If Only (11 page)

“Let’s start here,” Callie
says, her strides leading toward the motorcycles.

As we approach, Dane stands
in front of her and lightly places his hand on her shoulder. “We’re pretty good
on these things, you know.”

Straightening her already
perfect posture further, she looks up into his eyes. “Are you trying to say
I
can’t race well?” Dane smiles, I know he’s impressed and that he also wants to
laugh. At six-foot-one, he’s the same height as me, and stands head and
shoulders taller than her. He likes her spunk just as much as I do. “I’m not so
sure about Joe,” she continues, throwing a glance my way, “you do know he
couldn’t even avoid my little bug without ending up sprawled on the sidewalk.
I’m not concerned.” She shakes her head, folding her arms.

I chuckle with mirth. “Baby
cake, it’s on,” I say, walking to the bike closest to me. She’s challenging me,
I like that. I sincerely hope she brings that attitude of hers to the bedroom.

We take up the last three
bikes and, without giving the lady-with-an-attitude the option, Dane jumps on
at the end, placing Callie in the middle. Doing that is his way of putting her
in her place, since she’s the one who decided to bring it.

Glancing in her direction,
my stare gets stuck. This vision is way too good, makes up for missing out on
seeing her bent over the pool table. Maybe I’ll crash out early, watch her from
behind. I’d gladly lose for that. I can already imagine how those petite
black-denim clad legs of hers look from the rear, spread wide, and her
exquisite ass fitting nicely on the seat.

Fuck, that’s hot.
Focus!
 

We feed our money into the
machine, the sound effects starting up and the screens flickering brightly, as
they come to life, showing us the road ahead from the rider’s point of view.
We’re ready to race and Callie looks at me, an eyebrow arched. “Fair and
square,” she silently mouths.

If that’s how she wants it,
then that’s what she’ll get. 

We do it, she’s good, but as
expected, Dane and I kick her butt.

She jumps off the
motorcycle, happy as though she’s won, dropping some kind of victory dance. “I
knew I wouldn’t win, but I wanted to see how I’d fair against you guys.” She
props her hands on her sexy hips, her perky tits raised high with the proud
lift of her chest. You really would think she won that race.

“And you’re happy because?”
Am I missing the point?

“I came third.” She shrugs.
“That’s good
and
it was my personal best. I didn’t actually expect to
beat the two of you, but I didn’t do too bad keeping up.”

Damn, if I lacked
self-restraint, I’d have her straddle me the way she did that bike – right
fucking here. Watching her all excited like this is insane. The red, blue and
white lights coming from the game are dancing across her exposed flesh, and the
tight-ass fit of those jeans. 

Dangerous! This girl is
dangerous!

Tonight has been fantastic, I’m glad I came after all.
Being around Joe is easier when there are other things to do, and I’ve had a
blast competing against Gerard. It’s been war between us and we seemed to keep
up our dance routine of win, lose, win,
lose
.

I like Gerard more now, but
he is trouble, and he’s definitely what my mom would call cheeky. The jerk
actually asked me if “The bushes match the rest of the lawn!?” (For the record,
I do not have pink pubes). He’s the most flirtatious guy I’ve
ever
met,
and he gets a lot of attention. For sure, he’s handsome, but he uses his sense
of humor as well, and the chicks seem to love it. 

Really, all these boys get
noticed.

Dane is beyond hot, but he
also knows all the right things to say. He’s charming with a capital ‘C.’

Joe gets a lot of interest,
not that I’m surprised, but he gave less of his time to women than his friends
did. Maybe he’s more selective. I did see a woman slip a piece of paper, no
doubt with her cell phone number on it, into the back pocket of his jeans. He
saw what she did and didn’t react. I noticed he didn’t throw it away, either. I
don’t doubt he’ll use that number; she was pretty and probably around his age.

