Identity Crisis (14 page)

Then she began to shift and move against him, and fuck if he didn’t feel like he’d found his way home. She fit him. She fit him so well. And she made every nerve ending in his body sit up and pay attention. The power of the woman was breathtaking, hidden somewhere beneath Kendra Davis’s quick temper and K. Ryde’s distant professionalism, somewhere in the layers of richness and complexity that left him completely and totally at her mercy. But then he wondered if there’d ever been a time when he hadn’t been at her mercy.

She wrapped her legs around the back of the chair and tightened her grip on him. Her eyelids fluttered as he nibbled at her breasts and her throat and at the striated path down her sternum. The sounds that came from her mouth were wild, animal, hungry. She wasn’t quiet in her lovemaking, and that made him hotter than anything – that someone who could fight like a wild thing and rage like a wild thing could bring all of that heat and anger and fire into the sex act as well. She was a primal force, riding him hard, riding him to the edge of his endurance and backing off just enough to hold him there. And he held on tight. He had no intention of going over that edge until he could take her with him.

He grabbed her thighs and slid onto the floor, nearly upsetting the chair behind them, but she rolled until she was on top of him again, and they were like two wrestlers fighting for supremacy. He figured either way they would both win. He felt the cool tiles on the floor bruising his butt as she settled down onto him hard, her knees drawn up close to his ribs.

He slid a hand over her belly until his palm rested against her tightly trimmed pubic curls and his thumb stroked and circled her clit. The sound that erupted from her throat was dark and rich as he pinched and tweaked and fondled her until she was like silk over pebbles, all dark red and gaping and hungry.

He wasn’t sure either of them could remember how to breathe any longer, and he was pretty sure there would be pulled muscles and bruises, and that something could quite possibly break with the power of her thrusts against his, with the desperation of his rising up to meet her, of his efforts to get still deeper into her.

He rolled once again and pushed up until she was scrunched beneath him, bottom raised, ankles locked high around his ribs. The floor abraded his knees, but it didn’t matter. The pain only registered somewhere remotely, as though it belonged to someone else. He cupped her buttocks and kneaded and caressed as he pushed into her harder and deeper, and she pushed back.

‘I have to come, Garrett.’ Her words were barely more than a harsh breath. ‘I can’t wait any longer.’ She curled her fingers in his hair, and pulled him down to her. ‘Come with me. I need you to come with me.’

It wasn’t permission, but it felt that way. And for a bright second that flashed like lightning, he realized he’d been waiting for just that, for Kendra Davis to give him permission, and Jesus, it felt like he’d waited for ever. He scooped her still closer, if that were possible, felt her gasp at the force of his thrust, felt her give and collapse and sigh, just before her whole body convulsed around him in waves of shudders, and he followed suit, feeling like he would never stop coming, feeling like all that existed in the world was Kendra orgasming in his arms, Kendra giving him permission to come with her. And he did. And God, it was amazing! 

Chapter Fifteen

He was irritable, stressed. He felt like his skin would crawl off him if he didn’t do something soon. He’d missed his morning workout to buy a television. Then he’d waited for hours watching for news updates, waiting for Flannery and Blessing to inform the world that he was pursuing Tess now, that no one could keep her safe now. Of course they didn’t know that’s what they were doing, but he did, and that’s what mattered.

He was desperate to work out. He got twitchy when he didn’t. He got a little crazy. But what choice did he have? He waited. He just waited.

He knew that eventually Tess and Thorne had to make their public appearance. Tess’s publicist, if he was worth the money she paid him, would make sure of that. What drove him insane was knowing why he’d had to wait so goddamn long. They’d been in the house fucking like rabbits, Tess and Thorne. The very thought made him sick. He wanted to go to the house and drag them out bodily, naked and covered in each other’s filth. He wanted to make them greet their public as they really were; dirty, rutting animals. That would make the fucking press stand up and take notice. That would show those stupid reporters their true colors, and God, how he wanted them to be humiliated, how he wanted them to suffer!

When at last they did come out to answer the press’s questions, they were all freshly scrubbed, looking like they owned the fucking world. He had to restrain himself, to keep from throwing the television out the window, but this was his secret debut, really. He controlled this news release. It belonged to him. This was the beginning. He watched Barker Blessing’s well-groomed face ooze sympathy on the new television as he spoke to Carla Flannery’s less than pristine visage in a nice split-screen arrangement. It was good to be able to see both of them close up. Carla looked like she’d been up all night pursuing her story. He liked that about her. She was dedicated. And he’d see that she had a great story when he was finished. Blessing looked like butter wouldn’t melt, even in his feigned concern for poor threatened Tess. The bastard never missed a chance for a little free publicity. Still, Blessing was useful at the moment. That’s what mattered.

He turned up the volume just as Blessing said, ‘Dear God, I just can’t imagine how anyone could threaten such a delightful woman, and such a talent. Such a talent.’

