Illumine Her (35 page)

Chapter 23

A
lana took it out on the sugar cane growing in the back yard. Tangled in wild bushes, she had to cut her way to get to them. Gripping tightly onto the machete, she brought it down forcefully. Whack! Whack! The cane splintered and bowed down to her. She continued to hit it until it broke off completely.
Therapeutic
, she mused. It felt good to channel whatever she was feeling into something physical. Moving onto the next cane, she hit it several times before it too fell. The questions came tumbling down along with them. How did she not figure this out before? How did she not know that there would be more to Chase? Would she ever see him again? Have the chance to talk about it? Despite what Kane said, she didn’t think so. While her mind rationalized with the realization that he was far more than just a healer, she definitely felt a world apart from him now. In her mind, she expected his life’s mission would always take him away, but she was hurt and confused, and that hurt and confusion clouded what sense of strength, fortitude, and stability she held onto to get past the pain. What emotional comfort Kane offered on the phone was enough to allay her aching heart at the time being. She needed to talk to him—the one person who knew Chase, the one person who guarded his secrets, like her. He didn’t sound at all surprised that she was calling to speak about him; Chase had obviously spoken about her. But when she awoke at noon, it had all come crashing down again. He was really gone and the ache intensified into a physical pain in her chest.

Alana kept up the momentum, throwing the sugar cane down on the ground until there was a generous pile heaped on an old rice sack.

“Think we’re going on a special episode of Survivor?” Manu’s voice broke through her concentration, and she halted the machete mid-air. Standing under the shadow of banana leaves, his brows were raised and he nodded towards the pile. “Unless you think we’re going to be abandoned and left starving out on Namua.”

Alana lowered the bush knife and wiped her brow on the sleeve of her shirt. “Help me carry them in?” she asked.

Manu bent down and lifted the bundle effortlessly into his arms and above his shoulder. “The truck is loaded. We’re good to go,” he said.

“Thanks,” she replied as he turned to exit the bushes with her in tow.

Sera perched expectantly in the front seat of Manu’s truck. With a wide brim hat plopped on the top of her head, she was dressed fashionably in a strapless top which showed off her pronounced collarbones.

“Let’s get this show on the road, people!” she exclaimed excitedly, drumming her hands on the dash board.

Alana climbed into the backseat of the double cab and got comfortable. She hadn’t had a decent night’s rest in over twenty four hours but felt like it had been forty eight.

Manu sat into the driver’s seat and cranked the engine. “At this rate, we should get there before sunset.”

Alana looked forward to the hour drive to the south of the island. She looked forward to spending time in her happy place. She needed to get away from everything, and Namua was the perfect remedy for that. Bunching a towel into a pillow, she rested her head against it on the window. Closing her eyes, she was in deep sleep before they reached the main road.

***

“Wakey, wakey, sunshine.” Manu shook her arm and she groaned. “We’re here.”

Momentarily disoriented, Alana lifted her head and noticed the familiar house, the little dock built from scraps of plank wood, the dingy boat that would take them across the water, and beyond that the island of Namua. Paradise. She gazed reflectively and stretched.

“I can’t believe I slept the whole way over. Felt like five minutes.”

Manu grinned. “That’s okay. I just wiped the drool off your face, snapped a pic, and posted it on Facebook.” Alana shot him a look before the corners of her mouth lifted. “And she’s alive!” He announced with a laugh. “Come on. Sera’s fidgety little butt is already sitting in the boat.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that—the little butt part, that is. You know how she wants a Nicki Minaj.”

Manu scoffed and grabbed her bag.

***

Alana took a deep breath and with it sucked in the seaweed, salty breeze, and afternoon sun. Dipping her fingers in the warm water, the boat cruised along noisily, skimming the deep blue. On days when the tide was out, one could waddle their way across to the small island, but not today. Today, Alana spotted a turtle swimming beneath the water, its slow movements lazy and unhurried. The late day sun beat down against her face and arms, the thin straps of her top offering little protection against its rays. She sat next to Sera who gripped onto to her back pack while Manu sat behind them chatting to the young man maneuvering the boat’s diesel engine. They joked and laughed the entire ten minute ride.

“Are there any other guests staying here?” Alana turned and asked the boat man in Samoan.

“No. You’re the only ones tonight.”

Alana smiled. Good. Besides the family who took care of the place, they would have the entire island to themselves.

They pulled up to the beach and the man cut the engine. Quiet. Calm. The waves rocked the boat peacefully, its bottom scraping along the sand. Manu jumped out and landed in the ankle deep water.

“Pass me your bags,” he said and the girls complied. He strode up the beach with the back packs in hand and dumped them under a low lying coconut tree before returning. Alana launched herself over the edge and landed in the water just as Manu reached his hand to help Sera. Alana grabbed the last remaining bag with the sugar cane and snacks.

“Let me take that,” Manu offered.

A cluster of beach
fale
sprawled ahead: wooden posts, no walls, and simple thatching for the roof. Alana noticed thin foam mattresses, pillows, and mosquito nets were already prepared in two of them. Beyond that stood a larger
fale
used for communal meals, the concrete block which served as the toilet and showers, and the simple home that belonged to the family who took care of the guests. A lush mountainous range towered behind them casting them in shadow. A beaten track snaked its way up the hill to what promised to be a spectacular view, and Alana looked forward to exploring it later.

“You girls take this
fale
, I’ll take the other one,” Manu directed, striding off to dump his things in his hut.

