If Forever Comes (8 page)

I hated that I almost felt relieved. I loved
my little girl so much, but forcing myself to find the energy to
take care of her was the most difficult task I’d ever faced. I just
wanted to sleep, and when she was at school or with Christian,
that’s what I did.

Deafening silence resounded in the room. I
squeezed my eyes tighter, giving into the darkness that had somehow
become my life.

March, Six Months
Earlier

“Come here, you,” Christian said as he reached
for my hand. Night had fallen. Flames licked up, glowed and danced
from the fireplace in the corner of the small family room, keeping
out the slight chill that had taken hold outside. We’d tucked
Lizzie in an hour earlier, and our daughter slept soundly upstairs.
Christian was lying across the couch, and he tugged me down to him.
I giggled as I crashed against his firm chest. He wrapped me in the
security of his arms, and I snuggled into his warmth.

Gently he kissed the top of my head. His smile
was uncontained as he nudged me up and kissed my nose. “You’re on
your feet too much,” he scolded in the sweetest way. “You amaze me.
Do you know that?”

Affection vibrated through my
being.

It was he who amazed me.

I’d never felt more adored, more cherished,
more loved.

Nonstop, Christian had taken care of me during
the last few months. They’d been rough. Just like with Lizzie,
sickness had gripped me morning and night. With his support, I’d
done my best to get through it. I’d still taken care of my daughter
and had continued to work at the bank, although I’d called in sick
more times than I’d actually gone in.

But unlike with Lizzie, my sickness had slowly
begun to fade once I hit the twelve-week mark.

Settling closer to him, I slipped between his
side and the back of the couch. I rested my head in the crook of
his shoulder. A contented sigh worked its way from me, and
Christian hugged me a little tighter.

“How are you feeling tonight?” he murmured
against my forehead.

“Good,” I answered in all honesty. Well maybe
not completely honest, because I didn’t think I’d ever felt better
than I did then. Maybe it was because I was so happy.

My fingers played along the collar of his
white button-up before I brushed them up his neck and through the
stubble that coated the sharp angle of his jaw. Touching him sent
tingles rippling in the slowest wave, covering every inch of my
body. I bit at my lip to hide my affected grin. Christian managed
to make me feel things that shouldn’t be possible, the softest
brushes of skin igniting me through, setting me afire.

He tipped his head down so he could smile at
me. “I’m so glad you’re starting to feel a little better. It was
killing me seeing you so miserable day after day.”

I met his gaze. “I’d expected it to be that
bad the entire time. And you know I would have happily gone through
it, but I can’t tell you how relieved I am that it’s starting to go
away. I’d been hoping this whole time I would feel well on our
wedding and honeymoon.”

It wasn’t completely gone, not by any means. I
still woke up and rushed to the bathroom every morning. But I could
eat and I could work and I could easily make it through the
day.

“Mmm…” His chest rumbled with the sexy sound,
and the arm wound around my waist tightened its hold. “You’d better
start saving your energy now.” He raised a teasing, suggestive
brow.

I laughed. “Oh, I’d better, huh?”

“Mmmhmm. You won’t be getting any rest during
those two weeks.”

Deep, penetrating bliss slipped through my
veins, and this time, there was no concealing the smile that lit up
my mouth. I could feel the force of it, the joy Christian brought
me manifesting as a declaration on my face. Even with my expanding
waist, Christian made me feel like I was the most desirable woman
in the world. Like I was the center of his.

I no longer had any reservations believing
it.

We settled into the comfort of the silence,
and for the longest time, we just lay there wrapped up in each
other. Christian ran his fingers through the length of my hair as I
rested my head on his shoulder. Shadows danced and played across
the ceiling, silhouettes twisting into unfathomable images that I
only saw in my mind, flickers of imagined innuendo like glimpses
into our future. The two of us seemed to get lost in it. Heat
radiated from his skin, blanketing me, keeping me warm.

I’d be happy to stay in this spot
forever.

Something deep had worked its way into
Christian’s consciousness, the severity of his thoughts almost
palpable in the quiet of the room. He shifted farther to his side
and laid me down on my back. His large hand came to rest on the
tiny protuberance jutting out just below my belly button, his
expression suddenly brimming with intensity.

My fingers fluttered up to his face, and I
took in the serious lines etched deep at the corners of his
eyes.

“What is it?” I whispered.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed deeply, and
he turned away to look at the wall as he seemed to gather his
thoughts. Then he locked his sharp gaze on me as he increased the
pressure over the spot where our child rested.

“I just want to be a good father, Elizabeth.
Sometimes it scares me that I don’t know how.” The words flowed
like an admission, like a hidden worry that had plagued him,
something old that had haunted him in the night. He stiffened. “I’m
scared of what Lizzie’s going to think once she really understands
what I did. What’s going to happen when she realizes her dad was a
coward? That he left her mother when she needed him most? And what
happens if I don’t know how to show this baby how much love I have
for her?”

Her
.

It always brought a grin to me because he was
so sure of it.

Even in the times when he wasn’t so sure of
himself.

We’d both taken to calling the child
her,
even though we wouldn’t know for certain for another
five weeks.

