Imperfectly Bad (20 page)

She smiled at me. “But there is no love like your first love,” she countered back.

“I just can’t shake her.”

“And you shouldn’t. She is a part of you. Your past with her, it shaped you into the man you are now. You might not think it, but you are good, and you deserve happiness.”

I kissed Layla’s forehead, whispering against it, “What did I do to deserve you?” I dropped my head back onto my pillow.

“You needed me.”

I couldn’t make sense of what she said. I needed clarification and so I asked her what she meant.

“You needed me to remind you to find good in the bad things.”

What she said takes me back a bit, and I consider her words for a moment. Layla was right. I needed her. I needed her to make me realize that things are meant to happen. All the shit in my life had lead me to her. I was who I was because of my past. My heart had shut down for years, but Layla made it beat again. Because of her I felt like I had a chance at a future again.

Shifting my weight I roll her over so she’s on her back, my body pressing down on hers. While momentarily confused, she rights herself and looks up at me through her long lashes. Wondering how on earth a bastard like me ended up with a second chance like this, I leaned down and kissed her gently. A smile formed on the edges of her lips against mine. Pressing my forehead to hers, our eyes met and I knew. This time was different, and because of that, I would do it differently.

”I don’t deserve you.”

She reached up with her hand and placed it on my cheek and I leaned into her touch, relishing the feel of her skin on mine. Whatever was between us overtook her and her eyes glossed over. Her tongue snaked out to lick her bottom lip before she caught it between her teeth. “Rob—”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just need you to know what you mean to me. You are my guardian angel.”

She turned away from me and covered her face, a sob escaping from her throat.

“Hey.” I ran a hand through her hair. “Don’t cry. This is a good thing.”

Needing to make everything okay, to soothe whatever pain she was feeling, I pulled her hands from her face. Fresh tears pooled on the sheets beneath her face but she forced a smile.

“It’s not that. It makes me sad, thinking that you don’t realize how amazing you are,” she managed to choke out. “You deserve me, just as I deserve you.”

Hearing those words… I didn’t think I would ever be able to describe the way I felt. It was as though the jagged edges of my broken heart weaved themselves back together, and it started beating again. My whole body tingled as it came awake and, unable to verbalize my feelings, I crashed my lips down onto hers. No feeling could compare, My hands pulled her closer than I could imagine and we stayed there the rest of the day. I held her in my arms and she warmed my skin.

No question about it, Layla had put me back together.

Exhausted, I flopped down onto Shane’s couch and Felix immediately ran toward me. The look of pride and excitement on his face was amazing, he smiled and patted my knees to get my attention. I reached down and pulled him into my lap.

“Hey, little dude, what’s up?” I tickled his belly.

“Unc Wob!” he screamed between laughs.

Shane passed me a beer and joined me on the couch. “So, what’s going on with you?” he asked. “We haven’t seen you much lately? Layla?” He raised his eyebrows at me as her name left his mouth.

“Yeah.”

Felix wiggled his way out of my lap and went back to toddling around on the floor. I laughed. He looked like a drunken mini-Shane.

“What’s up with Jenny?” Shane asked, cracking open his beer.

I eyed him curiously.

“Emma,” he said by way of explanation.

I rolled my eyes. “That girl sucks at keeping secrets.”

“Yeah, she does.”

I laughed. “Nothing’s up with Jenny. We’re over—have been for years.”

“Are you really done with her?”

I sighed and took a long haul off my beer. Shane had a point. “I’ll probably never be done with her, will I?”

Shane shook his head. “No, you won’t. First love runs deep.” He sighed and looked up the stairs. Emma was taking a nap and I could tell he was trying to think of a way to say whatever was on his mind.

“You know she’s dead to the world, so just spit it out,.”

“I love Emma more than anything in the world. She’s my everything—”

“But…”

“But, I will never forget Christy. As much as her and I fought, and all the bad blood between us, I still have a spot in my heart where she lives. Christy was the first girl I thought I loved, she was by my side as I became the man I am today. You don’t just forget that.”

It took a second to take in what Shane was saying to me but I couldn’t deny I felt better knowing that I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Especially as Shane was the one who had all his shit together. If he couldn’t get over his first love, then what chance did I have?

“I needed to hear that.”

“I knew you did.”

He flipped on the TV and sat in silence, our eyes on the game but neither of us were really watching. But the silence wasn’t awkward. It gave us a minute to gather our thoughts.

“So you think this Layla might be it for you?” he asked, his eyes fixed on the screen.

“I think she could be, if I can get past these confusing feelings.”

“Love is confusing. All that bullshit about love being patient and kind is a sham. There is nothing beautiful about love, it’s an ugly bitch and it will tear you down and spit you out before you have a chance to figure it out. I learned that the hard way. My advice to you? Follow your heart, because your head will do nothing but get you into trouble.”

