I See...Love (A Different Road Book 1) (27 page)

As if.

I felt like she could see straight through my trench coat at all my flaws as she let out a little chuckle. She smiled, then sat down as I heard River’s voice call for her from the direction she just came from.

I know in my heart nothing happened, and that Autumn is just an evil spawn trying to get a rise out of me. But, to avoid a scene, I slipped into the elevator before River made it all the way to the end of the hallway.

The next night, River promised me he wouldn’t work late. I told him I was going to cook him a special meal at his house. He said he’d be there on time with bells on at seven on the dot and that he missed me. I feel like I haven’t seen him in months, and I have been on cloud nine just knowing I would see him in only a few short hours. I couldn’t wait to finish my workday. I let myself into his house at four with my key, and started cooking him a five-course meal. At six thirty, I applied fresh makeup, primped my hair, and then slipped into one of Nina’s knock-‘em-dead dresses and lit the candles on the table. I turned on the surround sound speakers to some soft, jazz music and took a seat at the table. At seven thirty when he still hadn’t shown, I poured myself a glass of wine. By nine, the bottle was empty.

I pushed my now spoiled food out of the way, then laid my head down on the table and cried like a two year old. Not only did he promise to be here, but he didn’t have the courtesy to call and tell me he’d be late. River has told me little details here and there about his mom and dad. Is this what I have to look forward to? Is this how his mother felt? What would years of this feel like? River said he’d hurt me. And these past few weeks have hurt.

I must have fallen asleep, because I’m woken by the sound of a key in the front door. I lift my head and the once flickering candles have burned all the way down to their pewter holders and have gone out. But in the pitch darkness, I see the two forms or River and Josh walk through the doorway. I look at the clock on the wall and by moonlight, I see it’s almost two in the morning. I stand from my chair, and I just want to go home. I’m fully awake, completely sober and broken hearted.

Josh whispers in River’s ear, and then Josh heads up the stairs without saying a word to me. I’m not even sure what I’m feeling, or what I’m supposed to be feeling.

“Joss, I’m sorry,” he says, walking toward me.

His apology doesn’t make me feel better. If anything, it makes my eyes sting as tears once again fill them. I take a ragged, deep breath as they spill down my cheek. River walks toward the table and rests his hands on the back of the chair. I grab my purse off the couch and I move toward the front door.

“Joss, you have to believe me. I’m truly sorry,” he says again.

I turn the handle on the door and open it. I’m so torn. My heart has never felt this kind of love for a man, and yet that same man is breaking it all at the same time. He’s with me, but he’s not
with
me. He said he’d hurt me, I believed him when he said it and he has. I don’t think I can put myself through this kind of hurt on a long term basis. I’m not cut out for the Fawn’s in his life, or the busy business tycoon life that he leads. I might be being selfish, but I want more in a relationship.

“Please, come here, let me explain,” he says, holding out his hand.

I walk toward him, but not to take his hand. I need to say goodbye. As much as it’s breaking my heart to say goodbye to him, I know it will only get harder to do the longer I let this go on. I stop in front of him and he raises his hand to touch my face. I grab his wrist and stop him. I don’t want him to see with his hands what his actions have done to me.

“Joss, please,” he whispers.

I let go of his wrist, but he continues it toward my face. I stop him again, and then I take a step backwards.

“I need to see your face,” he begs.

I take a step back toward him, and then I take his hand and set it on my wet cheek. By the moonlight coming in through the back wall of doors, I see his handsome face, morph into sadness as he runs his hand over my face.

“Goodbye, River,” I whisper.

I take a step backwards and continue toward the front door, and this time he lets me leave. I hold myself together the entire drive home. I park my van in the garage, and then once inside, I walk directly to Nina’s room. She’s lying in bed asleep. I peel the covers back and slip into bed next to her. I turn my back to her, hug the pillow to my chest and let go of the hurt. Am I behaving like a child? Should I just be grateful with whatever time I get with him? Nina’s hand comes to my face and she pulls the wet, tear soaked hair from my face and smoothes it down my back.

“Do you want to talk about it, honey?” she asks, in a soothing voice.

I shake my head no. I’m not ready to talk about it. I’m not ready to talk about how it’s not River who’s not good enough for me, it’s me that’s not good enough for him. I’m the one who has failed, not River.

Nina rolls back over facing away from me and sighs. Her elbow comes to my arm and she gives me a little nudge. My heart hurts. Fresh tears fall down my cheeks and she nudges me again. I nudge her back. She’d nudge me all night if she had to until I return our secret, unspoken gesture.

The next morning Nina walks into her room with a cup of coffee and sets it on the nightstand, and then has a seat next to me.

“I think I broke up with River last night,” I tell her, sitting up.

“Why?” she asks, softly.

“I hadn’t seen him all week. I’ve talked to him like three times. He’d become more and more distant. He said he was working late at Mason Group the other day, so I went to his office to bring him dinner. I know Autumn is a lying sleazebag, and nothing happened between her and River, but she wanted me to think that it did.

Last night he stood me up for dinner. I spent hours preparing that meal and I even squeezed myself into one of your sexy dresses. He never said a word about the dinner that I brought him to the office, and he didn’t have the decency to call and tell me he’d be late or that he needed to cancel last night. He and Josh walked in the house at two in the morning,” I tell her.

“He and Josh have been working a lot of hours lately,” she agrees.

“But, at least Josh makes an effort to see you. You’ve seen him every day. Haven’t you?” I ask.

“Yes, I have,” she answers.

“Am I being too needy?” I ask her.

“Only you can know that in your heart,” she tells me.

