In Blood and Worth Loving 3 Kiss Cover (29 page)

Adrian crossed the room to place a hand on his shoulder.
“
Isn
’
t it incredible?
”

He nodded. It was but he
’
d just felt the movements of a baby he was already inclined to love because of their shared bloodline.

You can be already inclined to love Desi
’
s baby because you love her, Conner,
Adrian pointed out
. Take a little time to regroup and then do the right thing for yourself and your blood.

I’ve left it too long.

Love covers a multitude of sins, Conner. She still loves you and needs you.
Be there for her.

When Desiree woke in the middle of the night six weeks after she
’
d last seen Conner, aware that someone was in her moonlit bedroom, she turned onto her side and blinked the sleep out of her eyes. She extended a hand to the figure seated in the chair by the window.
“
Max. I
’
m so glad you
’
re here. I just had a nightmare and I need a hug.
”

When he rose and was momentarily silhouetted by the moonlight, she sat up in bed, clutching the sheet against her body. Her heart raced and tears pricked her eyes.
“
Conner.
”

He crossed the room to look down at her in silence.

She took a deep, shuddering breath before she extended a trembling hand.
“
What are you doing here?
”

“
That
’
s not exactly the welcome I was hoping for.
”

“
It
’
s the one you deserve.
”

“
I know.
”
He took her hand in his and dropped to his knees with his head bent.
“
Oh sweet.
I’ve been such a fool.
Forgive me.
”

“
Forgive you?
”

He lifted his head to look her.
“
There
’
s no getting around it. When you needed me most I left you to fend for yourself.
”

“
No thanks to you I haven
’
t been alone. Everyone has helped but Max has been my rock.
”

“
Did he tell you I called several times in the last three days?
”

“
He told me you wanted me to call you.
”

“
You didn
’
t call.
”

“
What would have been the point?
”
She withdrew her hand from his.
“
I
’
ve finally realized that you not only don
’
t love me but you don
’
t even care about me and you never will.
”

“
That
’
s not true!
”

“
Unfortunately it is, but thankfully I
’
ve finally realized I can live without you. It
’
s not going to be easy but with Max
’
s help, the baby and I will be fine. So you can find yourself a nice fem to settle down with and leave me in peace to have my baby without any more unwanted midnight visits from you.
”

He sighed and rose.
“
I know I really screwed up this time.
”

“
Yes you did and I finally got it. Not only is it over between us, Conner, it never should have begun. But I don
’
t blame you. You told me from the start what I could expect from you. But I was a stupid woman in love who didn
’
t want to face the truth. Now I have.
”

“
So now you
’
re spending your nights with Max?
”

“
You gave up the right to question me about my personal life when you walked out on me.
”

“
Are
you
seeing him?
”

“
He
’
s been here for me when I needed you and if things continue to develop between us at least I know you won
’
t be able to scare him off.
”

He gripped her hand until it hurt.
“
Walking out on you was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I know I
’
ve been fucking up since we met, but the solution is not to start dating one of my best friends.
”

Hearing the pain in his voice hurt more than it should have. Oh God. When was she going to get over him?
“
You walked out and left me with him so you shouldn
’
t have any problem with our becoming a couple.
”

“
I didn
’
t leave you with him. You called him and like a fool, I allowed him to take you home when I should have stayed with you and tried to work things out.
”

“
He, along with the other
,
has been here for me. In fact everyone has been here for me except you.
”

He groaned.
“
Desiree
–
”

“
So I
’
ll decide for myself what the solution is.
”
She tugged at her hand.

Instead of releasing it, he sat on the side of the bed and held her hand against his heart.
“
I don
’
t know what to say to encourage you to try to forgive me. I realize that I
’
ve rarely been available for you when you needed me and I can
’
t tell you how much I regret that.

“It was unforgivable of me to try to make you choose between your baby and me.”

