I'm Holding On (16 page)

“Baby, I’ll do it
all over again.”

“No. I don’t think that’
s wise. It’s getting harder to stop.” I slide off of him and sit with my back against the kitchen counter.

“This is definitely a different subject, but if you’d like to, I really want you to meet
Gram. I was thinking later in the week.”

His eyes light up as
he grins.

“I’ve been hoping I’d hear those words.”

“Really? You do realize you’ll have to step into a nursing home. It’s not the most pleasant experience.”

“Brynlee, this woman is practically your mother. I’ll sleep overnight in there if you ever need me to. I can’t wait to meet her.”
He sits up and pulls his shorts and boxers back on.

After helping me up,
I throw my arms around his neck and hug him. He’s made my day. This was something I worried could be an obstacle for us. He pulls me flat against him.

“I’m falling fast,
” he says before kissing my forehead.

I snap
my eyes shut. I was hoping to have things figured out by now, but it only becomes more difficult after each date with them.

He takes hold of my arms
and pulls them up to the front of his chest. His hands grip mine as a piercing gaze tethers me to him.

“Brynlee, I me
an what I said. Before meeting you, all I thought about was satisfying my sexual needs and becoming successful. Now, my life feels richer. I mean, today was perfect. With you, the simplest things are exciting.”

I feel the tear maker turning the gears, opening
the flood gates. “That’s really sweet. I thought today was perfect, and I’m falling fast, too.” Swiftly, I blink the tears away.

“It’s very hard to share you, Brynlee, but knowing I still have a shot makes it tolerable.”

“I’m sorry. I know you’re being patient.”

“Don’t apologize. Y
ou’ve had feelings for Drew a long time now. I can’t expect that to disappear in a day, especially after he reciprocated, but I hope you see how devoted I am to you already. I’m not one to sit on the sidelines.”

“
I figured that out pretty quickly,” I say.

“As much as I hate to go,
I need to get prepared to start work tomorrow.”

“I’m really excited for you.
With your intelligence and drive, I know you’re going to be a great attorney.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

I reluctantly pull away from him and laugh. He has dried chocolate everywhere
on his body from his cheeks to his legs.

“Um, you’re going to need another shower,” I say.

“It was worth it.” I see him look around the kitchen. “I should help you clean up first.”

“I can handle it. I do it every day, so I’m quick at it. You go and get ready for work.”

He gives me a deep kiss, and I know it’s so I don’t forget the heat we have between us. Like I could. No matter who I choose, I’ll never forget what I have with the other one. What the hell am I going to do?”

Ian

I put my tie on and take a look in the mirror. Today is the start of my working career. Years of education have brought me to this very day, and all I can think about is the woman I’m falling in love with.

I considered going by Dr
ew’s last night after I left Brynlee’s apartment. I wanted to punch him and tell him to keep his damn hands off my sweet girl, but another part of me wanted to grovel for him to let her go. I actually imagined myself on my knees, begging him to give her up.

But then I’d never know if I would’ve been her first choice.
To completely give her my heart, I need to see that she chooses me. I can’t deny that she already holds most of it. Shit, Ian. Get in the game. I have to get my mind on work.

I hear
my doorbell. I bet my brother, Isaac, is here to give me some kind of shit before we go to work. Knowing him, he’ll prank me to screw up my day. I open the door to the prettiest face.

“Brynlee, what are you doing here? I guess I should ask
, ‘
How
did you get here?’”

“
Andrea dropped me off. I was excited about your first day of work, so I packed you lunch, and then I brought you some of the croissants. You forgot to take any with you.”

“She left?”

“Yes. She needed to get to work.”

“Tell me
you were not going to take a bus back.”

She rolls her eyes. “
I do it all the time.”

“Yes, but it’ll take forever from here, and I’ll worry, so I’m taking you.”

“You’ll be late.”

“No I won’t. I got ready early so I have plenty of time. Now, give me a damn kiss. I missed yo
u already, so this is a pleasant surprise.”

She gives me that adorable grin of hers before she wraps her arms loosely around my neck.

“I don’t want to wrinkle you. You’re extra handsome this morning.”

“
Thank you, but you can’t show up here and tease me. Give me a hug and a kiss before I take them.” I smirk at her before her lips crash against mine.

I’m overcome with emotion. A woman has never done anything this thoughtful for me. I’ve always been around girls who expected me take them on lavish dates. Brynlee ex
pects nothing in return for her kindness.

I pull my lips away. “
Feel what you do to me. How am I ever going to concentrate?”

She covers her mouth and snickers
.

“I’m sorry.”

“Seriously, this really was nice of you. No woman besides my mother has ever done anything this thoughtful for me.”

“You’re welcome.”

I let out a groan. “I hate to leave. I want to carry you back there to my bed.” I gently take hold of her bottom lip and pull it through my teeth.

“Um, yeah, we need to go. I’m excited now, too,” she says.

I drive Brynlee to the bakery, holding her hand all the way. I can’t deny that a part of me hopes Drew sees her get out of my car.

