I Want to Hold Your Hand (5 page)

“Yeah,” Nolan said gruffly, brushing quickly at his face with his free hand. “I bet they’re having one hell of a reunion.”

“Thinking about that brings comfort, you know?”

He nodded.

“Remember how Caleb would pat his chest and Homer would jump into his arms?” Hannah asked.

“I remember. I also remember that Homer wouldn’t do that for anyone but Caleb no matter how hard we all tried to get him to do it for us.”

“That’s because Caleb was the only one he trusted enough to catch him.”

They sat in silence for a long time, watching the fire, lost in their own thoughts and memories. It was nice, she thought, to have him there with her, to share the grief with someone who’d loved Caleb and Homer and felt their loss almost as profoundly as she did.

“We need to do something for Homer,” Nolan said.

“Like what?”

“We should do what Caleb would’ve done—a full-on funeral with all the bells and whistles he would’ve insisted on.”

For the first time in hours, Hannah had reason to truly smile imagining the send-off Caleb would’ve given his beloved companion. “You’re absolutely right. It needs to be huge and awesome and over the top.”

“Totally and completely over the top.”

“We need the Sultans.”

“We couldn’t do over the top without them.”

Hannah turned so she faced him. “This is a really great idea, Nolan. And you’re right. It’s exactly what Caleb would’ve done.”

“You would’ve thought of it. Eventually.”

“When should we do it?”

“We’d need to give the guys some notice to get them here. Weekend after next?”

“That works for me. I love this. Thank you so much for honoring Homer and Caleb by suggesting it.”

Nolan shrugged off her praise. “Do you want me to go so you can get some rest?”

“No.” She dropped her head against his shoulder. “I know you have to work tomorrow and everything, but if you don’t mind staying a while longer . . .”

Nolan put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I don’t mind.”

 • • • 

Will never said a word on the ride from Hannah’s house to his cabin on the outskirts of town. The cabin was now their place, Cameron recalled, the excitement of her move to Vermont dimmed by the news they’d been greeted with upon arriving back in Butler.

Cameron wished she could think of something to say that would make Will feel better, but she decided to wait until he was ready to talk about it. Recalling the tortured, grief-stricken look on his face when she’d found him in Hannah’s mudroom, her heart broke for him.

The cabin was cold and dark when they arrived. And it was unusually quiet with his dogs spending one more night at his parents’ house.

“Weird without the boys here,” Cameron said, hoping to spark some conversation.

He squatted before the hearth to start the fire. “I know. I hate when they’re not here. Sucks the life out of the place.”

Cameron went into the bedroom and found the suitcase that contained her pajamas. She put on the flannel moose pajama pants Will had bought her along with one of his UVM sweatshirts and joined him in the living room.

He stared into the fire, lost in thought and miles away from the cozy room.

She couldn’t bear to see him in pain so she went to him and curled her arms around him from behind. “What can I do for you?”

Will blew out a deep breath and covered the hand she’d placed on his chest with his. “Having you here makes everything better.”

“I’m sorry about Homer.”

“Thanks. Even though I knew he was getting old, I refused to believe he could ever die.”

“I know.”

“It brings it all back. With Caleb.”

“I know that, too.”

“When Hannah said Caleb must be happy to see Homer . . .” He shook his head. “That killed me.”

“Come here,” she said, urging him to turn into her embrace.

He did as she asked, his arms encircling her. “Sorry,” he said, his voice muffled by her hair. “This wasn’t how I expected to spend our first night of officially living together.”

“Please don’t apologize for being upset, Will. I only met Homer a couple of times and didn’t know Caleb at all, but I’m heartbroken for Hannah. I can only imagine how you must feel.”

He hugged her for a long time as Cameron stroked his hair and back, wishing there was something she could say or do to make him feel better.

“I’m so glad you’re here to stay,” he said, breaking the long silence.

“So am I.”

He pulled back so he could see her face and kissed her softly.

As she caressed his cheek, she stared at the face she’d longed for during the weeks apart while she packed up her life for the move.

“What do you suppose it means that Hannah and Nolan had plans tonight?” he asked.

“I suppose it means that maybe things have progressed a bit since they danced at the Grange.”

“God, that would be awesome. I couldn’t believe it when she said they’d had plans for tonight.”

“I was proud of you and the rest of your family for biting your tongues on that one.”

“Wasn’t easy,” he said with the first hint of a smile.

“I bet Hannah knows she’s in for it as soon as things settle down a bit.”

“For sure.” He leaned in to kiss her again, a bit more intently this time. “I don’t know about you, but I’m totally wiped out. What do you say we hit the sack?”

As the thought of hitting any horizontal surface with Will Abbott made her heart leap for joy, Cameron said, “Fine by me.”

They stood together in the bathroom to brush their teeth and then Cameron rushed into bed, pulling the down comforter up to her chin as her teeth chattered. She couldn’t believe it when he emerged from the bathroom naked.

“Are you for real? I’m freezing, and you’re
naked
?”

“I’m counting on you to warm me up.”

“You’re going to be very disappointed.”

“Never.” He curled up to her, big and strong and warm and solid. “I still can’t believe you’re here to stay and I get to sleep with you every night. I feel like the luckiest guy in the universe.”

“I feel just as lucky.”

“You’re wearing way too many clothes though.” His hand worked its way under the sweatshirt, making her startle when his cool hand touched her much warmer belly.

“There’s no way you’re getting me naked tonight, mister. I’m way too cold.”

“I’ll warm you up. I promise.”

“No!” Cameron screamed when his other freezing hand landed on her back.