It occurred to me that the only
one of them in a relationship is Adam. He’s committed to Saffron, it’s clear
she’s all he wants. Is he the only one of them who desires that? It’s made me
think of the party and what I saw Gerard and Dane getting up to – not that I
haven’t thought about it, anyway, but I wonder more so whether it’s Joe’s
thing, too. He’s young, hot and single, why wouldn’t it be?

But is that his preference
to what his brother has?

The three guys seem happy to
indulge, even if Joe does appear picky in comparison. Is Joe like his ménage à
trois loving buddies, but less obvious about it? Is he the kind of man who
offers something on a deeper level than just physical, or is he the type of man
who prefers single life and the freedom to enjoy a wealth of women? Who is this
man that’s been dominating my every thought? What is he about?  

I approach Su while everyone
else is distracted by Saffron and Adam’s dance off, on one of the games. At the
lowest level I can manage, but still audible to Su, I speak. “Have you noticed
all the interest these boys get?”

“You can’t miss it,” she
replies, her gaze fixed on the dancing.

Nodding slowly, I
contemplate my next question. “Do you think Joe’s the same as Gerard and Dane?
Like where the ladies are concerned?”

“I didn’t, but I’m not sure
now. We don’t know them that well.” She stops talking and observes him for a
moment. “I really don’t know.”

“No, I don’t either. If he
is, he’s definitely more discrete.” Before we can continue, Saffron and Adam
finish.

We start making our way back
up to the pool hall to leave.

“Oh,” Su says when we’re at
the top of the stairs and heading for the exit, “I just need to use the
restroom.” She rushes toward it.

The others are ahead of us, and
now that Su’s gone, it’s just Joe and me. I lean back against the railing,
acting nonchalant. I’m not certain I should say anything, but there’s something
I’ve had on my mind since my first day in BlackArt.

“Do you think I could
photograph you and Adam doing Jujutsu?”
What the fuck are you doing, Callie
Ann Rogers?
I shove my hands in my jacket pockets. Shit, too late to take
it back, though I wish I could, and he’s waiting for the rest of my request.
“I’ve done a lot of motocross, and a little surfing … I’d like to capture what
you two do. No pressure, though, it’s just an idea.”
A stupid
idea.

“So, you want to take
pictures of us throwing each other around?” he says, with a teasing
smile. 

“I didn’t actually think of
it that way, but ... yeah, I guess.” Help.

“I’m sure Adam will be cool
with it, I’ll ask him. Do you wanna come to a class?”

“No, just
something with you both.”
I think I’d
prefer to keep it simple. Maybe a group thing would be better. I don’t know.
Shit
.
When did I become so damn indecisive?

“Okay, I’ll figure it out.”
Oh, no, I’m fucking mortified. I wish I hadn’t said anything.

Su joins us and we leave. I
should’ve gone with her in the first place.

Once we’re in the parking
lot, and after the goodbyes, Su and I head to my car. Before I key the
ignition, I turn to her. “I asked Joe if I can photograph him and Adam doing
Jujutsu.”

 She chuckles. “You can
barely be in the same space as the guy. How are you actually going to take
pictures of him?”

“I said it before I could
stop myself. He said yes. It was a stupid idea, but I would like to get the
shots. They’ll go so well in my portfolio with all the other stuff I’ve done.
Shit, what was I thinking? Maybe I won’t mention it again.”

“Adam will be there, right?
That won’t be so bad. I’ll even come if you want.”

“You have to be there. If
tonight is anything to go by, I’ll have no problem being in the same room as
Joe. He has more than enough female admiration without my teenage-ass lusting
over him. I wouldn’t stand a chance against some of those women, even if I were
single. Did you get a look at the one who slipped him her number?”

“They’ve got nothing on you,
doll,” she says, confidently.  

I grin at my sweet friend,
appreciating the compliment. Anyway, none of this stuff matters, though, I’m
still confused about Joe’s character and whether he, like Gerard and Dane, is
the kind of man my mom warned me to stay away from. The kind of man my
bastard-ex, Ryan, turned out to be, but it’s not for me to be concerned with.
It’s none of my business.

