Igniting the Flame (Firebrand Series) (3 page)

He shook his head. “I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with myself for not being fair to you.”       

She started to question what he meant, but the waitress returned and placed the bill next to his plate. He glanced at it before he pulled out his wallet and tossed a handful of bills on top of it. Then he pushed back from the table and stood up. “Let’s go. We’ll talk at your house.”

Neither of them spoke all the way to her house. When he pulled up to the curb, he turned off the motor, looped his arms over the steering wheel, and stared out the windshield for several minutes before he turned to her. The street light lit the interior of the car, and Lainey almost recoiled at the tormented look on his face.

“Ash,” she murmured, “what has happened?”

He bit down on his lip for a moment and took a deep breath. “The morning we met out on Moss Creek trail, I told you I’d been camping for a week up in the mountains, and you said that was a good place to get away and think. Do you remember that?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you were right. That’s exactly what I was doing. At the time I’d been home about a month from the army. When I came back, my father assumed I was going to go to work at DeHan Enterprises like my brother did. The problem is that I have no interest in the family business and don’t want to work there.”

“Have you told your father?”

“Yeah, I told him, but it makes no difference to him. It’s what I’m expected to do, and he intends to make me, whether I like it or not.”

Lainey smiled, reached over, and rubbed her fingers across his knuckles that were turning white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. “Is there something else you want to do? Is that why you’re so opposed to working for your father?”

“Yes.” His dark eyes flashed as he leaned closer to her. “I was a good soldier, Lainey, and I was happy doing my job. Right before I left the army, a man from the CIA came to our camp and talked to Reese, Colt, and me about going to work for them. The government is in need of a covert group of operatives that could do undercover missions, and they singled us out to head it up. We’d be in charge of recruiting, training, and leading our men on missions that the government can’t sanction publicly.”

Lainey swallowed the fear that rose in her throat. “That sounds dangerous.”

“It’s the kind of work that makes me feel alive. Some men are cut out for the life of a soldier, and I’m one of them.”

“So have they started the group?”

“Yes. We’re calling the organization Firebrand, and Reese and Colt are recruiting right now. The fourteen month training program begins in September in South America.”

Lainey blinked to keep tears from filling her eyes. She and Ash had only been seeing each other for three weeks, but she’d begun to think it might lead to a real relationship, that she might finally have someone in her life who cared for her. That hope had just died.

She took a deep breath. “So when are you leaving?”

He swiveled in his seat and grasped her shoulders. His fingers dug into her as he pulled her close. “That’s just it. Firebrand was all I could think about when I came home. I couldn’t wait to get out of St. Claire. I came down off that mountain the day we met, and I was ready to pack my bags and leave town the next day.” He trailed a finger down the side of her face. “And then I met you, and everything changed.”

Her mouth opened, and she gave a small gasp. “How?”

“All of a sudden, Firebrand didn’t seem so important. I wanted to know you better, and I knew I couldn’t leave when I’d found a woman who intrigued me more than anyone had before.”

She tried to digest everything he’d just said. The job he’d described sounded well-suited for a man with no ties, and that’s what Ash had intended to be, until he met her. On the other hand,maybe this was his way of letting her down easy.

She should have known her relationship with Ash DeHan was too good to be true. He’d had a reputation in high school for not dating a girl very long before moving on to someone else. In her case it had been something else, Firebrand. He’d planned to leave town all along, and she’d been nothing more than a diversion while he was still here.

She pulled free of him and sank back in her seat. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through such a hard time, but I’m sure you’ll be okay once you start training.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

Her heart lurched, and she clasped her hands in her lap. “It’s okay, Ash. I never expected anything from you, and you don’t have to stroke my ego by spouting off some line you’ve probably used a hundred times before.”

His mouth dropped open. “Are you accusing me of lying?”

“Of course not. You’re so skilled at wrapping women around your finger, you probably don’t even realize what you say to them.”

He carved his hand into his hair, held it for a moment, and then released it. “So you do think I’m lying to you.” He gritted his teeth and leaned closer. “What do you think? I have women all over the place? I feed them lines to get what I want?”

He looked at her as if he didn’t know her at all. Her heart pounded at the hurt expression in his eyes. “Ash. . .”

“That wasn’t some line,” he hissed. “I meant it. I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, and I thought you had, too.”

She swallowed hard. “I have, but I know where this is going, Ash, and I’m just trying to be realistic.”

He leaned back in his seat, stretched his arms out on the steering wheel again, and flexed his fingers. “And where is it going?”

She shrugged. “Nowhere. You’re leaving for Firebrand, and I’m staying here. Once you’re back with your friends, you’ll forget me in no time. You never stayed interested in one girl for very long, anyway.”

His mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything as he gave her a look that sent chills down her spine. She wondered if that was what his enemies on the battlefield had seen right before they’d died. After a moment he took a breath and shook his head. “You have it all figured out, don’t you? You formed an opinion of me years ago, and you can’t let it go. If that’s the case, then a relationship with you is already dead in the water, no matter what I say.”

“I’m just saying—”

“From the minute I met you, I liked you, really liked you. I knew your memories of me weren’t good, so I’ve purposely taken this relationship slowly. I wanted you to see what kind of man I really am, but I guess it was a waste of time. You’re never going to give me a chance, are you?”

Tears were about to spill down her cheeks. She had to get away. She reached over to open the door, but he was out of the car first. He came around to the passenger side and jerked the door open. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

She stepped out and took a deep breath. She didn’t want their time together to end this way. There had to be something she could say, but when she stared up at him, she decided perhaps she’d already said enough. The muscle in his jaw flexed as he ground his teeth together. She squared her shoulders and returned his glare.

“You don’t have to do that. I can find my way alone.”