She tugged her hand from his clasp.
“
Then don
’
t expect me to forgive you this time, Conner. When you walked out on me, I didn
’
t know how I was going to cope. I don
’
t know what I would have done without Max.
”

“
I admit he did what I should have done, but I promise you he
’
ll never want or need you nearly as much as I do. I know I
’
ve been a selfish, dumb ass, but I do love you. I do and I
’
m sorry I hurt and disappointed you.
”

Her heart raced at the sound of the words she
’
d longed to hear from him.
No matter what he says, he
’
s already demonstrated that he doesn
’
t love you. Stay strong and tell him to go or he
’
ll just end up hurting you again. He always hurts you. Let it end here and now. Send him away.

“
Don
’
t. Please. Forgive me.
”

She compressed her lips. He
’
d read her mind.

He sucked in a breath and leaned his forehead against hers.
“
I
’
m here to beg if that
’
s what you want or need me to do. Just tell me what I can do to try to atone for the harm I
’
ve done to our relationship and
–
”

She leaned away from him, her eyes filling with tears. Her initial concern about the wisdom of keeping her baby had given way to certainty. She touched her stomach. During the last s
even
weeks, she
’
d grown to cherish the life growing inside her.
“
We no longer have a relationship, Conner. I
’
m having this baby and I
’
m keeping it.
”

He nodded.
“
I know.
”

“
Then why are you here stirring up emotions I don
’
t want to feel anymore?
”

“
Because I still feel them and I hope you do too. If you can forgive me, I want to do what I should have done from the beginning
. I’ll
stand by you while you have the baby.
”

Oh God. Why did she still ache for that?
“
And then?
”

“
And then we can raise it as our child.
”

“
And what if the baby looks like him?
”

He sighed and shook his head.
“
I
’
ll deal with it.
”

“
How?
”

“
By reminding myself that it…he or she might look like him but is still part of the woman I love and need to be happy.
”

“
How can I be sure you won
’
t mistreat the baby?
”

“
I give you my word and besides, I know you
’
d leave me if I did. And I don
’
t want to live without you. I knew I wouldn
’
t be happy when I left, but I didn
’
t know how totally miserable I
’
d be. I need you, Desiree. I know it
’
s a lot to ask but please forgive me.
”

Lord how she longed to fling herself into his arms and tell him all was forgiven. But she had to consider if doing so would be in the best interest of her baby.
“
Despite everything, that
’
s exactly what I want to do, Conner.
”

“
But?
”

“
But I
’
m not sure if I should.
”

“
Please. I know I
’
m a fuck-up but you are my blood and I do love
you
. And I
’
m begging
you
to forgive me and give me another chance.
”

It would be heaven to fall sleep in his arms and wake in the morning in bed with him. But would he keep his word?
“
I want him to be raised in a loving and supportive environment. I don
’
t ever want him to feel unloved because of how he was conceived.
”

“
Him? You know it
’
s a boy?
”

“
No one
’
s confirmed it but I just know it
’
s a boy.
”
She sighed.
“
I
’
ve never quite understood how a woman could want or love her rapist
’
s baby, but I want him so much I
’
m almost afraid that something will go wrong and I won
’
t get the chance to show him how much I love him already.
”

He sighed.
“
I can
’
t promise I
’
ll love him right away but I will not mistreat him and I
’
ll do my best to be a supportive father. I just need you to forgive me and give me the chance to do that. Will you?
”

She sighed.
“
I want to but I can
’
t afford to keep making mistakes with you
,
Conner.
”

“
Desiree
–
”

She pressed her fingers against his lips.
“
I couldn
’
t be
ar
it if I took you back and then when he was born you left me again.
”

“
I won
’
t
ever leave you
again
. Not even
if he
’
s the spitting image of Hartford and I will not mistreat him.
”

She closed her eyes and leaned against him.
“
I still love you, Conner, but I can no longer be governed by what I want. I need time to decide what
’
s best for him. If you really love me, you
’
ll give me that time.
”

“
You want me to back off so you
’
ll have time to decide you don
’
t want me in his life?
”

“
No. I want time to decide if I dare let you in his life.
”

“
Shit. And I suppose Max will continue to be the full-blood in residence while you do that giving him the opportunity to stab me in the back every chance he gets.
”