Impulse Control (15 page)

Considering Billy was headed for stairs that led down somewhere, that might be a challenge. Russ raced after him, catching up just as the kid thudded onto his ass and scooted over the edge. “You’re faster than you look.”

Billy headed straight for the couch and tugged on a cushion. Did he want to get up there or tear it apart? Russ tossed a pillow onto the floor, and the Billy squealed and grabbed the next one.

“Pillow fort, it is.” Russ grinned at the cameraman, who’d followed him into the room. This probably wasn’t appropriate behavior, either, but the boxy cushions made an excellent frame. The apron was a good makeshift roof, but every time he got it balanced, Billy barreled into it, knocking it down with glee. Russ finally decided to lean all the cushions up against the couch like a long lean-to. Billy got the idea immediately and crawled through. Russ followed him.

“What are you doing?” Susannah’s voice was muffled, but close by.

He couldn’t resist. He found her crouched at the entrance and grabbed her hand, then dragged her under the pillows. He was supposed to play his part, right? Tucking her beneath him, he kept one eye on Billy coming toward them through the tunnel. “Is this a tent? It feels like a tent. This is what we do in tents, right?”

He slid his legs between hers and fit their bodies together. Instant driving lust slammed through him. His gaze shot to hers and found her wide-eyed, pupils so big her eyes looked black. He shifted, bringing their hips into perfect alignment, and he couldn’t stop himself from thrusting. He wanted inside. He’d driven himself to exhaustion to stop thinking about making love to her, but as soon as he’d seen her, touched her, smelled her, the urge had come back tenfold. Her mouth was a whisper from his, and the touch of her warm breath on his lips made him forget everything but the need to taste her.

He lowered his mouth just as Billy reached them, buried both hands in Susannah’s hair, and slobbered on her cheek. She twisted to the side and sat up, knocking the pillows away from the couch. She stood and wiped her cheek. Without looking at him, she tugged the band out of her hair and put it back up into a smooth ponytail. “Second rule of child raising: clean up the mess. I’ll meet you back in the kitchen, Wild Man.”

She swept her son into her arms, and left him staring at her ass as she walked out of the room. Knowing his role, he sighed and rose. “Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said for the benefit of the camera. There hadn’t been any cameras on them a second ago, and her response had felt so real he’d barely kept himself from towing her back under the pillows.

You can’t have her.

Icy reality provided a much-needed slap-down. His reaction to being in her home had thrown him off-balance, but it didn’t change the facts. She needed someone steady in her life, and he would never be that guy. The only thing he could do for her was provide un-domesticated entertainment intended to bump her ratings. Good thing he was feeling unruly tonight. Doing the opposite of everything she asked was going to be fun.

He chuckled softly and followed her out of the room, leaving the pillows scattered on the floor behind him.

…

Susannah clutched Billy as she walked toward the kitchen. He struggled, and she knew right where he’d go if she put him down: back to Russ. She couldn’t blame him. She’d give just about anything to be able to climb back into the pillows and pretend they were in a tent. No cameras. No witnesses. No clothes.

Footsteps sounded behind her. “You couldn’t possibly have put the couch back together that fast.” Irritation sharpened her tone.

“Hell, no. I’m not that easy to domesticate. Plus, you said we model appropriate behaviors, and the kid wasn’t watching.”

She’d wanted a minute alone to pull herself together, because the sight of him playing with Billy had unraveled her. Of course he was good with kids. She wasn’t sure why she was surprised. He chased challenges for a living. He was good at everything—except sticking around. She’d gotten an excellent example of that this past month when he disappeared off the face of the earth. She’d planned this show to be torture for him, but she hadn’t thought about how hard it would be for her to see him in her home, in her life, playing with Billy in a way his father never had. It didn’t seem to matter how many times she told herself it was fake, she wanted it to be real. She wanted more. Real more. Not just for the benefit of the cameras and her ratings, either.

She turned to look over her shoulder at Russ. The harsh angles of his face were even sharper than they’d been last month. His hair brushed his collar, but his jaw was clean-shaven. No rough stubble tonight. A shiver of heat made her hold Billy tighter, as if he could insulate her from her impossible desires. “Come on, Wild Man, it’s showtime.”

