Illumine Her (33 page)

Two hours went by with Alana coaxing and encouraging Telila through the contractions, wiping the sweat off her forehead, and rubbing her back. When a small tuft of dark hair emerged, she almost sighed in relief. But she knew it was far from over.

“Telila,” Alana said. “Reach down with your fingers. Your baby’s head is almost out.”

Telila, sagging with exhaustion, touched her child’s head, a small smile spreading on her lips. The contractions were coming faster, the pain sharper, and she pushed through gritted teeth. Alana focused on drawing out the head, but her eyes widened when the delicate skin down there started to tear. Telila screamed in agony, breaking what little professional calm Alana clung onto. She grabbed a clean cloth to suppress the blood that was seeping down in drips.

Litia strolled through the curtain at that moment and frowned. Waving Alana away like the superior she was, she took her place.

Litia spoke in an emotionless, professional voice. “She needs an episiotomy. See this tear? The more she pushes, the larger the tear will grow. We need to cut her to control it.”

She reached for surgical scissors and without a local anesthetic snipped the fragile skin without as much as a flinch. Telila gasped out in pain as blood gushed out—the shock of it rendering her speechless, save for the squealing sounds that reminded Alana of an injured cat. She blanched. Blood had never bothered her before, but the thought that a cut occurred in that most sensitive spot of a woman almost made her want to faint. She had been present during an amputation of a leg from a patient who was suffering from type two diabetes, and even then she was alright. She held her own. The patient was under anesthetic so she couldn’t feel a thing anyway. There were no screams of agony, no biting down on a stick like those brave soldiers in those war movies.

“Push, Telila!” Litia ordered, snapping Alana out of her fainting spell.

Oh the cruelty! She wanted to cry on Telila’s behalf. She was so incredibly brave, bearing this birth on her own without any relief—physical or emotional—from the sharp, wrenching pain. The head finally eased out, the baby's skin clammy and puffy eyes pinched tightly.

“Okay, Telila. The hard part is over. With a couple more pushes, you’re going to meet your baby,” Litia said.

Those words seemed to fuel Telila, and she pushed with renewed determination, squeezing Alana’s hand and leaving nail marks where her fingers dug into her skin. With a couple more pushes, the baby’s body slipped through the birth canal into the waiting hands of Litia who snipped the umbilical cord with quick sureness. Loud gurgling cries filled the room as she placed the infant on Telila’s chest. Tears pricked her eyes and sobs broke out as she gazed adoringly at her child, a look of tired relief on her young face.

Alana shifted so she was standing near her head. “It’s over now, Telila. You did incredibly well,” she said softly. Thank God it was over!

Alana left the room and stepped into the hallway to inform Marama. She stood next to a woman who looked like a fifty-year-old Telila, and she suspected she was her mother.

“We heard the baby’s cries,” the woman said nervously. “Can I go in now and meet my grandchild?”

Alana leveled her with a calculated gaze. “You have a healthy granddaughter. I’m sure your daughter would appreciate any support you give her and her baby. She’s going to need you now more than ever.”

“Yes, of course! Look, I brought baby blankets, towels, diapers,” she said, gesturing to a large bag on the floor. Her desperate tone pleaded with Alana as if
she
was the one she had to placate. “I even bought the most expensive baby formula at the pharmacy.”

“I don’t think she will need the formula right away,” Alana replied calmly. “Your daughter is young and healthy. Let her try to breastfeed first.” Telila’s mother nodded in acquiescence.

Alana watched as the two women crowded Telila’s sides, beaming proudly down at the small bundle in her arms as she fed greedily from her mother's breast. Her mother stroked the baby’s head gently and whispered soothingly, tears glistening in her eyes. Telila’s face was aglow with the kind of radiance that came after giving birth. Alana sighed and turned away. Trust a small child to bring them together again. She rolled her aching shoulders back and walked down the hallway to get a drink of water from the fountain tap. Sweat marks pooled under her arms and her hair was damp with perspiration. Litia approached her and smiled.

“Good job, Alana. Take a quick break and then come meet me in room one for another delivery.”

***

Hours passed and Alana stumbled tiredly out of the ward, fumbling clumsily for the car keys that were lodged somewhere in her bag. Glancing at her watch, she noted it was close to four in the morning. Bone-weary and exhausted, her head pounding with a headache, she thought about climbing into her bed and never waking up again. Maybe she could convince Manu and Sera to extend their trip to Namua for a few more days so she could slip into a deep slumber under the open
fale
with nothing but the ocean breeze and waves lapping a lullaby. She did a mental check list of the supplies they would need to pack and take with them across the water. Soap. Flash light. Sugar cane. Swimsuit. Steeped in her thoughts, she approached David’s truck and stopped short when she noticed a tall, dark figure leaning against it. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest.

“Alana, it’s just me,” came his familiar baritone voice.

“Chase?” She breathed in relief.

He stepped out of the shadows and neared her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I was doing work in the ER,” he answered.
Performing miracles more like it
, she thought. “I noticed your brother’s truck parked here and thought you’d be on shift.”

Her stomach fluttered. “Have you been waiting long?”

He shook his head. “It’s not long when you’ve lived for as long as I have. Your perspective of time somewhat differs.”