That Tess was talented, he couldn’t argue, but he knew who she really was down deep inside. She was a slut first and foremost. He had no doubt that would delight Blessing. He knew the man was happy to diddle anything with tits. No, Tess was not delightful. He could barely stand to sit there, watching her fawn all over Garrett Thorne. He wanted to rage. He wanted to go right over to Thorne’s place right now and rip both of their throats out. But he had to be patient, he reminded himself. What he had planned would be much more satisfying in the end. No, Tess was not delightful at all. Tess was a little whore, right there for the whole world to see, and the stupid public ate it all up, like she was a goddess or something. But she was just a whore. She needed to pay for how she’d made him suffer. She needed to learn her lesson. And he was the one who would teach her. He listened as Blessing continued.

‘I’m very concerned for her, and I certainly hope Garrett Thorne can offer her the protection she needs. No doubt Thorne’s brother, Ellis, will see to her protection at his brother’s request. Under such circumstances, I suppose that should make us all feel a little better.’

He respected the other Thorne brother, Ellison Thorne. The man worked hard for what he had, and for anyone else he would be a formidable challenge. But security or not, even if he could afford the best, there was nothing Thorne could do to keep him away from Tess. He would have her. When the time came, he would have her and there would be no keeping him back.

Giggling and laughing, they cleaned themselves as best they could, lying in the middle of the kitchen floor in the afternoon sunlight. Garrett had managed to do his best to hold onto her as long as he could, fighting back the strange panic he’d felt their first time together, the feeling that if he let go of her, she might never let him hold her like this again.

‘I have a very large shower,’ he said, nipping her ear and her nape as he spoke. ‘Care to join me?’

She shook her head. ‘Not until after we eat. I’m starving, and I might just pass out in the shower if you don’t feed me first. Where would be the fun in that?’

‘Woman, the only way I want you passing out in the shower is in waves of total ecstasy.’ He was way happier than he cared to admit that at least she hadn’t said no. He pulled her to her feet, and she stood with her arms raised, allowing him to slide her dress back on over her head, allowing him to give her breasts a good fondling before he tugged the hem of it into place. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Let’s eat. Then we’ll have a nice hot shower and see what comes up.’

It didn’t take long to whip up toast and eggs. Garrett made a fresh pot of coffee and Kendra worked her way through another can of Diet Pepsi. She never bothered with a glass, just tossed the can into the recycle bin and grabbed another one.

‘That stuff’s not good for you,’ he said, when she went to the fridge for another.

‘Lots of stuff’s not good for me, Garrett. This –’ she lifted the can in a salute ‘– is pretty far down the list.’

He was slathering a piece of wholegrain toast with raspberry jam when he realized she was studying him over the top of her drink can. It was usually the other way around. It was usually him stealing glances at her, and he found himself a little nervous about being under Kendra’s scrutiny. ‘What?’ he managed around a mouthful of toast. ‘Do I have egg on my face?’

Her lips curled into a smile that looked like it might be turned slightly inward, and she shook her head, making the tangle of red hair that fell around her face shimmer in the sunshine that streamed through the skylight. ‘Just wondering how you do it.’

‘I know, it’s amazing, isn’t it?’ He stroked his fly suggestively and winked. ‘Guess I’m just gifted.’

She balled her napkin and tossed it at him. ‘Though you’re not bad –’ she shrugged teasingly ‘– that’s not what I was talking about.’

‘What then?’ he asked.

‘How you write romance.’

He cocked his head. ‘Is this a trick question? Lots of people write romance. I just happen to be really good at it, that’s all.’ He shoved more toast in his mouth and washed it down with a gulp of coffee, feeling way more defensive than the situation called for. The sex he could joke about. The writing was a much more sensitive area for him. Besides, there was something about being questioned by Kendra Davis that made him feel exposed in ways that had nothing to do with his state of undress. ‘What? You think men can’t be romantic?’

She leaned forward, and he could have happily drowned in her broad smile. ‘Of course men can be romantic, though I never heard of a man writing romance before. But then I never read romance before my first Tess Delaney novel.’

‘Well, men do write it,’ he said. ‘But usually you can tell if it’s written by a man. No one knows with Tess, though.’ He found himself blushing. ‘What, you think writing romance makes me less masculine?’

This time the laugh that bubbled up from her throat was guttural and went straight to his fly. ‘Oh Garrett, if you were any more masculine I wouldn’t be able to handle you, and I can handle a lot of man, trust me.’

And suddenly it was very hard for him to breathe, very hard for him to think. She always managed to wrong-foot him when he least expected it. But before he even had time to bask in her comment about his manliness, she wrong-footed him again. ‘Is that why you keep Tess’s true identity secret, because you’re afraid people will think you less masculine for writing romance?’

He folded his arms across his chest; suddenly he felt like he was on trial. ‘I chose a pen name because women buy romance novels written by women. My publishers insisted that I find a female name before they’d buy my books. I suppose I might have been a little bit afraid of how writing romance novels would affect my manly reputation. I was writing detective novels before Tess. But the sales of Tess’s first novel dwarfed the sales of all my Brad Dennis detective novels in the first three months. Manly or not, I liked the money. Besides, I like the way Tess writes. She’s fun.’

She nodded as though his answer met with her approval. He was glad for that.

‘Were you still married to Stacie when you started writing as Tess?’

