I Want You to Want Me (Rock Star Romance #2) (19 page)

Completely unhinged, he couldn’t slow down if he tried. Tension rose to an unbearable pitch, electricity shot down his spine, and with a shout he came in blinding, scalding bursts inside her. For a moment, he could barely catch his breath, so he remained deep within her, his cock still pulsing. And then he collapsed onto her, breathing in her pretty floral scent.

“I love the way you smell.”

She sighed. “I love the way you touch me.”

He rolled off her, wanting to enjoy a few more moments alone with her before he jumped into the insanity of his day.

She snuggled up to him, but she hadn’t come. And he wanted her to feel as good as he did, so he nudged her onto her back, and then slid his fingers into her slick heat. Lazily, he stroked her hard little nub. Because he fucking loved watching her come.

“You make me feel
so
good,” she said in a breathy moan.

Those spectacular breasts rocked with the motion of her hips, and he leaned over, licking a nipple. She gasped, gazing up at him with lust-drenched eyes.

“Derek.” She scraped her fingernails across his scalp, sparking a trail of goose bumps across his skin. And then her eyelids drooped, closed, as her lips parted and her hips came off the mattress. “Oh, Derek.” Her legs stretched out, her toes curled, and her whole body seized.

Yeah, he loved watching her come. “Gorgeous.”

His finger continued swirling until she relaxed, opened her eyes, and gave him a wicked smile. “So good.”

And then she sat up, looking horrified. “Oh, my God.” Her hand went between her legs.

It hit him right then. He sat up on an elbow. “I’m sorry. Shit, V, I’m so sorry.” What had he been thinking? “Are you on birth control?”

“Yes.” But she didn’t look any more at ease.

“Then we should be okay.”

She scowled.

“I haven’t been with anyone since I met you.” And then it struck him. She thought he was this careless all the time. “Oh, no. Fuck, no. I’ve never gone bareback in my life.”

Settling back down, she shook her head, let out a breath. “Sorry, that just . . . scared me.”

“No,
I’m
sorry. I lose my mind around you.”

He settled beside her. She reached for his arm, stroked his skin with her fingertips. “I’m not used to . . . you know.”

“No, I don’t know.” This is what he loved. These moments alone with her, when she opened up to him.

“Getting swept away like that.” She looked away. “It’s scary and amazing at the same time.”

“Scary because . . . ?”

“Because it’s so good and I’m just . . . you know.”

“I don’t know.”

She let out a huff of breath, obviously flustered. “Well, I mean, obviously, this is normal for you. You’re a sexual man. You get swept away all the time. But for me . . . I mean, I just don’t.”

Flustered looked adorable on her. “You think this is normal for me?” And then he really got it, what she was thinking. So he hitched up on an elbow to look her in the eyes. “You think this is how it is with Gen or Adriana or any of the other women I’ve fucked before you?” He leaned into her,
breathed her subtle fragrance, which set his blood churning again. “You’re wrong. I never particularly liked them. Sex with them was fun and hot at first. But I didn’t
crave
them. I didn’t think about them every minute I wasn’t with them. Hell, no. V. What we have . . . Jesus. Trust me, it’s different. I didn’t fuck you in that field.” Which meant what exactly? He couldn’t go there. “I’d hate it if I made you feel like I did.”

“You didn’t.” She said it so quietly he almost didn’t hear.

“Sorry?”

“You didn’t. That’s what’s so scary. You make me feel special. You make me
feel
. And I didn’t even know I could.” She gave a contented exhalation.

“Could what?”

“You know . . . feel. This is a first for me.”

“What do you mean, you don’t feel?”

“Foster care and all that. Babies who don’t get hugged, nurtured, they just . . . don’t develop the right way. I can’t feel things the way you do. I can’t have normal relationships.”

A heavy sadness pressed down on him. How in the world had she ever come to believe that? “That’s bullshit. You feel something for me. I know you do.”

“I do. That’s what I’m saying. And you can’t imagine what that means to me when I never thought I was capable of it.”

Why did that make him feel like King fucking Kong? Like Superman? With rocket-fueled balls and wings and shit? “Listen, I don’t know who told you that shit, but it’s dead wrong.”

He gazed out her gauze curtains to the sunny world outside. Sure, she might be fearful—what kid who got passed from one home to another wouldn’t be? But she was nothing but caring and concerned. And in his arms? The way she responded to him? Yeah, she felt something.