He clenched his teeth, and she flinched at the angry look he directed at her. “Contrary to what you may think, I still try to conduct myself like a gentleman. And I always walk a woman to her door.”

      When they stepped up on the porch, he turned to leave. She grasped his arm. “Ash, I’m sorry. I’ve enjoyed our time together, and I wish you well in Firebrand.”      

He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

She frowned. “Get what?”

His gaze raked her. “Firebrand was the most important thing in my life until I met you. You’re the most gorgeous and the smartest woman I’ve ever met, and as much as I don’t want to, I can’t help thinking about you. All the time.” He waved a hand back and forth between them. “I don’t know what this is between us, and I’ve been scared to death thinking that I may mess it up before we even start. But even if it meant giving up Firebrand, I wanted to take a chance. I hoped you did, too, but it looks like I was just kidding myself. If you ever get ready to give me a chance, let me know.”

He turned and strode down the steps and back to his car. Lainey stood on the porch with tears streaming down her face. She didn’t move as she watched the taillights of his car recede in the distance and wondered if she had just messed up the best thing that could have ever happened to her.

Chapter 4

Ash stared at the television and tried to concentrate on the baseball game, but it was no use. He hadn’t been able focus on anything since that night with Lainey.

Ever since the moment they began to talk at the shelter, he’d known she was special. His pulse still raced when he remembered how she looked that day. Suspicious. Drenched. And beautiful.

His knees had gone weak when she’d blinked her long eyelashes and stared at him with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. Her rosy cheeks accented her flawless complexion, and the minute she opened her mouth, he heard a musical lilt to her voice that made his heart soar. No doubt about it. She had captivated him that day, and he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind since.

He turned the TV off, then threw the remote across the room as hard as he could. It crashed into the wall and sank to the carpet. What was the matter with him? He’d always been able to have any woman he wanted, until now. And he didn’t know what to do.

She’d made it very clear that she didn’t have a high opinion of the boy she’d known in high school, but he’d wanted her to know him as he was now. A lonely man who’d never been quite good enough to gain his father’s approval. A soldier who suffered nightmares from what he’d seen and done in battle. And a man who yearned to have someone say ‘I love you’ to him and mean it.

He’d purposely moved slowly and tried to court her the way she deserved, hoping she’d see what lay deep within him, but she hadn’t been impressed. After two weeks of hoping to hear from her, he was ready to give up. He should chalk Lainey Simpson up to a bad experience and move on. Somehow, though, he didn’t think he could do that.

Movement at the door caught his attention, and he turned to see his older brother Richard entering the den. He had a mug in each hand and held one out to Ash as he came toward him.

“I thought you might like some coffee.”

Ash smiled as he took the cup. Richard looked tired tonight. His red-streaked eyes and pale face worried Ash, and he let his gaze wander over his brother. Had he lost weight?

Ash swallowed the nausea that always attacked him when he remembered how close Richard had come to dying when they were teenagers. He couldn’t bear to think about losing the only person he had truly loved.

Ash’s breath hitched in his throat. “Are you okay, Richard?”

Richard nodded and sank down on the couch. “If you’re asking if my cancer is still in remission, the answer is yes. I’ve just been buried in that new project at work.”

Ash frowned and studied his brother. “Are you sure that’s what it is? I know you went to the doctor for a check-up yesterday. You’d tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

Richard grinned and punched Ash on the shoulder. “You worry about me too much. I’m fine.”

Ash scrubbed his hand over his face and shook his head. “I know Dad expected me to join the business as soon as I got home from the army, and I’m sorry you haveto carry the load right now. But the truth is that I haven’t decided if I can come to work at DeHan Enterprises or not.”

Richard looked at him, and his shoulders sagged. “I know you don’t want to be tied down to a desk for the rest of your life, but think about Dad. He’s not getting any younger, and I need you to help me run the company. He built it for us, and we need to preserve it for our children.”

Ash grunted at the thought of being a father. “It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen for either of us any time soon.” He sighed and rested against the couch cushion. “I don’t know if Dad and I could ever work together. He’s never given me credit for anything. He knows you’re the smart son. To him, I’m just the one who killed our mother.”

Richard’s eyes flashed with anger. “That’s not how Dad sees you. Mom’s death had nothing to do with you.”

“Except mine was the birth that killed her.”

“When are you going to get that chip off your shoulder and meet him halfway? He’s a hard man, but he loves you. And he wants you to join us in the business.”

Ash pushed up from the couch and stared down at his brother. “I don’t think I can do it, Richard. I know it’s not fair to you, but I’m not cut out for running a business. And I don’t think Dad really wants me there.”

Richard shook his head. “You’re wrong.” He tilted his head to one side and stared. “Three weeks ago you talked like you might be considering coming to work with us. Then suddenly you changed your mind. What happened?”

Ash’s face grew warm. “Nothing happened.”

Richard set his coffee cup on the table beside the couch and looked back at Ash. “For a few weeks there, you were different. Happier. I know it had to do with a woman, because I heard you on the phone ordering flowers. Did something happen?”

Ash rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and grimaced. “Yeah, something happened.”

“What?”

Ash felt moisture in his eyes. He blinked and shook his head. “She gave up on me just like Dad did.”

Before Richard could say anything, Ash stormed from the room, rushed to the front door, and slammed it behind him. His car still sat in the driveway where he’d left it earlier, and he jumped inside and grabbed the steering wheel. He started to reach for the ignition, but instead closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands.

He needed to go somewhere tonight. Do something. Maybe Sam could hang out for a while. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and punched in the number for Sam Black, his friend since childhood. Sam answered on the first ring.

“Hey, Ash, what’s going on?”

“How’s the new deputy sheriff’s job going?”

“Great. It’s good to be back home, and I like the people I work with. What about you? Have you started to work for your dad yet?”