Christ, there she went, wrong-footing him again! ‘No. We were divorced long before Tess came into the picture.’ He braced himself for … For what? He didn’t really know. Did he expect her to play the part of the jealous girlfriend? He pretended not to notice Kendra’s scrutiny. The woman never missed anything.

She sipped her Diet Pepsi thoughtfully. ‘Well, it’s not like I can make any real comparisons. Like I said, Tess is the only romance writer I’ve ever read.’

Did he actually heave a sigh of relief that she hadn’t pursued the Stacie line of questioning any further?

Before he could think too much about it, she had already moved on. ‘Oh, I did skim several of the novels of the writers Tess was competing against for the Golden Kiss Award, but I don’t know. They just didn’t do it for me. They just didn’t make me feel it like Tess does.’ She waved a hand abruptly. ‘No, that’s not it either. They didn’t make me believe it like Tess does.’

OK, so he might be full of himself, but he was still completely taken aback that Kendra liked Tess Delaney novels, so who could really blame him if he wanted his ego stroked by the woman with whom he’d just had mind-blowing sex, and hoped to have more of the same very shortly. He scooted closer and captured her hand. ‘What do you mean, Tess makes you believe it? You mean like the plot is believable? You believe the characters?’

She looked down at his fingers curled around hers and ran her thumb along his. The color in her cheeks rose. The beating of her pulse became visible against her throat, and the scent of her, earthy and dark, mixed with his own; the scent of their lovemaking was nearly intoxicating, making his own pulse race, making him want her again, if anything even worse than he’d wanted her before.

‘No. It’s not that. I mean the characters, the plot, they’re all fine, and with the other authors too. Just fine.’

‘Then what?’ he said, scooting still closer.

For a second she studied him, as though he might be something she should run away from, and he tensed and sat very still, willing her to stay with him, willing her to tell him, willing her not to shut him out. She puffed out a harsh breath and forced a smile. ‘Tess makes me believe romance might possibly be – real.’

She was having trouble meeting his gaze suddenly, and the acceleration of her breath, he knew, wasn’t from arousal this time. Certainly the clench in his chest was not the response of lust he’d had a split second ago. It was sharper edged and far more uncomfortable.

‘Kendra.’ He scooted so close that he sat next to her, his thigh brushing hers, and he lifted her chin so she couldn’t look away from him. ‘Kendra, romance is real, maybe the most real thing ever because of what it can lead to, where it can take us. And it’s wonderful. Look at Dee and Ellis.’ The minute he said it, he wished he hadn’t. He knew that what she saw as his betrayal of his brother and Dee was the reason why she disliked him so much. But to his relief, she didn’t bring that topic up.

‘For them, yes. They’re the couple that get romance and love because they deserve it, because they fit together so well, like no two people I’ve ever known, other than those in Tess’s novels, I mean.’ In an evasive maneuver that took his breath away, she slid her hand free, stood, and began to clear the table. ‘But it’s not real, Garrett. Those people in Tess’s novels, they’re not real. Their lives aren’t real. Their struggles aren’t real. No one really gets a happy ever after. That’s for fairy tales. The most any of us can really hope for is a good fuck now and then.’ She stood with her back to him, rinsing the remains of their meal down the sink. ‘And marriage and kids, all that, ultimately it’s all just about settling, isn’t it? It’s all about taking what you can get because at some point you have to come to grips with the fact that you’ll never have what you really want. No one does. And if you’re lucky, you get someone who’s stable. And faithful. If you’re lucky. If you’re not, then you have to either live with it or walk away. That’s what you did, isn’t it? You walked away. At least when it’s just sex, you know what you’re getting and you have some control. No one gets hurt and no one ends up miserable. You don’t have any illusions about what you want or what you deserve. It’s just sex.’

‘Kendra.’ He moved to stand behind her feeling like his heart would explode from his chest, feeling her longing as though it would break him to pieces, feeling his own longing to make her understand, to make her feel what Tess made her feel. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and turned her to face him, then he guided her clenched fists, still dripping from the dishwater, to rest balled against his chest. ‘Kendra, do you think you don’t deserve romance?’ He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along the exquisite line of her jaw. ‘Because you do, you know? Everyone deserves romance.’

For a second she struggled to bring her gaze to his, but then he found himself once again scrutinized by her. ‘Have you had romance? Did you have it with Stacie?’

‘Of course I’ve had romance, Kendra, and yes, I had it with Stacie. Kendra, haven’t you had romance?’

She ignored his question. ‘Then why are you alone?’

It felt almost as though she had slapped him again, and the sting of it went way deeper than his face. But he took sharp breath and held her there. ‘It didn’t work out well for me. At least not yet.’ The smile he managed felt fake. ‘But I’m hopeful. I couldn’t write what I do if I weren’t. And you –’ He smoothed the hair away from her face and pulled her wet hands tighter against his chest. ‘Jesus, woman, I’d think your life would be full of romance.’

The smile she offered this time was tinged with sadness, or at least, that’s how he saw it. ‘I have sex, Garrett. I don’t have romance or love. It’s safer that way.’