In Memoriam (27 page)

So they’d spent the summer together, and their lovemaking became real love, not just sex, although Ben claimed it was always more than just sex to him.

“I’m crushed! You were just using me,” he teased.

“Only the first time,” she pleaded. “Forgive me?”

With Natalie occupied and Deborah and Zach taking over a big part of the headaches of business for Ted, he had the time and energy to pursue a relationship with Jeff Babcock. A week after retrieving Jack Smith’s pornographic video tapes, Jeff had taken a leap of faith and called Ted.

“I was hoping you’d be free this weekend,” Jeff said.

“You beat me to the punch!” Ted exclaimed. “I was
just
going to call
you
. Am I ever free this weekend!” His heart was pounding. He was hoping for a coffee date, and the guy was asking for a weekend of his time. But what did he have to be afraid of? What could he lose? “Yes, I’m free. What did you have in mind?”

“You know about my place upstate. In Rhinebeck. There are a couple of gallery openings this weekend. Very relaxed, nothing fancy.”

Ted thought of Ashton; he’d jump at a chance to do something like this. It couldn’t hurt Ted to try it. “Okay, I can use a relaxed, unfancy weekend.”

They laughed heartily.

“I’ll pick you up. It will be right on my way,” Jeff said.

After they hung up, it unexpectedly occurred to Jeff that Pam might take offense if he was seeing the partner of an old flame of Jack’s. Jason had just arrived for the weekend and was heading to her house when Jeff stopped him.

“Let me talk to her before you go, okay? I need to clear something up first.”

Jason agreed to wait while Jeff walked over to Pam’s.

“Do you have a second? I know you’re waiting for Jason,” Jeff said. They hugged, and he gave her a peck on the cheek. “You know you’re my best friend,” Jeff started off saying.

“Oh no, what now?” Pam said, frightened.

“I want to date Ted Dale.”

Pam frowned, the name meaning nothing to her.

“Ashton Hageman’s widower.”

“Oh, right. Okay, that’s fine,” Pam said. “I’m happy you are interested. It will keep things in the family, so to speak.” They laughed and hugged again.

“I’m happy you’re dating my brother-in-law, by the way. My ex isn’t thrilled, but she’ll get over it.”

“Why would she care?” Pam asked, confused. “His wife has been gone for years.”

“She swore you and I were involved,” he said, smiling.

“If only,” Pam said wistfully.

“Yes,” Jeff answered. “I feel the same way. But at least she’s finally convinced I’m gay.”

Leaving Pam’s to prepare for the weekend, Jeff hadn’t been this excited in a long while. He liked everything about Ted, his dapper good looks, the elegant way he walked. He was a gentleman.

Ted, however, was a nervous wreck. He called Natalie when he hung up with Jeff. “I know things are still strained between us,” he said. “But I have a date and need to talk, and you’re the only person I want to talk to.”

“Oh my dear, I am so happy for you. Truly. You never need to hesitate calling me. You’re the father of my daughter. I’ll always love you.”

“Nats, I’ll always love you, too. I’m sorry again about everything.”

“Stop, Ted. Now tell me what’s happening.”

He gave her all the details, and she was elated.

“Oh my God! We need someone with a beach house, Ted. Promise me if it gets serious, you’ll invite me for the weekend. I’ll cook and clean, garden, whatever you need.”

“Jeff’s a gourmet chef,” Ted replied. “And his yard has been in the Sunday House and Garden section of the
New York Times
for the past ten years running.” They laughed, thinking about Natalie’s tiny two-bedroom in the Village. “But I’ll get an invitation for you if it works out with Jeff. His ex-wife’s brother is dating Pam Smith, by the way.”

“Is that our six-degrees of separation?”

“Maybe,” Ted said. “I keep thinking how much Ashton would love Jeff’s life. He’s a foodie and an art aficionado, just like Ashton fancied himself to be when he wasn’t pining away for Jack.”

They were silent, thinking about what Ted had just said.
Ashton wasted his life wanting someone who didn’t want him completely.
It was a good lesson for them both.

“Anyway, have a wonderful time. You deserve a great weekend. Keep an eye out for a piece of artwork. You’ll have it as a reminder of your first date if things work out for the two of you,” she said. They said good-bye and hung up.

When Ted walked by the hallway mirror, he realized he was smiling. