I'm Holding On (9 page)

Drew

It’s Monday morning, and I’m waiting for
Brynlee to fly through the door since she’s later than normal. I’m nervous. I wanted to give her space, so I didn’t bother her yesterday, and after seeing Ian, I was too angry.

I can’t recall ever being that furious. It was hard seeing his hands on her, but hearing him speak of her as if t
hey’re already a couple tore through me.

We have plenty of employees here this morning, so I’m trying to kill time by doing some paper
work. When she passes the counter and doesn’t see me, her eyes dart toward the office. She gives me a faint smile before quickly looking away. I guess it could be worse.

Around ten o’clock, I can’t take
the waiting any longer. I have to speak to her. Along with her white apron, she has on a tank top and denim shorts.

I watch the muscles in her arm flex as she rolls out dough on the work t
able in the kitchen, her toned legs visible from her tiny shorts. I soak her in like I do every other chance I get.

S
he stops working and dusts the white from her hands onto her apron before turning her body and attention to me.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi. You have sugar on your nose,” I say before I gently run my finger across it. I do this slowly, staring into her espresso eyes.

“
Our time together will always be different now.”

“
True, but this can be like a bonus. You’re still my best friend, Brynlee.”

“
And I’m still confused.”

“W
e need to discuss it. There’s something important I didn’t tell you. Can we talk later?”

“Yes.”

Like always, I move the powdery strands of hair from her face to behind her ear.

“I’ll let you work.”

***

It’s one o’clock, and I’m dying to talk to Brynlee again. I’ll ask her if I can see her tonight. There’s so much more I need to say including, “please don’t trust Ian the womanizer.” About that time, I look up and see the asshole himself confidently strolling in.

I walk out an
d approach him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to get a cup of coffee. Are your parents here today? I haven’t seen them forever, so I thought I’d say hello. Oh, and I’m here to see Brynlee.”

I hold my brea
th and count to ten in my head.

“She’s too busy baking right now
.”

“Are you sure about that?
I texted her, and she told me to wait out here. There she is right now,” he says, pointing behind me.

B
rynlee’s eyes widen, and the poor thing is shaking as she approaches us. I want to swoop her up and carry her out of here, away from him. She gives him a nervous smile.

“Hi, Ian.”

“Hi, sweet girl.”

Her eyes cautiously look to mine.

“So, you introduced yourself?”

“No, Brynlee. Ian and I go way back …” I turn my gaze to him, “way, way, way back. We’ve been good friends since high school, but that all changed about oh, sixty something hours ago.”

“God, no,” she says as her b
ody begins shaking uncontrollably. “This can’t be happening.”

I
wrap my arm around her waist and speak to her as I glare at him. “I’m sorry, Bryn. This was the important thing I still needed to talk to you about. I’ll leave you two alone for a minute.”

Reluctantly, I return to my office. Ian is cocky as usual
and seems completely unaffected by my words. I used to appreciate his confidence, but I’ve learned over the years that it’s accompanied with control.

He’ll use that skill to control Brynlee if she allows it. I’m not letting that happen. I’ll give them there alone time now, but it’s game on.

Brynlee

I think I just died a thousand deaths. I can’t
believe this is happening when I thought this situation couldn’t get any worse.

“
Did you know this before our da—”

“No, Brynlee.
I swear I just found out yesterday,” Ian replies.

“W
hy don’t you get a coffee and meet me outside. I need a minute alone.”

“Sure,” he says before he
kisses my forehead.

I head straight
out the front door, practically biting my thumbnail off as I go. I notice customers staring at me as I pace around in my apron, covered from head to toe in flour and sugar, so I take a seat at one of our outdoor tables.

“
What the hell am I going to do, and why wasn’t I told this sixty whatever hours ago?” I ask aloud while waving my hand in the air. Now, I just look like the crazy baker. Ian comes out and sits across from me.

“Brynlee, I’m sorry you had to find out
this way. I thought Drew would’ve told you by now.”

“Well, he didn’t, obviously.”
I wave my hands in the air again.

“
I suspected it Saturday when I got the text saying you worked here, so I went to see Drew, praying you weren’t the girl he’d told me he was interested in.”

“He’d told you he was interested in me before yesterday?”

He sighs, and I can tell he regrets having given out that tidbit of information.

“Yes. On a few different occasions, h
e’s mentioned liking you, but I didn’t know you were the girl. We didn’t talk a lot while I was at law school, and I barely saw him when I did come home.

