If Forever Comes (15 page)

My breath caught.

“Now, I know this is your bridal shower, and
maybe I should have waited for your baby shower, but I really
couldn’t resist.” An expectant smile flickered across her face, one
only a grandmother could wear.

A tiny blanket lay nestled in the box. White
with little specks of yellow and green, soft and used and just all
around perfect.

She almost hesitated, then rushed out, “That
was Christian’s. I…I wish that Lizzie would have had the chance to
use it. When I kept it, that had been my intention—that it would be
handed down to my son’s first child. And she should have had it…I
wish she would have…but I want this baby to have the chance to
represent the beginning of your family.”

My fingers traced along the soft material and
caressed over a faded stain that hinted at one satiny corner. “This
is…amazing, Claire.” Tears surfaced again. Fighting them was
futile. I wiped at them as they fell. “So I’m going to blame this
baby for all these tears I keep crying,” I said through soggy
laughter.

Claire wiped away her own.

I loved Christian. So much. I always had. It
was impossible to love him more, and there was no chance I could
love him less.

But sharing this pregnancy with him, gaining
back what I’d lost, what I’d so desperately missed, had filled the
void that had haunted me for so many years. How intensely had I
longed for a family? Only because I’d longed for him. Going through
this together, I felt closer to him than I ever had.

I knew he’d appreciate this gift as much as I
did.

“Okay, that was the last one,” Sarah said as
she began picking up the few stray pieces of tissue paper that had
made their way to the floor. She stuffed them inside an empty
bag.

Lillie kicked me again. Caught off guard, I
jumped with the twinge of pain that bit at me just below my rib. I
covered the spot with my hand.

“Is that little girl giving you fits again?”
Mom asked. The quiet but firm gentleness that always surrounded her
glimmered in her eyes.

“Yes.” The fullest smile lifted my mouth as I
pressed my hand a little firmer to my side, feeling a slow roll of
her movements across my abdomen.

“Can I feel?” Sarah asked. She didn’t wait for
an answer, because she already knew what it would be, and she
reached out to cover my hand with hers.

She tilted her head as if she were studying
before awe filled her face. “Oh my God.” She glanced up at me with
a smile to match my own before she dropped her attention back to
where she had her hand plastered across my stomach. “She’s moving
all over the place. You’d think after having two kids of my own,
this wouldn’t seem like the coolest thing in the world.”

I knew what she meant. Even after having
Lizzie, every time this baby moved, I was struck, unable to process
how truly amazing it was.

I turned back to my guests. “Thank you all so
much…for everything,” I said, getting up to embrace each of them.
They’d truly showered me with their love and their blessings. Sarah
and Natalie placed all the bags near the door, a wealth of candles
and perfumes and gift cards that promised me relaxing days at the
spa.

My spirit danced in the midst of these women
who’d rallied around me. Only this time, it wasn’t to pick me up
when I was down, but to support me in my time of
happiness.

Most stayed for a while as casual
conversations struck up in my sister’s cozy living room. Eventually
people began to leave. Goodbyes were said, hugs, gentle hands
pressed to my belly.

I couldn’t believe the next time I saw my
friends and extended family, it’d be as I began the march down the
aisle to marry the man I’d loved for as long as I could remember.
The upcoming week would be nonstop, dinners to entertain our guests
arriving from out of town, our rehearsal and dinner, and I knew
Natalie would be dragging me everywhere as we took care of all the
last minute details.

I closed the door with a final wave. The only
ones who remained were my sisters, Natalie, my mom, and
Claire.

I blew out a heavy breath, realizing just how
exhausted I was after today. Everyone headed into the kitchen to
begin cleaning up, all except for my mom, who hung out on the other
side of the couch, watching me.

“This was a great day, Elizabeth,” she said
with a subtle nod of her head.

“Amazing. These women…” I looked back at the
door they all had just disappeared through. “I can’t imagine
feeling more loved than I do right now.”

She offered me a smile as she pulled a small
gift from behind her back. She began to walk toward me. “I have
something for you, but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of
everyone.”

A smile wobbled at one corner of my mouth, and
I looked at my mom who appeared a little self-conscious, shifting
her feet, ill at ease.

The gift was haphazardly wrapped, all over the
place with kinks and uneven edges and subdued beauty, a little like
my mother’s constant demeanor.

Awe pumped a steady beat with my heart, wound
with expectancy and hope. Somehow I knew whatever waited inside,
her gift was going to become one of my most cherished
possessions.

Slowly I extended my hand out between us, palm
up, and watched as she carefully sat the gift upon it.

“Thank you,” I murmured as I glanced up at her
with a soft smile, then down to tug gently at the satin
ribbon.

Cautiously, I unwrapped her offering. Tearing
away the tacks of tape, I pulled the paper free. I lifted the lid
to the small box.

“Mom,” I whispered. Nested inside the white
satin lining was a ring.

But not just any ring.

My grandmother’s ring.

An old yearning slammed me. It hurt and
comforted and filled me whole. I missed my grandma so much, and to
be given this was beyond anything I’d ever have
expected.

The white gold band appeared the antique it
was, worn, though it still boasted the intricate design that
wrapped and curled. Delicate tendrils crawled up to cradle a baby
blue stone. Pinching it between my fingers, I spun it through the
rays of late afternoon light that streaked in through the window,
let the colors shimmer and dance and play.

Something old and something blue.

“She gave that to me a few days before she
passed,” Mom said. A distinct current of homesickness slipped into
her tone. “She told me it belonged to you, and that I’d know
exactly when I was supposed to give it to you.”

Wistful emotion played where it danced along
the lines set deep in her face, her mouth quivering. “I know that
day’s today, Elizabeth. That ring was meant for you to wear on your
wedding day.”

She swallowed hard. “I have to be honest and
tell you I’ve been worried over all this for you. When Christian
came back into your life, I was scared for you, I guess because of
all of my own insecurities…the things I had to go through in my own
life.” She kind of laughed, though it was drenched in sadness. “For
so long, I viewed the two of us the same, and somewhere inside me,
I thought we’d live out our days the same way…alone. Like we had
this common bond we both had to bear.” Her voice strengthened.
“What I never imagined was Christian would turn out to be the man
he is. But there is no mistaking it in him. I’m so thankful you’ve
found a man to love you the way you deserve to be.
Completely.”

“Mom,” bled from my mouth in a torrent of
thankfulness. I rushed to pull her into an eager embrace. “I can’t
tell you what this means to me. This ring…you saying this. Thank
you…so much. You don’t even know.”

She hugged me tight, her arms wrapped around
me in an unwavering declaration of support. “Yes, I do,” she
whispered back. “I just want you to be happy.”

I edged back an inch, still clinging to her,
clinging to the ring I had pinched between my fingers. God, I was
crying again, but I felt so full. So loved. How could I stop them?
Today…well, really, these past few months, had been perfectly
overwhelming. Flawlessly breathtaking.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so
happy.”

She touched my cheek. “I can see it. You
radiate it. Don’t ever let it go.”

That promise was easy to make. “I
won’t.”

Present Day, Early
October

On Monday night, I turned the key on my condo
lock. I held the door open and flipped on the light. “Go on in,
sweetheart.”

With a passing grin, Lizzie scampered around
me into the living area.

I had her pink overnight bag slung over my
shoulder, and I dropped it to the floor beside the door.

A wistful smile played at my mouth as I
watched my daughter enter my condo. God, I’d been missing her. The
last time I’d spent any time with her was Saturday morning before I
dropped her back home, and she’d spent the last two nights with
Elizabeth. I’d had an early meeting this morning, so I had to ask
Elizabeth to take her to school and then she picked her up this
afternoon. I’d been anxious all day, wishing the hours away so I
could head to Elizabeth’s to pick Lizzie up to spend the night with
me.

There’d been something I couldn’t quite read
about Elizabeth this evening.

Maybe I was grasping, but I thought I sensed a
change, something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. Like maybe there was a
subtle difference in her eyes. Like maybe there was a flicker of
life. It’d been missing for so long, I almost didn’t recognize it,
but she’d dropped her gaze faster than I had time to study her, to
understand her.

I shook my head. I just didn’t know, didn’t
know what she wanted, didn’t know what I could do.

But I knew I was going to have to do
something. How much longer would I just sit idle? Doing nothing? An
overbearing feeling of helplessness had held me back, kept me down.
But I felt it all coming to a head.

I quietly latched the door behind
us.

Rays of sunlight streamed in from the
floor-to-ceiling windows in my loft. Burning streaks of oranges
flamed against the fading blue on the horizon, glimmered across the
rippling bay as daylight slipped away.

Lizzie went right for the windows, her
favorite spot at my place. “Look at all the sailboats,” she
whispered, almost pensive as she pressed her face and hands to the
glass. “I wish I got to see the ocean every day.”

I crept up to her side and rested my hand on
the back of her head. “It’s really beautiful out there, isn’t it?”
I cast her a soft smile.

She returned one that eclipsed anything
happening outside. “The ocean is my favorite, Daddy.”

“I know, princess. I know.” It’d become my
favorite, too. Something so special to Elizabeth and Lizzie had
inevitably become my own. We’d been looking at houses near our
beach when everything fell apart. Lizzie had been thrilled, running
through each house with unadulterated wonder as she proclaimed
almost every single house we looked at as
the one
. I could
only pray one day we would finally make it there.

I nudged her chin. “Are you
hungry?”

“Uh-huh.” She dropped one earnest nod, and a
sudden cheerfulness took over her expression. “I’m super hungry,
Daddy.” She scooted away from the window and into the kitchen. She
opened the refrigerator door and peered inside.

Making dinner had become one of her favorite
chores. She always wanted to help plan and cook. These cherished
moments we spent in the quiet ease of my kitchen had become one of
the things I most looked forward to.

“What should we make?” she asked, a flurry of
excitement flooding her voice from where it echoed back from the
refrigerator. She had her head buried inside, searching through the
stock of food I had ready for her.

“I went to the grocery store yesterday to make
sure I had plenty of food for you. I picked up some chicken. I
thought maybe we make some mashed potatoes and vegetables with it?
How’s that sound?”

“That sounds yummy…but I did just have chicken
yesterday.”

Wandering in behind her, I kind of laughed as
I ruffled a playful hand through her hair while I passed by her. As
if she wouldn’t eat chicken every day. I moved to the opposite side
of the kitchen and leaned down to pull a large pot from the lower
cupboard and set it on the stove.