In Blood and Worth Loving 3 Kiss Cover (11 page)

* * *

After a two-hour horseback ride with Adrian the next afternoon, Desiree returned to the Redwolfe family mansion to have a late brunch with his wife, Brandi on their patio.

“
Go ahead. Give me your
you-should-forgive-Conner because
speech,
”
she said, putting down her fork and picking up her coffee cup.

“
Do I have such a speech?
”
Brandi asked.

“
You must have because Adrian didn
’
t say a single word about forgiving Conner
during our ride
.
”

“
And?
”

“
And I think that
’
s because he
’
s counting on you to do a full court press on me.
”

Brandi shook her head.
“
Adrian and my relationship got off to a very rocky and scary start. I know how uncertain and unhappy you must be. Because I do, I have no intentions of trying to prevail upon you to forgive him.
”

“
But?
”
She smiled.
“
You Redwolfes always leave an unmistakable but hanging in the air.
”

Brandi laughed.
“
No buts. That
’
s not to say I don
’
t hope you
’
ll give serious consideration to forgiving him. That
’
s something you
’
ll do in your own time and for your own reasons. Don
’
t allow anyone to pressure you because you
’
re the one who
’
ll have to live with the consequences
of your decision
.
”

“
Forgiving him isn
’
t high on my list of things to
do. I
’
ve wasted the last year of my life chasing him and now it
’
s time to forget him and move on.
”

Brandi sighed.

Desiree sipped her coffee before speaking again.
“
It
’
s okay. I know you want to speak in his defense. Go ahead.
”

“
I said I wouldn
’
t.
”

“
It
’
s all right. I know you two have a close relationship and you must be chomping at the bit to say something on his behalf
as Cay did when I talked to her this morning.
”

“
If nothing she said made any difference to you, what can I say?
”

“
Whatever you like.
”

“
You
’
re probably not feeling it at the moment, but he really is a good man. He
’
s going through a difficult time because he
’
s fighting so hard against his feelings for you and
–
”

“
And why would he do that? Because he doesn
’
t think I
’
m worth the effort?
”

Brandi reached across the table to squeeze her hand.
“
It
’
s what they do. They don
’
t want to fall for human women so they come up with all these hair-brained reasons why they can
’
t just let go and fall in blood with us.
”

“
Adrian
’
s in love with you. Did you know?
”

Her eyes welled with tears and she swallowed before replying.
“
He
’
d never actually said the words until last night. But yes. I knew. Or I
least I thought I knew. Thank God I was right.
”

How like a full-blood, telling others how he felt before he told his wife.

“
It was the most amazing thing in the world to hear him actually sa
y
I love you
. He fell in blood and then in love with me. Conner can do the same with you.
”

She shook her head.
“
I don
’
t care why he behaved the way he did because I can
’
t forgive or forget his treatment of me or foresee ever trusting him again.
”

Brandi released her hand.
“
Are you really ready to forget him?
”

“
I don
’
t know what you went through with Adrian, but Conner implied I was a slut not worth loving and he shook me so hard, I…I thought he was going to…I didn
’
t know what I thought he would do.
”

Brandi gripped her hand again.
“
But you knew in your heart of hearts that he wouldn
’
t really hurt you. Didn
’
t you?
”

“
He battered my heart, tried to damage my self-esteem, and left me physically bruised and disillusioned. Rayna tried to warn me but I thought I knew him and I didn
’
t listen until I found myself being shaken like a rag doll. Then I didn
’
t know what he would do.
”

“
Adrian wasn
’
t always so gentle with me. When we met, I ended up afraid of him and at one point I feared he would…coerce me into sex.
”

“
The term is rape, Brandi.
”

She shrugged.
“
But I was able to talk him out of it
. You
apparently did
the same
with Conner. No one talks a full-blood out of doing something they
’
re determined to do. He bruised and hurt you mentally more than he did physically. And I understand that
’
s a pain that
’
s not so easy to forget or forgive.
”

“
Yet you seem to have an expectation that I
’
ll do both. Why?
”

“
Because you love him and despite his behavior, he
’
s really worth a little heartache and maybe even a few bruises. I can
’
t say for certain, but Adrian can and he tells me you
’
re Conner
’
s blood. You
’
ve spent enough time around us to know what that means. If you can bear with him
, it will be worth it in the end
.
”

“
But that
’
s the problem. I can
’
t bear with him.
”

“
Can
’
t?
”

She withdrew her hand.
“
Okay. I don
’
t want to bear with him anymore. I gave him a year of my life and now it
’
s time to explore my options with other men.
”

“
He
’
s not going to react well to your see
ing
another man
.
”

“
That
’
s his problem. Not mine.
”

“
He
’
ll be inclined to make it yours.
”

She tensed.
“
Then I
’
ll expect Adrian and Jay to keep him away from me.
”

“
They
’
ll do their best, Desi, but
–
”

“
I
’
ll expect them to do better than that. I know it
’
s what everyone wants, but I am not going to forgive him, Brandi. No amount of talking or attempted persuasion will change my mind.
”

“
I know his behavior was outrageous and frightening. Believe me I know how I felt when I was in that situation with Adrian.
”

“
Lord, I feel another but han
g
ing heavy in the air. But?
”

“
But I
’
m glad I was able to see the bigger picture.
”
She paused and swallowed before continuing.
“
When he told me he loved me…I knew if I had to do it over again, I
’
d do it. Even if I had to take even more shit from him than I did. And let me be very clear, Desi. He frightened me and he was seconds away from raping me. I was able to talk him into stopping, but he was very capable of it because they don
’
t share our view of sex without full consent.

