Ignite Me: Shards of Glass, Part One (62 page)

I spluttered as I took another sip of wine. “You spent £110 on wine?!” I really wasn't used to this kind of life style! Sure, I would think nothing of buying a $500 guitar, but I didn't even really drink wine until I met him, but I shouldn't have been surprised because coming from a man that owned a wine fridge I should have expected it and now he was laughing, probably at me. I frowned and moved to sit at the end of his lounger.

“Are you laughing at me, Mr. Ballard?!”

He eyed me with interest. “Oh, I wouldn't dare! You will get used to the finer things in life! I like expensive things and I am very well off so I can afford them, you don't need to worry about anything I told you I'd look after you and I meant it!”

His eyes roamed my shirt. “You don't have a bra on! You tempt me so!”

I ignored the comment about my lack of bra it annoyed me that he seemed to think I needed buying things and was trying to use sex to stop me having a say. “I never went without growing up, not really and now I make my own way in the world, you don't need to lavish me with anything!” I drank more of my wine down.

He raised a brow. “I know you didn't miss out, but no one has ever put you first! Tell me the last time someone aside from me put you first and did something for you!” He took another swig of his wine.

I pursed my lips in annoyance because I couldn't think of any. Yes, my father had looked after me, he'd even made sure Sean got what was coming to him, but that hadn't benefited me it had made the situation harder. Also I had always been second to the band, I accepted that it was his job and I'd enjoyed school. Cameron's eyes searched mine for an answer and I knew he was getting impatient.

“Well, I can't but doesn't mean I need you to buy me things! Like the dress, why can't I just go shopping myself?!”

He rolled his eyes. “No because I like expensive clothes on women, I want to see your beautiful frame hung with Emilio Pucci, Stella McCartney, Maison Martin Margiela, Max Mara Pianoforte and Givenchy to name a few! I want to see your feet in Louboutins! You are where destined for better things than chucks and ripped jeans my darling!”

He reeled off the list of designers, each name rolling off his tongue, he made them sound sexy but I wasn't! I wasn't that kind of girl! I lived in my chucks and ripped jeans it was what I was comfortable in. I felt like he was trying to turn me into something I wasn't – one of his women! When I was my own person.

I looked down at my fingers around the wine glass. My nail polish all chipped and worn. That was who I was, little miss punk rock! I wasn't sure I could be any other way.

“And what if I don't want any of that?! What if ripped jeans and chucks is what I am!” I didn't look up. I didn't want to see his face.

He shuffled forwards and took my wine glass and added it next to his on the floor, then placed his hands over mine.

“I don't think you actually believe that, yes, I know that's what you're comfortable in and I fell for you wearing your battered old jeans, but that's not all of who you are Evan, I want you to be comfortable in all types of clothes that I will buy you because I can and because it gives me pleasure seeing you shine in them!”

His fingers brushed my chin and lifted it so I had nowhere to hide.

I frowned. Maybe he didn't want me to change after all. “Can I still wear band shirts and skinny jeans like for the day to day stuff?! I don't want to feel like I'm being changed to suit you though Cameron! I am what I am! I am not one of your women, I don’t want to be ordered around!” I let out a small sigh.

His brows knitted together, he looked adorable when he did that.

“You can wear what you want, but I know you would suit fine tailoring and high end fashion! I know how much you adore shoes! Let me treat you! Let me adorn you in fine silks that will fall like water over your glorious body and don't act like the idea of me adoring you doesn't turn you on because your breathing has just hitched and your clenching!” He smirked. “And just so we’re clear I don’t wish to order you around!”

I had been imagining him helping me into a silk dress that fell over my body. His hands smoothing the dress down my sides. “Okay, but only because I want to make you proud Saturday! I want to look like I'm with you as an equal because I remember how she looked at me! Like I wasn't in your league, let alone your ball park!” I sighed.

He tried to hide his smile behind his fingers. “She's doesn't have a first fucking clue about what you are or what league you play in! She only ever played in little league, but me and you, oh darling, we’re playing in the major league! You will do me proud I know that without a doubt and I will be the envy of every man there! We will go shopping Monday afternoon!” He tilted his head to one side. “Oh, and Evan?!”