“I swear, Brynlee, if he ever
mentioned your name, I didn’t remember, and there are a lot of coffee shops in this town, so you working at one wouldn’t have given it away. What are the odds of this happening?”

“I don’t know, and I especially have no idea
what to say right now.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, and you’re going to play dirty, aren’t you?” I manage to smile at him.

“It’s called honesty, sweet girl, and I need to hear it.
Drew said he finally told you how much he’s cared for you the last two years. How did that news make you feel?”

“Confused
. I’ve liked Drew since I met him, but I never knew he had feelings for me. There were moments here and there when he made me wonder but not enough to give me the confidence to take that leap.”

“D
o you want to be with him now that you know?”

I see
the fear and apprehension of hearing my answer. “Ian, you’re the first guy to ever be this attentive to me in a romantic way. It’s exciting. I’ve enjoyed our time together, and I like you.”

“There’s a ‘but.’
”

“The ‘but’
is that I still like him, too. I honestly don’t know what I want. I care about you both. I don’t know how it feels to you since you’ve had a lot of sexual partners, but I feel like our chemistry is off the charts.”

He moves his chair around until he’s sitting right next to me.
I have my elbows on the table, and my hands are clasped together, settled against my forehead as stress consumes me. I feel the back of his hand run down my cheek.

“The chemistry
and connection I feel with you is something I’ve never experienced with another woman. I mean it, Brynlee. Not ever. The honest truth is that if I only felt a physical attraction to you, I would’ve pushed you harder to sleep with me, and I would’ve taken a walk by now whether you had or hadn’t.”

I turn my head to look at him, unable to imagine where he’s
going with this.

“
I’m not proud of how I’ve been with women, and I never recognized how badly my actions could hurt a woman until I saw the way you looked at me–still look at me–like you’re considering trusting me with your whole heart.

“Your eyes say
I matter enough to consider it. I’m telling you the ugly part of my past, so you know that when I say something, I mean it, and I’m saying I feel so much more for you.”

Tears wash over my eyes.
“That was so kind and raw. It’s what excites me about you, Ian. You’re honest, bold and go after what you want. I believe that you care about me, but as fast as I’m falling for you, I worry I could get hurt.”

“
You’re special, and I won’t walk away until you tell me to. I feel like Drew’s had over two years to go after what he wants, so I’ll fight for you.”

Tears come, and I do everything I can to hold in my
sob. “Leave with me, Brynlee. Spend the day with me, or at least let me drive you somewhere. You can’t stay here this upset.”

He’s right, and
I can’t hear Drew’s side this soon after listening to Ian’s sweet words.

“
I need to take care of a few things in the kitchen, and then I’ll go with you.” I begin to stand. “Wait, I thought you started work today.”

“
I told my dad I was taking another week off. I need time for you and me to get to know each other better if I stand a chance.”

“W
ait here.” I go through the store, wiping my eyes. Drew follows me into the kitchen.

“What did he do to you?” he asks angrily.

“He was nothing but sweet to me, Drew. I’m crying because I’m so fucking confused about what I want. How did you discover it was Ian?”

“I saw the two of yo
u at Blitz Friday night.”

“Then y
ou had opportunities Saturday to tell me you knew him, but you chose not to. Instead, you spill this news right in the middle of the coffee shop, so you’ll have to wait to talk to me. I’m a wreck now, so I’m leaving with Ian.”

Drew grabs me by the shoulders and leans his head down to look me in the eyes. “Please, Bryn, don’t do this. Please let me talk to you first. As long as we’ve been friends, I deserve that.”

I poke him in the chest. “Do you? You’ve had plenty of time to tell me how you feel. Two years to go after what you want. That’s what he’s doing right now, and at least for today, I’m going to see where it takes me. We can talk tomorrow.”

He lets out the loudest groan and grabs his head before stor
ming out of the kitchen. I clean up my mess, and every employee looks my way when I walk through the shop. It’s no secret now that something’s up between Drew and me thanks to the big mouth he’s suddenly capable of using.

Ian is pacing
outside. I wipe my eyes, smile at him and take his hand. I need to figure this out soon, but regardless, we all get hurt in the end. A friendship’s already ruined, and I have to let one of them go. Am I worth their hurt?

Ian

I let out a sigh of relief. Not only does Brynlee keep me around, she agrees to spend alone time with me. At first when she spoke at the table, I thought she was telling me goodbye. I won’t show Drew my vulnerability, but I can’t deny it’s there.

He does have the
advantage. I didn’t want to believe it, but seeing them in the place that brings them together every day made me realize how much more time he’s had with her and will have. He’ll now spend it showing her affection, so I have to utilize my time to get her to see me as a friend in addition to that.

