I Surrender (12 page)

“Hi,” I reply forestalling my eyes. I know I’m wrapped in a towel, but under his penetrating gaze I may as well be nude.

Jasper senses my anxiety and lets out a soft chuckle. “Would you like me to give you a minute to get dressed?” I stand speechless as I am thinking I will need more than a minute to stop the thumping of my heart.

“Not that I mind your current attire.” I quickly turn my head and witness his smug expression. He is thoroughly enjoying watching me writhe in embarrassment.

Luckily, I know the antidote for that smugness. “No it’s fine; I’ll only take a second.” I pretend to unhook the towel from under my arms to dress in front of him. Jasper’s eyes widen in shock as he jumps up off the bed and turns his back to me.

Win for me!

I can see him rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably as I let out a giggle. Jasper is embarrassed, wow that’s a first.

I creep around to my closest and quickly pull on my underwear and a pair of blue jeans and plain t-shirt. I try fluffing my hair but decide on tying it back. I need more than a minute to tame that beast.

Speaking of beasts, I take a break from my frantic dressing to examine the one standing before me. A tight fitting shirt hugs his broad back tightly, and his perfect butt is screaming for a quick smack. I continue to stare hungrily at his back profile for a little longer than intended when I hear Jasper clear his throat. “Are you staring at my butt? I feel so objectified.”

I snort out a laugh covering my mouth in hysterics. He turns around with a cheeky grin plastered on his face enjoying my amusement.

I finally catch my breath and plop down on the bed, waiting for him to speak. He looks down at me, a look of uncertainty on his face. He decides to prop up against my dresser instead. I look at him curiously and realize Jasper and I sitting together on my bed would lead to a whole lotta not talking. I feel a blush spread across my cheeks and I fiddle with my amethyst ring to distract myself.

We are silent for a short while, and I can feel Jaspers intense gaze penetrating me. For this reason alone I keep my eyes down, focused on anything but Jaspers eyes.

“I’m sorry I came here unannounced. I had to see you after last night.” The silence between us is not uncomfortable; it’s more like we’re walking on eggshells not knowing the right set of rules on addressing this. Jasper has made the effort; I have to meet him halfway.

I nervously peek up at him. “I want you to be here.”

“Yeah?” he questions.

“Of course I do. I think we should talk...” I leave the comment hanging, too afraid to elaborate as I search his unreadable face.

“I think we should talk too. I am so sorry for the way I behaved last night. The things I said to you were wrong. I don’t know why I said that thing about Indie being my…you know.” I flinch at the memory. He continues quickly as he senses my discomfort. “And I never should have put my fucking hands on you.” He looks downs at my arm where his fingers were clasped tightly around me last night. “I never meant for any of that to happen. I am not making excuses for myself because I know I fucked up.” He rubs his hands down his face looking beaten, and I gasp when I see his knuckles are grazed and red raw.

“Are you okay?” I ask quickly. Jasper looks at me, his hands frozen midstride. He looks puzzled as to what I am referring to, so I point to his hands.

“Oh. Yeah, totally fine. Don’t worry about it.” His disregard for his injuries upsets me, so I slowly stand and walk over to him. He looks down at me, breathing steadily. In trepidation I reach forward and lightly rest my palm on his cheek. I can feel his scratchy stubble underneath my fingers and I remember the way it felt against my mouth last night. I shiver at the delicious memory.

“Of course I worry,” I whisper, my palm leading into his hair to toy with the tresses at his temples. Jasper closes his eyes and exhales softly. The air is thick and heavy with our mutual chemistry and I want to drown in it.

Jasper leisurely opens his blue eyes and engulfs me with his ardor. He is my own personal drug and I am addicted. He rubs his thumb softly over my bottom lip and I mewl in response to his touch.

“I like you worrying about me,” he whispers. I don’t know how to reply, so I merely stand frozen under his hands.

“Ava, when I kissed you last night. I’ve wanted that to happen for a long time. I’ve wanted
you
for a long time. I meant everything I said to you. I won’t push you; you decide where you want this to go.”

I stare stunned, and I lick my lips nervously. I can’t deny my feelings for Jasper, no matter how hard I try not to acknowledge them. Jasper is patiently allowing me to digest my thoughts and not pushing for an answer, but he deserves one. Jasper was right when he once told me we would look back with regrets if we didn’t get to know one another better. I have gotten to know friendship Jasper quite well. And now, I really want to know what relationship Jasper is like. I have a feeling I am going to be devoted to both.

