Immortal Light: Wide Awake (19 page)

LUCY:
Can u come out into the hall, I

need to see you.

As she found Mark’s classroom, she waited,
staring at her phone for a reply. After a minuscule wait, the door
opened and Mark’s face beamed into view.

“
Hey! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad to
see you!” Mark walked over to Lucy and took her in his
arms.

There was a slight sense of relief as he held
her, but it wasn’t quite what she had been hoping for.

She looked up at Mark. “Can we just go away
somewhere? I need to get out of here.” Her face fell into his chest
and she absorbed his essence.

“
Sure, let’s go right now. I’ll go
get my bag.”

His eagerness just made Lucy feel even worse
about Benjamin upstairs.

“
No, I mean away from everything.
Let’s leave this town and everybody in it. Can we do
that?”

Mark looked confused. “Are you okay, Lucy?” He
took her hands in his.

Lucy did the best she could
not to look completely dejected. “Yeah, I’m just … I
don
’
t
know.
”

“
Is it the
wreck, ‘cause, that was …
”

“
I don’t know; I’m just really
confused. I don’t know what’s going on in my head. This is all I
need right now.” She wrapped his arms around her, and he squeezed
her tightly.

She tried to feel him like
she had at the dance—the electricity she felt—but it
wasn
’
t there.
Then, she thought of Benjamin. It seemed she
couldn
’
t not
think of him since the accident.

“
Okay, I have to get back to
class,” Lucy said, gently pulling herself away.

“
I’m right here if you need
me.”

“
I know. Thanks.” With that, Lucy
started walking back to class. She knew Mark was waiting for her to
disappear up the stairs because she hadn’t heard his classroom door
open or close, but she couldn’t feel him watching her. It was
empty.

As she neared the classroom door,
she felt him again—Benjamin. It was like her own subconscious knew
where he was at any given time. She walked back into class and went
straight for the back of the room and sat down in a cluster of
empty desks. She spotted Benjamin immediately and just stared at
the back of his head for the rest of class.

When the bell rang, Lucy looked down at her
textbook and stayed in her desk. When she was certain that almost
everyone was out of the room, she closed her book, packed her
backpack and stood up. As she looked up, she was not surprised to
see Benjamin waiting alone for her at the end of her row. She
didn’t move, just stared in silence.

“
You forgot this,” he said,
holding out his hand with a folded piece of yellow
paper.

Lucy took it from him. She could
see her own handwriting on the outside, the word “hope” scribbled
slantwise across the face. Confusion and emotional exhaustion took
over her posture as she didn’t know what to make of anything. She
felt as though every encounter with Benjamin was just a
disappointing fiasco, and it was growing tiresome. It was draining
her mentally and emotionally as she fought the overwhelming rush of
feelings that seemed to accompany Benjamin’s presence.

“
Thanks, I’ll be sure to recycle
it.” Her tone and expression radiated every bit of the pure
frustration she was feeling.

She walked toward him and he sidestepped to
let her by. As she reached the door and held her hand out to drop
the paper in the blue recycling bin, she heard her name.

“
Lucy.”

She stopped and looked, pained, back at
Benjamin.

He pointed toward the yellow slip in her hand.
“Don’t forget; you won.”

Looking down, she could barely
make out his polished handwriting on the inside of the fold. She
stuffed the paper in her pocket and walked out of the
room.

Chapter
10

It wasn’t exactly expected, but when Lucy
found herself back in the grove, she wasn’t the least bit
surprised. She had actually hoped as she turned off her lamp that
night that she might wander back there, where the golden light
radiated peace and warmth all over her body.

Looking up, she could see the sky through the
trees, and she closed her eyes to let the sun settle in on
her.

His voice came without warning and, for that
matter, without the slightest bit of surprise. “You’re
back.”

Lucy opened her eyes to see Benjamin staring
straight at her. His clothes were what he was wearing that day at
school. His sword was exactly as she had seen it last. He stood
wrapped in golden sunlight, like a knight from a different
universe, a different reality.

She felt comfortable in the haven,
and since the version of Benjamin that she knew there was simply a
figment of her own imagination, she knew she could relax with
him.

“
I had to see you.”

Even as the words came out, and even as Lucy
knew he wasn’t real, she still felt a little embarrassed saying
them. There was always an uncomfortable tension when expressing
feelings to someone, whether they were real or
imaginary.

“
Well, I’m glad you’re
here.”

“
Why are you
glad? The last time I broke into your
haven
, you kicked me out.” She tried
not to sound annoyed, but she just couldn’t help
it.

“
I’m glad because I want to talk
to you about some things. Did you read the note?”

“
The note?” she said out loud. Her
thoughts went back to the yellow note she had placed in her pocket.
“No, I completely forgot about it.” Instinctively, she reached for
her pants pocket, when she realized she was in pajamas and
slippers.

Benjamin stopped her. “It wouldn’t have been
there anyway. You wouldn’t bring something like that with
you.”

“
What did it say?” It was a silly
question. In a dream, the note would say whatever she wanted it to
say.

“
It was your prize. You’ll have to
go back and read it yourself, but it is important. It reveals
something about me that I want you to know.”

“
Can’t you just tell me what it
said?”

“
I would, but you still don’t
understand what this place is. There are some things you need to
figure out for yourself.”