I licked my lips. “Yeah?!”

“I am not ever going to try to change you, I love you the way you are I just want you to feel confident about yourself and your body!”

I grinned shyly. “You might have to teach me how to do that!”

He smiled wolfishly at me making my whole body come out in goose bumps. “Oh, I will do, don't you worry! I'm going to kiss you now!”

“Ok.” I breathed as his lips pressed into mine, finding my tongue. I kissed him back, my hands twisting in his hair.

As he moved forwards me, his body pressed into mine so I was now underneath him. I scooted down the sun lounger so it wouldn't topple down, my legs now between his.

He moved the kiss down my neck, as his hand smoothed down and over my breasts, stopping to knead them with his expert fingers. I moaned.

“You feel so good under me!”

I smiled lazily at him. “You feel pretty good on top of me.” I stroked my fingers through his thick hair, I loved the feel of it between my fingers.

He rested his head, oh my chest with a happy sigh. “You have no idea how good that feels, how much it relaxes me.” He lay still, smiling, contented.

I continued smoothing his hair down. “I'm glad you enjoy it, I like stroking your hair, and it’s actually really relaxing for me too.” I wondered if it was a good time to ask about Mrs Red Dress.

“Can I ask you something?!”

He let a breath go. “If I tell you about her, I know you won't understand and I'd have to explain my motives. Please don't ask me.”

I sighed, he always knew what I was aiming at and it annoyed me. “But I want to know why her hand was on your knee like she was staking a claim! I thought at first maybe she was one of your 7 but when you said she was your brother's wife... Also is she reason you don't like red and you don't want me wearing it cause what?! It will remind you of her!” I chewed my lip as a sudden and unwanted thought crept into my mind, making me jealous. “Did you love her?!”

My breath caught in my chest. I prayed he didn't, I knew he'd had other women before me, but they'd been contracted bottoms they hadn't meant anything to him in that sense.

He moved so he was hovering above me, his whole face contorted in disgust. “No I fucking did not love her! She makes my skin crawl! Oh for fucks sake Evangeline! Why did you have to ask?!” He sat back and raked his fingers through his hair, leaving me laying under him still, he was trapping my legs so I couldn't move.

I frowned. “Because I want to know! I want to understand! I promise whatever you tell me I won't breathe a word to anyone!” I tried to sit up a little, but just had to settle for propping myself up on my elbows.

He looked down at me. “And you won't run?!”

I frowned. Jesus, what was he gonna tell me?! “Why would I run from you?!”

He licked his lips. “Because I fucked her that's why!”

My mouth popped open in shock. “Recently?!” My voice shot up half an octave, had he slept with her while he'd been seeing me?! Was that why it had taken him a week to get around to sending me the roses?! But he wouldn't... He said our relationship was monogamous.

He shook his head vigorously. “Fucking hell no! It was three years ago, I knew she liked me and I knew I could get her, she was always mooning over me, even though she's with my brother and that was my motive! I seduced her, she was far too easy, I fucked her over her kitchen table the first time! It was meant to end at that, but she kept contacting me and I thought fuck it, I'll teach my brother a lesson, so I kept on fucking her, she'd come to meet me or I'd go to her, it was a game Evan! A game that I ultimately won!”

I wasn't sure if I was jealous or just disgusted. “How long did it go on?!”

He sighed. “A year or so, she kept telling me she loved me, and I had her right where I wanted her, ready to leave him! When she told me she was gonna leave him for me, I cut her loose! I told her I had simply been using her, to get at my brother and she was actually upset! Of course he found out, he knew what I'd done and why, so he took her back, but she's never really forgot and that photo was last year, she could never accept that I had never loved her!” He looked down at me. “You are staring at me funny, please don't run from me. You said you wouldn't run.” He implored me with his eyes.

“You told me I was the first woman you'd ever started a relationship with! That's a lie! You were with her for a year! Get off me!” I tried to shove him off, but he was too heavy to shift.

