If I Could Be With You (11 page)

CHAPTER sixteen

She wondered how he would propose. The thought seemed so presumptuous and so wrong that she chided herself in her mind. Best just to let things take their natural course she thought as she he cuddled against him in the corner of her sofa watching the fire they had built together. He’d made it clear in the car that he was planning on marrying her and she should just trust in that, but then it occurred to her that maybe he considered that a proposal. There was no way in hell she would tell her children one day how daddy had gotten mad at mommy for thinking he just wanted to shack up with her and that’s how they got engaged.

“You know,” she lifted her chin to look up at him, “ You aren’t getting away with just telling me we’re getting married. You have to ask, and I have to say yes.”

Big blue eyes drank in every inch of her face. He was beautiful. How had she gotten so lucky as to be loved by him? And not just loved, he’d confessed to building his future with her in his head since he was ten years old. She was more than loved; she was wanted.

He didn’t answer, just leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. The mixture of the heat from the fire, the sleepy haze in her brain and the sexy look in his eyes had her deepening the kiss and turning to press her breasts against his chest. His hand moved up to cup her over her sweater. He began massaging her nipple and lowered his mouth to her neck. She let out a long, slow, sigh. As if on cue he lowered his hand and ran it between her legs carefully staying on top of her jeans.

“This is what it would have been like to make out with me in high school,” he told her as he continued sucking and licking her neck. “I would have been scared shitless to put my hand under your sweater for fear you’d have made me stop what I was already doing.” He continued rubbing between her legs. “Damn it, is it possible for me to feel how wet you are through your pants?” he asked.

She laid her head back and nodded. She didn’t want to do anything to stop the crazy sensations floating through her body. She was butter in his hands and oh, what hands they were.

“What time are your parents supposed to be home?”

She momentarily lost focus on her arousal before realizing he wanted to play a game. Since what he was doing felt like heaven on earth, she decided to go along with whatever he said. She knew that no matter how the game progressed she’d be walking away with a win.

“Not until late, a few more hours at least, but maybe we should move to a room where we’re not so out in the open just in case. Would you like to see my room?” she asked in her best teen girl voice.

He groaned and she knew she’d played the part just right. He nodded and she pulled him up by his arms and guided him down the hallway.

“I’m not supposed to let boys in my room, but I’d rather get in trouble for that than have them find us making out on the couch.”

“I totally understand,” he said and let her lead him down the hall.

“So this is it,” Hannah said as she led him into the room he’d made love to her in the previous night. “It’s pretty girly, but that’s my style. I like being a girl.”

“I like you being a girl, too,” he said, almost breaking character. “So, this is a really comfortable bed you have here.” He pounced on her pillow and put his hands behind his head.

“Yes,” she said shyly as she sat on the bed with him, edging closer and closer.

He looked into her eyes and reached up to touch her face. “Hannah?”

“Yes,” she held her breath waiting for his request.

“What did you do with all your Rolling Stones posters? I thought they were your favorite?”

She suddenly felt confused. The Rolling Stones were from the seventies. She didn’t even know any of their songs. Why would he ask her about posters from an old geezer band? And then she saw the corner of his mouth curve upwards at her bewilderment. He was calling her old. She reached back to smack him playfully, but he caught her wrist in his hand and in one swift move pinned her to the mattress.

“Teen Hannah is enticing, but I like woman Hannah more.”

His hand was already down her pants and his fingers danced around her most sensitive spot. She could barely breath, the air thick with her own desire and arousal.

“I want you to come in my hand and then I want come in your mouth. How do you feel about that, Hannah?”

The word yes was already on her lips and rolled easily off her tongue while he added his palm to the work his fingers were doing between her legs. The space between her jeans and her skin was so slight that his hand didn’t have room to do much else, but what he was doing was working in a way she’d never expected. When he managed to move his fingers lower and slid one inside she clamped her muscles around him hard and pushed up against him.

“Come for me, Hannah. I want to see you let go. Come for me, baby.”

The heat of his palm against her clit and the small movements of his fingers inside her, trapped between her skin and tight pants, pushed her over the edge and she cried out his name.

For a moment they just laid there together, listening to each other breathe. He was watching her intently when she opened her eyes. “My turn,” he said and she smiled. She wanted to give him what he wanted, wanted so badly to make him feel all of the insane things her body was feeling, but she stood first and removed her clothing piece by piece while he watched in fascination.

“If I ever get tired of watching you strip, just go ahead and kill me,” he teased.

She kept her eyes on his as she let her bra and panties fall to the floor.

“How wet were those panties?” he asked with a laugh and what she thought sounded like pride in his voice. She didn’t answer. She walked slowly over to the bed and began to undress him, pulling him up and throwing his tee to the floor. She pushed him back against the pillow and straddled his knees while she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans.