Lucy’s curiosity shifted
from the note and moved to the
haven
itself. She had visited it so
many times that it meant more than one thing to her and had caused
her to feel more than one emotion; but, she still didn’t know what
the
haven
was,
which brought her to her next question.

“
So, now you can tell me things?
Why the change of heart?”

“
Well, I’ve been thinking about
that, and I’ve decided that if I tell you in here, then it won’t
really make it to the outside, since you’re in a state of denial
that what goes on in here is real.”

Lucy considered the truth of his statement,
saw the wisdom in it, and was proud of her subconscious for coming
up with it.

“
Okay, Mr. Mystic. What is this
place, then?” She looked at him with a smirk. His answer was bound
to be interesting since it would ultimately be coming from
her.

“
Well, that’s not really what’s
important right now,” he said, returning her smirk.

“
What’s important,
then?”

Benjamin took a few steps closer to her.
“What’s important is that you know that this,” he pointed around
the grove, “is not a dream.”

Not a dream. The words resonated. The fact of
the matter was that it absolutely was a dream, and being so aware
of that fact is what made Lucy so certain that she was simply
asleep in her bed. But, there was something nagging at her that
maybe he was right.

“
How can I be certain that this
isn’t a dream?”

“
You can’t.”

The two stared each other down
knowing one of them was right and one was wrong. Looking into
Benjamin’s eyes, she couldn’t shake the sudden feeling that perhaps
he was the one in control of the dream. The thought was so
completely absurd that she tried to dismiss it the second it took
shape.

“
Come with me,” he said, motioning
for her to follow him. “I want to show you something.”

While she tried to convince herself, once
again, that she was the one in charge, it was still a little
unnerving that he was leading them through it.

The two walked side by side.
Benjamin’s sword swung at his waist. With the number of questions
far exceeding the number of answers she had, Lucy decided to start
with the sword. She thought it somewhat comical that she would have
him wearing a sword in her dreams, but then again, she had dreamed
of far stranger.

“
Since you say this is all real,
and I have to admit, I’m having a hard time believing that, then
why do you wear a sword? Isn’t that a little odd?”

He looked down at the scabbard hanging from
his waist and tenderly gripped the handle.

“
That’s a discussion all by
itself, but I will say this: it’s the one thing I don’t have to
bring with me. It is always with me no matter which world I’m
in.”

Lucy caught on his last few words. “Then this
is a different world?”

Benjamin looked over at her, his demeanor calm
and pensive. “It is a world based in our world, but yes, this is a
world outside of our temporal world. It was created in my
subconscious, but everything in it is made to be tangible and
tactile. The smells, the textures; it’s all as real as I could make
it.”

The sense of realism was
overwhelming, and she could feel herself being pulled into her own
delusion. She was starting to notice the details and their clarity.
She began to think that maybe Benjamin was right, that maybe it
wasn’t a dream at all, but she didn’t know how it could be what he
was claiming. It wasn’t possible. While the surroundings were
creations of reality, the subject matter was based in science
fiction. But, with answers coming more easily than Lucy expected,
she thought of more questions.

“
You said I broke in here. Why
would I do that?”

“
Honestly, I don’t know the answer
to that question. All I know is that one day I was meditating here
and from nowhere you showed up in your pajamas.”

Lucy remembered vividly that first dream. “Why
did you run away that time? Didn’t you recognize me?”

Benjamin tucked his fingertips
into his pockets. “Since I created this place, you’re the first
person ever to come here that wasn’t invited.”

Lucy stopped walking in order to absorb
everything he had just said. “But this is a dream, and I’m the one
making this up. I just don’t understand why I’m making this up.
It’s not bizarre enough to be a regular dream, and it’s too real to
be pretend. Why am I doing this to myself?”

Her questions were more directed at herself
than Benjamin; she knew he would only say everything she wanted him
to. Benjamin turned to face her, focusing his eyes directly into
hers. His expression was one of absolute patience as he tried to
make her understand the strange things that were happening to
her.

“
I will say this as many times as
it takes, but you’re not in a dream, Lucy. I know it’s hard for you
to understand, but this is not part of you.”

“
But, it has to be. I’m asleep and
I’m dreaming all of this.”

Claustrophobic panic was beginning
to take over. Though she was outside, she felt like she needed more
space, to get to an opening. Benjamin grabbed both of her hands and
she felt the energy she had felt before. It came from Benjamin and
she had never felt it so overpoweringly strong. She could feel
herself recovering from her panic attack and everything came into
perspective; everything was clear once again.

“
This has been too much for you
and I apologize.”

“
No, no, it’s okay. I just want
some answers. Please show me what you wanted to show
me.”

“
I was wrong. It’s not time yet.
You need to be more certain of this out there.” He nodded to the
outside world. “We’ll have plenty of time. You’ll be back here and
I will show you everything.”

Calm came over Lucy as she felt the strong,
but gentle, grasp of the two warm hands that held hers.

“
You’re going to wake up soon.
When you do, you need to read that piece of paper I gave you.
Promise me you’ll read the paper before you see me
next.”

“
I will,” she responded, and he
was gone.

The next thing she felt was the weight of her
comforter on her arms and the softness of her pillow under her
head. Her eyes shot open. She jumped from her bed and raced to her
laundry hamper. On top she saw the pair of capris jeans she had
worn to school that day. Reaching into the pocket, she wrapped her
fingers around the slip of paper. Impatiently, she unfolded the
note to reveal four words: