I'm Just Here for the Food (47 page)

Heat-Resistant Rubber Spatulas

These are actually made of silicone rubber and although they’re a little pricey, you could stir lava with them. My favorites, made by Rubbermaid, have red handles signifying their heat-friendly nature. I see no reason to ever scramble eggs or stir a custard without one of these devices.

Heavy-Duty Stainless Steel Bowl With a Nearly Round Bottom

Heavy-duty means 18/8 or 18/10 stainless-steel construction. The ratios refer to the percentages of the components in the steel. In the case of 18/10, you’ve got 18 percent chromium (lending corrosion resistance and luster) and 10 percent nickel (a soft metal added to steel to give it malleability). Seeing those fractions embossed on the bowl means that you’ve got good stuff. Also, look for smooth rather than rolled edges, which often signal an easily warped vessel. Although you want the bowl to be stable on a counter, the rounder the inside of the bowl the better. And the nearly round bottom is important because then the bowl and the whisk share the same profile enabling the whisk to do its job easily and well.

Digital Scale

Volume measures are fine for liquids and small amounts of dry goods (a tablespoon or two) but if you want precision you must weigh. There are basically three types of scales: balance, spring, and digital. Balance scales are accurate and durable, but darned expensive and tricky to read. Spring scales, which utilize springs and levers, are widely available and affordable but leave much to be desired in the realm of accuracy, especially when it concerns amounts less than 3 ounces. Digital scales assess weight by electronic current, are highly accurate, and easy to read and operate. Most switch effortlessly back and forth from standard to metric and include a “tare” function, the ability to weigh several ingredients in the same bowl by zeroing or canceling out the weight of each ingredient (not to mention the container) after it’s added.

Thermometers

Just about everything that happens in the kitchen concerns temperature, which is why you need five thermometers.

Keeping your refrigerator as close to 38° F is really, really important (see
Cleanliness is Next to…
). Unfortunately the temperature controls in most refrigerators rely on a scale calibrated not by degrees but by alphanumerics—which aren’t that useful for me since I have no idea how cold “B” is. A small alcohol-bulb-style thermometer will allow you to manage the chill in your chest. I prefer those that hang off the back of a shelf far better than stand up models, which are always getting knocked over or blocked.

To tell the temperature of your oven, a mercury thermometer works best—but oven versions are tough to find. Coil-style oven thermometers are the next best thing. I like this style for the oven because they’re fairly accurate at standard oven temperatures and are easy to read through even dingy door glass.

You’ll also want an instant-read thermometer. They come in analog form, but I say why tinker with mechanics when you can have digital. Besides the fact that they’re far more accurate and durable, the sensors are located at the tip of the stem. The mechanical sensors in analog models are usually a good inch up the stem, which can make shallow readings all but impossible. Be sure the version you buy has a stem long enough to reach the center of a large roast or loaf of bread. Unlike traditional meat thermometers, instant-read digitals are not meant to stay in the oven during cooking. For that you’ll need a probe thermometer.

THE POP-UP

One thermometer I’m not too fond of is often found lodged in the breast of turkeys. This simple gadget is supposed to let you know when your turkey is done—when the indicator stick pops up, it’s time to eat. But since it’s a binary thermometer, it has only two readings, done and not done. Inside the outer casing is a coiled spring held in place by an epoxy that’s made to melt at a specific temperature, about 180° F. When it reaches that point, the spring is released and up pops the stick indicator. By 180° your dark meat is done, sure, but your white meat is a crouton. So, if your turkey’s got one of these gizmos, just ignore it and use your probe thermometer. However, don’t pull it out prior to cooking or you’ll just leave a gaping hole for juices to escape through.

Probe thermometers are the best thing to happen to cooking in a few hundred years. They’re like instant-read thermometers with brains and long-range remote probes that can stay in the food throughout cooking. For mindless meat roasting, simply insert the probe into the deepest part of the meat and set the on-board alarm to go off when the target temperature’s reached. No opening and closing the oven door, grill lid, or smoker hatch. Make sure you buy a model with at least a three-foot probe wire and if possible, a range of 0 to 500° F.

Because mercury is a great conductor, mercury thermometers are amazingly fast and accurate and that’s a good thing to have when frying or making candy. Most frying/candy thermometers clip right onto the side of your pan and have the high temperature range necessary for these types of cooking. Look for one with a strong cage around the bulb and clear calibrations regarding candy stages (the “ball” system). Unlike most thermometers a well-cared-for mercury model will last forever. I have one that I inherited from my grandmother and it’s still dead-on.
⁴⁰

Salad Spinner

Moisture in your salad greens is good, but moisture on the greens is bad. Using centrifugal force, a good salad spinner is the best way to dry greens fast. The difference between the various types usually revolves around the drive mechanism. There are three main styles. The crank type has a habit of moving itself right off the counter as it spins, while the pull cord (or lawnmower) type is inclined to bring spinning greens to an abrupt halt and has a cord that can fray and break. But the pump type with a brake is a good choice since it tends to remain balanced as it spins. Also look for a sturdy basket that doubles for other things, like a colander. I also use mine for drying hand-cut fries before introducing them to the oil—a crucial step for splatter-free frying.