As much as my heart tells me it misses River, over the next few weeks he never once attempts to call or see me. Maddy has taken over his account, and she now goes to his house to cook his meals. I’m thankful from a business standpoint that he didn’t cancel his service altogether. I feel awkward when Josh comes over to pick up Nina. I see the look on both of their faces when they see me sitting on the couch, in my pajamas, eating a pint of ice cream while watching 70’s reruns. They’ve asked repeatedly if I would join them, but who wants to be a third wheel? Especially a third wheel invited out of pity.

Kate called me once. I’m not sure how she got my cell phone number. She asked if I’d give her a private cooking lesson in exchange for some yoga lessons. Even that felt weird, so I declined. She must be doing better, because I’ve heard Josh and Nina talk about her. I guess she’s going to start working part time in the office with River. I’m glad she’s doing better.

This morning Nina told me that today we’re going out to do our traditional Sunday pampering. I wanted to decline, but she said it’s not negotiable. As I sit in a vibrating chair and my feet are being pampered, I think to myself that it’s high time to move on with my life. And by that, I mean diving back into my job and staying as far away from men as I can. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t good enough to keep a man interested in me.

“Can I tell you something,” Nina says, sitting next to me.

I open one eye, turn my head and squint at her. Sure, I just get done telling myself I’m good and I don’t want a man, and I’m about ninety-nine percent sure she wants to talk about River. I close my eye, face forward, and don’t answer her.

“I think I know why River has been so busy,” she says. “Remember when you told me that he’s trying to get out from underneath Sebastien?” she continues.

Well, that got my attention.

“I’m listening,” I tell her, as the nail tech starts to paint my toes.

“From the conversations I’ve heard, I think that’s what he’s been working on. And Josh will kill me for telling you this, but we’re best friends, I think he should know by now that we tell each other everything. River asks Josh about you every day. And, I’m talking like multiple times a day,” she exaggerates.

“He does?”

“He does,” she confirms.

Well, now I feel bad. I know how much River wants to get rid of Sebastien. But, why wouldn’t he just have told me that himself? I honestly thought I wasn’t interesting him anymore. If I had known that he needed some time for something as important as that, I would have understood. Hell, I’d want to help if I could.

My cell phone vibrates next to my arm on the chair. I pick it up and swipe my finger over the screen. It’s a text from Kate. She’s never texted me before.

Something bad is happening to River at Mason Group. He’s out of control. Only you can reach him, come quick.

“Oh, my God, it’s from Kate,” I say, ripping my foot away from the lady as she paints my toes.

“What’s wrong?” Nina asks, concerned.

“She said something bad has happened to River and I need to get to Mason Group now,” I say, showing her my phone.

I quickly get out of the chair and shove my feet, wet toes and all in my shoes. I reach in my purse, take out some money and throw it on the chair.

“Wait for me!” Nina yells.

Nina tries to shove her still wet, already painted toes into her sandals without ruining them, then tosses money in her chair and we run to my van.

On the drive to Mason Group, Nina tries to get hold of Josh, but he doesn’t answer his phone. We break every speeding law in the books on the way there, and all of my catering supplies are now lying in a big, mangled ball in the center of the floor. Because it’s Sunday, the parking lot at Mason Group is virtually empty except for three cars, and two of them are River’s.

We run to the front door and I find it unlocked. We quickly rush to the elevator and push the button. My heart is pounding a mile a minute, and it seems like it’s taking forever to get to the ground level from the twelfth floor. I’m beginning to think that taking the stairs would’ve been faster.

Finally, the door opens; I pull Nina in and then stab at the close door button to get the door to quickly close. I think the close door button is a total lie and completely useless. Why do they even put them on there as an option if the doors don’t close when you push it? As the elevator travels to River’s floor, I nervously tap my foot in anticipation. When the door finally opens, Kate runs at me and throws herself in my arms. Her face is swollen from crying and she’s hyperventilating. She’s speaking a mile a minute, but not one word is intelligible. She pulls me out of the elevator, and then drags me down a hallway. On the way we pass River’s office, my head turns in a slow motion and it looks like a bomb went off in it. Chairs are overturned and papers are scattered all over the floor. Kate continues to pull me down the hall toward a door at the very end. She opens the door and it leads to a small set of stairs. She pulls me up the stairs two at a time until we come to another door. She throws the door open and the light from outside immediately blinds us. A big gust of wind hits me and whips my hair into my face. Kate pulls me outside onto the roof of the building.

Nina is just inches behind me, but Kate stops suddenly causing me to run into the back of her, which causes Nina to run into the back me. When I look around Kate, I see Josh about ten feet from the edge of the building holding a gun straight out in front of him. I follow the aim of the gun to Sebastien’s bloody face and the back of River’s head. River has his hands wrapped around Sebastian’s neck in a death grip. River has him leaning so far over the edge of the building that both men could go over and fall to their death at any second. Sebastien has a gun in one hand, but with the other, he’s trying desperately to remove River’s hands from around his throat.

“How could you do this to me all these years,” River screams in his face.

“River!” I scream.

A few weeks ago after I had dinner with Joss and her parents, I got word from the private investigator I hired that there was a possibility there was a second will from my parents. Obviously, I’ve never looked at the one Sebastien has, Kate couldn’t function up until a few months ago, so she’s never seen it, and Stephen, I’m sure, never took the initiative to look at it. Everyone just took Sebastien’s word. He was the one who drew it up with my father, and he is the one who executed it when they died. They were best friends and no one ever questioned Sebastien’s integrity. We were all devastated, innocent kids at the time, why would we?

I had become obsessed with the possibility of another will and my relationship with Joss had suffered. The night I came home to find Joss asleep at my dining room table was the day I found out that the PI had looked at the will filed with the county, and he said it looked fishy.