“What’s a normal relationship anyway? I certainly haven’t had one, and I gotta guess my mom held me. But fuck it. This is good, V. We’re good for each other.” He rubbed the scruff on his chin, as he realized his words didn’t mean a damn thing. Not if she believed this shit. And if she actually believed she couldn’t love, couldn’t have a normal relationship, what the hell did that mean for him? “I don’t want to be alone in this, V.”

The bed creaked, as she pushed him onto his back and straddled him. Clasping his hands, she held them by his ears. “You’re not.” She kissed him. “You’re not alone in this.”

He yanked his hands free so he could grab her hips. He fell into the softness of her mouth, the silky spill of her hair on his shoulders and chest. That sweet, sexy scent floated around him.

“Derek? You up?” Slater called.

“No.”

Slater chuckled. “Come on, we’re all in the kitchen. Francesca’s made breakfast. We got shit to talk about.”

The last thing he wanted to do was get out of this bed. But he had to. “I’m gonna grab a shower. Join me?”

She shook her head, giving him a soft smile. “You go on.”

He didn’t want to leave her alone to overthink things. She’d take those wrong ideas she had in her head and give them power they didn’t deserve.

He just needed the time to show her that.

But hell. Time was the one thing he didn’t have.

•   •   •

Derek
couldn’t remember when he’d had this much fun. When was the last time they’d jammed for the hell of it? As they unplugged and packed up their instruments, the guys headed out of the barn, eager to cool off in the ocean. As much as Derek wanted to join them, he needed to see Violet first. He missed her.

“What’s up, man?” Slater said.

Derek looked up, realizing the other guys had left. He clipped the guitar case shut. “Nothing. Let’s head out.”

“This was good today. We needed it.”

Derek nodded.

“We should do it more often. After the tour? We should hole up somewhere and just write.” Slater gazed out of the barn, taking in the house, the huge weeping willow. “Maybe rent a place out here.”

“She’ll be on to the next job.” But a warm feeling spread through him. He appreciated his friend looking out for him. They started out of the barn when Derek clapped him on the back. “So what’s with the fuckin’ sappy ballads?” A lot of
what they’d worked on had been Slater’s new material. “You’re not going all Phil Collins on us, are you?”

His friend grinned broadly. “Hey, the ballads bring the girls in. I’m just doing my duty to the rest of the guys. They should thank me.”

He noticed the way Slater didn’t include him in that line of thought. Yeah, he guessed he pretty much wore his heart on his sleeve. Never had been much for playing it cool.

“What’d I say?” Slater asked as they stepped into the fading daylight.

“No, I’m just thinking about shit. Lot on my mind.”

“Does it smell like flowers?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Slater turned, stepped in front of him. “Listen, man. Don’t waste your time on the reasons why it won’t work. You just do it. You make it work. Don’t fuck this up.”

“Not
my
issue.” It was different for Slater. His girl worked in the same industry, had the ability to tour with them.

“You love her?”

Derek shrugged. Too soon for that. But he did feel a bond, deep and powerful. “It’s like you said, she makes it real.” He had a chance to sound it out loud, so he went for it. “I don’t think she trusts me.”

“She say that?”

“Nah, but I know her. She thinks I basically hook up with the women I work with.”

Slater didn’t even hesitate. “You do.”

“Doesn’t everybody? How else do you meet women?”

“Yeah, but I see what she’s saying. It’s probably more than that, though. You dumped Gen pretty easily. She’s probably afraid you’ll do the same to her.”

He hadn’t thought about that. “I didn’t
dump
Gen. We were never like that. We had fun when we were in the same city.” Which he’d told Violet from the beginning. But he saw Slater’s point. How would a woman like Violet understand the kind of arrangement he’d had with Gen? “Well, fuck me. How’m I supposed to show her it’s different for me if she won’t stick around long enough?”

“Dude, you’re an intuitive guy. You size up a situation
pretty quickly and then you make a decision. She’s not like that. She needs to think things through, consider the angles.”

“If I let her consider anything, she’ll walk. Nothing’s in our favor. Soon as we find someone on the keys, we’re back on tour. And then what? She’s gonna think I’ll move on to someone else, and she won’t give me a chance to prove I won’t.”

“Then don’t let her think. Show her how you feel and don’t let up. You think it was easy for me and Em? You think she trusted me on the road, while she hung around an empty house in Austin? You
don’t let up
.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “Look at her.” He gestured to the window of the laundry room, where Violet pulled an armful of clean clothes out of the dryer. “You think someone like her’s going to come around again? You think she’s replaceable?”