She led him into the kitchen. Holly and Adam were at the stove, his large frame nearly eclipsing hers as he reached around her to stir. Susannah cleared her throat, and they broke apart, looking guilty. She’d thought having them as a buffer would make the show easier, but now she feared that part of her plan was backfiring, too. She was happy Adam was making his move and Holly looked receptive, but their timing sucked. She didn’t need any more sexual tension heating up the kitchen tonight.

Susannah smiled brightly even though her cheeks felt like concrete. “I’m going to put Billy to bed. Adam, can you get them started on the asparagus?”

“Sure thing.”

She headed for the stairs, carrying Billy. When Russ followed her, she paused. “What are you doing? You’re on KP.”

“You’re my date. I’m sticking with you. Aren’t you planning to teach me those ridiculously easy domestic skills? Putting a child to bed must qualify. I don’t want to shirk my lessons.”

He crowded behind her, urging her up the stairs. Her camera crew stuck to them like glue, missing nothing. She hadn’t planned on Billy being such a large part of the show, but maybe Russ would be all thumbs when it came to diapers and pajamas. She could always hope.

He nudged her up the stairs. “Plus, I’m not sure those two are going to start what you think they’re going to start downstairs. The X-rated cooking class is an untapped niche. Do you have a lesson like that planned for me?”

She shot him a glare over her shoulder. “It would be wrong to push you down the stairs, right? Because I’m tempted.”

“Not in front of the baby. We can play any kinky games you like after bedtime, and if you need props…” He winked. “I’ve got a tent and a sleeping bag in my car.”

His sly taunt turned her legs to jelly, and she grabbed the banister. Laughing softly, he crowded behind her and molded himself to her back, a warm column of hard muscle that made every part of her burn.

Billy yanked her hair, making her gasp. Her back felt cold when she pulled away from Russ, and she fought the instinct to head straight for her bedroom and pile on the fleece. It wouldn’t help. Frustration built inside her as she acknowledged that fleece wasn’t what she wanted to warm her. She wanted the Wild Man. Naked. In living color. Playing his part for real.

She hurried up the rest of the stairs. “Normally, I’d give him a bath before bed, but I did it earlier to save time.”

“I’m not sure a sweet potato facial can be called a bath.”

“Very funny.” She laid him down on the changing table. “Have you ever changed a diaper?”

“Nope.”

She shucked Billy’s mini jeans and worked his shirt over his head. Russ reached out and stroked a finger over Billy’s pudgy arm. “Don’t worry, little dude. You pump some iron, all that will turn to muscle.”

Her heart contracted in her chest. She ignored it. “Keep one hand on him, so he can’t roll off.”

“He does that? The kid is fearless. I’m totally buying him a baby parachute.”

She ignored that, too. “Unfasten the tapes.” Mentally, she willed Billy to pee in Russ’s eye, but at the last second, she decided to have mercy. “Keep him covered unless you have a change of clothes in the car.”

“I told you I’d come prepared for anything.”

She ruthlessly suppressed the burst of tingling arousal that rose from her center as she got a clean diaper ready. “Okay, go.” Russ lifted Billy’s feet, and she gave him a quick wipe and settled a fresh diaper under and over him. She beckoned the cameraman closer, wanting him to get a good shot of Russ loosely fastening the diaper.

“If you do it like that, he’ll be soaked in minutes.”

She reached around to fix it, but he caught her hands. “I’ll do it. You know how much I love a challenge.”

He smoothed the diaper and cinched it tighter. The scent of lavender from the wipes filled the air, reminding her of what had happened in the tent, and her body reacted instantly. It wasn’t the first time she’d been body-slammed by memories while changing Billy, but it was different having the man who caused them standing right beside her.

“Is that good?” he asked. “Did I do it right?”

She knew he was talking about his diapering technique, but she was thinking about other things he’d done well and how much she wanted him to do them again. Right now.

“It’s fine.” She took a shallow breath and decided to change her brand of butt wipes immediately.

“I’ve gotta tell you, kid, it’s way more fun to pee standing up. You should totally get on that.” Russ made a face, and Billy giggled, reaching up.

“Careful, he’ll scratch you,” she warned. “Those little fingernails are sharp.”

“I’m tough, remember?”

She watched him catch Billy’s hand and pretend to chew his nails. “You’re not looking very tough at the moment. I thought you didn’t like kids.”