“A simple yes or no would have sufficed.” The corners of his mouth twitched as he approached her, looking down at her tired face. She noticed his clothes, or lack of, were vastly different from anything she saw him wear before—black military fatigues and heavy boots—and instantly thought it was odd. Especially in hot, humid Samoa. He was shirtless and the cut lines and muscles of his torso were even more pronounced in the shadowed light. Alana inhaled his crisp scent and wanted to bury her face in his chest she was so tired.

“You’re exhausted,” he declared softly.

She wanted to laugh. “Exhausted doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling right now. I never, ever,
ever
want to have a baby. Ever.”

In one night, she witnessed enough pain and agony to put her off giving birth for the rest of her life. She was closing down her factory before it was ever open. “It’s as if your body is going to war, and you have no control over it at all. And there’s no relief! None whatsoever in this hospital. It’s a battle zone in there. So, I’m sorry, Mother Nature, but I am not going to relent my body to this. Women got the short end of the stick in my opinion, and it’s just plain unfair...” she waved one arm around dramatically to emphasize her point “...and while I’m at it, I might as well apologize to my future husband—whoever and wherever he is. Sorry, honey, but you aren’t coming near me!” she exclaimed dramatically and swayed on her feet.

The combination of exhaustion and a low blood sugar level was enough to have her spinning. Now that she remembered, she never got the chance to eat those German buns. She really was beat and perhaps a little delusional.

Chase stepped forward and gripped her arms to steady her. Comforting warmth encircled them and gave her the boost of energy she needed at his proximity. He gazed down warmly at her face and gave her a slow, sad smile.

“Sweetheart, do you honestly believe your husband will be able to keep his hands off you?” She blinked once at the endearment and furrowed her brows at the question, her heart beating a little quicker. “Let me tell you the truth.” His voice was quiet and rough as he moved one hand to cradle the side of her face, his eyes never leaving hers. “Your husband will love you more intensely than he ever has before when the moment comes that he becomes a father to your child. Nothing will ever match the deep love, awe, and fierce pride than at that precious hour when you’re at your most vulnerable, fighting to bring a new life into this world. He will be there every step of the way, loving you through his eyes, and hands, and touch. You will have nothing to fear because his love will encompass you and be enough to keep you safe from harm. And when you’re finally holding your baby in your arms, it will be the greatest miracle of all because it will be the greatest gift you could ever give him.”

He swallowed hard and the expression on his face made Alana’s heart light up with a burning ache. The deep longing was there. She didn’t need to hear the words he wasn’t saying to know how he was feeling because it matched her own in every way.

“Chase,” she said thickly. What little protection she built around her feelings in the last week was crumbling, along with her heart. “I—”

She wanted to tell him. Needed to tell him. But instead of mouthing the words that were at the tip of her tongue, she let her aura speak for itself in a language he could see and understand. She poured all the love she bottled up in the last week, the purity and affection she held for him, and let it go on an exhale of breath.

I love you immensely, with all my heart and soul
.

She didn’t know what colors she was purging into the darkness, but she didn’t hold back. She let go. She was choosing to be honest with herself, to him. Chase’s eyes lowered and settled over her heart, his face awash with emotion as he moved his hand from her arm and hovered it above her chest. Alana covered his hand with her own and brought it to her throbbing heart. The warmth from his hand seeped through her skin into the valves of her heart, and if it were possible that it was shattered into a million pieces, she imagined he was trying to put the fragments back together again.

“I know,” he said in a low voice. “I knew the other day, Alana.” She lifted her gaze and looked at him for guidance. The next step. The same words. “But by loving me, you’re hurting yourself. I’m hurting you. I cannot bear the thought of it, and I’m so sorry that I made it go this far.” He closed his eyes while her heart sank into the darkness. When he opened them again, he pinned her with a look of remorse. “I’m immortal, and I can’t give you the life you want.”

Alana closed her eyes. She knew it would come to this. Of course she knew. “It’s too late for that,” she whispered, opening them again. “But I understand, Chase. I do. I know that your life’s purpose is to heal and give second chances to those in need.”

And she meant it. She did understand. As painful as it was to admit, she knew there was little hope for them. How could there be? It was too good to be true, and she knew it couldn’t possibly get any better than this. This was it. The limit. Their limit.

“I know we can never build a life together, that you will live long after I grow old and die.” He winced at her words. “I know this is an impossible union, but I don’t regret it,” she continued. “Not for one second because knowing and loving you has been a gift. You are a gift, Chase, and I just feel incredibly blessed to have spent what little time I could get with you.”

Chase removed his hand from her heart and gently gripped the sides of her face, bringing them closer. His voice lowered and he spoke with tenderness.

“I need you to understand something else, Alana. By caring for you, all I want to do now is take care of you and only you, to heal and make sure nothing ever hurts you again. I am drawn to you with every fiber of my being. My soul is riveted to your aura, to your essence, and my touch aches for yours. Remember when I told you there is a precarious balance between healers and humans? I cannot risk the chance of having my attention diverted elsewhere and then not fulfilling my life’s purpose. It would be so easy to do, but I can’t cross that line.”

“I know, Chase,” she said swallowing. “As much as I want this, I know I can’t have you to myself. There are people who need you, who need the hope you offer, that second chance of life.”

He stilled and looked down at her eyes as if to memorize their shape and hue, the feeling penetrating her very soul. And she knew what was going to happen next.