shame washed over her features, making her shoulders sag as she fought back tears. Still looking at the ground, all she could do was nod her head.

Darrin inched closer to her, reaching out to grab her hand with his. “Come on, Sara. Let’s get you in the truck.”

His fingers twisting around her wrist made her instantly jerk back. “No. Chris is hurt, he needs to go to the emergency room.” Compassion softening her features as she turned back to Chris. “You need to see a doctor. I think your nose is broken and something is wrong with your arm.”

Darrin reached out for her hand again, but this time he softly gathered her fingers in his. Once he had ahold of her, he stepped in closer to her body. He didn’t make any further moves, or say anything else to either of them. Chris looked down at where Darrin and Sara’s hands were joined, and then his pained gaze traversed back up to her face. The sorrow in his eyes morphed into an unnamed emotion, then Chris took his nose in both hands, pushing against the protruding bone until there was an audible
snap
.

Sara shivered at the noise, but quickly recovered as more blood began to flow from his nose. Her gut reaction was to reach out to him, but that fell away as Darrin began to pull her towards the truck again. “He’s fine now, Sara. Come on, doll baby. Let’s go home.”

Sara dug her heels into the pavement, barely halting Darrin’s forward momentum. The shell-shocked look on his face when she looked at him made her want to cringe; it broke her heart that she was the one that was causing him so much hurt. Darrin continued to stare at her, until his upper lip trembled. “Please?”

The realization of the situation came rushing over Sara like a flood, making tears pour from her eyes. It was hard to see Darrin in so much pain. He had been her everything these last few months, more so than she was willing to admit. Now she had betrayed him by kissing another man, and he was reduced to begging her to come home with him.

With trembling hands, she gripped Darrin’s T-shirt, twisting the material in between her fingers. “Okay. I know I don’t deserve it at
all
right now, but trust me enough to talk to him for a minute? I need to tell him goodbye. Give me two minutes.”

Sara could see the mask fall over Darrin’s face as he swiveled his neck from side to side, releasing the tension with an ominous crack. Looking over Sara’s shoulder, he glared at Chris as he spoke loud enough for him to hear, “Two minutes. And the fucker better keep his hands to himself.”

Chris snorted his disgust before waving Sara over to him. To her surprise, he did keep his distance from her, but just barely. His face was not like she remembered; there were faint jagged scars under his eye, and one eye lid was drooping considerably into his line of sight. Now that he was no longer wearing his skull cap, Sara could see that his hair had been dyed a stark white, instead of the soft blonde that it used to be. The most shocking difference that she could see was the void of passion in his eyes; he looked as if he had just seen his own death.

“Chris, why are you here? How did you find me?”

“Obviously I came lookin’ for my girl. It took me a while, but Dominic had given me the general vicinity you lived in, and then I did a little PI work on my own to find you.”

Sara braced herself as she continued, “I shouldn’t have kissed you. That was wrong. I’m with Darrin now, Chris. Thank you for coming to see me, but I think it would be best if you went back home.”

Chris casually ran his fingertips through his day old beard; the rasping across his fingertips loud enough for Sara to hear. “That would be counterproductive, Sara.”

Sara laughed nervously. “And what is that supposed to mean, Chris?”

“I just found you, Sara. I don’t intend to lose you again. I’m not leaving town.” He walked back to his motorcycle, gracefully straddling the massive bike. He grimaced under the weight of the bike, and Sara started to step towards him.

Barely shaking his head, “It’s okay, kitten. I’m fine. You better go before the caveman throws you over his shoulder and hauls you away.”

Sara stood there, gaping at him, unsure of how to respond. She uttered a few syllables, realizing she had no idea what to say to him. Finally, she threw her hands in the air, turning on her heel, and stomping back to where Darrin was standing. She breezed right past him as the loud rumble of Chris’ motorcycle sounded behind her. Darrin tried to catch up to her, but she was already inside the pick-up truck before he made it around the truck bed. Chris had already taken off down the road, directly in front of them. He gave her a slight wave with his hand before he revved up the engine, flying towards downtown.

Sara watched him drive away, as her seemingly predictable world crumbled around her.

S
ara sat on window seat in Darrin’s living room, looking out onto the large backyard and the field of corn at the perimeter. The sun was just starting to fall out of sight, leaving behind a gorgeous array of colors that mottled the sky. The gentle August breeze was swaying the chest high stalks in a rocking motion. After sitting here for over an hour, waiting for Darrin to come inside, she had started to sway back and forth herself. It was a peaceful rhythm that was helping to calm her chaotic thoughts and emotions.

The ride back to Darrin’s farm was made in complete silence; the only sound was the intermittent clicking of the turn signal. Sara sat as close to the door as she possibly could, with her elbow propped up on the window frame, her chin in her hand. She kept her face turned away from Darrin as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

There were no words to say, especially since Sara was still stunned from seeing Chris. She was still shocked at her own behavior, and even more so by how violently Darrin had reacted. Never in a million years would Sara have expected Chris to find her, or even bother to look for her. As far as she was concerned, she had been a one night stand for him in college, and she had been unsuccessfully trying to put him out of her mind for the nine months that she had been home. Memories from that night came back in pieces:

“I fully intend to make you scream in a short time from now. The biggest thing that I need from you is your trust. I need you to know that I take your submission to me very seriously. I want to fulfill your every sexual desire, to have you completely let go and allow me to take you there.” He released her arms from his grip, reached around behind her and grabbed her ass with both hands. Pulling her forward so that her sex was pressed against his thigh, Sara felt the throb between her legs. Releasing his hold, Sara started to slide down his thigh towards the ground. Her swollen clit tingled as it rubbed between the fabric of their clothes.

Chris pulled her head close to his, slowly brushing his lips across hers. “You’ll always be safe with me, little one. Always.”

Sara gently traced her lips with her finger, reliving the recent kiss with Chris. The fire and passion in his lips had almost burned her, reminding her of what they had shared together once upon a time. Chris made Sara feel like she was in control of the kiss, when in all actuality, he had been the one guiding and leading her as their mouths melded together. The overwhelming urge to sink into his body like a limp rag doll, and submit to his will had made her mind go blank, making rational thought impossible. One kiss from Chris, and all the words he had whispered to her in passion that night were coming forward.

Chris tilted his head to the side, looking deep into Sara’s eyes, reciprocating the emotional closeness she felt. “Are you ready, baby? This is where you give me everything. I possess every last inch of you. Can you do that for me, Sara?”

The answer to his question didn’t matter anymore. It was all just a bunch of words. There was nothing real about that night. No true emotions or feelings at all really. It was just sex. Then, when the night was over, Chris was gone.