Igniting the Flame (Firebrand Series) (8 page)

“Thanks for taking her home.”

“No problem,” Richard said. “I’m glad to do it.”

Ash straightened and put his hand on the door but seemed to think better of it. Bending down again, he put his hand at the back of Lainey’s neck, pulled her to him, and pressed his lips to hers. There was urgency in the feel of his mouth on hers, and then the contact was broken. He touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” he whispered.

“Y-yes,” she stammered.

“Don’t ever doubt that,” he said as he stepped back and closed the door.

Lainey swiveled in her seat and watched him stand in front of the restaurant as Richard pulled the car into the street. An overwhelming feeling of loss rose up from the depth of her soul.

In that instant she knew her life was about to take an unexpected detour. Ash’s lips on hers had felt too much like a goodbye kiss.

Chapter 10

Ash glanced at his watch as he opened the front door of his home. Two a.m. He hadn’t intended to stay out so late with Reese and Colt, but he’d let the time get away from him. It was too late to go by Lainey’s. She’d probably been in bed for hours. He’d have to explain everything to her in the morning, and there was a lot for them to talk about. He only hoped he could make her understand what he’d done.

For now he hoped he could make it up to his room without waking his father or Richard. That thought went up in smoke when he started up the stairs and heard his father call out.

“Ash, is that you?”

He released the breath he’d been holding and gripped the bannister. “I thought you’d be in bed.”

“Can’t sleep tonight. I want to talk to you.”

With a sigh Ash released his hold on the railing and walked toward the den. His father sat on the sofa, a book in his lap and a cup of tea beside him. “What’s wrong?” Ash asked. “Why can’t you sleep?”

His father closed the book and waved his hand in dismissal. “It’s that deal with Dexter Electronics that’s keeping me awake. The owner’s dragging his heels on this one, and I’m ready to finalize the paperwork. Dexter’s never going to have the money to enlarge his operation and improve his products. Besides, our engineers already have ideas for new technology and software that we can add to their present list of products. What did Dexter say the last time you talked to him?”

Ash dropped down on the sofa and searched his mind for the last conversation he’d had with Gerald Dexter, but that had been over a week ago. After a moment he shrugged. “Just that he was thinking about our offer, and he’d be in touch.”

“Did you tell him the offer is negotiable?”

“I think so.”

His father’s eyebrows arched. “You think so? I gave you this deal to close because you said you wanted to prove yourself to me.” He moved to the edge of his seat. “Maybe it’s not Dexter dragging his heels. Maybe it’s you.”

Ash ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ve tried to do what you asked, Dad. But you know as well as I do that you and our lawyers are going to close the deal with Dexter. What difference does it make what I do?”

His father stood. “It makes a difference because to Dexter, you’re the face of our company. If you appear incompetent, then he’s going to be hesitant about selling to us. Nobody who’s built a company from the ground up wants to see it fail if it’s sold to the wrong person. Richard would have taken the chance I’ve given you with Dexter, and he would have been like a bloodhound. He wouldn’t have rested until he had that company signed, sealed, and delivered to me.”

Ash wanted to put his hands over his ears and block what his father was saying, but he’d heard it too many times in the past. He was never going to be as good as Richard, and he was never going to make his father happy.

Ash gritted his teeth. “I’m not Richard,” he muttered. “I’ll never be like him. I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing at the company, and I hate working there.”

His father clenched his fists at his sides. “Well, that’s too bad because, you’re in it now, whether you like it or not. I’ve worked all my life to leave you a legacy, and I’ve built a fortune for you. Why do you insist on throwing it back in my face like it’s something contemptible?”

Ash let out a long breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not contemptible, Dad. You’ve done a wonderful thing for Richard because he loves it, but it’s not for me. When I went into the army, I was happy for the first time in my life. I knew what was expected of me, and I did it.”

“Yes, yes. You were a fine soldier. You think I don’t know that? That’s not the life I want for my son. I want you to make sure what I’ve built only gets stronger for the children you and Lainey will have.”

