If I Can't Have You (If You Come Back To Me #3) (18 page)

It seemed like the most natural, the most exciting thing in the world when he slid into her, fusing their flesh. She gasped at the intensity of his possession, pleasure mingling with intense, nearly untenable friction.

“Eric,” she grated out between clenched teeth, because he was filling her now, overfilling her, stretching the very limits of her consciousness. “It feels—”

“Please say it feels incredible, because it
so
does,” he gasped, sounding a little crazed.

“It feels incredible,” she whispered.

Then he began to move, and it was as if a million pieces fell into perfect alignment. He stared down at her, his biceps bulging tight as he held himself off her. Sensations barraged her consciousness. His strokes were firm, demanding and smooth, but they caused an electric friction inside her. She was hot and melting, but she somehow needed more…more of Eric, more heat, more pressure. She was so greedy, she wanted to explode with it.

How could she have lived for so long without this divine experience?

She reached for his hips, adding her own strength to his forceful possession. He clenched his teeth and took her harder, their joining growing frantic. She met his gaze before she tipped into an abyss of pleasure.

“You’re mine.” His proclamation was simple, powerful…surreal.

Pleasure wracked her in waves. She felt him succumb at the very core of her being. His growl of release sounded primal…thrilling. She held him against her, feeling his shudders mingling with her own.

“Absolutely amazing,” he murmured as he stroked her belly. Morning sunlight glowed behind the creamy draperies and streamed around the edges. They’d made love for a better part of the night, pausing to touch, talk and laugh in the interludes. Despite the fact that he probably had only slept a total of two hours, Eric felt energized and fantastic—better than he ever remembered feeling in his life.

He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off Colleen. As a physician, the human body was his specialty. He’d learned a measure of objectivity when it came to his assessment of physical beauty. But there was something about Colleen’s nudity that brought out the opposite of logic in him. She was like poetry set to flesh, all feminine curves and long, graceful limbs and beguiling stretches of smooth, silky skin. It pleased him beyond belief to find new spots where his hand fit perfectly, to seek out new patches of skin that made her breath catch and her eyes glaze with desire.

“What’s absolutely amazing?” she asked after a stretched few seconds. He’d found yet another sweet spot on her side between two ribs, fracturing her attention for a moment. He leaned down to add a kiss to his tribute, and she shivered beneath his mouth. He smiled and raised his head.

“That. You’re entire body is like a live wire.”

Two spots of vivid color bloomed in her cheeks. “I…I’m sorry. I can’t seem to help it…the shivering, I mean.”

His smile faded. “Why are you apologizing? It’s incredible.” When she just stared at him, her blush deepening, he shook his head in disbelief. “I’m serious. What man wouldn’t be thrilled having such a responsive woman in his bed? You make me feel like some kind of a god when I’m just touching you.”

A small smile shaped her mouth. “You are so full of it.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t entirely believe him about how intensely sexy he found her, but at least she’d relaxed enough to smile. He leaned down and kissed her, taking his time, relishing every nuance of her soft, fragrant mouth. He felt himself stir with arousal, even though they’d just finished making love minutes ago.

Her effect on him was unprecedented.

“Nicest surprise…of my life to see you standing…at my front doorstep last night,” he told her between kisses a moment later. “What made you come?”

She cradled his head in her hands and sunk her fingers into his hair. His eyelids grew heavy as she massaged his scalp. Eric couldn’t decide what made him happier: Colleen’s magical touch or the fact that it was magic touching her. He blinked a moment later when he realized she hadn’t answered his question. She was chewing on her lower lip.

Why did she look so hesitant?

“My mother said something,” she began distractedly. “Something about how I was so confident in expressing my emotions…how I wasn’t afraid to be honest about what I was feeling.” She met his stare and gave a sheepish grin. “I realized then that not only had I not been entirely honest about how I felt about you, I had been full-out lying to myself.”

He shrugged and landed another kiss on her mouth, not liking to see her looking so hesitant. “We talked about this. It isn’t like there weren’t barriers galore between us. Colleen?”

“Yes?” she asked, her blue-green eyes wide. She wasn’t wearing a smudge of makeup and her hair was wild and uncombed. He’d discovered there were seven tiny freckles sprinkled across her nose.

