I'm Holding On (20 page)

Ian

Brynlee takes the bait before she clasps my hand and leads me to her room. Honestly, I’d be happy to only hold her in my arms on the couch again.

“
I’m sorry about yesterday,” I say. I run my hand down her long, chestnut hair as she lies across from me.

“You don’t need to apologize again. It’s over. This is really hard on all of us, and I told Drew today that I’m making a decision very soon. It’s not fair to any of us to keep doing this.”

I want to ask her if she’s leaning toward one of us more than the other, but I might not like the answer, so I decide against it.

“It seems like a
sensible time to talk about the future. How many kids do you see yourself having?” I ask.

“Um …
If I’m still working a lot, then maybe only two, but if I can be home with them, three or four. I really want to have more than one since I grew up alone.”

“I can
see you baking cookies with your kids. I’m sure there will be at least a quarter inch layer of powdered sugar covering the entire kitchen at all times.”

“Mmm … that’s a pleasant thought
. My grandma and Gram taught me to bake when I was young. I’ll always have memories of helping them in the kitchen. What about you?”

“I’d like a few kids.
I need them for a tax write off.”

Brynlee pushes me over. “Ian!”

Laughing, I wrap my arm around her waist and bring her closer. “I’m kidding. I really want kids. I look forward to teaching them. Maybe they’ll want to play sports or an instrument. Maybe they’ll be an artist or a culinary genius like someone else I know.”

“I’m sure your children will be very smart and excel at everything they do like their father.”

“Hmm. I want them to have a fun childhood and take them on family vacations every year.”

I’m realizing that every image
in my head includes Brynlee. I don’t want to look any further. She’s it. I run my fingers through her hair and stare at her thoughtfully.

“Looks like you’re really doing some thinking there,” she says, grinning.

“I want to tell you something. I don’t expect you to reciprocate, but it’s time you know.”

Brynlee’s propped on her elbow with her
other hand on my chest. She has to feel the pounding of my heart. I swallow the knot in my throat.

“What is it?” she asks cautiously while chewing on her lip. She’s nervous. I’m learning her little habits.

“You said you might decide soon, so you need to know that I see you when I picture my children. You’re in the kitchen baking cookies with
our
kids.

“
We’re
on vacation together. My house becomes
our
house, and I see that glowing smile of yours in it forever. I want it all with you, Brynlee.” I grab her and pull her head to me before I kiss her deeply.

I’ll show her
how much I care for her. She responds to my kiss, so I pull her the rest of the way on top of me. Like always, her fingers delve right into my hair, and that warm feeling washes over me.

M
y hands run up under the back of her shirt, and I feel the heat from her soft skin before I feel the sparks I’m growing more accustomed to.

I flip her over, my body now laying on top of hers, and I can’t get close enough, so I sit up and yank my shirt off before I pull hers swiftly over her head.

I’m back on top of her, kissing and sucking on the hollow of her neck. Her fingers glide down my back while her hips push up against me.

“Brynlee, you have no idea how bad I want you. All day long, almost all I can
think about is burying myself inside you. I know you want that, too.”

I look into her eyes
and see the longing. It also shows on her flushed face. “You might believe you shouldn’t think it or say it, but you feel it.”

I lean to the side and slide my hand down to her shorts.
My fingers find their way to her panties, and I growl when I feel how wet they are. “You’re wet for me, Brynlee. All for me,” I whisper.

Brynlee

Ian is so damn hot.

“Say it, Brynlee. Say you want me inside of you,” Ian demands.
His hooded eyes are fixed on mine, his fingers skimming along my panties. This is the most aggressive he’s been with me, but it’s exciting.

“I want you inside of me, Ian, bu
t we can’t do it. I’m failing miserably at sticking to the rules I keep trying to set, but I can’t budge on this one, and you know it.”

He
’s back on me, groaning and shoving his hands into my hair until he can hold my face still. He stops moving completely and gazes down at me. Our rushed breaths are singing in harmony, and I actually feel a loss from his lack of movement.