“This isn’t a kid. This is a daredevil, a warrior in training. Don’t let his size fool you.”

She raised one eyebrow. “A daredevil in diapers?”

“It happens. Don’t judge.”

Did he know he was killing her? That she’d dreamed of moments like this with her ex-husband, moments that had never happened? She had to get Russ out of here or she was going to lose it. Somehow, he’d turned everything around on her. “All right, Wild Man. You made your point. Children are no challenge to you. When we were in the woods, I did as I was told. Now it’s your turn. I want you downstairs learning how to cook asparagus.” She grabbed a pair of pajamas.

Russ took them out of her hands. “No, you don’t. You want me to read him a story and put him to bed.” He worked Billy into the pajamas, doing it all wrong.

A sharp lightning bolt of desire froze her in place while Russ got the snaps in line. He smiled at Billy and held out his hands. Billy looked at her. The idea of Russ reading to Billy made her want to sob, but she knew her viewers would eat it up. Who wouldn’t want to watch a hot guy being adorable with a baby? True mommy porn. If she were honest with herself, she wanted to see it, just once, so she’d know what she was missing.

Slowly, she nodded.

Russ swept Billy off the table and settled him on his hip. “C’mon, little dude, let’s see what manly books you have on your bookshelf.
Peter Rabbit
? No way.
Goodnight Moon
? Are you kidding me? We need some testosterone here. Trucks. Awesome—this will work. And what’s this? Huck Finn with a bear and a canoe?”

He sat down in the rocker with Billy on his lap. “
Jamberry
has potential.”

“We only read one book at bedtime.”

“The first one’s just for warm-up. I need practice.” Russ met her gaze and his slow smile lit a fuse inside her, igniting vivid memories. He bent his head and began to read.

Luckily, the camera was focused on Russ, recording every adorable syllable, leaving her unobserved as she greedily devoured every detail of the scene. Billy’s pudgy fingers rested trustingly on Russ’s ripped forearm. His strong hand cradled her son’s belly, balancing him on his lap. They were absorbed in the book with Russ’s chin resting on top of Billy’s fuzzy head. Russ dipped his face into her son’s hair. No way. Did he just sniff him?

Lust and loss transfixed her.
I want this in my life every night.
Last month it had seemed so simple: find a guy who kept banker’s hours and wanted a family. Boom. Done. Happily ever after. If it had been that easy, she and Adam would be engaged by now. Instead, Adam was chasing Holly, his opposite in every way, and she was up here getting off on the Wild Man playing daddy.
You have lost your freaking mind.

A month spent publicly ignoring his flirting while eating it up in private had driven her straight off her rocker. She couldn’t think about him without getting wet, looking at him turned her stupid, and being near him while he continued their ruse was excruciating. She craved him on a level that had nothing to do with what was good for her, and she could no longer deny the desire that had tormented her all month. If it had been that good without actually sealing the deal, what would it be like to have sex with him? In an actual bed?

Hers was right across the hall…

Arousal awakened every cell in her body. Her breasts swelled, and a heavy pool of need settled between her thighs. She wanted to be under him, wrapped around him, and moving with him. She closed her eyes and bit her lip to hold back a moan.

“Susannah?”

She opened her eyes and found both Russ’s gaze and the camera trained on her. Story time was over. Her face burned as she plucked Billy out of Russ’s arms and kissed him.

“Good night, sweetheart. See you in the morning.” She put him in his crib, relieved when he settled down without protest. Motioning for Russ to leave the room, she covered Billy with a quilt and checked the monitor.

“Did I do a good job modeling appropriate domestic behavior?” he asked when she joined him in the hall.

So good it seemed real.
“A-plus.” She hurried down the stairs, probably leaving a trail of flames in her wake.

When she reached the kitchen, she saw Adam. It took her a second to realize he had both arms wrapped around Holly, showing her how to use a knife while the camerawoman recorded every smooth move.

Russ chuckled. “Awesome. Let’s get started.”

She clapped her hands. “Chop, chop, people. If you move that slow, we’ll never eat.” Holly’s eyes were glazed. Adam kept her caged against the cutting board, and took the knife out of her hand. “We were just killing time while you two were busy upstairs. Everything is ready to roll.”