She looked delectable.

“Did you make a decision to spend the night with me because you believe we can overcome those barriers?”

“I hope we can,” she whispered. Her solemn expression cut at him a little. He leaned down and seized her mouth in a hot kiss. He’d rather see her beautiful face glowing with desire. She responded wholly, sweetly, melting at his touch. For a sublime moment, he made himself forget the shadow of doubt he’d seen in Colleen’s expressive eyes.

Their desire spent yet again, they finally slept. Colleen awoke with her head on Eric’s chest, her body wrapped in his arms. For a minute or two she lay there fully awake, soaking in the sensation of his chest rising and falling as he slept, wondering at how safe and warm she felt in his embrace.

Making love with him had been a truly eye-opening experience. Colleen had always considered herself open-minded and comfortable with the topic of sex, but Eric had taught her last night she’d never really fully explored her sexuality. Thanks to him, she’d just begun to tap into the depths of her sensual nature, and for that she’d be forever thankful. She couldn’t recall ever feeling so alive, so feminine…so wonderful.

When she finally focused on the clock on the bedside table, her eyes widened in disbelief. She hadn’t slept until noon since she was a carefree teenager. Of course, then she hadn’t possessed the adult excuse of being kept awake all night by a virile, demanding man. She eased out of Eric’s arms, trying not to wake him. He roused slightly, his forehead crinkling and his mouth flattening, like he was dissatisfied with something and was about to take someone to task in his dreams. Colleen smiled, recalling how at one time, she would have interpreted that exact expression as arrogance.

Today, she decided that expression was entirely endearing.

She wasn’t thrilled about putting on her clothes from last night, but what other choice did she have? She detangled her hair with effort. Eric still slept as she crept downstairs, eager to call her children. Brendan and Jenny were having too good of a time, however, to spend much time on the phone with her. After she hung up, Colleen found herself longing for clean clothes. Could she run to her house and retrieve some before Eric woke? She didn’t want to disturb his sleep if she didn’t have to.

She was putting on her coat in the foyer when something caught her attention. Eric strode down the hallway. Her eyes went wide. He wore a pair of jeans and a scowl.

“Where are you going?” he demanded. “You’re not leaving.”

She smiled. The last part hadn’t been a question, but a proclamation. He seemed a little distraught and that pleased her, although she couldn’t really believe for two seconds he was seriously upset. Surely a man like him was used to a woman scurrying away in the morning after a night of passion spent in his bed, even if the odds were Eric was the one sneaking out of bed and dashing out the door while the woman still slept. In fact, it had occurred to her that if she left his house, he might think it was very odd for her to return, so his reaction reassured and warmed her.

He looked incredibly sexy standing there, bare-chested and hair mussed. He must have dressed in a hurry before he came downstairs, because the top two buttons of his jeans were still unfastened. The triangle of bare skin exposed above the partially opened fly was paler than his abdomen.

She yanked her gaze to his face.

“I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted to shower, but I didn’t have anything clean to put on. I was thinking about running home to get a few things.”

He stepped toward her and slid her coat off her shoulders. “The easiest solution to that problem would be for you to stay naked all weekend,” he said in a sultry tone.

“Not even you could have that much energy.” She glanced up as he took her coat and noticed his small smile. “All right,” she conceded. “I admit that you just might.”

“Only when truly inspired,” he said gruffly, reaching for her. He kissed her, and she looped her arms around his waist. “I did not like waking up and finding you gone.”

“Hmm, yes, you’ve made that clear. But I need clothes.”

He growled softly and kissed her again. “I’ll take you to your house and you can get what you need for the rest of the weekend.” He deepened their kiss. Colleen went up on her tiptoes, flushing with heat. “But right now, let’s go back to bed,” he mumbled next to her lips a moment later.

“No,” Colleen scolded, even though she was sorely tempted. “It’s the afternoon, and I haven’t even had my morning coffee yet.”

He lifted his head. How could she have ever hated his brooding scowls? She resisted an urge to pull him down again for another kiss. At this point, she knew full well how delicious even his frowns tasted on her hungry lips.

“Okay,” he conceded ungraciously. “I suppose I’ll have to feed you, too.”

“You really are a gentleman.”