I let Shane’s words sink in for few seconds. “When did you get so wise?” I asked before finishing my beer, mindlessly picking at the label while I waited for his answer.

“When I accepted the fact that nothing good comes from being in love.”

I reached over and patted Shane on the knee. I wasn’t that long ago when Shane had been through a similar thing to this when his feelings for Emma came to the forefront. It had been a bad time for him, and it assured me that during our lives we all face a dark hour that we need to work our way through.

“Thanks for that,” I said to him as I stood from the couch.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “You just got here.”

“I’m following my heart.”

Pushing through the queue, I made my way up to the counter and slammed down a $10 bill.

“Gimme a grande espresso.”

She turned on her heels, obviously taken aback by the harshness in my voice. “Oh Jesus, Rob. You can’t just show up here and start acting like a dick.” She grabbed the money from the counter and pushed some buttons on the register.

“You and I have unfinished business.”

She picked up a cup and made a few marks with her pen before handing it over to the other barista. “To hell we do. You made that perfectly clear.”

This couldn’t go on. There had to be some way of reaching some middle ground. I reached across the counter and grabbed her hand before she could walk away from me. “I wanna just talk, calmly for once. Work through what happened with us without either of us getting pissed off so much we can’t see straight.”

“Like that’s going to happen,” she scoffed.

“It will if we make it happen. We need closure, Jenny. If either of us wants to move on and be happy, we need an ending.”

Bright eyes scoured my face and I could tell she was thinking about what I said. Deep lines appeared across her forehead she was that deep in thought.

“Fine,” she finally muttered. “I’m off in a half an hour.”

It was a good thing I wore expensive shoes, otherwise I think I might have worn a hole in the soles as I paced up and down the sidewalk, waiting for her. The last thirty minutes had consisted of pacing, and copious amounts of chain smoking. In true Sod’s law fashion my lungs were heavy with smoke when she came out, but I managed to speak. “Want one,” I offered, thinking it would be nice if we could actually
start
the conversation as adults.

She begrudgingly slipped one from my pack and leaned toward me, cupping her hands around mine as I flicked the lighter and lit the end for her. It wasn’t only well practiced, it was intimate, and it made my heart race.

“Thanks,” she muttered, the cigarette dangling from her mouth. After a few deep breaths her shoulders sagged and she appeared more relaxed. “Where do you want to talk?” she asked as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.

“We can go to my place. Ty is gone for the night.”

“Lead the way.”

We walked to the subway, rode the train, and walked some more—all without so much as a word. To say tensions were high would be an understatement. The sound of the key sliding into the lock was amplified tenfold as I unlocked the door and motioned for her to go ahead of me. “Such a gentleman,” she said, slipping off her jacket. It had been a while since I’d been close enough to really study her but something was different. Another quick scan of her arms and I noticed her tattoos were faded, and I knew without a doubt what she had been doing.

“You getting rid?” I asked, stretching out to absently run my fingers over her skin.

She flinched away and directed her gaze towards me. “Don’t start.”

I threw my hands up in defeat. “I wasn’t. Just asking a question, Jenny. I’m not always out to get you.” Deep down I knew that either she was changing for him because she thought that was what he wanted, or he was actually making her change. Neither answer was all that great. With such an individual personality, Jenny deserved to shine, and I wanted to tell her that but knew it would start a fight and I had made a promise.

“Feel free to sit wherever,” I said as I walked toward the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Scotch would be awesome,” she called from the living room.

I smiled. Still the only girl I knew who loved to drink scotch on the rocks. “You want a cigar with that?” I joked pouring her drink.

“If you have one, that’d be great.”

It was nice to banter back and forth and I laughed as I made my way to the living room. Casting a cursory glance around the room, I saw her perched on one end of the couch. I handed her the glass and sat on the other side. As if unsure whether to trust me or not, her eyes narrowed on me as she took a tentative sip. The punch-drunk look that spread across her face let me know it met her approval.

“That’s good scotch.”

“Only the best.”

No further words were necessary because we both knew the only reason I’d started drinking it was because of her. Not wanting the mood to turn sour I turned to rummage through one of kitchen drawers. Finally, my fingers wrapped around the wooden box and I pulled out my favorite humidor. With practiced ease, I snipped the ends of two cigars and lit each of them, taking a few deep puffs to ensure they were burning. Satisfied, I passed one to Jenny who smiled approvingly and immediately took a drag.

She blew out a few smoke circles while we enjoyed our cigars in silence. “So, why am I here, Rob?” she asked after a few moments.

“I told you, we need closure.”

Her eyes fell into her lap. “What if I’m not ready for that?”

Unsure of the right words to say, I went with my gut. “You’re getting married Jenny, of course you’re ready for it. You need it—hell,
I
need it.”