“You’re quiet,” she says, squeezing my hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m relieved you still want me around, but I can’t say this isn’t an upsetting situation.”

She
turns her head and stares out the window. I shouldn’t have said that. Pressure is the last thing she needs.

“Bry
nlee, please don’t feel bad. I want you to be happy, and I’ll spend as much time with you as you’ll allow to make that happen.”

She perks
back up a little, making everything better.

“Where are we going?” she asks.

“International Rose Test Garden. Do you mind?”

“No, I’d like that. Flowers would help brighten the day.”

When we arrive, I gather a blanket I keep in my trunk and hold her hand. The garden is a testing site for new varieties of roses. One spot on the grounds is called Shakespeare Garden where some of the herbs, trees and flowers mentioned in Shakespeare plays are grown.

It’s evolved into
a landscape of rich color, and Brynlee deserves to be surrounded by this kind of beauty every day. Making our way along the paths, I watch her admire the many annuals and perennials.

With little luck, w
e spend awhile trying to recall which Shakespeare plays the plants were mentioned in, but it’s still fun, and watching her face light up is priceless.

F
or brief moments, I think she forgets the deeper issue at hand. I find a spot and lay the blanket down on the grass, stretching out on it after. She lies right next to me but on her stomach, and luckily, it’s warm today since she’s only wearing a tank top and very short shorts.

It’s taking huge
restraint on my part not to touch her. I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow, my hand holding up my head. Her cheek is resting on the back of her hands as she gazes at me, and I wish I could see through them to capture her thoughts.

“You have beautiful,
green eyes, Ian. They match this lush, manicured lawn and pop against all the colors here.”

“You’re sweet, Brynlee.
You have flour or sugar on your nose.” I go to wipe it off, but she hurriedly beats me to it. “‘See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek.’”

She
grins at me, her teeth sparkling white and eyes that match the earth beneath us.

“
Romeo and Juliet
,” she says.

“How about this one. It’s
fitting. ‘Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service.’”

“I don’t k
now that one, but it’s lovely, you smooth talker.”

“It’s
from
The Tempest.
I guess Shakespeare was a smooth talker, too.”

“You’re very smart, Mr. Williams.” She stretches her head over and presses
her warm, gentle lips to mine.

The prickling
from her touch spreads throughout me, and it’s my body’s cue to swallow her up and drink her in, so I pull her to me. She’s on her side in a second and flush against me, surrendering to my need.

“I’m hel
pless when I’m with you,” I say against her lips.

She gigg
les, and I feel her chest vibrating against mine. “I think it’s the other way around.”

I
look at her with much seriousness, needing her to understand. “No, Brynlee, you have all the power. The person I used to be is non-existent when you’re near.”

Her lips crash against mine, her tongue
sending out a thank you. She isn’t in the talking mood today. She wants an escape, and I’ll happily give it to her. We make out a lot, and she lets me repeatedly run my fingers all the way up her slender legs to her lustrous hair.

“Where does Brynlee want to travel to?”

“Italy.”

“I’ll take you. Tell me when.”

Her eyes widen and an excited expression shows.

“We could eat a
lot of pasta and drink wine. I want to go there and take a cooking class with a top chef. You could take it with me,” she says.

“You don’t need a
class, and they’d probably kick me out.”

“You’re t
oo smart not to be able to learn to cook.” Her eyes light up with excitement again. “We could travel through the countryside like you see them do in movies and stay in some kind of little cottage that has moss growing on it.”

I chuckle at her enthusiasm and
imagination.

“I’ve seen those in movies, too,”
she adds before gazing at me alluringly. “We could stay in bed for hours, or we could lie on a blanket like this and make love.”

“Sweet girl, don’t say another word. They’ll throw us out of here if I get on top of you, and that’s where I’ll be if you talk about us that way again.
”

H
er alluring look continues to increase my libido. We talk and make out a few more times before I eventually drive her home, and having to leave her unsettles me.

From here on out,
I’ll only mention Drew if it becomes absolutely necessary. I want her only focusing on us when I’m with her. I want her happy, and discussing this predicament will only upset her.

It pains me to leave
, knowing she’ll see him tomorrow, and unfortunately, Drew only knows the Ian that hadn’t been introduced to the sweet Brynlee.

I’m not that guy anymore
, but he could tell her a lot of bad shit about me, causing her to doubt us. I can only hope the honesty I’ve showed her calms those fears.