Illusions Complete Series (92 page)

I melted some more at his words.

So, we packed up Dalilah’s things and my clothes, and left for Nick’s. “Bye, mom,” I said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she said. “I enjoyed seeing you, but you’re going back where you belong. With your husband.”

When Ryan and I got in the Escalade, after putting Dalilah’s things away and securing her in the car seat, Ryan took my hand, then put his hands on my face and kissed me passionately. I lost my breath completely. I was always so surprised that it always felt like the first time with him, but that’s exactly how it felt. It really felt this way because we hadn’t been with one another for so long. I wanted so badly to strip off his clothes and make love to him right there, and truth be told, if we didn’t have a precocious 10-month-old in the backseat, that’s probably what would’ve happened. Ryan and I were never concerned about making love in public when we were both really in the mood, and this was definitely one of those times that we were in the mood.

“God, I can’t wait to get you alone,” he said. “I just can’t wait.”

“Oh, me too. Me too. Get back to Nick’s as soon as you possibly can.”

“I will. If Dalilah weren’t here, I would be going 90 miles an hour to get you back to Nick’s.” Then he whispered, knowing that Dalilah understood most of what we said to one another. “I can’t wait to feel me inside you.”

Just those words made me start to breathe heavily. I swallowed hard, resisting the urge to feel his crotch. No matter, even without my tactile sensation on his groin, his manhood was standing at attention through his pants.

He kissed me passionately once more, then we headed to Nick’s.

∞

We got to Nick’s, and found the house empty. I would imagine that Nick and Alexis went somewhere together, although that would be surprising. Nick had been making it clear to Alexis that he no longer wanted anything to do with her. I was actually sad for her. I wasn’t sure if she saw a future with Nick, but, if she did, it had to be tough to be around the guy. Especially since she was aware of how he was feeling about me.

Ryan took Dalilah to the guest house so that Sheila could watch her. At first, she fussed, but then Ryan told her “Mommy and daddy will be busy for a few hours. But daddy will see you later, and daddy promises to play games with you as much as you want.”

That cheered her up considerably. “Ok, daddy. Love you. Bye.”

“Love you too, princess,” Ryan told her. “See you soon.”

“You do realize that you’ve just committed to about a million hours of Chutes and Ladders, Candyland and Old Maid, don’t you?” I teased him.

“Yeah. But trust me, it will be worth it.”

And was it.

Ryan and I got into my room, and he immediately put his hands on my shoulders, kissing them lightly. “You are the most remarkable woman,” he said. “I don’t know how you manage to roll with everything that is thrown at you, but you do. And I love you so much for it. Well, for that and about fifty million other things.

I closed my eyes, reveling in his touch. I realized that it had been weeks now since we made love, but it seemed like years. Eons.

His mouth was making its way down my back. He took my hair and lightly placed it over my shoulder, as his hands worked on massaging my neck, while his mouth made its way to the space between my legs. He licked me slowly there, putting my panties aside with his tongue. I groaned, feeling the extreme jolt course through me while every hair stood up on end. I was breathing heavily, while I felt my nether regions fill up with blood.

Then his hands were lightly cupping my breasts, underneath my dress. He laid me down on the floor, then laid down on top of me from behind. I could feel his manhood poking through his pants as he slowly removed my panties. Then I heard him unbuckle his belt, and pull down my underwear.

Then he slowly entered me from behind.

I groaned as I felt the familiar feeling of fullness and completeness. His face was buried in my neck, as he tongued me lightly. His hands explored my body while he thrust in and out rhythmically. Then he turned my head towards him, and kissed me full on the mouth. His tongue explored inside my mouth, as he slowly and gently thrusted his shaft in and out, in and out. I felt my eyes roll back in my head in ecstasy as I pulled on his hair lightly. We were both silent, as we wanted to enjoy the moment and savor every minute of our lovemaking.

