If I Lie (28 page)

“Where have you been?” he asks.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me,” I say.

“I thought you hated me.”

I swallow. “No. I’m sorry about that message I gave your father.” I force a smile. “I love you, stupid.”

Whatever has kept him glued together these past months comes unstuck. Carey falls to pieces in front of me. His shoulders heave, and he buries his face in my neck, grasping my shirt in his fists. He cries like he’ll never stop. This isn’t all about me. It’s like seeing me has released something he’s been holding in.

I don’t know how to help him.

When I think about calling a nurse, he begs, “Don’t go!”

And I realize this is another one of my defining moments.

So I kick off my shoes and crawl up next to Carey on the
bed. I hold his hand. I tell him how much I love him. I tell him how proud I am of him. I apologize for not being a better friend. I tell him how I’ve always known that we would be friends until we were eighty and rocking away in our chairs on a porch somewhere.

Later, when he’s calm, I ask him about Afghanistan.

We talk all night, two friends getting to know each other again.

And it’s a beginning.

Author’s Note

If you were inspired by Quinn’s experience, please consider interviewing a veteran in your life and community. The Veterans History Project (VHP) at
www.loc.gov/vets
provides straightforward guidelines and the required forms you’ll need to complete an interview and ensure it is submitted to the Library of Congress, where it will be preserved and shared for posterity. On the website you’ll also find a Field Kit Companion Video that explains the VHP process, offers tips to make the VHP experience meaningful for both the volunteer and the veteran, and elaborates on what happens to collections after they reach the Library of Congress.

To get involved with the US Department of Veterans Affairs facility nearest you and to learn how you might work with someone like George,
www.volunteer.va.gov/
is a great place to start.

Acknowledgments

I have so many people to thank.

This book wouldn’t be what it is without the support of my Spalding MFA mentor, Mary Yukari Waters. Your insights pushed me, and your letters made me laugh, especially the one where you wrote “THIS IS CRAP” across the top.

Thank you to my agent, Laura Bradford, who didn’t freak out when it took me a year to write this book. You meant it when you said you stick by your writers, and I am ever so grateful.

Dear Annette Pollert, my wonderful, brilliant editor, how do you thank someone for making your dreams come true? If you’ll accept compensation in superawesome highlighters, you’ll have my down payment shortly. Please share them with all the other great people at Simon Pulse who made this book happen, including Bethany Buck, Mara Anastas, Jennifer Klonsky, Lucille Rettino, Carolyn Swerdloff, Dawn Ryan, Paul Crichton,
Anna McKean, Katherine Devendorf, Brenna Franzitta, Angela Goddard, Mary Marotta, Christina Pecorale, Maria Faria, Brian Kelleher, Jim Conlin, Teresa Brumm, and Victor Iannone.

To my first readers—Stephanie Kuehn, Laurie Devore, Debra Driza, Jay Lehmann, Dawn Rae Miller, Roger Perez, Veronica Roth and the Write Nighters—your critiques made me cry in a GOOD way. I reread my favorite comments in moments of crisis. I also owe Erica Henry and Abby Stevens gratitude for aiding me with my military research.

I can’t say enough about Spalding University’s MFA program. You offer a nurturing place in which to be creative and grow. In particular, I want to thank those who workshopped the first chapters of this book, including Julie Brickman, Omar Figueras, Michael Morris, Teddy Jones, and Krista Humphrey.

To my day job companions, especially Michelle Yovanovich, Lori Leiva, Tony Tomassini, and Scott Sawicki—thank you for supporting me on my journey. You didn’t even mind when I got a book deal and shrieked the office down.

My dear bro-in-law, Stephen Curto, you’ve encouraged me since I wrote my first short story in the third grade, and you told me not to give up. Fotang, man.

My gratitude also goes to the Veterans History Project, including Jeffrey Lofton and Monica Mohindra, for the great work they do preserving the stories of our soldiers.

Huge heartfelt thanks to the Marines who took the time to answer my many questions, though you asked to remain nameless.
Your courage awes me. Stay safe and be well. This book was also inspired in part by my late uncle, PFC Daniel Vaché, and my honorary uncle, SPC John Curtis. Your sacrifices in Vietnam aren’t forgotten.

Last, but never least, thanks to my family for believing in me. Not one of you acted surprised when I called to tell you about my book deal, and that meant everything. Mom, Kymberli, Michael, Kenny, Aunt Susie, Stephen, and all the nieces and nephews, I love you more than books.

Corrine Jackson
lives in San Francisco, where she works at a top marketing agency managing campaigns for several Fortune 500 clients. She has bachelor’s and master’s degrees in English, and an MFA in Creative Writing from Spalding University.
If I Lie
is her debut novel. Visit her at
corrinejackson.com
or on Twitter at
@Cory_Jackson
.

Jacket designed by Angela Goddard

Jacket photograph copyright © 2012 by Vladimir Godnik/Getty Images

Author photograph copyright © by Vania Stoyanova

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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

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First Simon Pulse hardcover edition August 2012

Copyright © 2012 by Corrine Jackson

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Designed by Angela Goddard

The text of this book was set in Bembo.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Jackson, Corrine.
If I lie / Corrine Jackson.
p. cm.

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Sophie Quinn becomes an outcast in her small military town when she chooses to keep a secret for her Marine boyfriend who is missing in action in Afghanistan.

ISBN 978-1-4424-5413-2 (hardcover)
[1. Soldiers—Fiction. 2. Best friends—Fiction. 3. Friendship—Fiction. 4. Secrets—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.J132416If 2012
[Fic]—dc23
2011041112

ISBN 978-1-4424-4001-2 (eBook)