I See...Love (A Different Road Book 1) (26 page)

Listening to Joss talk about the stars and windows and souls of loved ones, almost made me lose it out on the beach. It’s a good thing I needed a shower anyway from doing yoga earlier. Being with Joss has opened new doors of weakness. New doors of feelings I left on that road as a ten-year-old boy.

I lead Joss into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I wish I could turn it on as hot as I normally do, but I know that’s too much for Joss.

I slowly remove her clothes, and she in turn slowly removes mine. I take her hand and lead her into the shower. Pressure builds in my chest with the need for steam. It’s an uncontrollable volcanic feeling in my chest. I reach for the shower and turn it just a little bit hotter. I hear Joss grab my shampoo and squirt some into her hand. I turn and face the shower and drench my head. I back up slightly and get on my knees in front of her. Her hands come to my head and she starts to lather my hair. I wish I could come before her, face her on my knees and bare my soul to her. Would she run? Would she see me for the monster that I am?

My scalp tingles from her touch. My heart is still breaking from her damn star story and I’m glad I’m not facing her, because I can’t stop the flood of tears that mix with the water running down my face.

My faiblesse is uncontrollable.

As Joss washes my hair, the tears come both unwanted by me and hopefully unnoticed by Joss. She gets on her knees behind me, wraps her arms around me, and then presses her slick body against my back. Her lips come to my shoulder as her hand slides down my body and over my hip, and then she firmly grabs my cock. I take in a sharp breath through my teeth as she strokes me up and down. Her hand is slick with shampoo and glides like silk up and down my length. My weakness is overthrown by that foreign feeling building in my heart.

I feel her arm come between us and rest on my back. Her hand moves in small circles on herself as she moans behind me. As she strokes me, she fingers herself and it’s hotter than fuck.

As her hand on herself speeds up, so does her other hand stroking me. Between her soft mews and her tight, slick grip on me, it doesn’t take long to throw me over the edge. I place my hand on the tile in front of me as she continues to stroke and I come in the shower. She hasn’t come yet, so I quickly turn around and scoop her up and sit her on the tiled seat along the back of the shower.

I quickly enter her and touch her face so I can see her. Her lips part and within a minute, her insides convulse around my dick, and then she comes undone.

We finish our shower, and then I turn off the water and wrap her in a soft towel. I dry off her body and toss the towel to the ground. I take her hand and walk her into the bedroom, and pull her into my bed. I wrap her in my arms and sigh. I fall asleep to the sound of her soft breathing and the sounds of the waves, as they crash on the sandy shore just outside my window.

I’m woken early by an alarm on Joss’s phone going off.

“What time is it?” I ask sleepily, pulling her tight to my body.

“It’s only four. Go back to sleep. I need to get home to prep for my clients,” she whispers, then turns in my arm and kisses me.

“I’ll come with you,” I tell her.

“You don’t have to do that, go back to sleep,” she replies, and gets out of bed.

I couldn’t go back to sleep even if I tried. I hear her getting her clothes, and then the small rustle of fabric as she puts them on.

“I don’t have to, but I want to,” I tell her. “You can drag Josh out of Nina’s bed and tell him to take me home,” he continues.

She crawls back in bed and her lips gently come to mine. We both get out of bed, and I grab clean workout clothes from my drawer, not caring if they match or not. We head out to the kitchen and I can smell that Kate has already been up and has made coffee. I’m not sure about Stephen, but since the accident, neither Kate nor I sleep much.

Joss goes to the cupboard and I hear two travel mugs gently set on the counter. The fresh smell of coffee hits my nose as she pours the liquid into the cups. She goes to the refrigerator and I assume she grabs the half-and-half. I hear her twist the lids on the cups, and then one is placed in my hand. I give her a kiss and smile. I don’t understand why I thought having a relationship would never work. We work so well together.

At her house, I wait outside for Josh while I finish my coffee. Within five minutes, Josh comes out and I hear something come from him that I’ve never heard before. He whistles a happy tune as he comes to my door and opens it. I don’t know why I didn’t realize before that he’s in love with Nina.

Over the next few weeks, Joss and I see each other every day. Josh’s relationship with Nina has never come before work, and Josh has always been available when I need him. Nina occasionally stays over at my house upstairs in Josh’s quarters without any problems. It actually works out well when the four of us are in the same house. I feel more comfortable when Joss drives home in the morning if Nina is with her. When Josh and I stay at their house, it’s just as easy for Josh to drive us home.

Dinner at my house with Josh and Nina, Kate, and Joss and I, have opened new foreign feelings that I’m dealing with on a day-to-day basis. Joss has invited Stephen over to join us, but so far, each time he has declined.

This weekend, Nina and Joss have invited both Josh and I over to their house to meet their parents over dinner. I’ve never met a woman’s parents before. And I’ve been warned that Nina’s parents are like a second set of parents to Joss. So, not only do I have to meet Joss’s parents, but her best friend’s parents as well.

