I Want to Hold Your Hand (13 page)

He put his arms around her and held her tight. “You’re my hero, you know that?” When she shook her head and began to protest, he said, “Shut up, and listen to me.”

Her muffled laugh was followed shortly by a sniffle.

“You’ve been so amazingly strong through this whole thing.”

“Not always.”

“For the most part. We all admire you so much. You have no idea how much, and there’s nothing any one of us—Caleb’s family included—want more than to see you happy and smiling again. It’s what Caleb would want, too. I knew him as well as I know anyone, and I can say without a single hesitation that your happiness was the most important thing in his life.”

“I miss him so much,” she whispered. “All the time.”

“I know, honey. We all do.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt Nolan.”

“He’s a big boy, and he knows what he’s getting into—better than most guys would. He was there. He loved Caleb, too, and he’s painfully aware of what you’ve lost.” Hunter paused before he added, “I think you’ll hurt him more if you never give him a chance.”

She blew out a shaky deep breath. “What will people say if I’m with him?”

“Who the fuck cares what they say?”

Even though his vehemence made her laugh, she said, “I do.”

“They’ll say how lucky Hannah Guthrie is to have such a nice guy interested in her. People think the world of him in this town. Your family thinks the world of him. Caleb’s family thinks the world of him. You know what people say about him?”

“I’ve heard a few things.”

“Then you know he has a reputation for being super honest in his dealings with customers. If you bring your car in for brakes and it doesn’t need brakes, he doesn’t do it just because he could make an easy buck. He calls you and says, ‘This car doesn’t need brakes. You’ve got another year or so before you need to worry about that.’”

“Sounds like him.”

“That’s who he is, and it’s one of many reasons I’ve decided he may be good enough for my sister.”

Hannah laughed as he’d hoped she would. “
May
be good enough?”

“He’ll still have to prove himself worthy of you, which is up to you to decide, but I’ll be keeping a close eye on him as will all the other men in your life.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Do you feel any better?”

“Yes, but I’m still scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of hurting him, of falling for him, of really letting go of Caleb. I worry I’ll lower my defenses and something will happen to him like it did to Caleb. I don’t know if I could go through that again. I was lucky to survive it the first time.”

Thinking of the “hobby” Nolan hadn’t yet shared with Hannah, Hunter tightened his grip on her shoulder. “I never said there wasn’t any risk involved, but I suppose you have to decide if the risk is worth the potential payoff. Judging from what I saw earlier today, it seems like it might be worth the risk.”

She was quiet for a long time, and he wondered what she was thinking about but didn’t ask.

“He’s really waiting outside?”

“He really is. He’s worried about you.”

Hannah raised her head off his chest and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you—for this and a million other things.”

He forced a smile even as the sight of her tear-stained face broke his heart. She didn’t give in to tears very often, and he’d give everything he had to spare her another minute of pain or sorrow. “That’s what older and wiser twin brothers are for.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted with laughter. “You never forget those three minutes you’ve got on me, do you?”

“Nope, and I never will.”

“Love you best of all,” she whispered the way they had as children when their siblings would drive them crazy and they’d take refuge with each other. They hadn’t said the words in ages.

He blinked rapidly to keep from bawling his head off. “Love you best of all, too, Hannah Banana. How about I go let poor Nolan in from the cold?”

Smiling at his childhood nickname for her, she nodded.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He kissed her cheek and pushed his feet into his shoes.

“Hunter?”

“Yeah?”

“You really ought to take some of your own advice one of these days.”

As the image of Megan’s shattered face danced through his mind, he shrugged off the comment with a cavalier grin. “I’d much rather give it than take it.” Her smile stayed with him as he walked out the front door and found Nolan right where he’d left him—leaning against his truck.

“Everything okay?” Nolan asked, straightening as Hunter approached.

“It will be. With time and patience.”

“I’ve got plenty of both I’m happy to share with her.”

“You have to tell her about the racing. Not tonight, but soon.”

“I know.”

Hunter nodded, satisfied his sister was in good hands.

“I’ll take good care of her.”

“If I didn’t already know that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and I certainly wouldn’t be sending you in there to her.”

Nolan stood up a little straighter. “Oh. So . . . It’s okay if I . . . You know . . .”

Hunter laughed. “Yes, you stammering fool. It’s okay. She’s waiting for you.”

 • • • 

Nolan wiped suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans and headed up the sidewalk, mindful of Hunter watching him. He knocked lightly on the door and opened it. “Hannah?”

“In here.”

His heart thudded and his mouth went dry as he followed her voice to the cozy sitting room. It would’ve been easier, he knew, to fall for someone whose life was less complicated, who hadn’t been to hell and back, who hadn’t loved another man with her whole heart and soul. It would’ve been easier, but there was no one else quite like Hannah, and if being with her meant navigating an emotional minefield, he was fully prepared to suit up and do battle.

Ugh
, he thought,
bad analogy. Horrible analogy
. Caleb had been killed when he stepped on a landmine in an area that had been deemed safe by sweepers. He’d been playing soccer with some Iraqi kids when he chased after the ball into a field adjacent to the base.

Nolan often thought how like Caleb it was to befriend the local kids, to strike up a game with them, to be the one to chase after the ball. The random circumstances of his death had made it that much harder to cope in the aftermath. It would’ve been easier, for all of them, if it had happened in the heat of battle rather than during a rare moment of leisure in an area no longer in the active war zone. They’d thought he was safe there.

“Nolan? Are you okay?”

Hannah’s voice brought him back to the present, where he realized he was standing in the doorway to the sitting room, staring at her on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I was thinking . . .”