“I didn't have a relationship with her! Fuck it Evan, all I did was have sex with her! I didn't even like it! She never touched me, I never took her on dates!”

“Yes, but you had sex with her for over a year! She fell in love with you and you cut her loose! I can't understand why you'd do that! She's probably still in love with you!” I did feel better now I knew he hadn't felt for her, but I was still angry and confused. I had no way of even trying to understand. “Why, Cameron?”

“Because my brother bullied me ever since I was 6 that's why! Because I hate him and I wanted to take something he loved and break it beyond repair! Just like he broke me!” His breathing was heavy as he moved off my legs, allowing me to move. “When I was 7 he pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm, he told my parents I'd slipped!”

Although my legs were free all I did was move to kneel in front of him, almost mirroring his own stance. His eyes were moist and his voice shook. I drank in what he was confessing.

“When I was 8 he pushed me in the pool, and held me under! I stopped breathing, if it hadn't of been for my Granma seeing what he was doing, I might have died! When she came out I was floating on the surface face down, she dragged me out and made me cough up the water I'd swallowed! Later on, she asked him what he thought he was doing and he said he had seen me fall in, and couldn't drag me out, she tried to tell my parents she'd seen him push me in and hold me under but they said he was probably trying to get me out.”

My hands covered my mouth in shock. I wasn't sure what to say. I doubted he'd ever told anyone else, this story and it broke my heart that his own brother would harm an innocent child. And all these years all those things had been eating away at him.

“Oh Cameron that's awful!” I held my hand out to touch him, then retracted it, not sure if I should.

He looked at me, unsure for a second. “That's not even the worse thing Evangeline, when I was 13, I was struggling with puberty, I would get these incredibly hard and almost painful erections and I was naturally embarrassed! One weekend I was outside in the garden and my brother had some friends round from school, and I was watching them play around when I got an erection, my bastard of a brother saw me, and he and his friends all laughed. They said I was gay!” He snorted. “My brother held me down while his friend kicked the shit out of me, I cried and they laughed at me even more! They beat me up every time they came home from school until I was old enough to fight back! He said they were making a real man out of me! They weren't so brave when I fought back, I was a dirty fighter, always aimed low! So yes, I took his wife and I fucked her till I broke her heart into tiny shards! And I'm not sorry! He's always fucking shoved me around my whole life. Little digs, running interference in my life, even now he thinks I don’t know what I’m doing!”

I took a shaky breath. Fuck no wonder he hated being touched, what he had gone through was horrible and I did understand why he'd done that, but it was still cruel to make her fall in love with him just to break her when it wasn’t her fault.

He hung his head and I wasn't sure if he was crying or not.

“Please don't cry! It's okay, I'm here now!” I tried not to cry for him, but I couldn't help it. I could imagine little 8 year old Cameron floating face down in the pool and it gave me palpitations. His childhood should have been happy and free filled with laughter and love, but it hadn't been like that for him. He had never known love, never trusted anyone enough to let them in.

Fuck that was the key.
He had never known real unconditional love before he met me. My heart broke for him. I shifted forwards and brought my hands to his face softly. “What he and his friends did was cowardly, and I understand your motives, even if I think it was cruel. I am sorry he did that to you as a child!” I used my fingers to wipe away a cluster of tears from his beautiful eyelashes and I felt something wash over me and settle somewhere in my stomach. Protectiveness. I would protect him. He was mine. “I won't let anyone hurt you! And she won't ever touch you again!” I shoved my arms around his middle and held him as tight as I could.

I heard his breath catch in his chest and his whole body stiffened as I hugged him then all the tension left his body and he sagged down, his arms wrapping around me, holding onto me like he was afraid I was going to disappear.

“Please believe when I say you are the only woman I have ever been okay with touching me, holding me and kissing me, you are my life line and I am forever thankful that you don't run from me and all my shit!”

I listened to his heart beat returning to normal. “I won't run from you, I want to protect you from all that bad stuff like you protect me from all my fucked up shit!”

He collapsed back onto the lounger taking me with him. “I would chase you if you ran, I would always chase you! You soothe my soul. Oh god you soothe me so.”