A clot of fear rose from his gut, lodging in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
No.
There was no one like Violet. No one who fit him so perfectly. “You think we can keep her as our minder?”

“No idea. But now’s not the time to ask. Irwin’s pretty disgusted.”

“Yeah, we blew up pretty fast. A month into our first tour.” If this tour was a test to see how they performed on the road, they’d failed. He couldn’t see Irwin extending it.

“We also took care of the problem quickly, and we’re back on track. Emmie says it’s a good sign he’s got some keyboardists for us. Says he doesn’t want us wasting time auditioning assholes, so that means he’s still invested.”

“Jonny?” Emmie called from the back porch. “You guys want to picnic at the beach or eat here before we head down there?”

“Whatever’s good for you,” Slater said.

“You are so whipped.” Derek shook his head, smiling. “I got this one.” He called out to his sister, “No sand in my food. We’ll eat first.”

They headed to the house, fear and desire growing with each step he took closer to her. “I want her. I fucking want her.”

“Yeah. Figured that one out.” Slater touched his arm. “Then don’t let up.”

Beach grass rustled in the breeze, and the gentle crashing of waves made her feel more relaxed than she had in ages.

On a blanket, with the remains of dinner and discarded T-shirts strewn everywhere, Violet watched the guys chase after Derek, who held the football tucked close to his side. No one got near him as he raised the football in the air then slammed it to the sand. “Hell yeah!”

The guys continued after him, rushing him, knocking him onto his hip, and dog-piling on top of him.

Emmie, leaning forward in her beach chair, burst out laughing, clapping her hands. “Oh, my God, I haven’t seen them like this in so long.” She sat back. “This was the best day for them. Jamming in your barn, eating your incredible food, hanging out at the beach. God, did we need this.”

“What about Irwin? And the tour?”

“He’s more concerned with getting the guys back on track. And, not to make light of what’s happening with Pete, but if it had to happen, it’s good it happened locally because it was easy for us to find replacements for the guys at the two festivals they’ve missed so far.”

“I’m glad to hear that. How long do you think you’ll stay here?”

“Eager to get rid of us?”

“Not at all.”

“It must be overwhelming for you, though. You’re not used to so much . . . testosterone. We’re a handful.” She gestured to the blanket. “And a mess.”

“Are you kidding? I love it.” Theirs might be the first family she’d ever watched that truly loved and respected each other. Had fun together. And, well, stayed together because they didn’t want to be anywhere else. “You’re lucky.”

Emmie looked over at her sharply. “I know. Even with this whole Pete thing, I think it just makes the four of them stronger, more sure of what they want. It’s awful that this happened, but it’s also a chance for them to regroup. This business is hard. The pressure, the attention. They never get a break. It’s fast-paced and high stakes, and everyone wants something from them. So it’s good for them to pull back a little and remember who they are and what they really want.”

“I don’t think Slater forgets for a second what he really wants.” She chanced a look at Emmie. “Did you expect him to propose?”

Emmie laughed. “Right then? After he dropped Pete off at rehab? No. Not at all. I mean, I knew we’d get there eventually, of course, but it certainly hasn’t been on my mind.”

“I think I’d be wondering about it every minute of every day. Just, you know, needing to know if it’s going to last or not.”

“I know what you mean. I do. I’m a list maker. Organization keeps me sane. Not being able to control an outcome? Drives me crazy. But relationships are different. You can’t control people. Especially their feelings.”

“Then how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Just, you know, go all in.
Trust
. Your guy’s on the road, surrounded by nymphs.” She shrugged. “People are fickle. Their emotions change. You can’t really count on anyone. Not really.”

“Oh, Violet.”

She didn’t want to see the pitying expression. “Sorry, that’s my foster care background peeking through.”

Emmie’s hand covered hers. “I wasn’t feeling sorry for you. I was moved by your total honesty. Don’t you think we all feel that way? We just don’t articulate it quite as well.” She sat back, gazed out at the ocean. “Of course I felt that way in the beginning with Slater. He’d never had a real relationship before me.” She sighed. “Believe me, he was anything but a safe bet. And it did take me a while to find that trust you talk about. How
could
I trust him? Look at him.”

They watched the guys wrestling, kicking up sand, laughing. Of course Slater stood out for his powerful build and breathtaking looks, but what Violet noticed about him most was the way he looked at his girlfriend. The way he treated her. Gah. It was just so . . . sexy.

“He’s hot all right,” Violet said, and Emmie laughed. “And he’s got such presence.”