“I know I keep saying how much I want your body, but it’s so m
uch more than that. Have you thought about the life I could give you?”

“Of course I’ve thought about it.”
He’s desperate tonight, an urgency he hasn’t shown before, and maybe it’s from what he witnessed between Drew and me last night. It had to make it more real that there’s another man in the picture.

“I can give you everything you’re wanting. I’ll make certain you have your bakery soon. We could afford to have that big family. I’ll show you the world, and I’ll
make love to you in every damn city, state and country.”

I
can’t help but grin at that one, but then I frown at the thought of spending his money.

“Ian, I would
never choose you so that I can have a bakery or to spend your money.”

“Brynlee, I
know you’d never expect it or use me for that, but I find myself wanting to give you everything, and I’d make sure your life is always exciting.”

He gently kisses my
lips. “I’ve already fallen in love with you, my sweet girl. I love you, and I want you to pick me. Let me make you happy.” His lips move to my neck. “Let me make your body feel things it’s never felt before,” he whispers in my ear.

He said it first. I can’t believe it. Ian said i
t first. In a second, my eyes are washed with tears. My mind is blank. I don’t know what I think about it, and I’m not sure how I feel.

A tear runs down my face and hits the corner of my mouth
. Ian brushes it away with his lips. “You don’t have to say anything, but you need to know how I feel if you’re close to making a decision.”

“
What you said … it was moving. I hate that I can’t say what you want to hear, not right now, anyway, but thank you.”

“You’re welcome
.”

“It’s mind boggling, the way you
came into my life like a stampede. You’ve swept me away, Ian Williams. I feel special because I know you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable for the first time in your life.”

I wipe away a few more tears. “You’re risking your heart,
and I don’t want to break it.” I kiss him vigorously, tasting the love from his tongue and feeling the surging want from his fingertips that skirt their way along my body.

We kiss and t
alk and gently touch for an hour until Ian has to leave. Another riveting date with one of two captivating men. I feel as if the three of us are trapped in a well and are no closer to getting out of it.

Today I want to choose Ian, but tomorrow it could be Drew. I don’t know how to free us from this trap.
I feel selfish.

Drew

It’s been a frustrating week. It’s Friday afternoon, and I’m in the office doing paperwork. Monday, I had the best night of my life with Brynlee after Ian attacked me. Tuesday
, he got to meet Gram, and ever since, Brynlee’s been distant.

She swears she’s only
trying to put a little space between us so she can think, but it’s still worrisome. Not to mention, I miss touching her. I’ve managed one kiss in the last three days. She mostly shoos me away, saying she needs time to make a clear decision.

Ian gets to spend all of
Sunday with her since she’s meeting his family, so I’m determined to get her tomorrow. Marissa comes in, bringing me out of my jealous funk.

“What’s up, loser, I mean brother?”

“You’re real cute, Marissa.”

She flips her hair with her hand.

“I know. The guys tell me constantly.”

I throw my finger out at her.

“No guys. We discussed this. You call them boys, and no touching, and …” I eye her outfit. She’s growing up too damn fast. “You need to buy longer skirts.”

“Whatever. I’m not ten.”

“What do you want? Are you only here to pester me?” I ask.

“How are things going with Brynlee?”

“Have you been in there bugging her again?”

“No. I thought I’d pester you first. So, has she decided yet? The crap
py mood you’re in has me wondering.”

“No, she hasn’t.
She swears she’s deciding after she meets Ian’s family Sunday. Why am I discussing this with you?” I ask, annoyed at this point.

“I have a suggestion.”

“I don’t know why I’m asking, but what is it?”

“She needs to find out about the van.”

I throw my finger out at her again.

“No way. Don
’t you breathe a word about it.”

“She has a rig
ht to know. I guarantee she’d pick you then.”

“
I don’t want her picking me out of guilt or a feeling of obligation.”