“Will you
text or call me tonight, so I know how your first day went?”

“I’ll definitely talk to you later.” I feel an odd warmth all over by h
ow excited she is about my job. She gifts me a wide grin and a kiss on the cheek before she gets out of the car.

I’ve never been in love, but I imagine this is what it feels like, and i
t’s scaring the shit out of me. I might have to tell Isaac about her.

Drew

Brynlee strolls in, and I swear I think that’s Ian driving away.
Oh, hell no.
She hurries right past the counter without even a look my way. Guilt is written all over her face. I finish up with my customer and go straight into the kitchen.

“What
the hell. Did you stay with him after the lecture you gave me?”

She drops her bag loudly on the
work table and glares at me. That was probably not the best way for me to start the day with her.

“Brynlee, I’m sorry.”

“If you recall, my lecture with you was futile, and no, Drew, I did not stay the night with him. He only gave me a ride here. Good morning to you, too.”

“I said I was sorry, but you didn’t even look at me when you came in. That’s not the norm with us.”

Her eyes soften as she lets out a hefty sigh.

“I know. I figured if you saw me get
out of his car, you’d be irate and you were.”

I walk up to her and take hold of her shoulders before I kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry I said something. After the awesome day we had Saturday, it’s been difficult knowing you were with him yesterday, so when I saw his car, I was jealous.”

“It’s fine. I know it’s hard for you.” She doesn’t seem fine now.

“I went to see Gram
yesterday.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I figured you wouldn’t get a chance.”

She falls against my chest and wraps her arms around my waist. “I can always count on you.” She says this somewhat solemnly. I think she’s most definitely dealing with some guilt this morning, and I can barely tak
e it. It means she has enjoyed her time with him.

“While we’re on that subject, I’m letting Ian meet Gram. I didn’t figure you’d be happy about it, but I need to see how he is with her.”

“No, I don’t like it, but I understand.”

She pulls back and looks up at me.

“Also, I’m going to have lunch with his family next Sunday.”

I look away as a bad feeling settles over me. No matter how badly I need Bryn to pick me, I don’t want it to happen because they’ve hurt her
.

“What’s wrong, Drew?”

“I’m worried they’re going to hurt your feelings.”

“Could you make me feel any more beneath them? This is the second time you’ve said something like that.”

“Bryn, I’m worried they’re going to make you feel that way. I don’t think you
are
that way. I can’t believe you’d say that. You know what I think of you. I have you on a fucking pedestal.”

I
turn to leave, knowing damn well what she’s doing, and it’s making me want to scream and hit something.

She’s grown closer to Ian
, so she’s more confused and looking for a reason to be upset with me. She wants an easy decision. I feel her grab my arm.

“Please don’t go,” she says. I
slowly turn around. “Drew, I’m sorry. I’m really stressed out.”

“You’re looking for a reason to be mad at me because you want to pick Ian
. Am I right?”

Brynlee

I’ve hurt Drew, and
I feel horrible for it. I’m not looking to rule him out. He even saw Gram yesterday. I care about him tremendously, and we had the best time Saturday, but Ian has been on my mind the most since I was with him last.

This whole process is about to break me.
The same thing keeps happening. Whoever I’m with, I want. But somehow, it seems Drew is getting hurt more. His eyes are watery and defeated.

I wrap
my arms around his neck and lay my head on his chest. I have to bring him back to me. I don’t know if I could ever give him up. “I don’t feel that way whatsoever, Drew. It’s selfish of me to say, but please, don’t leave me.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?”

“I’m serious.”

He pulls away from me and
goes over to lock the door. Stalking back, his normally bright eyes are now overcast with desire. He picks me up and sits me on the table before he moves in between my legs. I’m perfect height to kiss him now.

Capturing my mouth with so much force, I feel his plea. His fingers dig into the sides
of my hips as he yanks me forward. My hands find their way under the back of his shirt, and I feel his muscles tighten. He groans into my mouth before he lets go of my lips and grabs hold of my face with both hands.

“Bryn, I want you with me to the point it’s painful. I can’t take being away from you, and I can’t stand you being with him. You’re mine, sugar. All mine. You always have been. Even though we weren’t doing this, you felt our connection the last two years.
You wanted me as much as I wanted you.”

Before I can reply, he’s staking his claim once more, his tongue seeking mine while his hands move from my face to my neck, and then
down my chest. This can’t be happening again.

Neither of them are going to stop doing thi
s to me. They want nothing more than to show me through touch how much they care.

I pull back from him, and h
is forehead rests against mine, his harsh breaths reaching my face. He takes my hand and holds my palm flat over his heart.

“Do you feel that, Brynlee? I should be in top physical shape from the cardio my heart gets. This is what has happened every time I’ve been
around you for over two years, and baby, now that I’ve kissed these lips …”

He runs
his thumb across my bottom one, “and touched this body … it only beats faster. It knows when you enter the room or give that radiant smile. It pounds when you hug me or when your skin brushes against mine.”

I feel the roaring
beneath my palm as he lifts my chin with his free hand, his words shredding any control I had over my own heart.