“What about?”

“I was actually thinking about Caleb.”

She patted the sofa cushion next to her, inviting him to join her.

He took off his coat and laid it over the back of an antique easy chair before sitting next to her.

“What about Caleb?”

“I’d rather not say because it’s something you won’t want to talk about.”

“Ah . . . the bad stuff.”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

The unexpected apology caught him off guard. “For what?”

“For not answering the door or the phone earlier. For worrying you.”

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for doing whatever you need to. I get it, Hannah. Believe me. I get it.”

She reached for his hand and curled her fingers around his. “I know you do, and that helps. It helps a lot.”

“Are you hungry?”

“A little bit I suppose.”

“Want to get a pizza?”

“That sounds really good.”

“I’ll call it in. What do you like on it?”

“Anything.”

“Coming right up.” He got up to use the phone in the kitchen and returned with a glass of wine for her and a beer for him. “I helped myself. Hope that’s okay.”

“I got the beer for you,” she said with a shy smile that touched him.

“I’m honored.”

“So am I. I’m honored that you want to spend time with me, that you’re willing to put up with all my issues, that you seem to care—”

“I only
seem
to care?” he asked, pretending to be insulted. “Let me set the record straight. I care greatly. Tremendously. Incredibly.” He curled the end of a long strand of her silky dark hair around his finger. “Enormously. Hugely. Vastly. Extremely.” By now she was giggling softly, which he adored.

“Are you done?”

“Not quite. You got a thesaurus handy?”

“There might be one upstairs.” She zeroed in on his lips in the second before she leaned in to kiss him.

Whispering against her lips, he said, “Exceedingly. Exceptionally.”

“I never knew you were so good with words.”

“Neither did I. Apparently, all I needed was the right inspiration.” He put his beer on the table and curled an arm around her, wanting to keep her close. “I’m usually told I’m good with my hands.”

She raised a brow in a saucy expression that made his blood hum with desire. “Is that right?”

“Uh-huh. I can take apart a carburetor and reassemble it with lightning speed. I could show you sometime.” He waggled his brows. “And you ought to see me rotate tires.”

She shook with silent laughter. “That’s not at all what I thought you were going to say.”

“Hannah! I’m shocked to discover a dirty mind under that angelic face.”

Her shoulder bumped against his chest. “You set me up.”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened to upset you earlier?”

As her smile faded, he wanted to shoot himself for tossing a serious question into the midst of their playful banter.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s more that I’d rather relax and enjoy our evening without bringing sad stuff into it.”

“That’s fine.” Pausing, he added, “As long as you know I’m on board for the sad stuff, too.”

She laid her hand flat upon his chest. “I know, and I appreciate that. More than you can ever know.”

He wondered if she could feel the crazy way his heart beat when she touched him and hoped she knew it was all because of her.

“What happened earlier in your office . . .”

“What about it?” he asked, his heart now slowing to a crawl while he waited to hear what she would say.

Looking up at him shyly, she said, “I liked it.”

“Jesus, Hannah.” He blew out a ragged deep breath. “You have no idea what you do to me when you look at me that way or say things like that.”

“What do I do to you?”

“You know full well,” he said, chuckling at the innocent expression on her sweet face.

“Tell me anyway.”

“How about I show you. Would that be okay?”

She seemed to summon the courage to nod.

He took her hand and pressed it against the fly of his jeans where his desire for her was fully apparent.

Her eyes widened, and her lips parted, which only made him harder.

He removed their joined hands from his lap. “Any questions?”

“Just one.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you kiss me again like you did earlier?”

“How did I kiss you earlier?”

“Like I was just Hannah rather than Hannah the widow who needs to be treated with kid gloves.”

“You are just Hannah to me, but I’d never want to push you too far too soon or force you outside your comfort zone before you’re ready—”

She stopped him with the firm press of her lips against his, and Nolan forgot all about anything that didn’t involve the glide of her lips over his, the delicate tease of her tongue, the sweet flavor of her mouth, the tug of her hands in his hair and the press of her soft curves against his body. Kissing Hannah was quickly becoming his favorite thing to do.

They ended up reclined on the sofa, locked in an endless kiss that had him wanting so much more. And then her hand found its way under his shirt, and the heat of her palm against his lower belly made his muscles quiver. He’d been with other women, but nothing in his past could compare to the all-encompassing desire Hannah aroused in him. He wanted to comfort and protect her, but he also wanted to strip her naked and kiss every inch of her pale, soft skin.

Banishing those thoughts as way beyond the parameters of what was going to happen tonight, Nolan concentrated on the increasingly erotic kiss. By the time the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of the pizza, he’d nearly forgotten all about his so-called parameters.

“You’d better get that,” he said as he reluctantly released her and reached for his wallet to hand her a twenty. “I’m in no condition . . .”

Hannah’s soft laughter didn’t do a thing to ease the ache between his legs. “Seems to be happening a lot lately.”

“It’s all your fault.”

“If you say so.” She took the bill from him, got up and headed for the front door, straightening her hair and shirt as she went.

Nolan fixated on the gentle sway of her sexy ass, which made him envious of worn denim for the first time in his life. Releasing a tortured groan, he fell back against the sofa cushions and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to cool himself off before she returned.

He expected her to take the pizza into the kitchen and call him in there to eat with her. But she came into the sitting room, put the pizza on the coffee table and once again surprised the living shit out of him when she stretched out on top of him. Hovering less than an inch above his face, she said, “Where were we?”

CHAPTER 10