“Drew, you bought a van
so she could do her job. You pay a huge payment every month and live in that crappy apartment because of it. She wouldn’t do it out of obligation.

“She’d pick you since it’s the sweetest thing ev
er. You’re my brother and irritate me to no end, but even I know how thoughtful that is.”

“It might piss her off. I can’t risk it, and if she picks me
, I’ll still wonder if it’s out of guilt. I never intended to tell her, whether we got together or not, so I’m not using it to get her to love me.”

“
But Drew—”

“No, Maris
sa. The only way one does a generous deed for another and truly expects nothing in return is when they do it secretly.”

“Well, isn’t that noble of you.”

I raise my brow and give her a stern look.

“I mean it, sis. Let this go.”

My mom, Debbie, walks into the office.

“Drew, Brynlee’s almost finished cleaning up in the kitchen. If you want to speak with her, you better get moving.” She looks to my sister. “Marissa, up.”

Marissa rolls her eyes and hops off the desk she loves to perch on the edge of.

“I’m outta here,” I say before I leave the office and make m
y way to the kitchen. Bryn eyes me and smiles. She looks tired today. “You alright?”

She wipes her fore
head with the back of her hand as white powder covers every inch of her.

“I’m tired today.”

After getting within a few inches of her, I reach behind and gently pull out her ponytail holder. Taking hold of her hair again, I work in the stray strands and put the holder back in before I smudge the white off her cheeks with my thumb.

“You h
ave sugar on your nose.” Slowly, I run my finger down its length to the cute tip.

She gives me a
smile. “When did you learn to fix hair?”

“When Marissa was little, and I had to babysit.” I put my mouth close to hers. “I can braid, too, but don’t tell,” I whisper before I gently sweep my
lips sideways across hers and pull her against me.

“Spend time with me, sugar.
All day tomorrow, and let me take care of you tonight, too. I’ll feed you and rub your tired feet.”

“I can’t tonight. I’m going out with Tish. I never get to
see her anymore. I’ll happily spend tomorrow with you, but I need to talk to her.” Brynlee looks away. “I need a girlfriend right now. Honestly, I need to talk to her about you and Ian.”

“I see. Please be careful
, and don’t stay out too late. You need to get some real hours of sleep.”

“Would it
make you feel better if I message you when I get home?”

“Much.” I kiss her forehead and give her a long hug. I want nothing more than to
take her home, make love to her and have her fall asleep in my arms, but I take what I can get. Tomorrow. I still have tomorrow.

Brynlee

Tish
picks me up after I get a long, steamy shower. It did wake me up some so that’s a relief. We go to the local sports bar, and once seated, we order all my favorites: nachos, wings and beer.

I haven’
t been here since I danced with Ian, so I can’t help but think about the times I’ve shared with him and Drew in this place.

Drew’
s never liked Tish all that much, but I think it’s because she drags me out to bars, and now I know he was worried another man would snatch me up.

I admire Tish’s hairdo
as she sits across from me. I think it’s about four different shades of blonde. Our worlds are so different.

Her nails look perfect. Mine
are usually stained from icing, and you can normally find some form of baking residue on my clothing or hair.

“So, fill me in on the dirt, chickadee.”

“Tish, it’s been nuts. I have so much to tell you.” I proceed to share the details of my erotic dates with the guys. Her round eyes are glued to mine, and she’s all ears, soaking in the compelling drama.

I’m stressed
out to the max, so I don’t realize we’ve finished an entire pitcher of beer until I’m feeling loopy. We’ve already told three men to leave us alone, and we’ve laughed ourselves to tears.

“Give me your phone,” she
says.

“Why?”

“I’m calling this Ian. I’ve seen your other eye candy, so I at least need to hear this one’s voice.”

Giggling, I hand her my phone and
watch her struggle to focus as she scrolls through my contacts.

“I got it,” Tish
says as she pushes the button.

Oh no. M
y sober judgment would be totally against this but it’s nonexistent at the moment. This should be entertaining.