“Lift,” she said softly, tugging them from his tight ass down to his well defined quads. She rose up and reached behind her pulling them all the way off, and sent them to be one with his shirt. “You, Charles McMillan have been a very good boy, and good boys get rewarded. Is that what you want, Charles? Do you want a reward?”

She saw him swallow hard before nodding. It was nice to see that the effect her words and movements had on him went beyond the hard cock bouncing slightly against his abdomen.

But, that cock was her focus now. He wanted to come in her mouth and she wanted to make him. She lowered her head to his shaft and ran her tongue from the tip to his balls. His groan of approval let her know he wanted more so she added her hand and began stroking as she sucked. Up and down, licking and swirling, she loved the power she felt when he was thrusting into her mouth.

“Slow down, Charles. I’ll take you there, I promise, but first…” she reached into the drawer of her bedside table. His lids dropped lower when he saw the silver bullet shaped vibrator she held in her hands.

“Is that for me?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

“Is there a problem if it is?”

He simply shook his head and she lowered hers again. She began to lick and suck while grinding him with one fist. In the other, she flipped the switch to the lowest setting on her silver toy.

His eyes were still closed but he let out a loud moan when she placed it behind his balls, not quite on his ass. She could feel him stiffen and pulse. He wouldn’t last much longer so she intensified her tongue movements and switched the toy to medium.

“Holy shit, Hannah!” He cried.

He came in her mouth with a force that almost had her stepping back but she stayed where she was and let his orgasm play itself out.

When his pleasure had subsided and she stretched out beside him he looked her in the eyes, “Marry me,” he said.

“Nope. Can’t tell the kids about this proposal either. You’re zero for two McMillan. Better step up your game.”

CHAPTER seventeen

“So how long are you staying in town,” Joe asked Charlie as they all sat around Lilly’s kitchen table eating leftover Thanksgiving turkey.

Charlie swallowed a heaping bite of mashed potatoes, “God Lilly, I love these potatoes. Does Hannah know how to make these?”

Lilly stifled her laughter.

When he got no response, he turned to Joe. “I used my two weeks vacation to come home and I was hoping Hannah would return with me over her Christmas break. That way she could start interviewing at some schools. I have a few friends that are teachers. One is a principal at a very cool new charter school and I think we can make something happen.”

He smiled at her and her insides turned to mush.

Lilly spoke up, “So Hannah, you’re really thinking of moving, huh?”

“I know, I know. It’ll be the first time the sisters will be split up, but I have to do what’s best for us, and you already know how much I love the city.”

“But,” Joe interjected, “You’ll be home after Christmas right? You wouldn’t find a job and leave right away?”

“She’ll be home,” Charlie said before she could answer. “She has to plan the wedding before I’ll let her move.”

Silence surrounded the table. Hannah broke it.

“I’m not planning a wedding until Charles actually proposes.”

“I guess I missed the getting married part,” Lilly jumped in. “I mean, it’s great, and I want that for you Han, but don’t you think this is all a little fast? Moving to New York, making it legal? Charlie, come on – you just finalized your divorce.”

“I know that you know my marriage was never a real marriage. Why would I want to wait to start the life I’ve already waited years for? One I never thought would happen in my wildest dreams.”

Hannah felt his hand on her knee. “She’ll get her proposal when she least expects it, and she’ll come home to plan our wedding so we can start our lives right.

A sense of warmth settled over her as she listened to him talk with her sister and Joe. He had a plan and she needed to trust in it. This had been the first she’s heard about his teacher friends, or spending the holidays with him, but if he could find her a job and wanted her with him she had no reason whatsoever to deny him. More than that, she wanted to go.

“I’ll be done with school around the 15th, I guess I can get a flight the day after,” she said.

“I’ve got some extra miles from work that you could use, Hannah.” Joe offered.

Charlie started to answer but Hannah spoke before he could say what she knew was about to come out of his mouth. “That would be awesome, Joe. Thank you.”

He looked from her to Lilly and Joe, and back again, “Yes, thank you, Joe. That would be really cool.”

She stood and put her hands on Charlie’s shoulders. “I think it’s time we headed out don’t you? I know you’re off for the next week, but I have school in the morning.”

They exchanged a round of hugs before the two of them walked to her car in the cool night air. On the way home she figured it was as good a time as any to bring up what was bothering her. “You know when Joe offered me those airline miles?”

“Yeah, I was about to tell him I already had you a ticket, but you jumped in so quick it didn’t seem right so I just said thanks.”

“I’m glad you did. I appreciate you picking up on my cue, but what’s bugging me about it is that you’ve already spent hundreds of dollars on a flight for me that you never asked me if I wanted to take. Add to that the job interviews, and assuming I’m spending Christmas with you… I don’t know, it seems like a lot of liberties.”

When he gave her a blank stare she said, “Maybe that’s not the right word.”

He stayed quiet for a moment. She could tell he was giving his words careful thought, but she kept going because she wasn’t quite done with what she had to say.

“I love you, Charles, and I do want to build a life with you. That’s not in question here.”

He grabbed her hand as he drove. “Then what is it, Han?

“It’s just…I don’t know. I spent all that time in a relationship with Jess where I had no control over where we were headed. He held all the cards. It was like I couldn’t start my future until he said we were ready and he was never going to be ready.”

“But I am. So what’s the problem? Why is this hard for you?”

She sighed in frustration.

“Yes, you’re ready, so ready that you seem to have left me out of the planning. It’s different from Jess, but it feels the same. You have all of the control here, and even though I’m happy about where we’re headed, I want some input, OK?”

“Of course.” He looked horrified. “I had no idea that’s what it felt like I was doing to you. I’m sorry. I always want you to have a say in every part of our lives.”

“But when you talk about our lives Charles, you mostly talk about the life you’ve envisioned for us. You’ve had years to know you wanted this with me, but I’ve only just found you.” She looked out the window. She couldn’t believe she was going to say this to him but she needed to, so she let it rip.

“If we’re going to be together you have to let go of your dreams for us, so we can build our dreams together or we don’t have a future.” She looked over, astonished to see him wipe the corner of his eye with the back of his hand. “That was harsh. I’m so sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean it to sound so insensitive. I’m being a bitch.”

“No, you’re not. You’re telling the truth. I was so caught up in the excitement of loving you that I haven’t given you a chance to love me back. It’s really real, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“This, all of this.” He waved his hand in the air. “I’ve worried about this moment, about convincing you that we should be together for the past five months, and in every moment since I’ve come home, I’ve failed to really hear what you want, past knowing you want me.

She listened to what he was saying. It was understandable. When she left him, he had to start planning, too. She’d started planning for a life without him, but he started planning for how to change his whole life to bring her back.

“Hey,” she rubbed his arm and leaned a little closer. “It’s OK. This is real, you’re right, and it’s not going to go away because one of us gets mad or needs to vent. I was being whiny. Not to say that you haven’t tried to plan out our entire lives for us. That has to stop, but I didn’t mean to threaten what we have together, I promise.”

He gave a small smile and was quiet the rest of the way to her house.

“Is it OK if I just drop you off? I haven’t been by to see my parents yet, and I know they’ll want to know what happened after you found out about the divorce. You’ve kept me kind of busy since I got into town.” He threw her a wink.

“I knew they knew about us.” She slapped her thigh. “It was just too strange when your mother asked me if I’d met any nice young men lately!”

He laughed.

“So, they don’t have a problem with any of this?”

“Of course they don’t. They already considered you family. Hey, you said you have to work tomorrow. Are you cool with me staying the night over there?”

The question caught her off guard. Was he more upset than she realized?

“You’ll be back tomorrow night, right?” she asked with hesitation.

“Most definitely.” He turned in his seat to kiss her. It was sweet kiss, a soft kiss. “We’re OK?” she asked again.

He nodded and she shut the passenger door behind her and watched him drive off.

****

The week and a half that followed Thanksgiving flew by in a haze of rowdy kids ready for Christmas vacation and hours upon hours of fabulous sex. She had to admit that when she put him on the plane back to NYC, her body heaved a sigh of relief. She needed rest and some time to be alone with her thoughts. Charles had been really good about watching his habit of deciding things for the two of them and had made a true effort to seek out her opinion on all kinds of choices regarding their future, the biggest of which was where they would make their home.

When he’d finally broached Nadia about the divorce he hadn’t felt right taking her apartment from her, too, so for the time being he was subletting a small one bedroom in Brooklyn. He hoped they could shop around together for a place to call theirs in the week before Christmas. Hannah had been so excited about the possibility she’d immediately gone to Craigslist and started researching places in Manhattan. After she picked her mouth up off the floor, she realized that even with Charlie and her both bringing in decent paychecks Manhattan was a stretch.

Not wanting to admit defeat and tell him her knowledge of how to find housing in NYC wasn’t as vast as she’d believed, she decide to just send him a list of her “must haves” and beg off due to school work. Everyone knew the days before Christmas break were like living in crazyville for primary teachers. She e-mailed her list two days before her flight, it included: a guest bedroom, clean bathroom, nice neighbors, a grocery nearby and windows that let in the northern light. His response had been a simple text, “That’s it???”

Apparently her boyfriend thought she was easy.

The next day she received another text letting her know that they had four appointments scheduled to see places in Brooklyn and Queens the day after she arrived. “I know you’ll want to do the touristy stuff since it’s Christmas so we’ll get the hard things out of the way in the beginning,” he’d said when she called him immediately.  Hard things also included interviews. He’d scheduled four of those for her, two on each of the days following the apartment search.

There were moments as the weeks wore on when she wondered what she had gotten herself into. What was the rush? Did she really want to do everything all at once? But then he would call, or they would fall asleep together on Skype, and she could feel it deep in her heart. This man, this time, this decision was right.