“And he’s been on the cover of
GQ
and girls push me aside to make a play for him.” She looked contemplative. “So how did I know he was completely mine? I don’t think there was a particular moment when something clicked, and I realized I could totally trust him. I think it was a decision to let go. To give it—
us
—a chance. And then over time, he just . . . We just worked. It gets stronger.” Her features softened into a dreamy expression. “He shows me he loves me every day.”

Derek leapt to his feet and grabbed Ben from behind. Force-walking him into the ocean, he got knee-deep before he hurled the drummer into the waves. He went back for Cooper, but when his friend saw his intention, he took off running. Slater blocked him, knocking him on his ass, and together he and Derek carried Cooper deep into the water and dumped him.

“I’ve never seen Derek like this before,” Emmie said.

“Playful?” Her nerves started humming. Is that what she meant?

Or is she talking about me?

“No.” She kept watching the guys. “He’s never gone all soft for someone before.”

Emmie always wore an aura of competence and inner strength, so when she spoke, people listened. Or maybe it was the profound sense of quiet she seemed to have inside her that made her so credible. So when she sat there watching the guys wrestle each other in the sea and said, “He’s crazy about you,” Violet shuddered.

Because it made her believe. “He’s been crazy about a lot of women.”

Emmie turned to her, no humor in her eyes. “Stop it.”

Violet shot her a look, and Emmie just smiled, pointing at her. “I’m on to you. Look, you know he’s had his fun. He’s a guy. But, no, he hasn’t been crazy for anyone before. Our mom’s very . . . businesslike. She gets things done. She didn’t give much affection. Or time. And you know about my dad, so you know Derek hasn’t gotten anything good from him.”

Violet nodded, not wanting to speak for fear of breaking this bubble of intimacy.

“So I don’t think Derek expects much. He knows what he wants and he goes after it, but he doesn’t expect rewards.”

Violet pictured an eager-eyed boy—like so many of the ones she’d lived with and helped raise—wanting to please his parent, craving a simple look or a touch and never getting it. She could feel the pain of Derek’s constant rejection from his parents because she’d seen it countless times. “What does that mean?”

“He knows how to take what he wants to make himself happy, but he doesn’t expect anyone to mean anything to him, be there for him.
Love
him.” She turned to her. “And the women he’s hooked up with? It’s like an arrangement. He gets what he wants, gives them what they want, and then it’s done.” She paused. “You’ve rocked his world.”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“Really? Is that what he is to you? Because if it is, we should stay somewhere else. There isn’t a chance I’m going to let him open up to a woman for the first time only to have her treat him just like our dad.”

“Emmie.” Slater, knee-deep in the ocean, motioned for her.

She got up. “It’s such a beautiful night. I think we’ll
take a walk. Which way should we go?” Twilight covered the beach in pretty peaches and pinks.

“If you go that way, towards town, you’ll hit the pier. There isn’t much there, but if you’re lucky, you’ll catch Father Sam. He sells the best gelato you’ve ever had in your life.”

“Father Sam?”

“He was a farmer, and when he couldn’t farm anymore, he sold the land to a vintner. The new owner let him stay on in a cottage by the ocean. He’s a legend around here. Seriously. What a character. After a life of hard work, he wasn’t about to sit around or just, you know, visit people. So he started tinkering. Came up with this gelato, and it’s actually amazing. He sets up a cart on the pier and hangs out talking to everyone and selling it.”

“I love that. You want to come with us?”

She watched Derek come striding up the sand toward her. “Maybe we’ll catch up with you.”

How many times had she told Derek he was just a job to her? He was guileless and pure-hearted, so every time he bared himself to her, she’d essentially kicked sand into his open wound. As Emmie started to go, Violet couldn’t stand it, so she called, “Em? He’s more than that to me.”

She smiled. “I know. I just wasn’t sure if you knew yet.”

“Well, I do.” She sounded almost bitter. “I just . . . you guys are going back on tour again, and I’ve got the farm, and I’ll have to take another job, so . . .”

“So?”

“So . . .” She gave her an impatient look.
So what can happen between us?

“Can you imagine if I’d had that attitude with Slater?” She turned to find her man stalking toward her. He’d obviously had enough waiting for his woman. Emmie smiled, the confidence of a woman well loved. She looked back at Violet. “Can you
imagine
?”

Slater came up from behind, wrapping his hands around her waist, palms flattening on her stomach. He nuzzled her. “Walk with me?”

Emmie turned in his arms, wrapped her hands around his neck, and gazed up at him, blazing with affection. “You’re the love of my life.”