He laughed at her reaction and put his arms around her, hugging her close to him. By now she knew him well enough to expect him to cajole her out of her clothes, something he was exceptionally good at, but he didn’t try. Rather, he held on tight.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I feel like I did when Caleb died, which is ridiculous because . . . Well, it feels ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous.”

“I hope this doesn’t set Hannah way back, right when she seems to be stepping forward a bit.”

“It’s apt to give her a few difficult moments, but we’ll all be there for her, and we’ll get her through it.”

“I think about him all the time,” Will said. “Caleb . . . He was . . .” Will blew out a deep shaky breath. “He was unlike anyone else I’ve ever known.”

Because he seemed to need to talk about the brother-in-law he’d loved, Cameron said, “How so?”

“It’s hard to describe him to people who didn’t know him and do him justice. But he was smart and strong and fearless and probably more than a bit crazy. He could be loud and obnoxious, and he loved to get drunk, and by drunk I mean
hammered
.”

“What did Hannah think about that?”

“It was the only thing I ever heard them fight about. She used to say she wasn’t having kids with him until he finished growing up.”

Cameron could feel his lips curve into a smile against her neck.

“I wish you could’ve seen him play hockey. He was a madman on the ice and spent a lot of time in the penalty box.”

Cameron chuckled at the picture he painted.

“He was also freaking brilliant. He graduated with a perfect 4.0 GPA. Who does that?”

“Not me, that’s for sure. What did he major in?”

“American history. He probably could’ve played professional hockey, but he chose the army instead. I think a lot about what might’ve been different if he’d chosen hockey instead.”

“Why do you think he chose the army?”

“His dad was an army officer, and it was all Caleb knew growing up until his dad retired and moved here when he was in middle school. Army life left a big impact on him. Colonel Guthrie has never been quite the same since Caleb died. He blames himself.”

“That’s so sad.”

“The whole thing totally blows. It’s weird how life goes on and time goes by and you don’t think about it all day, every day anymore. Then Homer dies, and it’s like it just happened.”

“It’s a reminder.”

“Yeah.”

“For what it’s worth, I think Caleb must’ve been a truly amazing person to have so many people still passionately committed to his memory seven years after he died.”

“All of us, everyone who loved him, we’ll always be passionately committed to his memory. It’s all we’ve got left of him, you know?”

Moved by his words and the emotion behind them, Cameron nodded, kissed his chest and breathed in his familiar scent, comforted by his presence and extremely grateful to be loved by a man who loved so deeply.

“I worry about whether Hannah can really move on with someone else or if maybe he was it for her.”

“I hope that’s not the case. She’s so young and gorgeous and wonderful. I’d love to see her happy with Nolan or someone else if that doesn’t work out.”

“So would I.” He shifted to gain access to her lips and kissed her. “I want her to be as happy as we are.”

“I want that, too.”

He nuzzled her neck. “Are you feeling warmer yet?”

“A little,” she said, smiling.

“I bet I can make you warmer than this big bulky sweatshirt.” As he spoke, he eased the sweatshirt up and over her head, and because she was dying to feel his skin next to hers, she let him.

The brush of his chest hair against her breasts never failed to stir and arouse her, and this time was no different. After hearing him speak so eloquently about the friend he’d lost, Cameron loved him even more than she had before. She looped her arms around his neck and curled her leg around his hip.

“I’d never get over losing you after what we’ve had,” he whispered against her lips.

“I wouldn’t either.” The mere thought of losing him after waiting so long to find him struck fear in her heart, making her shiver, but not because she was cold.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. I love that we get to be together all the time now.”

“Nothing has ever made me happier.”

“Me either.” He was usually all about the preliminaries, but tonight it seemed they both needed the immediate connection.

Cameron sighed with relief and completion when he entered her and made slow, sweet, sexy love to her, all the while gazing down at her with all the love he felt for her apparent in his golden brown eyes. He never looked away, and neither did she. It was the single most intimate moment she’d ever shared with anyone.

She arched into him. “
Will . . .
”

“Yes, honey, come for me.” His breathing became faster, matching the movement of his hips.

Cameron clung to him as they hit the peak together.

His head dropped to her shoulder, and Cameron combed her fingers through his hair while they absorbed the rippling aftershocks. She held on tight to the most important person in her life, wanting to keep him close forever.

CHAPTER 4

I’m not happy with Hunter and Will for inviting Caleb to our house ALL the time. They know I don’t like him, but every time I turn around HE is there. He gives me these weird looks. I try to ignore him, but it isn’t easy.

—From the diary of Hannah Abbott, age fourteen

N
olan came awake slowly and had no idea where he was until he breathed in the scent he’d recognize anywhere as Hannah’s. Her soft hair brushed against his chin, and her hand was warm upon his chest. They’d fallen asleep in her sitting room, reclined against a pile of throw pillows. The fire had long ago died out, leaving the room chilly and dark.

While he knew he should leave her to sleep in a real bed, he couldn’t bring himself to disturb her after the difficult evening she’d endured. His heart broke for her at having to absorb yet another painful loss. He wanted to keep his arms around her and protect her from ever being hurt again.

Ever since that Labor Day weekend five years ago, his feelings for her seemed to grow stronger all the time. The need to be with her, to talk to her, to touch her, to protect her was nothing short of overwhelming.

She came awake with a gasp that had him instantly on alert and releasing his hold on her when she struggled.

“It’s me, Hannah. Nolan. We fell asleep.” He was almost afraid to touch her, but he caressed her hair, trying to offer comfort. “Are you okay?”