In His Dreams (16 page)

He jammed his club into the bag, climbed into the cart and drove the few feet up the fairway. When he stepped out, Bonnie slipped into the driver’s seat.

“Can I drive, Daddy?”

“Let me make this shot, and then we’ll talk about it.” He didn’t need a tantrum now, and he feared one would be coming. He grabbed his three wood and lined up the ball, then swung. It hit the green about two hundred yards ahead, and he breathed again.

“Good one,” Al called from his cart.

Jeff noticed he’d let Lindsey in the driver’s seat, so how could he say no to Bonnie, but he had to. “Bonnie, it’s against the law. You have to be older.”

“But Lindsey’s driving.” She swung her hand toward Al’s cart and gripped the steering wheel tighter.

He stared at her, knowing his argument would fly over her head. “She’s breaking the law.”

“I don’t care about the law,” she screamed.

He wished he could clamp his hand over her mouth, and he sent a desperate look to Al, but he could see Lindsey wasn’t planning to budge. She sat behind the steering wheel with her father next to her, her face brimming with belligerence.

Oh, Lord, give me the words.
The prayer startled him. It was like the old prayers he used to say so naturally. His pulse pitched along his veins. “Bonnie, I do care about the law. Do you think Aunt Marsha would allow you to do something illegal?”

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, but he saw a flicker of consideration in them, and he kept going.

“You told me Jesus is your best friend and He tells us to do what is right. So let’s do what Jesus wants us to do. We need to follow the laws.”

One hand slipped from the steering wheel, but she didn’t move. He could see she was thinking and, finally, she scooted over and let him sit behind the wheel.

He heard Lindsey mutter something derogatory under her breath, but he ignored it and said a thank you to the sky, then headed toward the ninth hole.

“I don’t like that girl,” Bonnie said as he drove. “She calls me names.”

“But we don’t do that, right? We do what’s good. She has problems, too, Bonnie and I’ll tell you about it later.”

His comment apparently made her curious, because she smiled at him and, when he climbed from the cart, she asked if she could pull his club from his golf bag, and he agreed.

She stood beside the cart as he walked to the tee, and he felt grateful that she’d grown up so much in the last few weeks.

Al’s ball went into the rough, and Jeff stood on the tee eyeing the last hole. The course had been a tough one, with narrow tree-shrouded fairways and tall grasses that reminded him of a Scottish course. He lined up the ball and drove it over the tall grass onto the flat fairway.

Al strutted to his side and shook his hand. “Good shot, and I’m sorry about Lindsey. She’s with her mother most of the time, and she lets her get away with too much. Then I take her for a few days, and I’m the bad guy so…” He gave a feeble shrug. “I crumble under the pressure. I’d like to see her be more like Bonnie.”

Jeff smiled, thinking if Al really understood he would never have made that statement, but it still gave him a feeling of pride. “She has her problems, but she’s a good girl.”

They finished the last hole with Al one stroke up on Jeff. “Not a bad game,” Jeff said. “If I wouldn’t have bungled that one shot, who knows?”

They shook hands and drove the carts back to the exit, but Jeff’s mind kept drifting back to his prayer. He’d prayed, and God had answered. Some people might say it was a coincidence that Bonnie had cooperated, but Marsha would say it was God, and he wanted to think it had been, too.

They climbed into the car and stopped for lunch in town. When the girls finished, they went outside to look at the boats in the marina, and he leaned back finishing the last of his soft drink.

“How’s life?” Al asked when they were alone. “Better than mine, I hope.”

Jeff sensed he wanted to talk, and so he didn’t answer the question. “Things are bad for you?”

“Competition constantly. Divorce isn’t what God wants, Jeff. I’m so sorry Angie wanted out of the marriage. I don’t think she’s any happier, either. Like I said, Lindsey wears her out and she gives in. Then, when she’s with me and I try to control her, I’m the bad guy. Who wants to spend every other weekend with a daughter and be the bad guy? But I have to do something.”

“Sounds tough.” He thought of all he’d learned about Bonnie. “I think kids want to be loved and, if they feel on shaky ground, they act up for attention. If we don’t reward the bad by making a big deal out of it, but really reward the good, then they catch on.”

Al’s eyebrows lifted. “Good psychology. Where’d you get your major?”

Jeff grinned. “From Marsha.”

“Marsha?” Al’s eyebrows shot upward even higher.

“That’s another story. One other thing I’ve noticed is that Bonnie behaves better when she has expectations. I’m trying to let her help more and have been complimenting her. I have expectations and she knows, if she follows them, she will get positive attention. And she has talent. She’s very artistic. Marsha saw that, and it’s so great to see her draw for an hour without being bored.”