“It knows
when you show your gorgeous legs for the first time in the summer or when you wear that tight, black sweater in the winter. It beats faster when that cute laugh escapes you and harder when you don’t show up for work on time.

“It’s fully aware when
you’ve fallen asleep against it, and it doesn’t miss a beat when you have sugar on your nose. It might sound as cheesy as a kid’s Valentine card, but my heart beats for you, Brynlee. It beats because of you. No matter what, that will never change.”

He places my
hand in my lap and leaves the kitchen … just like that.
I have to scream!
  I grab my bag and tear out of the bakery, my shirt and shorts wet from the tears my heart was shedding. I scare people away on the transit from the continuous crying.

The dam has broken. After getting to my apartment, I manage to pull it together long enough to call the restaurant I was supposed to make a big delivery to this evening. I’ve never had to cancel before, but I can’t do it today. I can’t stand there and pretend he isn’t in the next room.

Luckily, the place is understanding and have a back-up bakery they can order from. The fact I’ve never done this in the two years they’ve been my customer helps, but I’m out a ton of money.

I strip down to my panties, grab a box of Kleenex and get into bed.
It’s going to be my refuge today. I need Tish.

Me:
Tish, I feel as if my world is closing in around me. Would you have any time to get together soon?

Tish:
Ah, Chickadee, if you come to the salon, we can talk between customers. Otherwise, it’ll be late, honey.

Me:
I can’t leave but thanks. Maybe tomorrow?

Tish:
I’ll make sure. Love ya, girl.

Me: Love you.

Not much time passes when I hear a knock at the door. Knowing Drew, he probably came to check on me. I ignore it, hoping he’ll think I didn’t come home. I hear the front door open, so I sit up in bed and wrap the sheet around my chest.

“Brynlee, are you home
?” Drew yells. I hear his voice getting closer as he repeats himself.
Dammit
. I knew he’d hunt me down. My bedroom door flies open.

“You can’t just
barge into my bedroom!” I throw my box of Kleenex at him, and he catches it.

“I’m sorry, but you gave me a key a long time ago. I was worried about you. Why did you leave?”

Damn him. His dark hair is disheveled from our make out session, and his tight t-shirt is hugging his biceps. I don’t know how I ever set aside in my mind how sexy he is.

“We shouldn’t talk about any of thi
s. It’s getting us nowhere. Please go.”

“
I am not leaving here. You never bail on work. You have no idea how scared I’ve been, and I had to wait all the time it took you to get here by streetcar since you wouldn’t answer your damn phone. It wasn’t fair you took off like that. Are you trying to kill me?”

“Fair! You said all that sweet shit to me. How am
I supposed to work after that?” I see the humor dancing in those blue eyes of his. “How is this funny?”

“I can’t help
but like that my words affected you. They weren’t intended to make you sad though.” Now he’s frowning. Make up your damn mind. He starts moving toward the bed, so I throw my hand out.

“Stop right there.”

“I’m getting in this bed with you.”

“I’m not dressed.”

“You’re not keeping me away from you. You know why?”

I chew on my lip to the point that I’m probably going to taste blood soon. “No, why?” I ask softly, scared to hear the answer.

“Because you don’t care, either. You want me here.”

“Drew, I need t
o be alone,” I say, groaning. OK, whining.

Completely ignoring me, h
e slips his shoes off and climbs into bed. I pull the sheet tighter against me as I lie back down. He smirks.

“You know
, I’ve seen you naked, or have you already forgotten?”

“How could I forget?”

He drapes his arm over my waist and yanks me toward him. “Seriously, I’m worried about you. Don’t you have to get your work done? I’ll go back with you and help,” he says, moving wet strands of hair from my face.

“I already cancelled the delivery.”

“I know you can’t afford to do that, so you’re letting me pay you for what you’re losing since I’ve somehow caused this.”

“
I don’t want your money.”

“You don’t have to want it, but you need it.”

He leans over and plants his warm lips on mine. Now that he’s here, I do feel less alone. I can’t make sense of any of this. He pulls back. “Bryn, I want you to tell me what you like about Ian.”

“That is definitely not going to help any. You’re already crazy jealous.”

“You haven’t seen crazy jealous. What do you like about him?”

I sigh since he’s
not going to let this go. I know him well, and he won’t stop until I cough something up.

“
Ian comes across as fearless and goes after what he wants. I think he truly believes he could have any woman, so it makes me feel special that he’s choosing me. There’s no doubt in my mind that he wants me.”

I already see a flicker of pain in Drew’s eyes.

“Do you doubt that I want you?” he asks.

“No, but he told me immediately. It took you over two years,” I say softly after looking away from him.

Drew falls to his back and runs his hands down his face in frustration.

“
I didn’t want you to ever feel like you had to leave the shop, Brynlee. What if you left and couldn’t find somewhere to do your work?

“
And I guess I was a coward at first. Once we were close, I was afraid of losing you completely. I might not have Ian’s arrogance, but it doesn’t mean I care about you any less.”