Agony

Title Page

Copyright Page

Thank you

Agony

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven | 8:00 PM

Twelve | 9:07 pm

Thirteen | 9:32 pm

Fourteen | 9:42 pm

Fifteen | 10:16 pm

Sixteen | 10:29 pm

Seventeen | 11:01 pm

Eighteen | 12:14 am

F
irst and foremost, to my amazing beta team for taking the chance on something darker than usual. I appreciate that you guys volunteered for this one!

To my street team for getting the word out and creating a buzz; you guys are beyond amazing!

To my readers; I hope this one doesn’t let you down! You guys always take a chance on me each time I hit publish and you are the reason I do this!

“C
ut! That’s a wrap guys! Good job!”

I was standing next to the director looking at the floor. I listened to him as he told the actor and actress that they could ‘go get cleaned up’. This was the third shoot I stood through today and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kill my cousin, Adesynne. She was the one that got me this job by telling me that I would be working for a major entertainment company; she didn’t tell me that it was a porn production company.

One of Addie’s biggest gripes with me was that I was twenty four years old, still a virgin, and barely went out on dates.

‘You’re such a pretty girl, Neve!’ she would say.  Then she would point out my long, wavy brown hair, dark green eyes, slim waist, and somewhat large breasts. “Let’s go out, we can have a good time and we can pick up some guys. You don’t have to screw them, but at least get in a good make out session or two!”

I would always tell her no; that I would rather stay home and sit in my sweats, watch Netflix, and fall asleep on the couch. Sex wasn’t something I felt I needed to be rushed into so I didn’t bother going out to find any. I was a homebody, I was shy, but most importantly, I was happy the way I was.

Now here I was watching people have sex with each other because it was their job and my job to be by the director’s side in case he needed anything.

Yeah. Paybacks are a bitch,
I thought glumly as we all headed to the next location in the studio.

“You look like you need a breather, Neve,” the director observed. I looked up at him and he was giving me a sympathetic smile. “Go outside kid. I don’t think I’ll need you for this set up.”

“Thanks,” I replied quietly.

I practically ran outside. Once I got to the backlot, I made my way through ‘Los Angeles’, ‘Las Vegas’, ‘Chicago’ and went straight to ‘New York’ where I sat down on the steps of a brownstone and sighed. Despite the unhappy feeling I had been having all day, I found myself smiling. I was originally from the east coast so being on 5
^th
Avenue made me feel like I was almost home.

I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands. I had already decided that once I had enough money, I was going to make a beeline straight back to the Atlantic side of America. I knew that regardless of what type of ‘entertainment’ company this was, it was still a great opportunity and I was learning a lot about how things worked behind the scenes, especially since my Masters was in entertainment. But I was just so uncomfortable all the time and I was willing to give it up in a heartbeat.

God I’d give anything to go home,
I thought, lying down and curling up into a ball.

Apparently I had fallen asleep on the stairs, and I woke up to someone gently shaking me. I guess I had been in New York longer than I thought. I cracked one eye open and groaned. I heard a voice laugh and the hand that was shaking me moved away. Taking a deep breath I pushed myself up to a seated position and stretched. I opened my eyes and looked at the young man that was standing at the bottom of the steps, one hand on the rail, and smiling at me.

“I didn’t realize New York was taken,” he said cheerfully.

I smoothed out my hair and pushed the sides behind my ears. I didn’t know what to say really; partly because I had just woken up and partly because he was absolutely gorgeous. He had shaggy auburn colored hair, the most amazingly beautiful blue gray eyes I had ever seen, and a strong jaw. It was taking everything in my power not to reach out and touch his face. I looked at his hand on the rail and raised an eyebrow. They were so smooth but masculine and I could see just a kiss of his forearm peeking out from under his crisp, white sleeve. His t-shirt was meant to be loose, but it seemed to hug his body ever so slightly. The black fitted jeans he was wearing didn’t do that good of job of hiding his muscular legs. Oh yes; keeping my hands off of his gently sun kissed skin was proving to be very hard.

“So do you work here?” he asked.

I reached into my black tank top with the huge white sugar skull in front and pulled out my badge. Eventually I was sure I would learn to speak again.

He reached over and took the badge in his hand, peering closely at it.

“Are you new?” he asked, looking at me curiously.

I nodded.

“Who did you get paired up with? Usually they take it easy on the new girls,” he replied with a smile.

“What? No! Hell no!”

I realized that he thought I was the new girl on the
set,
not just the director’s go for.

He threw his head back and laughed, “Not into this line of work, huh? It’s okay; it’s not for everyone. So if you’re not an actress, then what do you do?”

“I’m the designated director of the day’s bitch,” I replied rolling my eyes.

He gave me a sympathetic look and sat down at the bottom of the stairs. He stretched out his long legs in front of him and crossed them.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Neve. What’s yours?”

“Arsen.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said shyly.

Arsen glanced up at my tone change and smiled.

“Yeah, it is. Nice to meet you too, I mean.”

We sat there silently for a moment. I was trying not to stare at Arsen as he looked at the Statue of Liberty in the distance. He cleared his throat but didn’t say anything.

I felt my palms starting to sweat as I was trying to think of something to say. I could just hear Adesynne now;
would you grow a pair and say something to him?!