Al nodded. “Some good things to think about, Jeff, but let’s get back to this Marsha. Who is she?”

Jeff felt heat rise up his neck. “She’s my former sister-in-law. My late brother, Don’s, wife.”

Al’s forehead wrinkled. “Don died.”

“Yes, years ago. The four of us had been close and Marilou and I spent a lot of time with Marsha while Don was sick, but we drifted, and now we’ve stumbled over each other again.” He told him the journey they’d taken since arriving on the island, and Jeff felt good saying the things aloud and getting them out in the open.

“And you’re calling this a friendship?” A silly grin lingered on Al’s face.

Jeff shrugged. “It’s been difficult. I feel bad taking time away from Bonnie. She needs so much, and then Marsha and I both felt guilty at first as if—”

“You were cheating on your spouses.”

“Right. How did you guess?”

“Because I feel the same way. I’ve tried to date, and it seems so shallow. The women are attractive and willing, but it just doesn’t sit well. I still feel connected to Angie in some ways, or maybe it’s that I haven’t found a real woman. You know, one that is more than a beautiful body, but one with depth of character and one that really wants me for me.”

Jeff only nodded. Finding the right woman who made him feel complete again had been only a dream—something he’d never expected to happen—and then she appeared. Marsha, of all people. Marsha with her red hair and freckles. Marsha with her wisdom and determination. He loved every bit of it.

Jeff drew himself from his thoughts. “Would you like to meet her?”

“Marsha?”

“Yes. She’s still here. She volunteered to take the girls off our hands while we go fishing. In fact, she offered to take them today, and I said no.” He saw Al’s wide-eyed expression. “Bad decision, I guess.”

“Probably.” Al laughed. “Anyway, yes. I’d love to meet her. I’m surprised I haven’t already.”

“Me, too, but I’ve been confused. I’m trying to convince myself this can’t go anywhere, or maybe I’m trying to agree with Marsha, who seems to say it can’t, but lately, I’m thinking we’re both very wrong.”

M
arsha laughed as Barb and the two younger girls raced through the waves. She called it a race, but Bonnie couldn’t race. She was doing her best with her dog paddle. Marsha knew Barb was holding back so the girls had half a chance. Barb had been on the swim team at school in junior high until she’d dropped out, and now Marsha understood why she’d done that. It had never made sense before. Every time she thought of Barb’s silent pain, she hurt inside.

She slipped on a beach cover and sat on the recliner. She expected Jeff and Al to return soon from their fishing trip, and she didn’t want to be caught in the water.

Al seemed like a nice man, but Marsha wondered why Al had stared at her when they’d first met. It had made her nervous, and she’d hoped the look wasn’t a come-on, but later, he’d spent time talking with Barb, which had really surprised her. It gave Marsha a lift to see her socializing.

Looking across the bay, Marsha watched another freighter making its long trek to Chicago. Most of them were headed to the large port there. The sun glinted off the small whitecaps that rolled in, and, when the girls stopped their racing, they enjoyed the challenge of the frothy waves. They bounced near the shore and laughed as the larger ones knocked them from their feet.

Barb headed back to the beach, looking happier than she had in a long time, and Marsha could only imagine that lifting the burden from her shoulders had made a difference. They hadn’t talked about it anymore, but the news had given Marsha a brand new understanding of her sister and the sorrow she bore in silence.

“I’ve had enough,” Barb said, settling into a beach chair. “I’ll dry off for a minute. Then I’m getting dressed.” She threw a towel over her lap and stretched out her legs.

Curious, Marsha couldn’t hold back her question. “What do you think of Al?”

“He seems like a nice man, but I worry about his daughter. She’s headed for trouble. She’s too grown up for twelve years of age.”

“I was thinking the same.” She glanced above the tall grasses toward the top of the hill. “They should be here soon.”

“You’re probably right.” Barb craned her neck toward the cottage. “I’m going up. I don’t want to be caught in my bathing suit.” She stood, wrapped the large towel around her waist and headed up the hill.

Marsha leaned back, letting her mind drift while she watched the girls. She missed Jeff. He’d called a couple of times, once to let her know the girls would go golfing with him yesterday and then later, when Jeff had said they’d take her up on the offer to watch them while he and Al fished today. Apparently, golfing with the girls in tow hadn’t gone that well.