“Jasper I've wanted to kiss you for a long time too. I've just been afraid and I still am. But I'm more afraid of not living, than living in fear. I can't promise you anything but I'd like to give it a go. With you. If you want to.”

Okay, I need to stop rambling now. Jasper smiles a sexy smirk as he runs his index finger down the middle of my lips playing with my bottom lip.

“Yeah I want to. I really want to.”

I blush instantly at the heated undertone of his words.

“Do you blush so easily everywhere on your body?”

I turn bright pink and attempt to stop blushing but fail terribly. Jasper tilts my chin up towards his face and a little sigh escapes me at the gentleness of his touch.

“Looks like I'm going to have to be creative and find out.” Holy freakin’ hell! The look in his eyes is consuming me.

My skin instantly betrays me as I feel my neck and chest gleam a crimson red. And I don't want to think about the color of my skin when Jasper dips his head and consumes my mouth with his.

Chapter 18:

Flames

T
he next month Jasper and I take things to the next level. We don’t put any labels on what we have because it is nice, it is chaste and it feels natural. Our routine hasn’t changed much. I still visited every night at the shelter and he visited me at work. The only thing that has changed is the physical aspect to our relationship and Jasper is driving me crazy.

We would make out for hours, he being the perfect gentlemen sticking to kissing and over the clothes touching. He didn’t want to start our relationship based on sex. Judging by the amazing make out sessions we have had, sex with Jasper was going to be
something
. I don’t know when I am going to be ready for that, but Jasper never pushes.

What he does push is his beliefs and opinions on topics that are important to him and we fight incessantly because we are both stubborn, hot tempered and proud but we always make up without delay. It is nice to be able to voice an honest opinion, something I could never do with Harper. I am still trying to come to terms with seeing someone that isn’t Harper. I try my best but I know Jasper can sense my detachment at times. But he never questions or makes me feel uncomfortable about it. What a guy.

Jasper said being together meant we should be doing ‘datey’ things which warm’s my heart. ‘Flames’ are a local band that has recently been signed. They are playing at a big venue downtown before they commence their European tour. Jasper has known these guys for years, and when the members asked Jasper and Lucas to attend their last local show, the boys gladly accepted. V and Lucas are meeting us at the club; I guess this is our
real
first double date.

I force myself not to shudder in bliss as Jasper’s hand rubs slow, languid circles on my thigh the whole car ride downtown. He knows damn well I am internally combusting, the smug bastard. I swear to God I have to keep checking my leg hadn’t caught fire.

Jasper parks his truck and comes around to open my door. He is always such a gentleman, another reason I adore this boy. Lifting me down to meet his lips, he kisses me passionately and I could happily get lost in him. He walks me backwards, pressing my back up against the cold truck door and continues his kissing assault. I duel with his tongue and pull softly at his messy hair; I reach behind me, attempting to open the door to lead us into somewhere more private but he pulls away cheekily.

He smirks, biting his lip. “Come on, we’re going to miss the set.”

“And whose fault would that be?” I pout blowing my fringe off my face.

“Yours, for wearing that outfit.” I look down at my simple blue jeans, converse and cute cardigan.

“Outfit? You call this an outfit? Wait until you see what I’m wearing underneath,” I tease.

He gives me a pained look and just when I think he may take me up on the offer, I hear a wolf whistle and see Lucas and V strolling towards us, hand in hand. I am slightly disappointed and am trying my hardest not to pout. Jasper pulls me into his hard chest and murmurs, “If you don’t pull in that bottom lip, I’m going to take you into my truck and do unspeakable things to you.” I glance up at him, mouth ajar.

“Don’t look so surprised Ava. Being around you requires a lot of will power and you make that difficult when you give me that look.”

“What look?” I question before I can stop myself.

Jasper leans forward giving me a sultry peck on the lips. “The look where you want me as much as I want you.” Again my mouth is agape, how is it possible this man can turn me on with his voice alone.

Before I can reply, V rushes forward and tackles me into a bear hug. Jasper and Lucas give each other manly handshakes and we head towards the club.

V links her arm through mine and whispers so the boys can’t hear. “What did we just walk into?” She raises her eyebrows and I grin happily. “Ugh, I don’t even want to know. You two are nauseatingly cute together.”

I love my friend.