Cutting Boards

To make your knife blade last, cut on boards of wood or plastic. Not quite as tough as butcher boards (made of dozens or hundreds of pieces of wood cut across the grain and then glued together), but lighter and a lot cheaper, are edge-grained boards. Beware thin specimens; they tend to warp. Buy a good solid kiln-dried maple cutting board, the biggest one you can stand on end in your sink. It won’t be cheap but cared for it’ll last for years and years. Only cut foods that are safely consumed raw on a wooden cutting board. Raw meat should be cut on plastic. Since they are non-porous and on the slippery side, plastic boards are inhospitable to bacteria. You can label your plastic board for poultry on one side and meat and fish on the other. Cutting boards are one of the most frequent causes of cross contamination in the kitchen. To disinfect boards, rub them with white vinegar, rinse and air dry. Plastic boards can be sanitized in the dishwasher, but never put a wooden board in the machine.

In addition to boards that aren’t properly cleaned, wobbly boards are also dangerous. The simple solution to this problem is shelf liner. It makes a super non-skid surface; just put a piece underneath your board and you’re good to go.

Spray Bottles

An inexpensive, dime-store item, the spray bottle is handy to have around. And when you buy one, buy three. One for oil, one for vinegar, and one for cleaning solution (and mark them clearly). Spritz a pan, dress a salad, and clean up with ease.

Side Towels

Last, but not least, side towels. These gems are simple, inexpensive things that make work in the kitchen much more pleasurable. A quick wipe with a damp one cleans your work space in a jiff and more importantly, a dry one makes for the perfect protective device when reaching for a hot handle. They’re little things that make a big difference.

Cleanliness is Next to…

The word sanitation comes from the Latin
sanitas
and it doesn’t mean garbage man, it means “health.” As it applies to food, sanitation means keeping food safe for the eater. A discussion on food and cooking that ignores sanitation is like a discussion on mountain climbing that omits the mention of ropes. Cooking is fun, but not if you or someone you’ve fed ends up sick.
⁴¹

Right now, your kitchen is a veritable megalopolis of microscopic organisms, and your refrigerator is downtown Germville. That’s just the way it is, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. Oh sure, you can write your congressman or you can protest to industry—or you can take responsibility for your own safety. Besides, who do you think is going to take care of you and yours?

a.
You
b.
Politicians
c.
Big business
d.
None of the above

If you answered
b
or
c
, you’d better start saving up sick days, and if you said
d
you’d better just eat out . . . no, strike that: most restaurant workers know even less about food safety than you do. If you answered
a
, you’re darned tootin’.

GOT BLEACH?

When it comes to cleaning up, I bet you have just what you need even without resorting to fancy specialized products. Got bleach? It’s found in four out of five U.S. households, has been a staple for ages, and hasn’t changed a hair since its introduction in 1916. Household bleach (including Clorox) is not chlorine. It contains no more chlorine than table salt. And it kills germs. Bleach, however, can be an irritant to both skin and eyes, so it makes good sense to use a spray bottle.

Whatever tools I handled (including knives and the cutting board) get rinsed with a sanitizing solution composed of 1
½
teaspoons Clorox bleach per pint of water.
Campylobacter jujuni,
an especially nasty germ, differs from
salmonella
, which requires a large colony to make you sick, because
C. jujuni
can do it with just a handful of organisms. The American Red Cross recommends ¼ cup of chlorine bleach per 1 gallon of water. Clorox, a sodium hypochlorite bleach (which breaks down into little more than salt water once it’s done its killing/cleaning), breaks down the proteins in cell walls, rendering bacteria and the like good and dead. When I’m done in the kitchen, I spritz all the surfaces (and the clean cutting board) lightly with the same solution and leave it to dry (See notes on
Cutting Boards
).

Bad Bugs

There are zillions of different microorganisms in, on, and around food, but the ones that can render ill those who consume them are in a club all their own. They are the pathogens and they come in five basic flavors: bacteria, viruses, parasites, molds, and yeasts. The last two actually play a crucial role in much food and beverage production, but they can also spoil food (though they rarely make us sick). Viruses can make you very sick indeed, but since they can only survive in living tissue, they only rear their ugly little heads in shellfish.
⁴²
Parasites such as
Trichinella spiralis
in pork used to be a problem but have been all but eradicated in swine populations through proper feed management. Bacteria are by far the most troublesome and include the big three:
Salmonella
,
E. coli
, and
Clostridium botulinum
, the instigator of botulism. The first two set up shop in our digestive tracts and wreak havoc. The third is itself actually harmless, but its waste is a potent toxin that loves to attack respiratory systems.
⁴³

Although individual needs differ, most microorganisms require:

• Water

• Food

• A pH between 4.6 and 7

• Temperature between 40° and 140° F (known hereafter as “the Zone”)

• Air (though some, like
botulinum
, do not)

The
water
content of any food is referred to as its “water activity.” Most—but not all—bacteria, molds, yeasts, and the like require a relatively damp environment, which is why meats and fresh vegetables spoil quickly, while dry goods don’t.

Food
for microorganisms can be anything from nearly pure sugar (as in the case of mold on jam) or protein (meat). In any case, the food has to be dissolved in water in order for bacteria to digest it; cured hams can hang around a smokehouse for a couple of years without rotting.
⁴⁴

PH
refers to the acidity of a given substance. The scale goes from 0 to 14, with 1 being eat-your-face-off acidic (remember the acid scene in
The Fly
?) and 14 being eat-your-face-off alkaline (remember the lye scene in
Fight Club
?). Limes rate a 2, baking soda rates an 8.1, and distilled water is dead neutral at 7. Almost all foods are slightly acidic, which is just what bacteria like. But they don’t like an environment under a pH of 4.6, which is why raw fish prepared ceviche-style will keep a heck of a lot longer than raw fish that’s, well, raw. Which is not to say that you’d want to leave ceviche hanging around that long (see
Acid
).