Whatever happens, if Su and
I are going to be seeing more of Saffron, I’m going to see more of him, so I
have to get over this. If Saffron’s a friend now, then Joe’s a kind of friend.
It seems to be going that way. Yeah, I’ll get over it.

“He called me Baby cake.”
A few times.
I liked that none of the others did.

Su smiles as she clicks her
safety belt into place. “I noticed.”

I’m standing outside the movie theater on Van Ness Ave
with Su and Saffron. We came to see Rock Star with Maria, who I know from high
school, and Saffron’s friend, Tracy. Now it’s just Su, Saffron and me, and it’s
only ten o’clock. We don’t want to go home yet and we’re hungry. “We could go
to my mom’s deli, on Geary Boulevard,” I suggest. “It’s closed, but there’ll be
stuff in the fridge we can have.”

“Your mom won’t mind?”
Saffron asks.

“Nah, she’ll be fine, I
don’t make a habit of it. I’ll call her on the way and tell her.”

“Cool, let’s go there then.”
She slips her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, we all start
walking.

“God, I hope there’s still
some apple pie left over,” Su says. “Saffron, you have to try Callie’s mom’s
pie. It’s to die for.” And she looks as though she’ll keel over right now if there
isn’t any. It’s the best there is in the whole of San Francisco, as far as
we’re concerned.

Saffron
chuckles.
“Sounds
good.”

We arrive at Mary’s – named
after mom – I turn on all the lights, but leave the blinds down, so people won’t
think we’re open. I have to get rid of this silence, or better yet the buzzing
of the fridges. I turn the radio on, keeping the volume at background level.
Kryptonite
by
3 Doors Down
starts to play and we all start singing along. I
freaking love this song.

Mary’s is cozy, with six
circular tables along the wall that runs parallel to the counter, which during
opening hours displays fresh food. Blue and white form the color scheme, with
check tablecloths, and we have photographs on the walls that I’ve taken of
items from our menu. Dark wooden shelves display oils for salads and cooking,
as well as cans and jars of foodstuffs. There’s such a traditional and homely
feel to the place.

“Sit anywhere you like and
help yourselves to drinks. Mom said there’s some vegetarian lasagna here from
today that she forgot to take home, so we’ll have that and I’ll see what else
there is.” It’s my favorite dish in the whole world, but only my mother’s
version.

I bring out potato salad for
us all, some cold cuts for Saffron, and lay them out on the table they’ve
chosen at the back of the shop. “Guess what else we got?” I sing to Su, as I
walk toward the counter. 

“Apple pie,” she screams
like I’ve just honored her with the greatest gift she’s ever received. Saffron
and I giggle at her. “Tell me there’s vanilla ice cream to go with it,” she
pleads as though she fears I’ll suddenly shatter her joy.

“There’s vanilla ice cream
to go with it, but you’ll only get desert if you eat up all your dinner,” I
mockingly scorn.

I grill some garlic bread
and then put the lasagna in the microwave. 

 “Gosh, that smells
great, so tomatoey and ‘erby,” Saffron says. “How long has your mom had this
place?”

I lean across the counter,
forearms propped on the surface. “Ten years.”

“Wow, business is good,
huh?”

“Yeah, lots of regular
customers and it’s useful for tourists. It’s perfect, really. Dad even
sometimes comes in on his lunch breaks.”

“Ah, so he’s a customer,
too?” She chuckles.

“Yeah, my sister and I work
here some days. We like to tease him when we serve him. It’s quite funny.”

She smiles, warmly. “You and
your family seem close.”

“We are. You’ll have to come
see Elena, I keep telling her about you. She wants to meet you.”

“Sure, anytime you want.
She’s two years older, right?”

“Yeah, but she’s way more
serious and more organized than me. Her head is much older than it should be,
in my opinion, but I wouldn’t change her for the world.”

Su and Saffron continue to
chat while I get the flateware and lay them out. The microwave dings. I take out
the warm dish and gather the garlic bread onto a plate. I join the girls, we
eat everything and right after we squeeze in hot pie and ice cream.