Imprint (29 page)

“You t
ried to save me,” Sean clarified
in a robotic voice
that threatened to break.
“You
saved
my life and in the process I strangled you and put you through this hell.”

“You didn’t mean
to do it. Y
ou
were drowning
-”

“Why don’t
you hate me?
Why did you only take my body, why didn’t you take my soul as well? Why didn’t you rip it to shreds like Hayden thought you had?”

Drew reached one hand out, as if he wanted to lay it on Sean’s shoulder, but
decided against it
. “I told you once, didn’t I?” he murmured. “I never hated you
, it
wasn’t your fault.
I
was the one who told you to
go swim
ming in the first place. You were
my responsibility, and I chose to try and save you.”

“I wish you hadn’t,” Sean choked on what may have been a sob, he didn’t really know.
It felt like the world was spinning, or more likely it was just his head.
“You idiot.
If you weren’t such a bloody martyr you would still be alive
, properly alive with your own body
. You’d probably be in medical school by now.
”

Drew shook his head. “People die, Sean, it’s what they do. The most anyone can wish for is to die knowing that they’ve saved someone else.”

“Saving my pathetic life wasn’t worth it.”

“I did think that a few times,” Drew admitted, and he looked a little sheepish. “That was mainly why I swapped places with you. I wanted to show you that life isn’t something to take for granted so that you wouldn’t waste it. I think you’ve learnt
that now though.
”

“I always wondered why I couldn’t hate you, no matter
how
much I wanted to,” Sean said in realisation
. “No wonder, it should be the other way around.”

Drew chuckled. “I’m no saint, though. I also took your body because, yes, I’m selfish and I really did want to be alive again for a little while. My original body was definitely better looking though.”

Sean didn’t laugh. He felt like he would never be able to again, and somehow he was glad for the numbness because he knew otherwise he would be
in a sobbin
g heap on the ground (provided I
mprints could actually cry).
And he needed this
time;
he needed to understand everything before he faded out. “Why did no one ever tell me the truth?” he asked. “Hayden, mother…you, why didn’t you tell me before?”

“
Your mind repressed those memories for a reason
, you know. Think about what it would have done to you, if you’d carried those memories around
for the last four years.
Your family wanted you to have a normal life,
so they chose not to tell you,” Drew explained solemnly. “
And as for me…well, I was scared that you would completely lose your will to live if yo
u knew earlier. When you’re an I
mprint
that can be pretty dangerous. This is the only reason that I could swap with you, though. I r
emember you asked me
why
once
. It’s because we’re connected; I gave my life for you, so I’
m able to take back that life.”

“So why are
you telling me all of this now?”

“Be
caus
e it’s only fair to tell you the truth
,” Drew shrugged. “And I hate the thought of you never knowing who I really am.”

Sean was quiet for a long time, digesting the information slowly. “Sorry,” he finally whispered, and the guilt saturating his voice was painful to hear.

“Don’t be,” Drew’s eyes
softened and there was
empathy
in them
. “I don’t regret it.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I did the right thing.” Sean wanted to say more, to somehow put the emptiness inside him into words, but his voice cracked and failed to work. Drew just smiled sadly. “We don’t have long left. You’re fading,” he said. “Just hold on, wait.” He reached into his pocket and pulled somethi
ng out, the object Sean had seen
him take before they left.

“What is that?”

Drew didn’t answer, but it was obvious what they were. Pills. He popped one out, swallowed it
dry
, and then continued until fifteen
o
f them were gone. Sean’s sluggish mind tried to process what was happening, but by the time he understood it was already too late.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sean yelled out, panic settling in, but Drew still did not answer. Instead he
waited
silently, an oddly calm look on his face, until he suddenly dropped the empty packet in his hand
and swayed precariously on the spot. In t
he next moment he had collapsed
to the ground from the overdose,
his eyes rolling back and his hair sp
l
ayed out all o
ver the grass like a dark ink
stain.

Sean waited, maybe for two minutes or maybe for twenty. He couldn’t tell because the seconds lagged and the minutes blurred into each other. He expected the motionless body on the ground to move, to miraculously get back up and for Drew to still be there. Was he already dead? Had his heart stopped beating? He wished he could tell, but his common sense was failing him and he knew that slowly, he was giving in to the hysteria that was trying to steal his mind.

“I told you to wait, didn’t I? I’m still here you know.”

Sean’s first instinct was to turn to the body, eyes wide and choking on air, only to see that
there was no change and it had definitely not spoken. And then he realised that the voice had come from behind him, and so turned around. A short distance away stood a boy who looked the same age as himself, translucent, with light bronze hair slightly longer than his own and piercing eyes. The boy was familiar, and Sean had a distinct memory of drawing him once. How long ago that now felt like. He knew who he was immediately though, the eyes gave him away
.

“
So this is what you really looked
like,” Sean breathed, and he tried to match up the face with the boy in his broken memories. “I can see you a lot cleare
r, now that we’re both the same.
”

“I know,” Drew said, a hint of a smile lingering. “I can
see you
too.”
And Sean suddenly knew exactly what he meant. Now that there was no body in the way anymore, he felt like he could see straight through the other boy. He understood him, and he knew that this understanding was mutual.

“It’s
going to die,” Sean
stated
after an extended silence, and his use of ‘it’ when referring to his own body sounded too strange, as if it was just a container and nothing more.
“Why’d you go and overdose anyway?
”

“So I could give it back to y
ou, of course.
And it’s not going to die. Ali should be coming
soon;
I called her on the bus
and told her to come here. S
he’ll get it to the hospital. I didn’t overdose
that
much.”

“So that’s what you meant, when you asked her to help you.”

“You know s
he’
d do anything for you,
so don’t take it for granted.”

Sean shook his head in denial. “I don’t want to go back,” he said, and he had never
so genuinely
meant something more than that in his life. “I don’t want to live again. I want you to live instead.”

“And spend my whole life stuck inside
you
r weedy body? I
think I’d rather just take my chances with the afterlife thanks.”

“You’re unbelievable, joking about your own death like this,” Sean muttered.

“Well, this wasn’t exactly how I planned this conversation to go.”

“Really? Because it seems like you planned everything else.”

“Yeah, I did,” Drew admitted
. “And this is how the ending is supposed to happen. With you going back to your normal boring life, and me fading out like I was originally supposed to.”

“That’s not the ending I want,” Sean said.

“Since when did you become so noble?”

“Take back my body,” he
continued, ignoring the comment. “Li
ve, go to university, become a doctor
,
marry, have kids or something.
”

“Like I’d ever want to have one of those little demons.”

“You weren’t supposed to die,” Sean whispered. “
I
was supposed to die, not you.”

With those words t
he amusement finally faded from the other boy’s
face, to be replaced by the despair
tainted with anger
that had been there all along
. “
I
don’t want your body,” he said, and there was a menacing edge to his voice.
“Sure, a temporary loan was fine, but it’s
your
body and
your
life. I hate how you’re willing to throw it away so easily, as if you don’t even care.”

“I do c
are,” Sean countered.

“Then because you can’t live with me, live
for
me. Live so that I didn’t give up my life for nothing.”

“You make i
t sound so easy, b
ut I don’t think I’ll live up to your expectations.”

“Sure you will, they’re not very high. Trust me.” Sean couldn’t help but choke on a small chuckle, at how familiar and reassuring an insulting comment now was to him. A smile cracked on Drew’s face as well. “Looks like times up,” he said. “If I don’
t do this now, it’ll be too late.” He gently grabbed Sean’s sleeve and tugged him closer to the body that still lay on the ground, cold an
d still, as if it were simply a part of the shrubbery that surrounded the lake.

“How do you know what to do?” Sean asked.

“It’s not hard,” was the reply. “Just touch the forehead, and then everything should go black.
It’s only possible now because you’re body is in such a weakened state.
When you next wake up
you should be back
.”

“And if I’m not?”

“Well, then you’ll be wherever I’m going to end up.”

Sean hesitantly reached out, towards the body that suddenly seemed so foreign to him, but paused just before he touched it. “
I don’t want to go back,” he said again.

“You have
to;
you still have things to do.”

“What about you, though?”

Drew just shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Will you really?”

“These past months ha
ve been worth it,” he said softly
, and there was a smile on his face that may have been genuine. Sean couldn’t tell anymore.
He wanted to argue more, force Drew
to accept this stupid container
instead of him because
he
deserved it more dammit,
but he was getting tired.
He had been trying to fight it for a while now, but he couldn’t anymore.
He was so tired, although it
was not physical exhaustion. It was a mental exhaustion that was much worse and he knew that this was what it felt like to fade out.

He brushed his fingers lightly across skin he could not feel
, and then there was a
both terrifying and comforting sensation of falling.
Nothing was sinking in anymore, and all he knew was the tiredness that was eating away at him as t
he black grew
from the corners of his vision
like a blanket being pulled over his head
. But, just before it consumed him completely, he was almost sure he heard something which sounded akin to ‘goodbye’.

Chapter 16
:
A death for a death makes the whole
wor
l
d I
mprints

“Just calm down and pull your arm out of my bed, would you?”

“People are selfish. They do what they want and don’t think about how it affects others until later. Your brother’s no different, and you’d be a fool to think he is.”