*****

The band is fantastic and I can see why they are going overseas on tour. The whole time while watching their performance Jasper holds my hand and pulls me into his hip. This is nice. This feels so effortless, like we have been here before. I realize Jasper and I had established a solid friendship before we decided to take it to the next level. Maybe just maybe we could make this relationship work. Jasper reaches down kissing my cheek, his stubble brushing my face. He is totally oblivious to how he makes me feel. Even a simple touch gets me panting.

“Do you want a drink?” he asks into my ear, yelling over the music. His hair tickles my face and I shiver silently. I give him a thumbs up and he gives me a swift peck on the cheek before heading to the bar. I see most girls looking at him hungrily, nudging their friends to check him out. Jasper has no idea how his looks effect other women. He doesn’t notice other girls looking his way because he only has eyes for me. That thought humbles me. I am lucky to have Jasper White’s affections.

As he walks back with our drinks, a bold girl stops to ask him a question. I look over protectively, crossing my arms over my chest, not liking someone talking to him so closely. Jasper smiles, looking flattered but motions to me with his head. I can see the girl glaring my way, a disappointed look on her face that he has a date.

“Don’t worry about her.” V shouts, glaring at the tramp molesting him. I shrug offhandedly, but V knows me too well, rubbing my arm compassionately.

I know I am not much to look at. I am not sexy or seductive. I barely wear any makeup, and am more comfortable in my converse and jeans. I look at the girls Jasper could have and wince, maybe I should try to make more of an effort. Jasper returns, handing me my beer while kissing the top of my head. He must see my apprehension and brings me in for a hug. I snuggle into his warm chest, surrounded by his smell and try to forget my concerns.

After a few minutes of being lost in all things Jasper I feel his grip stiffen around my waist. I gaze inquisitively to what or should I say
who
has caught his attention. I see Indie throwing herself onto some poor chump who is none the wiser to her ruse. I casually peer up at Jasper who has an indecipherable look on his face and my stomach drops. I suddenly feel hot and want to flee before this situation can get any more awkward. I wish I could read Jasper, but he is giving nothing away. Is he jealous? The thought saddens me and I wish he didn’t have such a firm hold of me so I could slip away undetected. I can feel V staring at me, picking up on my discomfort. I risk a quick glance her way and she nods a look of compassion; she gets it.

Jasper is still observing Indie and I feel vulnerable standing there watching his exchange with his ex. I consider making some lame ass excuse as to why I need to make a mad dash to the bathroom but the band concludes their set.

I clap half-heartedly and am thankful when I see Indie saunter off with her new boy-toy. However, I gasp when I see her flick an arrogant look over her shoulder towards Jasper and I. She knew he was watching her and more importantly she knew I witnessed the way he reacted to her. But how was he reacting? I am so confused, but more so, I am furious at that scheming whore.

Jasper’s gaze follows them out the door and when she is finally gone he returns his attentions back to me. He is totally oblivious and unaware I saw him react the way he did as he kisses my forehead quickly.

“Did you like them?”

I nod and try my best to appear cheerful. “They were great.” I can’t even assemble another thought. I don’t want to be talking about the band; I want to know what the hell that was with Indie.

Before I can ask him, Lucas wraps his arm around Jasper’s shoulders. “We should go wish them luck before they get big heads and forget who we are.” Jasper nods, smiling at Lucas’ sarcasm.

“Babe I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay, I’ll stay right here. I don’t want to impose on your bromance.” Jasper laughs, kissing my lips way too briefly and heads over to where his friends are being swarmed by screaming fans.

I examine Jasper talking animatedly to his friends. He looks stunning in a grey hoodie, with his sleeves rolled up revealing tight forearms, snug black jeans and navy converse sneakers. The way his clothes mold to his body should be illegal. His body is well defined and muscled in all the right areas. I sigh; I wish I could feel those muscles in the flesh. Damn him for being such a gentleman.

“What the fuck?” V sneers dragging me to a booth, snapping me out of my Jasper fantasies. We slide in quickly before they come back and ruin a conversation I desperately need to have.

“You saw that right?” I ask, hands out in annoyance.

“I sure did,” V replies, putting her hand on mine to calm me down.

I am looking over her shoulder, keeping an eye out so we don’t get caught gossiping. “What am I to make of that? Was he jealous? He was giving that guy serious stink eye.” I slouch in my seat.

“It didn’t look like he was jealous Ava. And he wasn’t giving that guy stink eye.” I look at her, totally skeptical.