“What we give our children has to be a life that Lainey and I choose. Not one you’ve picked out for us.” He took a step closer to his father. “I’m just a soldier. That’s all I’ll ever be, and all I want to be.”

His father’s eyes grew wide. “You’re not going to reenlist, are you?”

Ash shook his head. “No. I’m going to do what I’ve wanted ever since Reese first brought up the idea of Firebrand. I’m going to join them.”

“No! You can’t do that. What about what I want for you? What about Lainey?”

“Lainey loves me. She’ll want me to do what I think is best. I’ll only be gone fourteen months.”

“B-but those missions you told me about. What about them? You’ll be all over the world.”

“Soldiers’ families learn to adjust, and she will, too.”

His father’s eyes narrowed, and he gritted his teeth. “Ash, I won’t let you destroy everything I’ve ever wanted for you. You can’t do this.”

“Don’t make this harder than it already is. I’m leaving in the morning, and you can’t stop me.”

His father stepped closer and jabbed him in the chest with a finger. “If you walk out of this house, don’t you ever bother coming back. You won’t be welcome here.”

Ash had been expecting to hear those words for half his life, but he hadn’t realized how they would hurt when they finally came. He blinked back the moisture in his eyes and nodded. “If that’s the way you want it, I guess that’s the way it’ll be. I know now I could never live in St. Claire. I don’t think I’ll wait until the morning. I’ll grab a few clothes and stay over at Lainey’s until it’s time to leave tomorrow.” He started to walk from the room but stopped at the door and turned back to his father. “And for the last time, Firebrand is not a group of mercenaries. It’s a group of patriotic soldiers wanting to help their country.”

Ash trudged up the stairs to his room and walked inside. He sank down on the side of the bed, clasped his hands between his knees, and took a long look. Nothing much had changed in here since he was in high school. He’d never really thought about it before, but now he recalled how every time he’d ever thought of home, it was this room. His sanctuary. A place that was his alone. And now he was leaving it.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. He heard his father come upstairs and listened for his footsteps in the hall. The soft pad of his father’s shoes on the carpet stilled as he paused outside the door, and Ash wondered if he would come in. He held his breath, wanting him to come in one minute, willing him to walk on the next.

After what seemed an eternity, the footsteps resumed, and Ash heard the door to his father’s room close. He exhaled. The message had been delivered loud and clear. His father wasn’t going to take back what he’d said, and neither was he.

He’d been trying to earn his father’s approval all his life, and it had always been just out of reach. Working at his father’s office was supposed to bring them closer, but it hadn’t worked out that way. He was a soldier, and that’s all he’d ever be.

Sighing, he got to his feet, walked to the closet, and pulled out his suitcase. He threw in a few clothes and then snapped it shut. He wouldn’t need much where he was going. Everything like food and clothing would be taken care of. The only thing he dreaded was the loneliness.

He jerked his desk drawer open and grabbed his passport. Holding it in his hands, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. He wouldn’t be chained to a desk anymore. He’d be doing what he was born to do.

The only thing remaining was to tell Lainey. He had to make her see that he wasn’t deserting her, but he couldn’t abandon Firebrand and his brothers either. There had to be room in his life for both. Now he had to make her understand that. He prayed he could do it.

He pocketedhis passport and grabbed his suitcase. After a long look at the room, he walked downstairs and out the front door of the place he’d always called home. Would he ever see it again? He stopped on the front porch and tried to memorize the way everything looked before he headed to his car and to Lainey’s house.

Chapter 11

Lainey woke to pounding on her front door. She jumped out of bed and grabbed her robe before she ran into the living room. Who could be banging on her door at three o’clock in the morning?

“Lainey, it’s Ash. Open up, please.”

She reached for the door, but the relief she’d felt at hearing his voice turned to fear. She threw the door open, and he brushed past her to enter before she could say a word. She hadn’t taken time to turn the lights on, and he strode into the darkened living room without speaking.