She realized it had only been three days, but the special time, the sharing time, they hadn’t had that even on Sunday. She’d had no chance to find out what he thought about church, positive or negative. Nothing. Al had been standing nearby when he’d dropped off the girls, and it made talking about anything personal too difficult. She liked Al, but—

“Daddy!”

Marsha sat up and glanced over her shoulder when she heard Bonnie’s cry. She hadn’t seen Jeff and Al coming down the path because the tall shrubs and grass blocked her view.

“Hi,” Jeff said, moving to her side and squeezing her shoulder. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. No problems.” Not totally accurate though. She smiled at Al, unable to tell Jeff the total truth. Lindsey had called Bonnie a retard, and Bonnie had gotten teary eyed. Marsha had let the girl know how she felt, then felt badly for being so angry. The girl had looked surprised, but had finally said she was sorry. From her expression, Marsha figured she didn’t really feel sorry, but at least she’d apologized. That was a step in the right direction.

“Let’s go,” Jeff called, beckoning the girls from the water. “We’re going to Daddy Frank’s for lunch. Guess who picked the spot?”

Marsha waited, hoping to hear an invitation to join them, but she didn’t.

Bonnie bounded from the water with Lindsey following behind as if she didn’t want to respond to Jeff’s call but knew she’d better.

Jeff guided Bonnie toward Marsha. “Thank Aunt Marsha for letting you stay here.”

Bonnie leaned down and gave Marsha a wet hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, feeling the chill of the icy water she’d convinced herself earlier wasn’t too cold.

“We’ll talk later.” He rested his hand on Bonnie’s back and followed Lindsey and Al up the path while Marsha watched them go, feeling as if she’d had sand kicked in her face.

After she figured they’d gone, she climbed the hill and went to her room. She dressed and tried to swallow some fruit, but it stuck in her throat. What had she expected? Somehow, in her delusional world, she’d thought Jeff cared for her enough to have her fit into his life—even as a friend. She’d tried to quash her feelings for so long, but she’d finally given up and faced the truth. She’d begun to fall in love. It had nothing to do with purpose or being needed. She’d finally understood this was a totally selfish motive. She wanted to love and be loved again. It was that simple.

Simple? How could she put that word in the same sentence with her and Jeff? Nothing was simple. The situation reeked of complications. They’d been in-laws; his life was devoted to Bonnie; he’d lost his personal relationship with the Lord. She’d pushed him away because of that. She’d given up on romance. She’d let caregiving be her focus; she’d invited Barb to live with her, and Barb had given up her apartment and moved in. Even if she and Jeff had fallen in love, what could she do now? Oh, by the way Barb, I’m marrying Jeff so get out now that you’ve just settled in.

Her stomach twisted with confusion as she eyed Barb sitting in her favorite spot, writing again on the yellow legal pad.

“I’m going back down to get some sun,” Marsha said, grabbing a magazine.

“Would you like to read some of my novel?”

Marsha’s pulse tripped. “I’d love to, if you don’t mind.”

Her sister reached down and handed her a thick legal pad. “Here’s the beginning.”

Marsha took the stack of paper and held it to her chest. “This means a lot to me, Barb.”

“It means a lot to me, too.”

Tears prickled in Marsha’s eyes for Barb and for her own misery. She opened the door and made her way down to the beach. A breeze ruffled the pages when she lifted the pad to her lap, and she began at the beginning.

The sun warmed her arms, but her body felt chilled from the sadness in the words her sister had written. In this story, a young woman had been attacked and brutally hurt by a predator who continued to stalk her.

She turned the pages. Chapter one. Chapter two. Chapter three.

Holding her breath, Marsha contemplated what she’d read. She didn’t know anything about writing, but this was good. Barb had brought this woman to life and created emotions that raced from the paper to her fingers as she turned the yellow pages as fast as her eyes could take in the story.

“Barb said you were here.”

Marsha jumped, hearing Jeff’s voice. “What are you doing here? I thought you had plans.”

“I skipped lunch. Al said he’d take the girls to town. He dropped me off.”

She searched his face, wondering if something was wrong. “Any particular reason?”

“I’ve missed you.”

She caught her breath. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m glad.” He looked behind him and drew the chair up to the recliner. “I wanted to tell you a couple of things.”

She searched his eyes, fearing what he had to say.

He gave her a knowing look. “So much has happened. I don’t know where to begin.”

Her shoulders knotted and she felt a frown settle on her face.

“First, you were right about regular kids and disabled. Lindsey and Bonnie are like oil and water. Nothing in common, and I don’t like some of the things she says or her looks. I wouldn’t have let Bonnie go today except, when Al is there, Lindsey seems to behave.”