Everything in his expression was sincere. My
eyes narrowed as I looked at him seriously. “Christian, you don’t
see what I see.” What I’d seen since I’d finally allowed myself to
believe. “Every time you look at our daughter, your devotion is
clear. There is no question of it. Lizzie isn’t going to question
it, either. You’re her hero. Just continue to love her the way you
do. Be there for her when she needs you…show her the right way when
she does something wrong, encourage her when she does something
right.”

My hand traveled down to cover Christian’s
where it was splayed wide across my stomach. “And this baby?” I
pressed down in emphasis. “You’ve adored her since the second we
found out.”

God, Christian and I had fallen in love with
this child. Upside down in love. He spent hours murmuring to her
with his mouth pressed to my belly, the two of us cradling her
together, much like we were doing now. And dreaming…dreaming of
what she would look like, imagining the sound of her voice. Would
she be quiet like Lizzie or stir our house into the perfect kind of
frenzy?

But I guess we weren’t prepared for how great
our love really was on the morning we walked in for my first
ultrasound three weeks ago at the twelve-week mark.

Seeing her for the first time…it’d jarred
something loose inside of me, a spot for her permanently carved
into my spirit. And Christian… He’d been overcome. Undone. I was
sure the man would never be the same.

“Do you really think there’s any possibility
she won’t know how much you love her? There’s no chance,
Christian.”

Blue eyes flashed the deepest emotion as he
gripped me, palming the small bump that fit perfectly in his hand.
“I love this child so much. Love my little Lizzie so much.” He
dipped down and kissed me, just the simplest brush of his lips, but
still something that spoke of his passion. “God, I love
you.”

I ran my fingers up the planes of his chest
and over his shoulders, couldn’t look away from this gorgeous man
whose presence filled up that void in me that had ached for so many
years.

“Then you can’t go wrong.”

He slipped his hand up and spread his long
fingers out over my chest, his fingertips ghosting along my
collarbones. I could feel my heartbeat thrum steadily under them,
his touch evoking a deep sense of security inside of me.

“What do you want to do,
Elizabeth?”

Caught off guard by the abrupt shift in his
tone, I frowned. “What do you mean?”

Christian tightened his hold, his grip like a
vise as he locked himself to me. Intense. Almost
demanding.

“I want to know what you want to do with your
life. Do you want to go back to law school and become an attorney?
Is that still what you want?” A harsh breath escaped him. “I can’t
stop thinking about all the times we talked when we were in
college, all the dreams you had. You were going to save the world,
Elizabeth, and I wanted to be there to watch you do it.”

A wistful smile flitted the edges of my mouth
as I thought of those days, the goals that had defined my life,
because at the time, I’d believed them the most important aspect of
who I’d become. But in the end, they weren’t. Not even
close.

“Those dreams fit into that period of my life,
Christian. And when I lost them, a piece inside me was crushed. But
when I look back now, I can’t regret the way it turned out. I would
never have been able to raise Lizzie the way I wanted to. Even
working at the bank was challenging when she was little.” I tilted
my chin up to study him, tracing the sharp lines and angles of his
face with my eyes. God, this man was beautiful.
Breathtaking.

Inside and out.

Blue eyes blinked back at me, acute in their
concern. It was so clear there, the vivid desire Christian had to
reconcile the past, to make it right.

“Do you want to know what I really want?” I
asked.

He cupped my cheek. “Anything,
Elizabeth…anything you want, I want to give it to you.”

A tremor of apprehension rolled through me.
Not because of indecision. I wanted this. But some days it was
still difficult to grasp that I didn’t have to do it by myself
anymore. I was no longer alone.

“I want to stay home. I want to be here when
Lizzie gets off of school each day, and I don’t want this baby to
have to go to daycare. I know I told you before that I wanted to
keep working, but now…” I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and
slowly shook my head. “I just want to be home to take care of my
family, and if there’s a way for me to do that, then that’s truly
what I want from my life.”

I stared up at him hovering over me. Something
that looked like respect shined down, his eyes shimmering with
it.

He took my face in his hands. “Elizabeth, I
will support you in whatever you want. If you want to stay home or
if you want to go back to school, I will be here for you, and we
will work it out. Hell, even if you want to continue working at the
bank, then I want you to do that. But I can’t think of anything
better than knowing you are home with our kids.”

Emotion thickened in my throat, a well of
gratitude for this man who understood me better than anyone. I wet
my lips. “This really is what I want.”

He released a breath at my forehead.
“Elizabeth, baby, we’re going to do this, and we’re going to do it
right.”

He tipped my chin up with the hook of his
finger, his gaze washing over my face, his hold soft. Just as soft
as the kiss he pressed to my lips. He deepened it, and I opened to
him, welcomed the heat of his tongue as he swept it across
mine.

Instantly, fire scorched through
me.

Without breaking the kiss, Christian shifted
and nudged my knees apart with one of his own. Gently he settled
himself between my thighs. He urgently clutched the side of my
face, his fingers trailing along my jaw, dipping into my hair, and
running down my neck as he kissed me. Suspended a mere breath above
me, his strong body pitched and lowered and teased, the lightest
brushes and whispers that promised me what was to come.