He smiled, his dark eyes gleaming. “A gentleman wouldn’t have taken you to bed without taking you on at least one official date.”

“Dinner last night didn’t count?” she murmured.

He shook his head with mock sadness before he kissed her nose. “Nope. I have some karma to make up in the dating department. Give me fifteen minutes to get ready. Afterward, I’ll make up for my callousness by giving you a day you’ll never forget. I’ll do my best, anyway.”

“Your best is pretty damn amazing so far.”

His eyes widened and then smoldered at her honesty. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”

She laughed and gave him a gentle shove. “
No
. Get going. I can’t wait to see what you come up with to balance your dating karma. Not that I’m putting any pressure on you or anything.”

He grinned and backed out of the foyer, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. “I’m a surgeon, remember? I thrive on pressure.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Fifteen minutes,” he promised.

“I’m timing you.”

He charged for the stairs.

Colleen caught a glimpse of herself in the armoire mirror. She blinked. Her cheeks were flushed and she was grinning like an idiot. It took her a moment to recognize her own face transformed by pure happiness.

Oh, no.
Something squirmed in her stomach.

Surely it was a mistake for her to allow herself to be this happy.

Don’t think about that. Just try and live in the moment for once. Don’t you deserve a nice, carefree weekend?

Colleen waited, wondering if the anxiety monster in her belly would rear to life again. When it remained silent, she sighed with relief. Her anticipation for spending time with Eric was free to build. Nervousness segued to pure excitement.

Chapter Eleven

A
fter Eric took her to her house for a quick shower and change of clothing, they went to refuel at the Tap and Grill. The Tap was known for selling breakfast at all hours, so they filled up on omelets, wheat toast, coffee and orange juice, both of them unabashedly ravenous after their night of lovemaking. They talked almost nonstop. Eric kept her in stitches, telling her about several funny odd jobs he’d held in college and medical school, including a job in a toothpaste factory and another dusting dinosaur bones at the Detroit Science Center. At one point, he noticed her distracted expression.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Colleen shook her head and took a sip of coffee. “All those jobs you worked…” She faded off hesitantly. She studied the remains of her toast, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. “Wasn’t there sufficient money from the lawsuit? I mean…it was quite a lot, wasn’t it? I…I would have thought—”

He silenced her increasingly nervous ramblings by placing his hand on top of hers. She met his stare.

“You know how expensive college and medical school are, let alone food, board and other living expenses. Natalie was only eleven when the crash happened. I needed to be careful with finances. I had her to support. I didn’t want to screw up and find out she didn’t have all the resources she needed to go to college. So I supplemented with odd jobs.”

“I’m sorry you had to grow up so young, Eric.”

“I thought you said last night that you realized you can’t apologize for your dad’s actions.”

“I did,” she said quietly. “I’m not apologizing for Dad. I’m just sorry things were so rough for you.”

He squeezed her hand, and she looked up. “I turned out okay.”

“Yeah. You did,” she whispered feelingly.

Eric wouldn’t tell her where he planned to take her after they ate, so Colleen was a little taken aback when he pulled his car into Sutter Park’s outdoor ice rink.

“Ice-skating?” she asked incredulously. “But I can’t skate.”

“Come on,” he encouraged. “It’ll be fun. Look, they have all the Christmas decorations up.”

Colleen was extremely doubtful about the venture. The Kavanaughs were water lovers, one and all, but she didn’t care for the frozen variety. Even she had to admit the atmosphere at the outdoor rink was festive, though. The big Christmas tree they always put up in the park twinkled in the distance. Red and green lights had been strung around the low brick wall enclosing the rink. Kids shouted and zoomed around the ice. Christmas carols played over the loudspeaker. Even the weather cooperated with the holiday atmosphere. Fat snowflakes began to fall as they headed for the ice.

Colleen tottered in her rented skates, Eric’s hold on her arm the only thing keeping her from doing a face-plant.

“Bend your knees more,” Eric encouraged. Colleen grimaced. He was holding her hands and skating backward with effortless ease. It was clear that his years of playing hockey had turned him into an excellent skater. He made skating backward look as easy as breathing. His movements were graceful, but not elegant like a figure skater’s. He was brawny strength set into effortless motion. Colleen had a hard time focusing on her own awkward movements; she was so busy admiring him.

