If Your Wife Only Knew (16 page)

Glynis went on and on and on.

Alexis wanted to lash out at her sister, but she knew that would have been the wrong thing to do. She had her child to think about. So while Glynis rattled on, cussing and sputtering herself into some high blood pressure, Alexis raised her hand and begged her to “give me a minute.”

Alexis saw the back of Glynis's head as she took her time leaving the room, but she heard her cussing all the while.

Her daughter grew alarmed by all the yelling and arguing. Little Hayley was sniffling, coughing, and weeping, all at the same time. Alexis rocked the baby in her arms and softly sang a little song that she made up:

She couldn't think of a new line to sing. So she just repeated the words:

“M
ama Flora, is the divorce still on?”

“Well, miracles can happen.”

“Grandma, stop playing. Tell me the facts. I want to know how things are. And if you don't tell me, I'll just call Grand Pop.”

“Don't call that fool.”

“Oh, it's still on!”

It had been a while since she'd seen her grandmother, so Kiara decided to visit her on a Sunday afternoon. The streets of Houston were so hot if an egg got cracked and poured on the sidewalk, a fried egg would appear in seconds. Kiara had to get out of the house. So she and Myles ended up at her grandmother's sitting in the kitchen, and helping her to fold the clothes that had just come out the dryer.

“I wish you would've told me that you spent the Fourth by yourself, Grandma. If I'd known, I would have picked you up and we could've gone to see the fireworks.”

“It's all right, sweetie. I'm fine. I'm here.”

Kiara wanted to wrap her arms around the fragile woman and take away all her pain. Grandma wasn't fooling anyone. Kiara could tell the way the woman walked from one room to another, holding an empty mug, sitting down and standing up. And started the process all over again.

Kiara slid a round plastic laundry basket next to her feet. She lifted up some bath towels.

“C'mon, you can tell me. What's happening with y'all?”

“Well, he is gone, yet he's still here, if that's what you asking.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“John calls himself quitting me but he still has a room in this house that he comes to whenever he gets ready.”

“What type of crap is that?”

“I dunno.”

“Well, how do you feel about it?”

Her grandmother was silent.

Kiara couldn't understand why her grandmother wasn't throwing dishes and breaking glasses. It was like her emotions were trapped deep inside a long, dark pipe.

“Are you hungry, Grandma? We can go out and eat some crawfish.”

“I don't want no crawfish.”

“For real? I know you lying 'cause that's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon.”

“Yeah, I know, but I'm not hungry.”

“Oh, you know Grand Pop may be family, Lord forgive me, but I can't stand him right now.”

“Oh, baby, I don't mean to pull you into this. You have your own family to worry about. How is Rashad?”

Kiara wished she could pour out her heart to her grandmother, to tell her how Rashad was acting and to admit to her all the things that made her feel depressed and confused, but she just couldn't. She was a proud young woman who didn't want her family to know all her dirty secrets.

“How's Rashad? He's great,” she chirped. “Just busy. And we are getting excited about the cruise. We plan to go snorkeling. We'll be gambling like crazy on the ship. And I've been trying to consistently work out so I can buy me some pretty swimwear real soon.”

“You're saying the right words, but your voice don't sound right.”

“Um, Mama Flora, honestly, on the real. My husband and I are having a few issues, but I'm positive things will work out for the better.”

“If you insist, then I'm glad for you,” Grandma said in a light voice. “Keep it up. Invest in him.”

“Invest in him? Isn't that what
you
did?”

“Yes, I did. So what? You do it anyway because
you
might get a different outcome.”

“Grandma, that sounds crazy.”

“I'm sure it does. But it's because you don't understand. I can't look with regrets. Do I wish things were done differently? I believe no matter what I would have done, there were no guarantees.”

“That sounds scary to me.”

“That's what taking a risk is about. When you walk down that aisle, you are filled with joy. It's all about that special day. But there is a long, uncertain road ahead of you. You take the good days, mix them with the bad, and if you stay together through it all, you've done well.”

Suddenly her grandmother rose to her feet.

“Tell you what. You finish up the laundry and I will bake us some vegan cupcakes. How's that sound?”

“Sounds like a winner.”

The elderly woman started banging pots and pans and gathering the utensils and ingredients. She even started to hum. She grabbed a spatula and pretended like it was a microphone. She spun in a circle and whipped back her hair.

“Are you all right?” Kiara asked.

“I'm fine. I may have a moment now and then. But that's all it is. A moment. Just like bad times come our way, good times will return, too.”

“I guess I hadn't looked at it that way.”

“Listen, baby, John and I were together and happy for a good minute. And believe it or not, I still have hope. You never know what can happen even when things look real dark and bleak.”

“I guess so.”

“I know so. The other day I was sitting out in the backyard patio. I couldn't sleep. It was five something in the morning. And it was very dark. But the birds started to sing. Their voices sounded sweet and happy. Before I knew it, the sun was rising. Within seconds, light swallowed up darkness. And let me know how fast things can change. Just because they're one way today don't mean they'll be that way tomorrow.”

