In Love and War (13 page)

‘Elsie, is that you?'

‘Guy? Is something wrong?'

‘I – I'm sorry to call so late in the evening, but I need to see you.'

‘There is something wrong, I can tell by your voice.'

‘It's nothing really. Could you meet me at Lyons teashop in Piccadilly tomorrow afternoon at two? I need to talk to you.'

‘Can't you tell me now, Guy?'

‘Not really. Sorry, Elsie, but some things are difficult to talk about on one of these contraptions. Will you be able to get away tomorrow?'

‘Of course I will.'

‘Goodbye, I'll see you at two.'

Guy rose from the table in the teashop window and pulled out a chair for her. Elsie gave him a searching look and was worried. ‘Are you all right? You sounded upset on the telephone.'

He waited until she was seated and took the chair opposite her. ‘A woman in the office gave me an envelope at lunchtime yesterday.' He avoided meeting her anxious gaze by pouring the tea. ‘You can probably guess what it contained.'

‘No! Surely not.'

‘A white feather.' He passed a brimming cup to her. ‘I must confess it shook me. I thought I was doing a worthwhile job, and I never thought of myself as a coward.'

‘You're not,' Elsie said angrily. ‘It was a beastly thing to do. Who was she?'

‘Someone I hardly know. Anyway, it doesn't matter.' He looked up, meeting her gaze with a steady look. ‘I've enlisted.'

Elsie reached out to cover his hand with hers. ‘Oh, Guy, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have taken any notice of the spiteful bitch. You are doing something worthwhile.'

A faint smile curved his lips. ‘The trouble is I have to agree with her. I'd convinced myself that I was doing the right thing because I hate violence of any kind, but now I realise that this is something I have to do.'

She nodded, understanding his motives but anxious for him. ‘I suppose it's the army for you?'

‘I'm no sailor, and I think I'm too old for the Flying Corps. They want bold young chaps who aren't afraid of anything, like Tubby McAvoy and Algy Fortescue-Brown.'

‘Has he joined up too? Marianne didn't mention it.'

‘Yes, he's dead keen. It seems the fashionable thing to do, and Marianne's too busy lobbying her new boss for promotion to bother much about poor Algy. He's a has-been as far as she's concerned.'

‘It's not like you to be catty, Guy.'

He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I know and I'm sorry, but Marianne has quite a reputation for being fickle.'

‘She just hasn't met the right chap yet. I bet you wouldn't say that if she was a man. He'd be a bit of a lad with the girls and that would be all right.'

‘Don't let's argue. I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you.'

‘I can understand if you're feeling on edge, but don't take it out on poor Marianne. She's just eager to get on in her job. There's nothing wrong with that.'

‘She's got her sights set on military intelligence,' Guy said in a low voice. ‘I'm only telling you this because you're so close to her. You ought to know what she's up to.'

‘I've heard her mention it, but I didn't realise she was actually serious.' Elsie pushed her plate away. Suddenly the toasted teacake did not look so appetising. ‘I'll have it out with her this evening.'

He frowned. ‘I didn't mean to cause trouble between you, but I know how close you two are, and she might tumble headlong into something she can't handle.'

‘Marianne likes to get her own way,' Elsie said with a reluctant smile. ‘And she always wants to be noticed. I suppose it's because her parents have never shown much interest in her. Colonel Winter is too busy with his army career and Marianne's mother enjoys being a colonel's lady.' She squeezed his fingers. ‘Anyway, you're more important at the moment, Guy. Let's talk about you. Do you have to go away for training? How does it work?'

‘I expect there's some basic training, but with the huge numbers of casualties they're experiencing every day I don't think it will be long before Private Gifford is sent off to fight in the trenches.'

She stared at him, nonplussed. ‘But I thought someone like you would be eligible for a commission, Guy.'

‘As I told you, I was a scholarship boy at the local grammar school. My father was a bank clerk and he couldn't have afforded to pay for my fees had I failed the entrance examination.'

‘There's nothing wrong with that,' Elsie said stoutly.

