If I Fall (21 page)

“Sanders,” Captain Devry scolds. “What did we talk about?”

He glowers in her direction before settling his gaze over my left shoulder. I cross my arms over my chest. Even knowing he is blind, I feel as though he can see into the deepest caverns of my soul. I squint up at his shadowy outline. The sun’s rays surround him like a golden armor.

“Your friend troubles you,” he says.

The hairs on my arms stand at attention, as though saluting a commanding officer. “I—I beg your pardon?”

He closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples meditatively. “In the midst of all your bothersome thoughts, he is the one constant.”

“Sanders!” the Captain yells.

Horrified, I clamp my hands over my ears, as though all of my private thoughts are leaking through their openings. I look up at Captain Devry. “How does he know? How does he know what I am thinking?” I shout.

“Please,” Sanders whispers. The color rushes from his face and he closes his eyes; his cheeks puff out as though he may vomit. “You are screaming inside your head.
Please,
stop …”

Devry puts a hand on his shoulder. “Just breathe, Sanders. Miss Hamilton, stop screaming in there.”

My mouth drops open.
“In where?
”

“Your mind, of course. Sanders can read minds at will, but he has difficulty shutting off passionate thoughts. Evidently, your thoughts are far too emotional. Poor thing.”

Her comment offends me.
I am
not
too emotional
, I think obstinately. I try to eliminate all thought, but at her words, a new set of questions comes racing through my mind. “Another Marked? How many more of us are on the ship?”

Sanders opens his eyes then. “If you divide the world into an Us and a Them, what should stop the Radicals from doing the same? We are all flesh, bone, and blood. We are all one.”

The Captain rolls her eyes. “Sanders and I are the only two Marked crew members. He lost his eyesight in a skirmish with a Radical about a year ago; he somehow found his way onto our ship and we kept him. Lucky bastard!”

A small part of me still flinches at her crude language.

“It is you who is lucky,” Sanders says and laughs.

I stand in silence, observing the two, but not participating in conversation until I am called upon.

“Miss Hamilton, you never did tell us, what is your gift?” Captain Devry suddenly asks.

I open my mouth, unsure as to how to answer, when Sanders speaks for me.

“The girl can tell you no better than that seagull floating overhead. The Mark does not match the one power she exhibited and even that, she questions.”

My cheeks grow hot with shame, though I know not why. Irritation helps fuel the blood rushing to my face. My every thought is a grand magic lantern show for his amusement, a never-ending stream of entertainment.

“There is no amusement in hearing one’s thoughts,” he spits. His abrupt vehemence terrifies me. “Amidst the riveting gossip and few humorous fancies, there is also the deception and wickedness of man that I play witness to every day. People are cruel beings and all have a dark side, Miss Hamilton. Do not let the exterior fool you. The mind tells all.”

Oh, really?
I think.
If the mind tells all, can it tell me what Adam truly feels? Can it tell me why I cannot stop thinking about him? Can it tell me why, amidst all of the cruel glares I have received throughout the years, his hurt so much more? If the mind tells all, tell me that!

My eyes widen as I realize those private thoughts are not so private anymore. I cringe, my nose wrinkling with regret.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble. Captain Devry looks at me, clearly confused, but Sanders just smiles. His teeth are yellowed, crooked at odd angles.

He straightens from his hunched posture, tucking his hands into his pockets. “It is quite all right. I best be returning to my duties or else I will be in trouble with the Captain.” Another Adam-like smirk twitches at his lips. My gut churns. Reaching out a hand, his fingers feel the air for a moment before finally locking onto my shoulder. He leans forward to whisper in my ear, “As for your question, perhaps your mind cannot tell you because only your heart knows the answer.”

Riding on the stench of his breath, the profound words he speaks seem out of place coming from his lips. However, I refuse to acknowledge the truth in his remark. Adam does not hold a place in my heart and soon, he will not hold a place in my mind either. Some way or another, I
will
let go.

His vacant, opaque eyes constrict, but he does not refute my reflection. Nodding to the Captain and me, Sanders leisurely saunters off.

The Captain turns to the rail, leaning her head back and allowing the warm sun to light her cheeks. “Sanders is quite the character, is he not?”

“He certainly is,” I agree. With a sigh, I rest my arms along the bars of the handrail and look into the sky. The bird still coasts in even circles, though his small form is distant. I can no longer make out the black tips of his feathers nor his yellowing underbelly.

“Miss Hamilton, when Sanders said you do not know your abilities any more than the bird circling in the sky, what did he mean?”

I shrug. “Up until two days ago, I was sure I had no powers,” I say.

“And now?”

With a sigh, I say, “And now, I have an ability, but no explanation. The Mark on my wrist cannot stop time and yet, I can. Sanders was right; I am as clueless as the gull.”

The Captain glances at me from the corner of her eye. “Do you believe you will find the answers in America?”

I smile, remembering Mr. Eversby’s last words to me.
You are special. You know not how much.
And with this memory comes the recollection of the promise I made to him. “I do not know,” I reply. “But an old friend believes I will. And I have every faith in him.”

Turning to face me, Captain Devry smiles, two small dimples pinching into her cheeks. “Well, Miss Hamilton, let us see if your friend was right.” Her grin broadens until her teeth are visible, glistening with zeal. She moves behind me, placing her hands on my shoulders. She leans forward to speak into my ear, giving my shoulder one last gentle squeeze before walking away. “Take a look at the horizon,” she says.

Squinting past the glimmering dust and shining sea, both alight with the sun’s beams, I gasp at the sight. Glinting like silver daggers jutting out over the face of the water, the luminescent steel of newly-built skyscrapers flashes. Another bird flits overhead, joining
The Mermada
in its journey to this new world. The American dream rests before me in a blend of steel, innovation, and endless possibilities. My future rests atop its sharp angled buildings, in its beautifully corrupt walls and the secrets that lie in the fading brick.

The secrets I will come to learn.

And the secrets I will one day leave behind.

END OF BOOK ONE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kelseyleigh Reber is the author of If I Fall, the first in the Circle & Cross Trilogy. She lives in Pennsylvania with her family where her favorite room remains her bedroom turned library. Having loved reading and creating the written word since she was a small girl, Kelseyleigh is a self-professed bibliophile with a passion for both the fantastical and historical.