I wanted to have the image in my mind like a photograph. The image of the two of us together after all the time that we couldn’t be with each other in this way. I wanted to record the feeling for posterity, because I had found that life never gave you guarantees. There was no guarantee that Ryan and I would make love again after this moment, so I wanted to have a way to feel him inside me always. So, I concentrated on what he was doing and how I was feeling right at that moment. And how I was feeling right then was complete. That was the best word to describe it. Like I had a missing puzzle piece all this time that Ryan was recovering from surgery, and now the puzzle piece was missing no more.

Then I laid on my back and felt his weight on top of me, his hands pulling on my hair. He looked into my eyes as he thrust some more, then he kissed me on the lips hungrily. I had my legs wrapped around him as my hands lightly stroked his back. I grabbed his butt to push him further into me, and I felt him groan and start to shake.

He stayed inside of me for a few minutes, his head on my shoulder. Both of us were breathing heavily. “I don’t want to pull out yet. I just want to savor this feeling of being inside you. It’s been too long since I have felt this. Way too long. I don’t want to ever be away from you again. I don’t want to be emotionally away from you, nor physically away from you. I love you so much.”

I said nothing, just stroked his back with my hands. Then he was kissing me again, and I felt his hardness grow inside of me some more. “Turns out I don’t have to pull out at all,” he said, as he started thrusting again. He kissed me passionately on the lips, his tongue slowly exploring inside my mouth. Then he was nibbling on my ears and nipples, as his tongue lightly teased each of my breasts. “Oh, god,” he said. “I don’t want this to end. Ever. I want to stay like this forever.”

“Me too. God, me too.” I didn’t want to tell him that I was afraid, so afraid, that I would’ve never gotten the chance to make love with him again. I didn’t want to break the mood. “I feel complete again. I was feeling so much like there was something missing from my very soul these past few weeks, so I’m so very happy that I have it back.”

“You will have it forever,” he said. “That is a promise.”

We were like that for several more hours, although Ryan knew that it couldn’t last forever. He had to make time for Dalilah, because she was anxious to spend quality time with her daddy. Plus, there was the issue of Nick. Ryan had explained that he and Nick got into an argument when Ryan got home after being away in New York. He didn’t say what the fight was about. But he also said that he had something important to say to Nick that evening after dinner.

In other words, we had reality to deal with after we finally got out of that bed. So, we had to savor every second that we were together.

And that’s exactly what we did.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

After several hours of lovemaking, Ryan finally said that he needed to see our daughter and bond with her some. I didn’t disagree. I knew how much Dalilah was wanting to see him for this long, and how his absence had negatively affected her. She was so perceptive it was almost scary. They say that toddler and babies know more than what they let on. They just can’t articulate it. Dalilah, however, not only knew what was going on, but she could articulate it.

And her articulation during Ryan’s absence told me that she was very hurt and angry about her father’s behavior. So, Ryan had some bonding to do.

So, as promised, Ryan picked Dalilah up from Sheila and made his way to Dalilah’s room. I stayed back, figuring that the two of them needed some quality time together. But I walked by the room several times, and the door was open, and I saw the two of them on the floor playing various games and working various puzzles. Dalilah looked extremely happy there next to her daddy, and my heart soared.

Things were going to be going back to normal.

∞

That night, after Dalilah went to bed, I found out what Ryan was going to say to Nick. He, Nick and I all sat in Nick’s den, in front of the fire, each of us with a glass of wine. Alexis was also in the den with us, because Ryan wanted her there, as well, although she wasn’t drinking. She was trying to make sure that she didn’t have any more problems with her meds, and, since alcohol and her medications don’t mix well, she had quit drinking for the time being.

  “Nick,” Ryan said. “I need to say some things to you. I, I, died during surgery. I flatlined, and they brought me back. And it was just like in the movies – I floated above my body and watched the surgeons using the paddles on me. It was a peaceful feeling. It was peace like I’ve never known it before. When they brought me back, and when I made it through surgery, I was so grateful to be alive. So grateful to be with everybody I loved. But it also made me look at my life. And what I looked at wasn’t pretty.”