I
t was a Tuesday in mid-July. Kiara woke up, showered, got dressed, and packed her lunch. By this time she was on marriage autopilot. She did everything without feeling. It was because she'd done certain routine tasks a thousand times before. So without thinking about it, she said, “Bye, I love you” before she drove off to work. She knew that Rashad would get up and take Myles to school. She knew he'd probably go to pick up some tools and start all his jobs for the day. Nothing out of the ordinary. But when she got to work, the first person she saw was Nicole. It was six-thirty in the morning.

“You're here early,” Kiara told her as she passed the girl in the hallway. Kiara inhaled and took in the flowery fragrance. Nicole was saturated in perfume. She wore a mint-colored belted dress that was very flattering to her shape. She even wore some chic-looking slinky sandals.

Kiara glanced at Nicole's nails. “Green nail polish?”

“Yes, is that all right?”

“Of course it is. It's your hands. Cute.” She noticed the girl's toes. “Green pedicure. You've really been stepping it up. Hmmm.”

Kiara proceeded to her office. But she stole one final look at Nicole. Her head was perfectly straight as she walked. The swivel in her hips said, “I am here.” Her face looked brighter, more alive. And she wore no eyeglasses.

When Kiara got settled in her own office and booted up her computer, she noticed an email Nicole had initiated. She clicked on it.

“Emergency vacation. Leaving at noon today. Okay with you?”

A nagging feeling streaked through Kiara's belly.

She typed back, “Sure. No problem.”

Later on, Kiara overheard Shyla and Nicole talking. She could hear them but they couldn't hear her because she was around the corner at the copier and totally out of their view.

“Yeah, so he's going to do something special for me for my birthday because he has to work on my real birthday.”

Kiara wondered what man they were referring to. She hadn't heard that Nicole had caught a man.

“Celebrating early, huh?” Shyla said. “You go, girl. I can tell you been getting worked on.”

“I don't know what you talkin' 'bout.”

“You know if you got fucked last night. Answer me.”

“Shhh, Shyla.” Nicole hushed up when she saw Tony Fu quietly walk up to them.

“Who did what last night? What y'all talking about?”

“No, Tony, see, I was asking Nicole when's the last time she inserted a floppy disk inside her hard drive.”

“And I told her I don't mess around with floppy disks. Never have. Never will.” The two women cackled. “Tony, you're too nosy. Get some business.”

“You two are nuts. I think I will leave y'all alone.” Tony left them to continue their conversation.

“Anyway, Nicole, I can tell you got some.”

“No, you cannot.”

“Girl, you walked in this place with that ‘I just got me some dick' walk.”

Nicole laughed out loud. “You're tripping, Shyla.”

“But girl, a woman always senses when another woman is getting sex on the regular.”

The two women cackled and started whispering. Kiara couldn't hear anymore. Yet the words the women exchanged flipped in her mind like somersaults.

As soon as Nicole left for the day, Kiara called Rashad. His phone rang and rang and went into voice mail. She waited for her husband to call her back. She thought. And wondered. She looked up Nicole's résumé. The address on the document was the old address that she had when she first applied for the job. Kiara had no idea where Nicole's current house was actually located, because she never updated her physical address when she moved.

She called Tony into her office.

“Hello, boss. What can I do for you?”

“I want you to find out Nicole Greene's current address for me. Send out an email to the entire staff and make sure everyone updates their home address and emergency contact info.”

“Anything for you.”

Around two o'clock, Kiara locked up her office. She came to a stop at Alexis's desk.

“Going to a meeting?” Alexis asked.

“Yes. A long meeting. I won't be back for the rest of the day.”

“All righty then. See you tomorrow, Kiara.”

“Thanks.”

“Um, before you go, I want to show you something.” Alexis retrieved her BlackBerry. She had forwarded and saved the photos she took of Rashad and Nicole.

“Take a look at this and draw your own conclusions.”

Kiara examined the picture. It felt like someone kicked her in the stomach. “He's standing cheek to cheek with her?”

“Looks that way to me.”

Her heart sank within her. This was so humiliating. The truth did more than just hurt; it devastated.

“Thanks for letting me know.”

She thought about how she had wondered if Rashad would ever hit on Nicole. The photo could be innocent, but she wasn't sure what it meant.

Kiara walked down the hall and tried Rashad one more time. Again, the call went straight into voice mail.

When a wife thinks her spouse is unfaithful, she sometimes imagines that he is having sex with just about any woman, even if she has little proof. The darkness of her mind whispers words that cause her to imagine all kinds of scenarios. And her greatest fear is to believe him just to find out he's lying.

Kiara couldn't deal anymore. She dialed up Eddison when she got in her car. “Look, we need to talk. This is very last-minute. But I am hoping we can meet up.”

“Sure, I can arrange that. When you want to meet?”

“In a couple hours. I have to make a stop first.”

“Where you want to meet?”

“Your place.”