“I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you. It looked like he was more intrigued or just curious. He didn’t look envious or resentful. He just looked like he was thinking…whatever.” She shrugs her shoulders to convey Jasper’s feelings as being indifferent.

“What the hell does that mean?” I ask, biting my fingernail nervously.

“I don’t know, but I do know he is crazy about you. He can’t keep his eyes or his hands off you. He really likes you, Ava. Don’t doubt yourself over this and don’t question your relationship.”

I wish I had her confidence, but then I quiz myself; how would I react if I saw Harper consorting with another? Probably the same way Jasper behaved. V is right, he didn’t look envious he just looked, curious. Whatever look he gave her, I would prefer if he didn’t look at her at all! I rub my neck; I am starting to get a migraine.

I take a deep breath and nod, “You’re right V. I know he likes me, and I need to stop over analyzing everything.”

“That’s my girl!” V smiles, clapping lightly in encouragement.

And then all my positive thoughts get flushed down the toilet when I see the same girl who approached Jasper earlier, stroll over to where he is talking with his friends. I feel uncomfortable witnessing her flaunting her ‘assets’ into Jaspers face. I suddenly feel faint and even more insecure; I will never have her confidence. I witness Jasper look at her bulging bust and smirk sheepishly. Ugh, I feel awkward standing there while he is getting molested by this tramp but I don’t have the balls to confront her. I am a coward.

V looks over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of Jasper getting all but dry humped by his admirer. Before V can stop me I quickly make a run for the exit, as I can’t handle seeing his reaction to her. What if he flirts back?

I push open the door and am thankful to be out here. I am sitting on the stairs biting my nails when Jasper comes outside, looking for me frantically. He sees me and I cower as I might have overacted just a tad to that girl but I can’t help it. It irritates me, Jasper is mine. I don’t want some hussy flaunting her bits anywhere near him.

I am shocked at my jealously. I was never this way with Harper. The feelings I have for Jasper seem to grow each day, and they are also getting stronger. Hence the green-eyed Ava. But I still doubt myself and this thing with Indie hasn’t helped.

And as much as I hate to confess, my relationship with Harper plays on my mind at times. Will Jasper hurt me like Harper? Could I really love someone as much as I did Harper? Do I want to fall in love like that again? Am I ready to let someone in? Will I ever? I know I am reserved with Jasper, but I am trying my best. Damn these stupid insecurities. And it doesn’t help when Jasper has random girls and an ex stalking him frequently.

“What are you doing out here?” Jasper asks interrupting my depressing thoughts. He takes a seat on the step near me and my mouth waters inhaling his unique scent. I shrug not wanting to divulge my jealously or let him in on my Harper thoughts.

“You weren’t jealous over that girl were you?” He smiles shyly, placing his hand on my leg.

I move my leg away grumpily.” What girl?” That sounds lame even to my ears. Jasper only smirks and wraps his arms around my stubborn shoulders.

“Get over here,” he teases, pulling my rigid form into him. I comply and snuggle into him, he smells so good.

We are silent for a moment and Jasper’s breath is steady. “Ava what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

I look out into the street and berate myself for being such an idiot. Jasper has done nothing wrong; it is my own insecurities that are the problem.

“No I’m just being silly.” Which I am, but I just can’t help it. Jasper inflames feelings in me that scare me.

“About?” he asks simply when I don’t continue.

“About that girl. About every girl. About Indie.” Jasper only cocks a confused eyebrow. “I saw the way you were looking at her.” I hold in a deep breath, afraid of what he will tell me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize you saw her. I was looking at her obvious attempt to make me jealous.”

“And did it work?” I whisper sheepishly.

“What do you think?” he asks me honestly.

I ponder his question and shake my head in defeat. I wish I could be more confident but at the moment I feel like the ugly duckling amongst all these supermodel lookalikes throwing themselves at Jasper.

Jasper reaches forward, his blue eyes staring at me intensely. “You need to trust me, Ava. I want you and only you.”

But that’s not the problem. I trust him; it’s the girls, especially Indie that I don’t trust. “I don’t like the way other girls look at you.” I confess turning away from his gaze as it sounds even more pathetic aloud.

He pulls my chin towards him, kissing the tip of my nose. “How do they look at me?” God this boy can be daft sometimes.

“They look at you like they want to devour you,” I reply sticking out my bottom lip unhappily.

He brushes my hair out of my face and questions seriously, “And how do I look at them?”

“You don’t,” I reply softly.