After closing the door, she walked back to the living room and switched on the light. Ash stood in the middle of the room, his legs spread in that stance she’d come to know so well. As she moved nearer, he raised his right hand and raked his thick, black hair out of his eyes. The short sleeve of his T-shirt rode up over his bicep, and she froze where she stood, unable to believe what she was seeing. A tattoo of a sword and a flaming torch crossed in an X now decorated his arm.

She pointed a shaking finger at the dreaded sign. “Wh-where did you have that done?”

His shoulders sagged, and he held a hand out as if in apology. “At an all-night tattoo parlor downtown.”

He took a step closer, and she backed up, shaking her head. “No, tell me you wouldn’t do this.”

“Let me explain.” The sorrow in his eyes told her all she needed to know.

She crossed her arms over her abdomen and bent double as pain ripped through her. Her legs threatened to collapse, and she grabbed the back of the couch to keep herself from falling.

“No! No! No!” she wailed. “How could you?”

Ash reached her in two steps and wrapped her in his arms. “Please, Lainey.”

She clenched her fists and beat them against his chest. He didn’t flinch as blow after blow rained down on him. When she was spent, she sagged against him, and her shoulders shook with sobs that stole her breath. “I asked you to be honest, and you lied. Why, Ash? Why?”

He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head. Never taking his arms from around her, he led her to the couch and eased them down. He cradled her against his chest as she continued to shake and cry. “This is killing me, too. Please hear me out.”

She pulled back and looked up at him. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand. You’re throwing away everything we’ve planned so you can go off and live an adventurous life with your friends. But what about me, Ash? What am I supposed to do? Just roll over like a pet and wait for you to come home?”

He put his hand on the side of her face in a caress and shook his head. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me. I know that sounds selfish to you right now, but you’ll see I’m right. I’m not cut out to work in my father’s company. He knows it, too. Tonight he told me to leave and never come back.”

She stiffened her back and shook her head. “He didn’t mean it, Ash. He loves you. All he wants is for you and Richard to take over his business.”

“And that’s fine for Richard, but not me. A man has to do what he was born to do. I’m a soldier, and I can’t be anything else. Please don’t try to make me something I’m not. If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Lainey pulled away and stared at him. “And what about me? I thought you wanted to marry me.”

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “I do, but I can’t be the head of a family if I’m still trying to please my father. All I’m asking is for you to let me have this chance. I’ll only be gone fourteen months. As soon as I get back, we’ll get married, just like we planned.”

She shook her head. “And then what? Where will we live? In St. Claire or somewhere else?”

“I don’t know. The important thing is that we’ll be together, and we can start a family.”

She jumped to her feet. “Are you living in a dream world, Ash? Fourteen months is only the beginning. After that there will be missions all over the world, and I’ll never know where you are. What happens if you’re hurt or killed? Will anybody let me know, or will I spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to you?”

He rose and came toward her, but she backed away. He held out his hand to her. She stared at it and crossed her arms. He let it drop. “We’ll cross those bridges when we come to them. Right now all I’m asking is for you to understand why I have to go.”

She shook her head. “Then you’re asking too much. I’ll never understand how you can throw away what we had, what we can still have together.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m not throwing it away. I’m just putting it on hold for a few months.”

She looked down at the engagement ring on her finger, and her eyes blurred. “I should never have come after you that night at the concert. The hurt I felt then was nothing what I’m feeling now.”

He inched closer to her. “Lainey. . .”

Taking a deep breath, she slipped the ring from her finger and held it out. “I don’t want this, Ash. I want a husband who loves me enoughto be with me every night, to help me raise our children. I want us to build a stable life together, not one that depends on where the latest international crisis is. You have to do what you have to do to make you happy, but I have to do the same for myself.”

He stared at the ring in her hand. He seemed shocked when he looked back into her eyes. “You can’t be serious. We share a great love that few people are lucky enough to find. It will never end, no matter what you say.”