“I'll be there.”

Kiara didn't actually know where Eddison lived. She had to ask him to give her the address and directions. She didn't want him to text the info, even though he volunteered. She didn't need a record of that on her phone.

“That won't be necessary. Just tell me real quick.”

She memorized his address. Then she decided to pay a visit to Adina Davis.

Kiara texted Adina to let her know she was popping by her hair salon. When she arrived, she was happy to see that her friend was waiting for her as soon as she pulled into a parking spot outside the salon.

“Hey, girl.” Adina hugged her. “I got one customer who just sat under the dryer so you can come on in my room and we can talk.”

“Thanks.”

Adina styled hair in a complex that housed seventy beauty professionals all under one roof. She led her friend down the long hallway and into her own separate little suite and closed the door.

“Well, Adina. The shit has hit the fan.”

“Oh, girl, what happened?”

“I think Rashad is fucking a new chick I hired at the job.”

“You
think
he is? Can you find out for sure?”

“If I ask him, all he'll do is deny. No unfaithful man will confess to anything unless you catch him with his pants down.”

“Even if that was true, I don't think you need to worry about a new chick. You got the upper hand on that one, Ki. You have no history with her and you can shut that down easy. But still, girl, get your receipts first. You don't want to act salty over a bitch then find a lawsuit on your hands. I know your job is way too important to you.”

“I'm not concerned about her. I'm more concerned about him. Did you not tell me that if it walks like a rat, it is a rat?”

“Yeah, but sometimes it looks like a rat, but it's really a mouse.”

“Adina, please. I know my man. He loves sex. And when I can't give it to him, there will always be another woman who will. And I know he's not stupid enough to still be kicking it with Alexis.”

“If that's true, he is getting ridiculous. Is he a sex addict or something?”

“I don't know what his problem is. He's becoming a whole different person.”

“Oh, now that's where you're wrong. When a woman meets a man, all the signs of his true character are already evident, unless he's a con artist. But your man's ways were always obvious, Kiara.”

“But I was too blind to see.”

“And it sounds like you refuse to be Stevie Wonder anymore. So what's next?”

“Kiara Eason is about to do something she never thought she'd do.”

“I feel you, baby girl, but please think long and hard before you do anything you regret.” Adina sounded serious. “Women take a lot of shit off their men, but make sure whatever you decide that it's worth it, whatever it is. Don't be dumb and don't be weak.”

“I'm not weak. I'm human. I'll let you go now. Just needed to vent. Bye, Adina.”

And she left.

 

Kiara arrived at Eddison's house long before he did. Just as she expected, he lived in a classy, well-established neighborhood with stucco houses that had pretty green vines climbing the sides of the homes. His property was so big he had a horseshoe driveway. But she decided not to park there. Instead she did a U-turn and found an empty spot in front of a house several doors down. She waited in the car and thought about her life.

It was difficult for Kiara to breathe. The more she thought of Nicole and Rashad, the less normal she felt. It was one thing to test a man's faithfulness, another thing if he accepted the bait. She then knew that she was dealing with a deeper issue that might be irreparable.

Kiara sat in her car and thought back on those early years. She felt alarmed at how drastically things in her marriage had changed. She wiped the tears from her eyes and wished she had clarity.

Kiara's heart was hurting, which meant she could feel. And if she could feel, that meant she was still alive. And if she was still alive, that meant she could do something to help her situation.

As soon as Eddison drove past her vehicle, she waited a few minutes then calmly stepped out of the car and walked to his place. She was carrying her briefcase and her laptop and felt self-conscious.

Eddison warmly greeted Kiara and welcomed her into the house. It smelled fresh and clean and was tastefully decorated.

“Make yourself at home.” Kiara took a seat on the sofa in his huge family room while he puttered around in the kitchen.

“It's been one of those days. So thanks for your understanding. I had to get out of that office.”

“What's going on?” he returned and handed her a glass of red wine. “This may calm your nerves.”

“Thanks, but do you have a drink from a bottle that hasn't been opened yet?”

“Uh, I have flavored vodka.”

“I appreciate that.”

He brought her a watermelon Smirnoff, knelt at her feet, and removed both of her pumps.

While she talked, he rubbed her shoulders. “You are tense. What happened?”

She told him, “I have a confession. I feel like an idiot and I blame myself. But you know Nicole Greene?”

Kiara proceeded to tell Eddison everything. The way the woman was dressing these days, the way her husband behaved after working at Nicole's house. The way he was never hungry after he left her house; and how he seemed more distant than usual. She even told him about the photo of him smiling for the camera while he was with her. “Every little thing he does is adding up to something that doesn't sit well with me. His mood swings vary. Sometimes Rashad is warm and like his old self. Other times there is this invisible wall that I can't seem to climb. And I'm tired. So tired.”

“So have you thought about what you're going to do?”

“I don't want to be pressured, I know that much.”

“Sorry,” he said sympathetically. “It'll be all right, Kiara. You're going through a lot. You need some peace of mind.”