She wavered and almost fell before Eric steadied her. “The blade is too skinny,” she protested, frowning at the six-year-olds who flew past her like bullets. “I have no balance whatsoever.”

Eric suspected she hadn’t tied her skates tight enough and pulled her over to a bench, Colleen’s ankles wiggling like two pieces of cooked spaghetti the whole time. He knelt before her and efficiently relaced and retied her skates. “Better?” he asked a moment later, wrapping both her calves in his gloved hands.

“We’ll see,” she said, warmed by his gaze and massaging palms.

She noticed him grinning a few minutes later.

“Now you’re getting it,” he said in a complimentary tone, referring to her skating.

Colleen thought he might be right. She was starting to learn the required motion to propel herself forward while maintaining a tricky balance. Eric casually turned directions and dropped one of her hands, skating next to her instead of in front.

“Show-off,” she muttered, grinning.

She ended up having a ball. It was refreshing, good exercise, and Eric was excellent company. They skated and drank hot chocolate and skated again. For the first hour or so, the temperature hovered around the freezing point and there was little wind, making her unaware of the cold. Besides, Eric kept her warm with his flashing grins and effortless athletic grace.

At one point, however, Eric yanked gently on her hand and brought her to a halt, pulling her to the side, away from the zooming skaters. He brushed several snowflakes out of her unbound hair and off her cheeks. He frowned when a tremor went through her.

“You’re shaking again,” he murmured. “It’s getting colder. We should go.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she said a little regretfully. “I really
am
shivering from the cold this time.”

His eyebrows arched at that, as if he’d recalled what else made her tremble. He leaned down and covered her mouth was his. His kiss made her wonder if he’d transformed the snowflakes on her lips from ice straight to steam.

After they left the skating rink, they went to a movie at the local theatre. It was beyond nice to rest her cheek on Eric’s chest while his arm encircled her, eating popcorn and soaking up his heat. The movie was forgettable.

The moment wasn’t.

“You made a lot of progress on your dating karma,” she murmured later as they drove back to his house. Eric had taken her out for an intimate, delicious dinner at a local seafood restaurant. Colleen was feeling drowsy and content.

“Still work to be done, though?” he asked, taking her hand in his. “Don’t worry. I’ve got plenty more where that came from.”

She chuckled and gazed out the window lazily. “I don’t know how much more courting you’re going to get in. A big storm is predicted over the weekend.”

“All the better. Indoor activities are my specialty.”

Colleen grinned wryly, but she didn’t refute him. He had a point.

When they returned to his house, she made some tea while Eric built a fire. While they were separated, she experienced an urge to clarify his intentions about getting involved with her. She quashed the idea almost as soon as she had it. She despised the needy female stereotype.
Just what is it, exactly, that we’re doing here?

Just thinking about the predictable phrase featured in dozens of chick flicks and romantic comedies made her cringe. Why did men have to be the only ones who were supremely comfortable not questioning motives at the beginning of relationships and just taking things as they came?

No, she assured herself. She would not turn into a simpering idiot just because she liked a man. She’d take this one step at a time, like Eric was doing. Just because she was a novice in the world of sex and dating didn’t mean she was naive. Experience and knowledge were two different things, and she’d racked up years of knowledge being a professional counselor.

“Do you want to work on
Lucy
tomorrow?” she asked him once she’d brought out the tea and they were sipping it on the couch before the fire.

“Sure, if you do.”

“The wedding is only two weeks away. I can’t believe it. I still haven’t gotten them a wedding present,” she murmured, setting her cup on the coffee table. She leaned back and snuggled against Eric’s side. He put his arm around her. The heat from the fire warmed her cheeks.

“We’ll say
Lucy
is from all of us.”

Colleen lifted her head, blushing. “No…I didn’t mean anything like that—”

“I know you didn’t,” he said. “Still, it only seems right. You, the kids and your mother have worked on her. Brendan asked me point-blank if he could help restoring
Lucy
. That takes a serious time commitment for someone his age. He’s a great kid. So’s Jenny.”

She shook her head in amazement. He quirked one eyebrow at her.

“What?”
he asked, grinning.

“I can’t believe I ever thought you were arrogant.”

