I'm Holding On (13 page)

Ian

She’ll have to tell me to stop. Has she not figured me out yet?

“B
aby, we’re finishing this one way or another.” I unbutton her shorts and slowly pull them down her legs.

“No,
no,” she says.

“Yes,
yes,” I say. She has the sexiest panties on. I can’t take those off. I crawl my way back up her body until I’m staring down at her.

“Ian, what are you going to do?”

“I’m only going to touch you. Is that OK?”
I bend my elbows and drop a kiss on her lips.

“I want to touch you, too.”

“You don’t have to, Brynlee. I promise I’ll survive. Just making you feel great is enough for me.”

“No, I want to.” She reaches up and begins
unbuttoning my shorts. After she has them unzipped, she points up at me. “Take them off.”

I’m digging this side of Brynlee, and the second I’m next to her again, her hand is in my boxer briefs. She’s wasting no time as she begins stroking me.

I can’t wait to touch her, so my fingers find their way to her silky panties. “You’re wet. All for me. You don’t only want to make love. When we get the chance, you want me to fuck you, and I want you to say it, baby.” I slide my fingers inside of her, and she’s so damn wet and tight. “Say it, Brynlee, and I’ll start moving my fingers.”

“
I can’t,” she says breathless.

“Yes, you can. You’re bold with me, remember? Sa
y it now, and I’ll make you feel amazing.”

“OK, I’d want you to fuck me. I’d wa
nt you to fuck me over and over!”

L
ooking up, I can hardly take seeing her flushed face, feeling her stroke my dick, and imagining how tight she’d be around it. I continue thrusting my fingers in and out of her and rubbing her clit with my thumb until she cries out my name.

The sound of her moans finish me
off, causing a mind blowing orgasm that pummels me.
Fuck
, I can tell she works every day with those strong hands of hers.
Sweet Jesus
, I think I’m dying.

We lie st
ill for a while. She just dragged me into her tangled web a little more, and it’s definitely a tangled web. I can’t give her up. I won’t. She slips away from me and goes to the bathroom. I use the opportunity to clean myself off and pull the blankets back.

She comes
out, and I go right to her, pulling her into my arms. “You’re making me feel crazy things,” I say.

“I’m feeling the same about you, Ian. I don’t know what
I’m going to do.” She’s upset, and I wish there was a way I could make things easier for her.

“Please stay here tonight
. Let me hold you. I’ve never had a woman stay with me to sleep, but I want you to. I need to feel your skin against mine.”

“OK.” 

I lead her over to the bed. She scoots back against me, and it’s this moment when I realize I want Brynlee in my bed every night.

Brynlee

I wake up in Ian’s arms and attempt to move away. He grunts and pulls me back against him.

“No,” he manages to get out with a groan. I glance to his alarm clock. Shit. It’s seven. “Ian, I’m sorry, but I need you to take me home, so I can get ready for work.” He opens his eyes before he rubs them. I’m scrambling around for my clothes.

“Why don’t you take a day off? You’re obviously ne
eding the sleep.”

“I can’t. It’s Friday. I have to bake everything for the weekend, and now I’m already behind.”

He sighs. “Let me throw on some clothes.”

We get in the car, and I grab Ian’s hand.

“I’m sorry if I sounded short with you. I have a ton of responsibility that is one hundred percent on me until I can hire some help.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I’m not bringing in quite enough to pay someone else. I’m hoping soon.” I hear my phone ringing in my bag, so I grab it and hit the button without thinking.

“Bryn, are you OK?” Drew asks, sounding frantic.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just running late. I’ll be in later.”

“I’ll come get you. You don’t need to be stuck here late tonight. You’re getting too run down.”

I imagine Ian can hear him. He’s talking so damn loud. “I’m fine, Drew.”

“T
oo bad. I’m already on my way.”

“
I have to go,” I say with frustration before I end the call. I rub my forehead. “Sorry, Ian.”

“I h
eard him. It’s not your fault. I have to accept you’re going to see him all day when you’re at work, anyway.”

I watch him clamp
the steering wheel. His knuckles are turning white, and it takes everything in me not to cry.

“Yeah, well, he’s going to beat us to the apartment, and he’s not going to be as understanding about this,” I say.

“I don’t see where he has a choice. Do you want me to stay in case he gets angry and leaves? You’ll need a ride.”

“That will definitely make it worse.”

I’m not going to be able to do this for much longer. I say I’m going to have control, and I end up being the one begging them not to stop. Then I let them convince me to stay over.

Drew’
s going to be hurt, and I feel terrible for it. We’re both quiet the rest of the way until he pulls up in front of my apartment building. I think I’m going to throw up.

“I had
a great time last night, Brynlee,” he says before he kisses my hand.

“I
did, too. Thank you for being understanding.”

“Can you spend some time with me tomorrow or Sunday?”
he asks.

“Yes, but can I text you later? I’m going to have to see if I’ll need to work tomorrow.”

“Sure.” He leans over and kisses my lips softly before I get out.

I spot Drew’s car, so I take
a deep breath before I enter my building. He’s sitting in front of my door with his knees up. His head is resting on his arms.

“Drew.”

He looks up at me but doesn’t speak.

“You can
leave if you’re mad.” My eyes are filling with tears.

“Just get ready,” he says. I hear the disappointment in his voice.

I go in and take a quick shower, tears falling with the water. I get ready in record time, and when I walk out of my bedroom, he’s sitting on my couch with his head resting on his arms once again.

I
stand in front of him, my fingers travelling through his thick, dark hair. He reaches up and grabs my hand before pulling it down and holding it firmly. His head tilts up, and I see his pain.