“So, what  ... um do you do around here?” I asked nervously.

He glanced up at me and grinned. His lips were so full and every time he smiled I felt like I was falling under a spell of some sort.

“There you are! Max has been looking for you everywhere!” a female voice cried out.

We both turned our heads and saw a beautiful, blonde girl with large, fake breasts and impossibly slim waist approaching us on a golf cart.

“You’re holding up the set,” she scolded Arsen as she stopped in front of us.

“Calm down, Jess. I was just sitting in New York, enjoying the skyline with Neve,” he replied breezily.

“You’re Neve?” she asked me.

I nodded.

“Two birds with one stone! He’s looking for you too, hon. I told him I wouldn’t come back empty handed. You’ll have to enjoy the skyline some other time. Get in guys,” she instructed.

Arsen rolled his eyes at me and stood up. I got to my feet and sat in the back of the cart as he took a seat next to her. Jess turned the cart around and drove us back toward the studio. I felt a small sadness inside of me as I watched New York growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

I want to go home.

When Jess stopped the cart and turned it off, I could feel my stomach turning. I didn’t want to watch anymore people having sex but it was my job and I couldn’t lose it. Not until I had enough money to get the hell out of here.

She hopped off of the cart and ran up the stairs into the studio and I heard Arsen going up the steps behind her. I sat on the back of the cart and put my face back into my hands. I let out an angry groan into my hands and then leaned back closing my eyes.

“I thought you were behind us,” Arsen said cheerfully beside me.

I jumped and opened my eyes wide. I didn’t hear him come back down and it scared the ever living shit out of me.

“You okay?” he asked, giving me a concerned look.

“Yeah sorry. I’m just kind of over this whole thing. I’ve already sat through three sets today. I’m not interested in sitting through another one,” I replied glumly.

“If it’s any consolation, it’s the last set of the day,” he replied.

I sighed and hopped off the cart. Arsen laughed and took a step back when I bumped right into him. I was staring into his chest. That’s how much taller than me he was; hell I would bet he was taller than most people. I looked up at him and smiled weakly.

“Come on,” he said, putting an arm around my shoulders and walking me up the steps.

We walked past the camera men, the production assistants, the boom cameras, Jess, and some other people I could only figure to be more actors and actresses.

“Jesus Christ, man! Where the hell have you been?” Max yelled at Arsen when he saw us approaching him.

“Taking a bite out of the Big Apple,” he responded with a grin.

Max sighed heavily and shook his head. It was obvious that he wasn’t completely angry. I let my eyes wander to their usual spot on the floor. I found myself wishing that this job came with noise-cancelling headphones.

“And where were you, darlin’?” Max asked me.

“I fell asleep in New York. I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“I don’t think she’s feeling too good, boss. Maybe you should let her get out of here early,” Arsen suggested, giving me a quick squeeze.

Max was silent for a moment. If he sent me home early, I wouldn’t get a full paycheck and I really needed the money.

He looked at Arsen carefully and motioned for him to follow him. I stood there and sighed. I had never sighed more times in my life than I had when I started working at this place.

Jess came over and handed me a bottle of water. I smiled at her gratefully and unscrewed the cap. Taking a big swig, I noticed that a couple of new “actors” and “actresses” had just arrived on the set.

She suddenly took me by the hand and led me away from the set. We went outside and sat down on the steps.

“I don’t know what’s taking so long, but you looked like you could use some air,” she said with a kind smile.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

She pushed her long blonde hair behind her shoulders and rested her elbows on her knees.

“So what do you think? About Devil’s Den, I mean?” she asked.

“Um. Well. I ... um ...”

She let out a tittering laugh and rubbed my shoulder.

“Don’t sweat it, honey. Most people think the same thing when they realize what we do here. Of course those same people also lock themselves in the bedrooms and secretly watch the movies, and jerking off.”

I glanced at her and she had a grin on her face.

Virgin or not, I knew I would never have the same amount of confidence that Jess had, or any of the rest of them for that matter. They took their clothes off for a living in a room full of people, had sex, and got paid for it.

I was having enough trouble just standing there while it happened.

The door opened and closed, and Max walked out with Arsen behind him. They both walked past us and Max crossed his arms.

I noticed that Arsen was looking at him tensely.

“Go home, Neve. It’s the last shot of the day and I’ll be okay without you,” Max finally said gently.

“I’d rather stay,” I insisted looking up at him.

Max put a hand on my shoulder and smiled, “I’m going to pay you for the full day, kid. Go.”

I let out a sigh of relief that Jess to giggle. I got off the steps and went back inside to retrieve my black fabric, kawaii purse and slung it over my shoulder.

“Thanks Max!” I shouted over my shoulder as I made a beeline toward the gates. I wanted to be able to catch the first bus I could back to my place and take the world’s hottest shower.

“Neve!”

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Arsen jogging to catch up to me. I stopped walking and waited for him to catch up.

“Listen, I shouldn’t be in there too long. Just got to do something for Max. I know you’re dying to go home, but I thought maybe if you were up for it, we could grab something to eat sometime?”

I was thankful in that moment that I was wearing my obnoxiously huge sunglasses. My eyes went through such a series of emotions that if he saw them all he’d probably retract his offer as quickly as he laid it out.