Impossible (11 page)

“Luca, are you listening?”

I pretended like I’d heard everything she’d said, and nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s the room.”

Stace straddled me and licked my lips, sending shivers down my spine. “I don’t mind trying again. My parents are working late tonight, so I don’t have to be home until ten.”

It was so tempting to give in to her and, don’t get me wrong, I wanted to. But something was stopping me. I needed time to figure out exactly what that something was. If it was enough to put me off sex, then it needed to be fixed immediately.

I glanced at the clock and tried to look disappointed. “My mom gets off work pretty soon. I don’t want her to give me a lecture about safe sex if she catches you in bed with me.”

Hey, it wasn’t a complete lie. Mom did get off work in half an hour and she would kick my ass if she found Stac
e
naked in my bed. Since mom was a nurse, she wouldn’t hesitate to give me a lecture on te
en pregnancy. In front of Stace
. Not cool.

Stace groaned as she climbed off me. “Alright, if you say so, but next time we’ll go into the woods if we have to. You can’t leave me hanging like this.”

I managed a half shrug because that’s the best I could do. I wasn’t about to make any promises I couldn’t keep. Stace and I hadn’t hooked up in a couple of weeks, but already her clinginess was getting to me and I was a guy who liked his space. Maybe it was about time I started nudging her in Riley’s direction.

It wasn’t that I didn’t respect Stace. I did, a great deal, but I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Stace was simply a friend with benefits, but that didn’t mean every girl would be like that for me. Stace just wasn’t the right girl.

Once Stace was gone, I went into the kitchen and splashed my face with cold water. My hands gripped the edge of the sink as I stared out the window at the Summers’ front yard. Ms. Summers’ car wasn’t out front, which was unusual since she worked from home and didn’t get out too much. The light was on in Ash’s room so she must be home by herself.

As I drummed my fingers on the cool metal of the sink, my eyes fell on the container of flour we’d borrowed from the Summers’. Momma hadn’t returned it yet which meant I had an excuse to drop by Ash’s house.

Okay, why the hell did I want to drop by her house for? She’d made it perfectly clear she didn’t want anything to do with me, so why did I want to go over there and return the stupid container of flour?

Because I wanted to make sure she was okay. She’d had a rough week, and I didn’t want her to be depressed over it. What if she did something stupid like try and kill herself? Girls got really angsty about these kinds of things.

Without delaying another second, I grabbed the container and headed out the door. The cool air sent a chill through me and I regretted not putting on another layer of clothing. It didn’t really matter though—Ash would probably tell me to get lost and I’d be back in my warm house within seconds. I didn’t expect anything more from her.

In the light cast by the streetlamp, I frowned at the height of the grass. They still hadn’t gotten someone to cut the damn thing. I suppose Ash’s mom was in a similar state of mind to Momma’s. Her husband hadn’t died, but she’d still suffered from a bad marriage.

I hesitated on their front porch and, honestly considered bolting, when the door opened. Ashton leaned against the doorframe with a hand on her hip, and everything I’d planned on saying to her escaped me.

My mind registered a complete blank when I took in her appearance. She was wearing a pair of ridiculously tiny shorts that showed off so much of her smooth skin. Her top cropped off midway leaving her flat stomach bare. My pulse sped up as I tried not to stare—really tried—but it was impossible. I mean, who was she trying to impress at this hour?

“Are you giving that back?” she asked.

“What?” My mind couldn’t make sense of what she was saying.

Ash pointed to the container in my hand. “The flour. Are you giving it back?”

I stared down at my hands and realized I was gripping the container so hard that my knuckles were turning white. My hold slackened and the color rushed back into my hands. “Yeah, uh, here.” I passed her the container and then resumed my staring.

Shit! What was wrong with me? I was making it so fucking obvious, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. “Aren’t you cold?” No. Those words couldn’t possibly have come from my mouth. There was no way I could be
that
moronic, could I? Did I really need to make it any more obvious that I was checking her out?

Ashton raised an eyebrow at me, her face amused. “No, I was doing some stretches, so…” Her voice trailed off, but my mind was already full of dirty images of Ash stretching. Damn. As if I needed another excuse to fantasize about her.

There was an awkward silence that stretched on until Ash cleared her throat. “Was there something else?”

“Are you okay?” I blurted out and then felt like a total loser when she raised an eyebrow. “I mean, after breaking your detention virginity.” Shit. That hadn’t come out the way I’d wanted it to. Instead of sounding concerned, I’d come across like I was gloating.

Ash’s face darkened. “Luca, I can’t make this any clearer. I have no interest in having a conversation with you. Yes, I’m off the squad, but I plan on becoming a cheerleader again. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll get back in. In the meantime, I can’t be seen associating with someone like you. It’s bad for my reputation, whatever’s left of it.”

It was hard to believe how little Ash had learned from what had happened to her. She was always going to be self-absorbed. I was kidding myself when I’d come over here wanting to connect with her in some way. I’d been mistaken when I thought the old Ash was still in there. There was nothing of my Ashy left. She was a different person.

“Right, because I’m a
freak,
you can’t be seen talking to me,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “You are so small-minded.”

“I am not small-minded.” Ash’s nostrils flared with anger. “I just have eyes, something you clearly lack. Go and look in the mirror before you go ahead and judge me. You have greasy black hair, dress like you’re at a funeral, and I’m pretty sure you wear more make up than I do.”

“Your friends dumped you, yet you still think you’re going to get in with them again by acting like a bitch. Darlin’, you ain’t got nothing. No friends, no one who likes you, absolutely nothing.”

“That’s just temporary,” Ash said with a scowl. “Look, if you came here to rub it in my face then I have no time for you.”