“Did you slee
p with him? Is it over?”

“No, Drew,
” I say with frustration.

“I’m sorry. It’s hard for it to register with me that Ian’s treating you different than the other women he’s been with. I’m terrified he’ll push you into it.”

“I told him I’m not having sex until I commit to one of you. He asked me to stay over like you did the other night. I didn’t expect you to be here this morning. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”

The tears start falling again.
He stands and pulls me into his arms. “Shhh, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have driven over, but Bryn …”

“Yeah.” I manage to choke out the word between cries.

“I’m sorry, sugar, but I don’t know if I can share you much longer. It’s breaking my heart.”

I clench my eyes shut tighter, wishing it w
ould lessen the pain or stop the tears but it doesn’t. All three of us are hurting, and it will only get worse.

Drew

The stabbing pain I felt when I realized Bryn had stayed at Ian’s is unmeasurable when compared to the pain I’ll feel if I have to let her go. A wave of nausea washes over me when I think of her being in his bed.

It’s Friday afternoon, and I haven’t spoken to her since we left her apartment this morning. We’ve been busy to
day, so I’ve been working the counter. My dad yells for me to come into the office.

“Shut th
e door, Drew. We need to talk.” I do as he says. “What’s going on? I’ve never seen you this depressed. It’s not good for business, but most importantly, I’m worried about you.”

“It’s Bryn.”

“Is she still deciding, or are you upset because she chose Ian?”

“
She hasn’t made a decision. I don’t want to discuss it with you because I never want you to think badly of her.”

“
I know how special Bryn is. No matter what she decides, I won’t think less of her.”

“I don’t know if I can share her any longer.”

“You should’ve made her yours when you had the chance. You didn’t, so all you can do is either suck it up and play the game or quit. I remember how driven Ian was when you were younger, so I doubt he’ll give up until she tells him to.”

“I wonder if I should let her go and see what happens.”

“Like you waited to see what would happen the last two years? She might choose you, knowing you love her too much to share her with him another day. Or, she might think you don’t love her enough to fight for her.”

He’s
not helping me a damn bit.

“Thanks, Dad,” I say sarcastically. “
Your advice doesn’t help since I don’t know what’s going through her head.”

“Drew, you know her better than any other person on this earth. Only you can dec
ide what to do, but I think you’re a fool if you let her go without a bigger fight.”

“I have to get out of here
.” I get up without another word and leave the coffee shop. I feel as if I’m bleeding anger, and I don’t know what to do with it.

Brynlee

Drew hasn’t spoken to me all day, and I’m not surprised. I hear the door swing open and see that it’s Mr. Clark.

“
Hi, Mike.”

“Hi, Bryn. Busy day?”

“Yes, but I got everything finished, so there should be plenty of stock for the weekend.”

“Listen, I
um … I know what’s going on with Drew and Ian.”

Can I crawl under this work table?

“That’s embarrassing.”

“I’m not trying to discuss it
with you. What I want to say is Debbie, Drew, Marissa and I think the world of you. You’re family. No matter what happens, you are always welcome here. If you decide to be with Ian, don’t think you can’t keep doing your work here.”

“
It’s hard to believe Drew would be that understanding but thank you. I could never repay you for all the help you’ve given me.”

“You’ve been like another daughter, Bryn, and you don’t owe us anything. I’l
l be disappointed if you leave because you’re not with Drew. He’ll stay your friend no matter what.”

“I’m not so sure about that. I think it would hurt him too much.”

“
I believe he never told you how he felt because he didn’t want to lose you as a friend. He thought for sure you’d pack up and leave if you didn’t feel the same.” Mike scratches his head. “Crap. I promise I didn’t come in here to plead a case for him, but I guess I kinda did.”

“It’s O
K. He’s your son, so I’d expect as much.”

Mike hugs me. He’s been
the dad I never had.

“I also wanted to tell you h
e already left for the day. He’s not trying to be mean, but he’s struggling with this like I’m sure you are.”

“OK, thanks for talking to me
.”

Mike gives me a sympathetic look before he leaves the kitchen. I have to text Drew.

Me:
I missed telling you goodbye. Do you want to spend time with me this weekend? I understand if you don’t. It’s not what I want to hear, but I get it if this is too much for you.

Drew
: Can I see you tomorrow? I need to be alone tonight.

Me:
Sure. I need to see Gram. You can go with me, or I can see you after.

Drew:
I’d like to go. Pick you up at noon?

Me:
OK. I can’t say the words you need to hear, but it doesn’t mean I won’t. I hope you won’t give up on me.

Drew:
I’ll never give up on you, Bryn, but I don’t know how long I can deal with you being in his bed while I wait to see if there’s an ‘us.’

Me:
That was a really shitty thing to say. You sure didn’t think I was doing anything wrong when I stayed the night with you. It’s probably best we don’t spend tomorrow together.

Drew:
I’m sorry. This is why I didn’t want to talk to you today. I’m too angry at him and this situation. Please let me see you tomorrow. I’ll do better.

Me:
Fine. See you at noon.

This is a complete nightmare. I decide I might as well get it over with and text Ian, too. What’s a little more stress?

Me:
Hi, can we spend Sunday together?

Ian:
I can’t wait.

Me:
Do you run?

Ian:
Yep. Is it a race?

Me:
Hmm … OK. What’s your wager?

Ian:
If you win, I’ll take a cooking class from you. If I win, well, I get to have some fun with you and the ingredients.

Me:
Um, it’s getting toasty in here. Too bad you’ll be sporting an apron. Will noon work?

Ian:
Oh, my confident, sweet girl. We shall see. I’ll see you then.