Relief washed over her. One more thing she didn’t have to tell him.

“She rolls her eyes and says things that hurt Bonnie’s feelings.”

Marsha nodded. Like retard, she told herself. “She’s spoiled.”

“I understand how those things happen, and Al feels badly but it’s not good.” He grasped her hand and wove his fingers through hers. “The other thing I want to tell you is that I prayed yesterday. It happened as naturally as breathing.”

A prayer answered. Marsha swallowed back her emotion. “I’m glad. It’s a door opening.”

“A door that’s been closed too long.”

“You’ve been reading the Bible, haven’t you?”

He gave her a sly grin and nodded. “Curious, I suppose, about the verses you mentioned, and they hit home. They made me think, especially how I was cheating Bonnie, later how I was cheating myself.”

With gratefulness flying to heaven, she placed her palm over his hands. “That warms my heart. I can’t tell you how much.”

“And I want to talk about another door that’s been closed too long.”

She looked into his eyes and felt weak.

“Let’s take a walk.” He rose and held out his hand.

Marsha grasped it, hope spiraling through her. When she stood, Jeff wove his fingers through hers. She strode beside him along the sand, her thoughts shifting to the footprints they’d talked about, what seemed so long ago.

As they walked, he released her hand and slipped his arm around her waist. He didn’t say anything, but she sensed he was struggling. She recognized the look in his eyes, and now anticipated what he might say.

“Ready?”

She lifted her gaze to his, hoping she was right. “I’ve been ready for a while now.”

He drew her closer to his side. “You know this is about us.”

She looked into his tender gaze. “I hoped so.”

Jeff stopped and turned her toward him. “We’ve been kidding ourselves about this friendship thing. I know we’ve both struggled with guilty feelings and questions as to motivation. I’ve asked myself, how does she really feel?”

“And I asked myself how does
he
really feel?” she added.

“I know, now, you’ve been concerned about my lack of faith, and I think that’s what’s been holding you back.”

She nodded, trying to control the tears pooling in her eyes. “What you said today makes all the difference.”

He brushed away the tears from her cheek. “I’ve always admired you, Marsha. Your strength and courage. Your stamina and spirit. You could find humor in the worst situations and make me laugh. Your wisdom. Your love for Bonnie.” He tilted her chin upward. “I think our relationship has gone far beyond friendship.”

“So do I.”

“So what do we do about it?”

She searched his eyes, and he gave her the answer without words. His mouth lowered to hers and, instead of fighting the emotion, she drank in the sweetness. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling her heart beat against his chest, his body trembling against hers.

They stood alone, bound in each other’s arms, the sound of the waves lapping against the shore, a gull dipping toward the water as their only witness, and it was all she wanted.

She drew back to catch her breath and felt like a young girl with her first love. With no words to say, she tiptoed to meet his mouth again, lingering in the joy of the experience and the giving that she’d withheld for so long.

He eased back and gazed into her eyes. “You’ve made me so happy. I know this is new, but I trust my heart. I trust what’s happened to me these past four weeks. I don’t think meeting here was a coincidence. I believe it was God-guided.”

Marsha’s heart sang with his admission, and she sent up a prayer of thanksgiving for what God had done for them, but she felt herself hesitate. “I trust my heart, too, but we need time, Jeff. I hope you agree.”

“Time?”

“We’re caught up in these wonderful feelings of wholeness, but we don’t want to hurt anyone. We need to go home and see how it works there in real time, not summer time.”

He put a palm on each side of her face. “Do you think this is a summer romance? It’s not for me, Marsha. I know the difference. I’ve been alone for two years. I’ve tried to date women, but it’s empty. The feelings I had for them can’t compare to anything I’ve experienced with you on the island.”

“I know.” Her chest ached with the worries that tumbled through her mind. “But there’s Barb. She just moved in with me. What can I say to her?”

“Tell her the truth.”

“Yes, but…I’ve learned some things recently. She’s trusted me with some horrible experiences from her past, and I don’t want to make her feel she’s in the way. Not today. Not while we’re here.” She saw disappointment in his eyes and she wanted to scream at the situation, but even Bonnie seemed to be growing out of her tantrums, and she couldn’t give way to her frustration. “I’m not doubting my feelings. I’m just asking you to give us time before we say anything. Let Barb get used to the idea of seeing you around when we get back home.”

He held her at arm’s length and gave her a faint smile. “My Marsha. She’s still taking care of people.”

His comment stabbed her. She didn’t feel free to tell him Barb’s secret, but he had to understand. “Trust me just a little more, Jeff. Please.”