“
He didn
’
t shake me but he scared the hell out of me and I know he would have killed the man I
’
d been seeing before we met had I continued to go out with him. Yes, their behavior is unacceptable from a human point of view, but they
’
re not human. And I don
’
t know about you but that
’
s part of what attracted me to Adrian in the first place.

“
I know Conner is so sorry for
w
hat happened.
”

“
That
’
s more than I know, Brandi. I
’
ve heard how sorry he is from Adrian,
Cay
, Jay, and now you. I
’
ve heard it from everyone, in fact, except him. Forgive me if I choose to take such apologies from others with a healthy grain of salt.
”

She sighed.
“
You must know he
’
s sorry, Desi.
”

“
How?
”

“
You
’
ve spent over a year with him. During that time has he ever given you any reason to believe he had any desire to hurt you?
”

“
No, but
–
”

“
He fucked up. We all know that, but we also know why he did. Can
’
t you weigh all the happy times you
’
ve spent together against the one royal screw-up and consider forgiving him? There were some happy times. Weren
’
t there?
”

Desi looked away. There were far more happy times than bad ones. Most of the time they
’
ve spent together he
’
d made her feel as if she were the only woman in the world worth looking at. No matter how many pretty women they were around, she never worried that she
’
d look up and find him looking at one of them because his gaze was always locked on her.

“
Yes. Of course.
”

“
Then weigh them against his mistake and you
’
ll know in your heart that he
’
s sorry
. E
ven if he can
’
t bring himself to admit it yet.
”

She sighed.
“
Even if he
’
s sorry, I think I
’
ve reached the end of my rope. I need a relationship with a man who will make love to me. I
’
m hoping to meet another full-blood or even a latent who will do what Conner won
’
t without calling me a slut and shaking the hell out of me.
”

“
If you want a male with vampire blood, I say better the one you know than a stranger.
”

“
Why?
”

“
Any male with vampire blood is going to be potentially dangerous to be romantically involved with. Granted Conner has his faults and he can be dangerous, but at least with him, there are some safeguards in place. If you start seeing another full-blood what happens when he gets nuts and demanding? At least with Conner, you know Adrian and Jay will do their best to help. And so will our other friends such as the Stoners.

“
With another vampire, they
’
d have to weigh the consequences of deciding if they should try to intervene between another male and his woman. Desi, I know you
’
re hurt and angry, but please don
’
t make any big decisions before you
’
ve given yourself time to consider if you can forgive Conner.
”

“
I
’
ve already said I
’
m not going to, Brandi.
”

“
I know, but have you thought of what it
’
s going to be like when you encounter him at a social function and he
’
s with another woman?
”

“
He
’
s been with other women for the last year, Brandi.
”

“
Not in your presence. If you can
’
t forgive him, you
’
ll always be seeing him with another wom
a
n.
”

Remembering the one-sided conversation with the hateful fem, she swallowed what tasted like bile at the thought of actually seeing him with someone like that.
“
I
’
ll manage.
”

“
Then there
’
s nothing left for me to say except that Adrian is committed to doing all he can to ensure you don
’
t feel uneasy with Conner again.
”

“
I appreciate that. Thanks.
”
She looked at her watch.
“
I think I should head home.
”

“
We were hoping you
’
d spend the night.
”

She shook her head.
“
It would be best if I went home.
”

“
Okay, but I hope you know that you
’
re still welcome here. That
’
s the way we all want it. That includes Conner. Please don
’
t feel you have to stay away.
”

“
I appreciate your kindness but this is Conner
’
s home. I don
’
t want to see him again and he shouldn
’
t have to avoid his own home to accommodate my infrequent visits.
”

“
It
’
s what he wants, Desi. He wants you to be free to see and ride Hope. Partner is being boarded with Macarik
’
s horses for now.
”

She sighed. Perhaps he was really sorry if he
’d
displaced his own horse in favor of allowing hers to stay.
“
I
’
d
better go.
”

“
Is there anything you
’
d like me to tell him when I talk to him, Desi?
”

What could she say to the man who broke her heart and did his best to break her spirit?
“
He couldn
’
t ask for a better advocate than you, Brandi.
”

“
Despite his behavior with you, he
’
s a good man and I love him dearly.
”