His grin faded. He leaned forward and deposited his cup on the coffee table. He put out his arms, reaching for her. “Come here,” he said gruffly.

Colleen went without hesitation. Nothing in the world sounded so appealing to her at that moment as the idea of sitting in his lap and having his arms surround her. And it
was
nice, she acknowledged a second later when she settled on his thighs, facing him, her knees bent at her side and her hands around his neck.

Not as nice as when she leaned forward and kissed him with the force of all the emotions she had brewing in her chest. Not as nice as when Eric returned the kiss with undisguised fervor and admirable skill.

“I’ve been waiting to do that since I woke up this morning,” she told him a while later, her damp lips brushing against his as she spoke.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for half my life.”

She laughed. He delighted her. She kissed him again. He opened his hands along her hips and buttocks, scooting her forward on his thighs. Their embrace was very similar to that night after the engagement party on her couch. Intimate. Heated.

It was drastically different, too. Tonight, Colleen’s desire had been liberated.

She ran her fingers through his hair, and then tilted his head, turning hers at an angle to deepen their kiss. He groaned, and she transferred her mouth to his throat, relishing the vibrations of his desire on her lips. She ran her fingers fleetly down his chest and belly, unbuttoning his outer shirt. Beneath it, he wore a Detroit Red Wings T-shirt. He seemed all too eager to assist her struggle in getting him out of it, post haste.

She kissed his bare chest a moment later, submerging herself in the sensation of him. She gave herself full permission to forget everything but the gorgeous, delicious male she currently sampled with lips, tongue and teeth. He hissed when she bit gently at a hard, rounded shoulder muscle. He began to lift up her sweater, but she stopped him.

“Remember last night?” she asked breathlessly. “When you said I’d have my moment to touch you? Now’s the moment.”

His nostrils flared slightly. She pressed a kiss just below his right nipple and glanced up at him. She thought his stare would burn her when she placed her lips directly over the nipple. He was still watching her, his face rigid and his eyes blazing, when she scooted back on his thighs and tested the texture of his taut abdomen with her lips. His muscles leapt at her touch, sending a thrill through her. Her hair fell forward, swishing across his stomach.

He hissed like she’d scalded him.

He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her up to him. He consumed her with a kiss so hot, it melted her all the way from her core to her toes and the roots of the hair on her head. He started to undress her. Colleen didn’t protest this time. It felt too amazing, and besides, if she gave him enough practice, maybe he’d get used to the idea of her being the one to ravish him once in a while. A girl could always hope, anyway.

And it
was
a nice, long weekend…

The next day they lingered in bed until late morning. Eric had pulled back the draperies on the window that faced Lake Michigan. They held each other and watched the heavy snowfall.

“Did you ever consider becoming anything besides a doctor?” Colleen mused during one of their many murmured conversations. She lay on her side, facing the snowy window. Eric’s long body traced hers from behind. She dreamily was stroking his forearm, which surrounded her belly.

“Sure. I wanted to be a hockey player. What kid doesn’t dream of being a professional athlete? My mom wasn’t too thrilled about the idea.” He chuckled and nuzzled her neck. She felt his smile pressed against her skin when a shiver coursed through her.

“Was it your mother who wanted you to be a doctor?”

“Yes. Luckily, I decided the same thing before she died. The winter that I was seventeen, I got a bad knee injury during the high-school playoffs. I was out of commission. Thought my life was over. My mom made a comfortable life for Natalie and me, but she worked her hands to the bone to do it. She couldn’t afford insurance. She’d religiously save money every month for Natalie’s and my medical care. When I started working, she made me do the same thing.

“My knee was really screwed up after the playoffs, and the doctors said I needed surgery. We didn’t have the money to pay for it. I took the news hard…acted like a real ass,” he said bluntly.

Colleen turned in his arms. “What do you mean?”

“I thought hockey was my whole world. My golden ticket. I sulked a lot when my mother told me we couldn’t afford the surgery.”

“That’s not too surprising,” Colleen murmured. “Not if hockey meant so much to you, and you were so talented at it.”

He shrugged. “I made such a big deal about it, my mom did something she’d never considered before. She applied to get state medical aid.”

Colleen studied the angry slant of his mouth and averted gaze. It obviously still bothered him that his mother had done such a thing for him.