Nick nodded. “You don’t have to tell me this, Ryan. I understand everything. I realize that near-death experiences make people take stock of their lives, and I figured that was what you were doing”

“Yes,” Ryan said. “But I realized something. I never apologized to you for how I treated you all those years. We just kinda swept it under the rug, and kept going like nothing ever happened. But I wanted to tell you, from the depths of my soul, how sorry I am for how I was to you. I don’t know why you remained my friend, but I’m really glad that you did.”

“Please. That was years ago. You’re so different now. You’ve been different since you’ve been clean. It was always the drugs that made you the jerk that you were. I know that.”

“Just stop making excuses for me, please. I need to own what I did, and how I treated you. It wasn’t right. I really don’t know how to make amends to you, though. I can only tell you how sorry I am.”

“Apology accepted,” Nick said. “Sincerely.”

We all drank our wine a bit after that in an awkward silence. The tension was such that it could be cut with a knife. While it was good that Ryan finally apologized for treating Nick like shit, there was still a vibe that was lingering in the air. And things needed to be addressed.

Ryan then said to Nick “And my behavior today was pretty uncalled for. I’m sorry for the things I said to you about the bimbos and how you don’t care about anybody but yourself. That’s so not true, and I hope that you don’t think that I really believe that about you.”

“Ryan, it is true,” Nick said. “I don’t generally care about anybody but myself. And you, of course. I’ve always cared about you. And your wife.”

Uh oh. Are we going to go there?

Ryan shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Ok, then when? I thought that you had this great epiphany, which would mean that you aren’t going to keep sweeping things under the rug. This is definitely not something that should be swept under the rug. We all need to clear the air and figure out a way to deal with it.”

Ryan took a deep sigh. Then he addressed me. “Uh, Nick has told me about his feelings for you. How much do you know about that?”

I felt myself shrinking, and wanting to disappear into the floor. I hung my head, and I could see my glass shaking in my hand. Tears started spilling down my cheeks. I felt ashamed, although I didn’t really know why I felt that way. I did nothing wrong. Even in that kiss, it was him kissing me.

But I kissed him back. I didn’t push him away from me. In fact, I wrapped my arms around Nick’s neck when he was kissing me.
He
pulled away from
me
. Would I have pulled away from him eventually, or would I have just gotten lost in Nick’s kiss if he would have kept on going? I didn’t know the answer to this, and the fact that I didn’t know the answer made me feel tremendously guilty and ashamed.

Ryan immediately put his arm around me. “Beautiful, please don’t cry. Nick told me that he’s in love with you, but I know that you did nothing wrong.”

“But, I did do something wrong. I did.”

Ryan looked at me, his expression changed. “What do you mean?”

“Nick, he kissed me. And I…didn’t pull away.”

Ryan immediately looked at Nick. “Huh. You didn’t tell me this pertinent piece of information.”

Alexis finally spoke. “Oh, boy. I think maybe I need to leave the room now. I’ll be in the theater room if you need me.”

“No, Alexis, it’s ok,” Ryan said. “I’m not going to get angry. I blame myself, completely, for this. Iris would’ve never kissed Nick back if I wasn’t being such a shit to her.”

“Well, that’s true,” I said. “I felt that you were shutting me out, and I was very vulnerable. But I should be stronger than that.”

“Beautiful,” he said, putting his hand in my hair. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. So, you had a moment of weakness. We all do sometimes.” Then he turned to Nick. “But, you, Nick, are another story. You knew that Iris was vulnerable, and you apparently took advantage of this.”

“Well, the kiss is a part of why we all need to clear the air and find a path forward,” Nick said.

“What do you propose?” Ryan asked.

“I don’t want either of you angry with me,” Nick said. “I can’t help how I feel. I, uh, think that maybe if I could get Iris, uh, out of my system, I would be able to ignore my feelings.”

Out of his system? What, exactly, did he mean by that?

I just looked at the two of them. “What do you mean, Nick?”

Nick and Ryan just exchanged knowing glances.

Oh, Christ. Not that.
“Hamptons?” I asked.

Ryan nodded. “Don’t be angry, Iris. Nick and I have talked about this before. I didn’t think that you would be into it, though.”