Alana and Sera climbed in and rested on the mattresses. They admired the view of the beach, ocean, and beyond that, the island of Upolu where they came from. The late afternoon sun cast bright rays on the coconut trees lined in the front of them, the water a mirror of glittery crystal. Soon, the island would be veiled in darkness, the only source of light coming from lanterns.

“Let’s go swimming,” she said to Sera.

***

The water was warm on her legs. Save for the cool breeze that raised goose bumps on her upper arms, it was pleasant and calm, the waves placid. Alana lay on her stomach, the sand scratching her elbows and knees. Manu was in his
fale
taking a nap while Sera stretched out beside her, facing the sky, head tilted back, eyes closed. Besides the waves crashing gently on the shore, it was quiet and serene.

“I took your advice,” Alana started. “About Chase.”

Sera opened her eyes and turned her head to face her. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Alana licked her lips which tasted salty. “I made the effort to spend time with him, and we…kissed.”

Sera almost slipped and went under. “You did what?” she exclaimed. “When? Where?”

“After the volleyball game, down at the river,” she answered.

Sera eyed her incredulously. “And? How was it?” she asked breathlessly.

Alana gave her a small, knowing smile. “It was magical. He kissed with such reverence unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.”

Sera squealed a girly squeal. “So? Why didn’t you invite him to come with us?” Alana tried to mask the pain on her face but her friend picked up on it right away. “Hey, he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Alana suppressed a humorless laugh. “Not in the way you think… It’s more complicated than that. He had to leave Samoa and travel for work. He can’t stay in one place for too long so we both decided that it would be best if we just said goodbye.” A deep ache settled in her chest, and she tried to push it away.

Sera nodded in comprehension. “Ah, one of those. Workaholic non-commitment types. What does he do again?”

Alana bit her lip to prevent from telling her that he is none of those things—the typical man label. She wanted to correct her that Chase was not what she thought he was and that he was in fact the most selfless and beautiful person she knew. But how did she explain the type of work he was involved in? She decided to go with the next best thing.

“He’s a specialized doctor.” Holding her breath, she hoped Sera wouldn’t probe further and ask for specifics.

“Wow. The doctor and the nurse. Isn’t that the cliché,” she mused. They were quiet for a moment. “Are you okay? How do you feel?” she asked sincerely.

Alana blew out air through her mouth. “It hurts. I hurt. A lot.”

She didn’t like that she felt selfish—that he was away helping people and she was left behind hurting from his absence. But she couldn’t help it. She missed him.

“What hurts?” Manu ambled down the beach shirtless, the tattoo on the side of his hard stomach flashing in the sunlight. It was a vertical design Alana rarely saw on others—contemporary lines and curves inspired by the
pe’a
tattoo, the traditional Samoan tattoo for men that covered them from the stomach to the knees. Her father had one and it was no easy feat.

“Her elbows,” Sera rushed to explain. “The sand here is a little rough, very…coral-ly.”

Manu raised his brows before sinking down beside them in the water. He dipped his head under and came up glistening.

“Man, this water feels amazing. I’m going out deeper.” He slipped under and swam away from them.

Alana turned to Sera. “Thanks for covering for me. I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I told you to Manu.”

Sera looked at her. “I didn’t do it for you, I did it for him. Surely you must know the way he feels for you, Lana. I just don’t want to see him get hurt.” Alana stared back unblinking. “Oh, come on. Don’t play dumb,” Sera continued.

Alana shifted her gaze and swallowed hard. She did have an inkling Manu felt something deeper for her, but hearing it come from Sera’s mouth confirmed it all. The care. The attention. The over-protectiveness. She exhaled loudly and closed her eyes.

“Why hasn’t he said anything?” she asked.

Sera shrugged. “My guess is that you guys already have a good thing going. Plus, it’s clear you don’t feel the same way so why jeopardize it? Maybe he’s waiting for you. But if there’s one thing I know for certain, Lana, is that that man is a keeper. If I didn’t already see him as an annoying older brother, I’d be all over him, attached to that sexy tattoo of his.”

Alana looked at her and they burst out laughing. They peered out to see him swimming in the distance and giggled some more. When they calmed, Alana’s face became serious again.

“What am I going to do? I don’t want to hurt him,” she said quietly.

“You do nothing. Say nothing,” Sera answered. “Until that day comes when you want more, feel more, don’t change anything.”

Alana gazed reflectively out again to where he was swimming and nodded.

***

The darkness came quickly, the sky a cloudless black canvas spotted with hundreds of stars in their full illumining glory. It was as if a painter took a brush and flicked sparkly glitter across the galaxy. There was no sign that the previous week had been a stormy one. Alana looked up and admired the view as the cold water pounded against her back, rinsing away the shampoo from her hair. The shower block was roofless with three walls of concrete and a plastic curtain to cover the doorway. Grains of sand poked under her bare feet as she stood washing away the remnants from her swim. After their frolic in the ocean, they retreated to the communal
fale
for dinner—a delicious noodle stir fry dish—prepared by the family. They took turns taking showers next. Alana slipped out of her swimsuit, soaped her body, and rinsed. Turning off the tap, she wrapped a towel around her body, delving in her back pack for clothes. It was dark and she knitted her brows to make out the contents of her bag. Nothing seemed familiar to her. Great. She realized she grabbed Sera’s by mistake. Tiptoeing out of the curtain, she looked towards the
fale
which was pitch black and called out to her. No answer. Clinging tightly to the towel, hair trailing drops of water down her back, she stepped out further into the sandy ground and called again. No luck. Where in the world was this girl? It wasn’t as if there was anywhere to go. She heard laughing coming from the family home. Sera’s laughter.