‘My parents still live in a terraced house in Ilford and Dad gets the train to work every day. Mum stays at home and keeps house and my younger brother works in the accounts department at Selfridge's. We're a very ordinary family and what I'm trying to say is that I'm not top drawer like Felicia and Marianne.' He grinned and shook his head. ‘Well, perhaps they're more middle drawer than top drawer but they're further up in society than I am. I've worked hard to get where I am in the War Office, but I'll never get any further. It's very much an old boys' club.'

‘I think you should be proud of what you've achieved, and I think you're terribly brave to enlist.'

‘Joining up scares me stiff, Elsie. I'm just an ordinary chap, not the heroic kind at all.'

She shook her head. ‘You've got real courage and I admire you for it.'

‘Thank you. You'll never know how much that means to me.' He looked away, blinking hard and clearing his throat. ‘I'll carry that memory with me from now on, and every time I want to give up I'll think of you and remember what we're all fighting for.'

She averted her eyes, giving him time to compose himself. Damn war, she thought angrily. The battlefields were soaked in the blood of young men who did not deserve to die. She could only hope and pray that Guy would come home safely.

When they parted outside the teashop, Elsie watched him walk away with a feeling of deep sadness. He had only hinted at the depth of his feelings for her, and for that she was grateful. In such circumstances she knew that others in his position might have declared their undying love, extracting a promise to marry when the war was over. Whatever Guy said about his humble beginnings, he was too much of a gentleman to put her in such a position, and that made it harder for her to send him away with a peck on the cheek. His quiet devotion touched her deeply and she knew that he would make a kind and loving husband who would do everything in his power to make her happy. The fact that he had told her a little about his family made him even more special in her eyes, but only as a dear friend. She ought to be able to love him, but her stubborn heart would not obey her head. She admitted as much to Marianne that evening when they were alone in the drawing room after dinner.

‘You were right not to make promises you couldn't keep,' Marianne said airily. ‘Wartime romances seldom work out, or so I've been told. Guy is a splendid fellow and all that, but he's not for you.'

‘I just wish I felt differently. He's a good man and he deserves more.'

‘I agree, but I'm afraid you would be bored to death with him after a week, and ready to commit murder after a month.'

‘You do exaggerate,' Elsie said, smiling. ‘You're being ridiculous and you know it.'

‘You've got a more important destiny, my dear.'

Elsie placed her empty coffee cup on the table. ‘Really?'

‘I'm serious for once,' Marianne said, leaning towards her. ‘I'm fed up with being one of Blinker's Beauty Chorus.'

‘What on earth is that?' Elsie demanded, giggling.

‘The head of Room 40 is called William Hall and his nickname, for some odd reason, is Blinker. Anyway, I've been working hard to get myself seconded to military intelligence in Paris. It's all absolutely top secret so don't breathe a word to anyone, not even Anthea.'

‘I knew you were up to something, but how does it concern me?'

Marianne lit a cigarette. ‘Because I know you're worth more than the job you're doing.' She held up her hand as Elsie opened her mouth to protest. ‘You've done sterling work, I know that, but you're a clever girl and you speak French like a native. Can't you see that all that talent is being wasted?'

‘I thought I was doing something extremely useful.'

‘And you are, of course, but isn't there a tiny part of you that would like to do something more exciting? Don't you feel a bit frustrated by having to allow the men to risk their lives while we sit at home and knit balaclava helmets?'

‘You know I can't knit.'

‘This isn't a joke, Elsie. I've applied for a transfer to Paris and I want you to come with me.'

‘That's mad. I'm not employed by the secret service, for a start, and I wouldn't know what to do. I'm no spy, and neither are you if it comes to that.'

‘Who knows what we can do?' Marianne took a drag on her cigarette and exhaled through her nostrils. ‘I'm not certain I'll get on with their odd-smelling tobacco, but that's the least of my problems.'

Elsie stared at her, shaking her head. ‘Why do you have to be so flippant, Marianne? Is it so hard to admit that you want to serve your country?'