And then Slater-fucking-Vaughn, the rock god with the athlete’s body and movie star face, gave a wobbly, vulnerable smile and leaned down to kiss his fiancée, his hands cupping her ass and squeezing.

“She’s my sister, asshole,” Derek said, coming up to them. “How’d you like it if I got nasty with your sister right in front of you?”

“Good news. I don’t have a sister.” Slater flashed a smile. “So it’s all good.”

“I can’t believe you’re not used to it yet,” Violet said. As if the two of them ever kept their hands off each other.

“Guys, want to walk to the pier?” Emmie called to the other two, linking fingers with Slater.

Derek plopped down in the chair next to Violet’s, then patted his lap. The others took off down to the shoreline.

“You’re wet.” But she smiled and climbed onto his lap anyway. “Ew, you’re getting
me
wet.” She tried to get off him, but he belted his arms around her and held her in place.

“Stay. I need a nurse. I got beat up out there.”

“Oh, great, play the pity card with me.”

He watched her for a moment, looking thoughtful. “Let’s not play games at all.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“Let’s just be together.” His grip tightened on her. “I want you.”

Good gracious, when he looked at her like that he set her on fire. He kissed her, one hand gently cupping her jaw.

That mouth, that tongue. He kissed her like he couldn’t live without this fusion between their bodies. And when he became needier, when his tongue sought hers and seduced it into an erotic dance, he reached for the back of her head and held her close, kissing her hungrily.

He pulled away, breathing heavily, his forehead pressed to hers. “Let me in, V. All the way in.”

She thought about what Emmie had said, about making a choice. A conscious choice to give it a shot. Open her heart and go all in. She’d never done that before, but then she hadn’t
felt
anything before. “I’m trying.”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, V. You’ve always been
beautiful. You’re soft and sweet and strong and wise. But here? In your element? You’re sexy and earthy and free. And I want you. I fucking want you all the time.”

His erection hardened underneath her. She shifted over it restlessly.

Drawing in a sharp breath, he gazed into her eyes. “I
like
you.”

“I like you, too.” She did. So much.

“I want you on my lap and in my bed and by my side. I never wanted that before. I just wanted to fuck. But with other women, when they went away, I was . . . relieved. I’d rather hang with my friends than them. With you?” He pulled back, looking a little startled. “I want to be with you more than anyone else.”

“I want to be with you, too,” she whispered against his mouth.

And then his hand slid into her hair, gripping the back of her neck as he kissed her, and she let herself go completely. She wanted him, oh, how she wanted him. Her hands stroked over his broad shoulders, running down those thickly muscled arms. God, just the feel of his body made her burn for him.

His thumb skimmed her jaw, and oh, God, such tenderness from this big, intense guy made her feel cherished. A hot breeze fluttered over her skin as his mouth devoured hers. She thought she might melt into him.

When his fingers traced her collarbone, then lightly smoothed over the top of her breast, she arched into him.
Oh, yes, please. Touch me there.
She wanted . . . oh, God, she wanted so much. His hands everywhere, his mouth hot and open on her skin, she wanted all his attention and . . . and his
love
. She wanted all of him.

He reached into her bikini top, cupped her breast, and she arched into his hand. More, more, her body screamed for more of him. He cupped her, gently squeezing, like just the feel of her breast in his hand was driving him wild.

“More,” she whispered against his mouth.

His other hand reached under her ass, a finger shifting the elastic of her bottom aside and stroking into her. She
gasped, clutching her arms around his neck, overwhelmed with the sensual assault.

“Oh, God, Derek.” The sound of the waves, the ocean-scented breeze, all dimmed, as her senses split open, sucking him in greedily. She was aware of every part of him, his mouth moving against hers, his finger gently stroking the slick length of her, barely brushing over her clit, and his hand urgently kneading her breast. The way he smelled like sun-warmed skin and a hint of salty ocean. The feel of his hair in her fingers.
Everything
.

She turned in his arms, shifting her legs so she straddled him. He untied her bikini top, tossed it aside, and gently pushed her back on his knees so he could see her. His mouth latched on to her nipple, and gone was the gentle exploration. In its place was pure hunger.

He tugged on her bottoms. She got up, kicking them aside, and got back on his lap. She shoved a hand into the waistband of his gym shorts and reached for him. God, the feel of his hot, hard length had her tightening her grip, sliding up and down to feel him pulse and surge into her hand. And then he tipped her onto her back, pressing his hard body over hers. The heat from the sand warmed right through the terry beach blanket.