Things at work have heated up and I’ve been busier than ever. It’s becoming harder and harder to leave the office at a reasonable hour, so I can still spend time with Joss. Not only that, the longer hours I work, the longer hours Josh has to work too. By working late, I’m also keeping Josh from Nina. Last week I hired a private investigator to look into Sebastien. I know that bastard is dirty. There has to be something I can use to hang over his head to get rid of him for good.

The later I come home from work, the less time I have to spend with Joss and the less time I have to spend with Kate. She’s been holding her own, but she’s restless. Idle time leads to doubt. I can’t have her doubting the progress that she’s made. The more doubt that comes into her thoughts, the more the things she tries desperately not to hear become clearer.

I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I feel like it’s just a matter of time before I crack. I can’t let myself crack. I need to be what everyone needs me to be.

Saturday morning I have Josh call in an order to the florist for four arrangements. We’ll pick them up on our way to Joss and Nina’s house for dinner. Obviously, one is for Joss and one is for her mother, but since Nina’s mother is also her mother, one is for her. I can’t leave out Nina, so the fourth one is for her. Josh and I agree that both of our names will be on all of the cards.

The drive to Joss’s house and the tension emanating from both Josh and I is almost laughable, but the second we walk in the door we’re made to feel like family.

Joss’s mom, Joan, is originally from the south, and she was delighted when I told her I could still pick out the southern drawl in her voice.

“Brad says I’ve been California-ized,” she tells me.

“You are. You’re cold when it’s seventy degrees outside,” Brad, Joss’s dad, chuckles in the seat next to her.

I’ve never felt the connection that I feel between Brad and Joan. It’s similar to that foreign magnetic pull I feel with Joss though. Nina’s parents, Lisa and Dan, take to Josh immediately. Who wouldn’t? He really is a loyal and dedicated man. Dan and Brad call Josh and I outside to help them man the grill, while the ladies finish up the side dishes in the house. I’m not sure how much help I can be manning a grill, but if her dad says outside, I’m outside. The four women talk and laugh in the house as they work, it’s a beautiful sound.

“Should I tell them, or should you,” Brad says to Dan.

“You tell them,” Dan says.

This should be good.

“I don’t think either one of you need us to tell you that these two girls are the most precious things God has ever seen fit to give us. These girls don’t just come with one daddy, they come with two. We were the first men to hold our daughters when they took their very first breaths. We’ve held their hands and watched them grow into the beautiful women they are today. Either of you two love struck fools get it into your heads to mess with their hearts, I want you to know that Dan and I made a pact when they were twelve. If anyone hurts our daughter, the other one of us would take that boy behind the shed and introduce them to Clyde. You know… in the interest of deniability. Now, Clyde is an unregistered Smith and Wesson, and so far, neither one of us has had to use it. Now, I see the sparkle in their eyes when they look at you two like I’ve never seen before, so let’s keep it that way and all is good. Oh, and no pressure, but when one of them gets married, both Dan and I walk down the aisle with our girl,” he says.

“We’re ready in here whenever you guys are ready,” Joss calls from the sliding glass door.

“Meat is almost done, princess,” Dan answers.

Dinner a few weeks ago with my parent’s went well. After our parents left, I asked River if Daddy gave him the Clyde speech. Sure enough, he did. All I can do is laugh. Our dad’s most certainly do not own a gun. Or, at least, I’m pretty sure they don’t.

The week after that, River became distant. At dinner, more times than not, Josh would get a phone call or a text, then he’d whisper in River’s ear and they’d both excuse themselves from the table and close themselves in River’s home office. Our walks on the beach became fewer and fewer, and so did staying the night at each other’s houses. There was always an excuse for one reason or another. I started to miss him.

This week River has been working some pretty long hours. I haven’t seen him in the past four days, and communication with him has been almost nonexistent. The other night, River said he would be working late at Mason Group. I thought I’d do something special for him because of all the crazy long hours he’s been working, so I cooked him his favorite Eggplant Parmesan for dinner for the two of us, and then packed it up. I slipped on a trench coat over my naked body and drove to his office. I thought I was the most awesome girlfriend in the world. Almost everyone at Mason Group was gone for the evening. Most of the lights had been turned off, and the cleaning crew was out in full force. When I walked into his office, it was empty.

I set the food on his desk, and I strategically parked myself behind his desk in his comfortable leather chair and I waited. I waited for fifteen minutes thinking maybe he needed to make a copy or something, or maybe he just stepped out for a minute. Then I looked next to his desk, and the briefcase that Josh usually carries for River wasn’t there. I left the food on his desk and walked down the hallway toward the elevator feeling a little hurt.

As I got out to the reception waiting area, Autumn’s high heeled shoes clicked on the floor as she walked down the opposite hall toward me. She paused when she saw me, and then she strutted to her seat. She eyed me up and down and it was like I could read her nasty thoughts brewing in her head. She got a little devilish grin on her face, then lifted her hand to her opened red lipstick stained lips and wiped the corner.