“You have no time for me anyway,” I said. “Remember, you can’t be seen with me? Maybe I’ll suck your blood.”

Ash narrowed her eyes. “You’re right; I really don’t have time to waste on the likes of you.”

She went to shut the door, but I stopped the door with a hand. I always came out looking like such a God damn jerk every time we spoke. Just because she was a total snob didn’t mean I wanted to treat her the same way. Otherwise we were both just as bad as each other.

“Look, the reason I came here was because I wanted to see how you were. I wanted to make sure everything was alright with you. I didn’t come here to gloat, as fun as that would be.”

We stood there for a moment staring at each other. Ash’s eyes were wide with confusion, like she didn’t know how to react to what I’d said.

Her bottom lip quivered and she heaved a deep sigh. “Good bye, Luca,” she said softly, and shut the door in my face.

Ashton

School the next day was worse than the day before.

Most of the people who normally spoke to me avoided me like there was a bad smell hanging around me. The rest would whisper to each other when I walked past. That was the worst part about this whole thing: the fact that people were talking about me and they weren’t saying good things. My reputation was worse than it’d been before.

When lunch came around, I avoided the cafeteria and the courtyard and headed straight for the library. I was starting to feel like a major nerd. This was the second day in a row that I’d spent in the library and things weren’t looking up.

At least, in the library, the students didn’t talk in hushed voices about me. They stared at me, but it was more of a ‘what the heck is Ashton Summers doing in the library?’ kind of look.

Heading towards a deserted corner, I sat on the floor between two bookcases that towered above me. I felt safe sitting here, like no one could hurt me with their whispers and stares. I pulled my knees up and rested my head on them, trying to shut out the faint sounds around me.

I would stay in here until lunch ended and then head to my last class for the day, America History. After that, I had detention again.

I had to gather up the courage to walk into that History class, because it was the only one that I had with Kance. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t let me sit with her, but I was going to try anyway. Maybe if I persisted, she would eventually cave and start talking to me again.

“Oh, hey! I didn’t see you there.”

Glancing up, I saw a girl standing a few feet away. She was petite, with a slim frame, and medium-length brown hair. She had ordinary features, but she was still quite pretty. She was holding a couple of books in her hand and no doubt looking for more.

I recognized her immediately as the girl Bennett had just started seeing: Hadie Swinton. They’d started dating over the weekend but hadn’t made much of a splash on the gossip radar because of me. I seemed to be the most popular topic of discussion for all the wrong reasons.

“Are you talking to me?” I was surprised that she’d acknowledged me, especially when Bennett had refused to side with me.

Hadie took a tentative step towards me and nodded. “Yes, I thought you looked lonely. I mean, unless you want to be left alone, then I can go.”

“Oh.” She seemed genuine, at least. I’d been worried that she’d start making fun of me. “Should you be talking to me?”

Hadie frowned and switched her books over to the other hand. “I don’t let people influence me. I talk to whoever I want.”

I liked her already. “But you’re dating Bennett…”

“I’m dating him because, well, I’ve liked him forever and he finally asked me out. I don’t hang out with him or his friends, so it doesn’t matter to me what they think.” She blinked rapidly, as if she was seeing me properly. “No offense. I mean, you’re one of his friends, or you were, but um…I’ll just be quiet now.”

I laughed, wondering how such a nice girl like her could go out with Bennett. He didn’t deserve her. I mean, he’d always been a nice guy—caring, kind, considerate—but high school had slowly changed him. He was more focused on his reputation and being cool. He was like me.

“Oh, it’s alright. I guess he isn’t my friend anymore.”

“I’m sorry about that. They can be the meanest sometimes.” Hadie tilted her head to the side and then cleared her throat. “Well, I better get going. I have an assignment due in a few days and our teacher insists that we use books for research.” She rolled her eyes.

“That’s what the internet is for.”

“Exactly what I told him.” she said. “Oh, well, I’ll see you around, Ashton.”

With a wave, she headed back down the aisle and out of sight. I watched her go, amazed by the resolve she showed. She didn’t let anyone tell her what to do. She just did it. Maybe not everyone would treat me the same as my ex-friends. Maybe there were still people out there who would talk to me. I’d have to weed them out from the people I’d made fun of in the past, but there had to be a few people who didn’t completely hate me.

Right?

No one else approached me during lunch, and when I walked into History thirty minutes later, I was feeling slightly more confident about being in the same room as Kance. I’d already made up my mind that I would talk to her no matter what. Kance thought that she’d lowered my spirits, but there was still some kick left in me. Ashton Summers didn’t roll over and die.

Kance was already sitting at the back table with Ciara and Francine—both cheerleaders—and Gabe who was on the football team with Oliver. They began whispering as I approached them, and Francine burst into a large fit of giggles.

My stomach sank. Obviously I was the highlight of their conversation.

“Hey, are you going to make some room for me?” I asked with a smile.

A hush fell over the room and, without looking around, I knew that all eyes were on me. The last thing I needed was an audience to witness my potential humiliation, but I had to act like everything was fine if I wanted to regain my popularity.

It all came down to how Kance treated me.

Kance looked me up and down in disdain. “Hmm…how about no?”

“But I always sit here.”

“Not anymore. Find someone on your own level to sit with,” Kance shot me a snide look. “I bet even the losers won’t have you. After all, they have standards too.”

And there it was. I’d been publicly humiliated for the second time this week. Francine started laughing again, and I could swear the other people in the class were also laughing under their breath.

My smile didn’t crumble, and I owed it to years of cheerleading that my façade stayed intact. We’d learnt long ago that no matter what happened—whether you fell, hurt yourself, or were upset—we had to keep that smile on our face. So, that’s what I did. I kept on smiling.