If I Fall (29 page)

“
Let's go,” Case said to me, ignoring Aidan again.

Aidan looked at me, then at Case again, then broke into a big grin. “Ohhhhh. Now I get it. You've got a new boyfriend.”

Neither Case nor I said anything.

Aidan shook his head, then spat into the sand. “Fine. You know what? Fuck this and fuck you, good girl. Not worth my time anyway.” He stepped over to Case. “She's all yours, pretty boy.” He tipped the beer bottle in his direction. “Not much in bed, but you don't look like much either, so I guess it's a match made in heaven.” He laughed and sauntered off.

Case's hands were clenched into fists. He looked at me. “You sure you're OK?”

I hugged myself. I felt chilled, shaky. I looked toward the bathroom. “Give me a minute, though, OK?”

He nodded. But before I could take a step toward the building, a scream pierced the darkness. I jumped, startled, and whirled around. Halfway up the beach, I could make out a group of people standing in a semi-circle.

“
What's going on?” I asked, the tension I'd felt all night intensifying.

Case squinted into the darkness. “I don't know.”

Someone bolted from the group, up toward the stairs. Someone else—a girl—let out a strangled sob. My insides twisted. Something was wrong.

“
I'm going to check it out,” Case said. “Wait here.”

“
No.” My voice was firm. I'd ordered him away when I'd talked to Aidan, told him I needed to do it by myself. But I didn't want to be alone anymore. Not there.

He frowned at me but I stared him down. He sighed, reached for my hand and pulled me toward the crowd.

The muffled voices grew louder as we approached.

“
Get her upright—”

“
She just needs to puke.”

I recognized the voices. They belonged to the people I'd spent the last few months with, the people I'd called my friends.

Case pushed his way through the crowd, his grip tightening on my hand. I couldn't see past him but I felt him stiffen.

“
What?” I whispered, my voice raw. “What is it?”

He turned to me. “Your phone. Call for help. Now.” His voice was raw, a slight hint of panic.

“What?” I repeated. “What's wrong?”

I craned my neck, trying to see what he was reacting to.

And saw Lauren.

Splayed out on the ground, her legs tucked underneath her. The wedge of moon provided just enough light to see she was passed out. A think trickle of blood snaked out of her left nostril.

“Did she pass out?” I asked.

Case shook his head vehemently and dropped my hand. He shouldered his way through the remaining crowd and leaned down beside her.

“Hey, man. Leave her alone.” It was Aidan, standing off to the side, his tone insolent.

Case touched his fingers to Lauren's neck.

“What the fuck, man?” Aidan said, stepping forward. “I said leave her alone.”

Case looked up, his expression murderous. “What did she take?”

“What?”

“
What did she take, asshole?” Case screamed. “What did you give her?”

Aidan glared at him. “I'm not telling you shit.”

Case stripped off his shirt and laid it across Lauren's arms. “Call 911,” he barked at me. “Now.” To Aidan, he said, “You wanna be responsible for her dying? You wanna take the fall? Because I'll name names, dude. I'll tell the cops you were the one who gave her whatever shit she just OD'd on.”

Aidan paled a little. “What are you talking about?”

Case turned to Dez. She was watching the whole exchange with a detached expression. “Give me your jacket.”

She turned to look at him. “What?”

“Your jacket. Now.”

She stripped off her hoodie and handed it to him. He threw it over Lauren.

“What was it?” Case asked. “Coke? Shrooms?” He looked at me. “Call 911, Meg. Now.”

I nodded. I fumbled for my phone, punching the three numbers with shaking fingers.
I'd brought it with me, just in case I'd needed it. I could hear Dez talking.

“
Meth,” she said softly. “Aidan had some meth.”

My stomach rolled as the operator answered. My tongue was thick, my throat constricted, but I managed to tell her our location, told her we thought a friend had OD'd. The voice on the other end was calm and cool as she asked questions.

“Put her on speaker,” Case instructed. He was still bent over Lauren, his fingers on her pulse.

“
We have an ambulance on the way,” the operator said, her voice piercing the silence engulfing us.

“
It's supposedly meth, but I don't know for sure,” Case said. “Her pulse is racing and feels like she's got a fever. Blood leaking from her nose.”

“
Are you a doctor?” the operator asked.

“
No,” he said shortly, biting the word off.

In less than a minute, we heard the sound of sirens. Scotty and Aidan took off, walking quickly down the beach. I felt the bile rise up in my throat. They were leaving her. They were leaving Lauren.

Dez watched them go, her gaze darting between their retreating backs and her friend lying motionless on the ground. She glanced at me, her eyes filled with fear and worry. But I knew what she was worried about. And it wasn't Lauren. It was herself.

“
I gotta go,” she whispered. She disappeared down the beach, trailing after Aidan.

I crouched down beside Case and, with shaking fingers, reached for Lauren's hand. I didn't care that she'd slept with my boyfriend, that she'd done it behind my back, by accident or on purpose. I only cared about one thing: I didn't want her to die.

“Is she...” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “Is she gonna be OK?”

Case shrugged. “I don't know.”

The ambulance pulled to the curb, blue and red lights flashing, siren wailing. Doors opened and EMTs poured out, heading in our direction, hauling bags of medical equipment.

Tears pooled in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I stepped back as they approached, my vision blurry as I watched them work on her. Case spoke in a low voice to one of the EMTs, sharing what he knew. After a minute, he joined me, his hand reaching for mine.

“That could have been me,” I whispered.

They'd hooked up an oxygen tube, had a blood pressure cuff wrapped around Lauren's arm. Carefully, they lifted her on to a stretcher. She remained motionless, oblivious.

“That could have been me.”

FORTY ONE

We didn't leave right away. I couldn't. I watched as they wheeled the stretcher back toward the road, as they hoisted it carefully into the ambulance, Lauren strapped in. The siren wailed again and the ambulance tore off into the night. Police cars had descended, too, and the partygoers had scattered, leaving a trail of empty cups and beer bottles. The bonfire had been reduced to a smoldering pile of ashes.

“You OK?” Case asked.

We were sitting on the sand, facing the road, watching.

I nodded, trying to convince myself as much as him that I was alright. But I wasn't.

“
She'll be OK, Meg,” he whispered. His hand covered mine and he squeezed softly. “She's going to be OK.”

“
How did you know?”

“
I don't. But I'm choosing to believe it.”

“
No.” I shook my head. “How did you know what to do? With...with her?”

He'd taken charge when no one else had. Marched in and immediately knew what to do.

He shrugged. He was still shirtless—he'd never gotten his back after draping it across Lauren—and I saw the goosebumps on his arms.

“
I dunno,” he said. “I did some research, you know?”

“
Research? Like for a project?”

He shook his head. “Nah. For my parents. They were into that kind of shit.”

I said nothing, just stared at the sand.

“
And I was always worried I'd be the one to find them. You know, come home from school or something and just find them passed out on the couch. I...I wanted to be prepared.”

My heart broke a little for him at this admission. I couldn't imagine being in that position, knowing your parents were just a step away from disaster. I thought about my own mom. Sure, she had problems, problems that needed to be addressed, but it wasn't like Case.

“I'm sorry.” It seemed so inadequate but there was nothing else to say.

“
Me, too,” he said, a sad smile on his face. “I'm sorry they pissed away their lives. My mom, she's getting her act together. A day at a time, like I told you. But my dad?” He shook his head. “Lost cause. Has been from day one. Total fucking loser. And that's a hard thing to say about your own dad, you know?”

I nodded. I knew. My dad was no parent of the year but at least he was trying. In his own way, he was trying.

“You looked pretty shaken up back there,” he said. He squeezed my hand again. “I'm sorry you had to see that.”

“
I just...” My voice trailed off.

“
You just what?”

I felt the tears well up again. I blinked rapidly, trying to stem them. “I just...I saw myself in her. You know? That could have been me, Case. It
should
have been me.”

“
Nope.” His voice was firm. “Not you. That will never be you.”

“
Not anymore,” I admitted. “But it could have been. I was on that path. Right next to her, Case.”

“
But you took a different road, Meg,” he said softly. His thumb stroked my fingers. “You got off that path. You did it.”

I nodded, the tears streaking down my cheeks. Case gathered me up against him and I buried my face against his bare chest. His skin was warm, smooth and I let the heat envelop me, soothe me.

“It's going to be OK,” he whispered, his lips brushing my hair. “You're going to be OK.”

I nodded, trying to believe him. But I was still shaky and my stomach was still a twisted, knotted mess.

I pushed away from him. Gently.

“
I need to use the bathroom,” I said. I could feel the bile rise up, could feel my stomach begin to heave.

He dropped his arms and I bolted toward the concrete building behind us. It was deserted and I launched myself into an empty stall, kneeling in front of the toilet just as I began to throw up. My stomach convulsed and emptied again, my retching mixing with my sobs, echoing in the empty building.

My stomach finally emptied and the tears finally stopped. I didn't know how long I sat there, my cheek pressed against the toilet seat, the porcelain cool against my clammy skin. My knees were still shaky but I pushed myself up into a standing position and walked over to the sink. There were no mirrors but I knew what I looked like. Hell. I turned on the sink, the water streaming loudly into the basin. I stuck my hands under it and splashed some on to my face, then rinsed my mouth. I shut the water off and I pulled a paper towel from the holder and dried my face.

I took a deep breath. It was over.

Not just my relationship with Aidan, but everything associated with him. The drinking. The drugs. The people I'd called friends who would have done the same thing to me as they'd done to Lauren that night—turned away.

Case was right. I'd turned the corner, gotten off the wrong road. And it had taken me a long time—too long, probably—but I finally saw Aidan for who he was. For what he was. And all the things that went with him.

I'd fallen. Fallen hard. But not so far that I couldn't pick myself up.

I smiled to myself. I'd picked myself up. No one else. Me.

And I could live with that.

I wadded up the paper towel, dropped it in the metal trash bin and walked back outside. The cool air was refreshing, the breeze hitting me squarely in the face, tossing my hair across my cheek. I breathed in deeply, letting the salty air settle in my lungs, calm me down.

I was going to be OK.

Better than OK.

I took a few more steps away from the building, looking for Case. He wasn't where I'd left him. I squinted into the dark, trying to make out a silhouette or a shadow that might be him. I knew he was still there somewhere, knew that he wouldn't leave me.

But I couldn't find him.

I looked the other direction, away from the water. And that's when I saw him.

Lying in the sand.

Not moving.

I ran toward him, my heart racing again, my feet digging into the sand, the spray flying around me as I ran. I reached him and dropped to my knees. He was face down, his body twisted awkwardly. I pulled on his shoulder and rolled him over toward me.

I tried to scream but no sound came out. A cut on his forehead oozed blood, his hair matted against his skin. A big red spot was swelling beneath his eye and there was blood on his teeth, too. His eyes were open but unfocused. Panic clawed at me and I felt myself begin to hyperventilate, my ears ringing, my heart thumping so hard I thought it would burst right out of my chest.