‘I've had such an easy life. I know I've never wanted for anything, other perhaps than my parents' attention, but I'm never likely to get that. The only really happy times I remember are when I was with the Bellaire family in Provence. I adored le Lavandou and their villa overlooking the sea. Henri and I used to roam the countryside like young gypsies and we were free. I doubt if I'll ever feel that again.'

‘But wartime France won't be the same, Marianne. How would you feel if the Germans take Paris? They're not far away, according to the newspapers.'

Marianne stubbed out her cigarette, fixing Elsie with an intense stare. ‘I want to help in some small way, and I'd give my life if necessary, but I can't do it alone. I need you with me, Elsie. You know how useless I am at looking after myself. You wouldn't want me to starve because if you're not there to see that I get proper meals I'll waste away or turn to drugs like cocaine or opium to get me through the day. What do you say? Will you come with me?'

FOR A MOMENT
Elsie thought Marianne was joking. ‘You're talking utter nonsense.'

‘I'm not. I desperately want you to come with me, Elsie. Together we can bring the whole German army down, but separately we're just two ordinary girls.'

Elsie stared at her with a mixture of amusement and exasperation. ‘I love my work for the Women's Emergency Corps, and anyway, I can't just bowl up to the War Office and demand to be sent to Paris as a spy.'

‘No, of course not, but you're half French – don't you want to help your compatriots?'

‘That's not fair. Of course I'd like to do more, but I'm useful here.'

Marianne's eyes shone with enthusiasm. ‘But you could do so much more and so could I. If you agree, I'll put in a good word for you and who knows what they'll say. It's worth a try and I can be very persuasive.'

Elsie sighed. She knew when she was beaten, and in a funny way she felt responsible for Marianne, who might have been born to wealth and privilege, but beneath the confident façade she had caught glimpses of a lonely spirit desperate for affection. ‘All right, but I still think you're mad. Maybe they won't give you the job, and I'm almost certain they won't take me on.'

‘They will, if I've got anything to do with it.'

But change did not happen overnight and life went on much as usual for Elsie. Guy had been sent to an army camp near Dover to undergo his brief period of initial training before being posted to northern France. It came as a surprise when he sent her a telegram saying that he had a 24-hour pass and would she meet him outside Lyons teashop in Piccadilly?

She was oddly nervous as she waited in the busy thoroughfare, and she hardly recognised him when he came striding towards her. She had grown used to seeing him in his formal black pin-stripe suit with his immaculate white shirts and Gladstone collars, but this tall man dressed like a soldier looked so unlike the Guy she knew that he seemed like a stranger. It was only when they were seated at their table, drinking tea and nibbling toasted teacakes, that she began to see glimpses of the old Guy as he began to relax.

His witty account of happenings in the training camp, and his impression of the sergeant major who dominated the lives of the new recruits, made her laugh until she cried. She had almost forgotten how much she enjoyed his company, and then he produced a small box from his inside pocket. Her smile faded and her mouth went dry. He laid his hand on hers. ‘I love you, Elsie. I wanted to tell you when we met here before I left for camp, but my courage failed me. I had this ring in my pocket then but it didn't seem like the right time.' He took a deep breath and flicked the box open. ‘Don't say anything yet. I've been rehearsing this for days. I know it's a lot to ask, and I shouldn't try to tie you down when there's a good chance that I might not return, but I'd die a happier man if I knew you felt a fraction of what I feel for you.'

She stared down at the small solitaire diamond, winking at her in the late spring sunshine that filtered through the window. ‘I don't know what to say, Guy.'

‘But you do have some feelings for me?'

‘Of course I do. You're a wonderful person and good friend, but . . .'

‘But you don't love me enough to want to marry me.'

‘No. At least, I don't know. This isn't fair, Guy. It's so unexpected that I don't know what to say.'

He snapped the box shut and returned it to his breast pocket. ‘I'm sorry, Elsie. My timing is all wrong.'

She pushed her chair back and stood up. ‘I'm so sorry, Guy.'

‘Don't go. Stay for a while longer.'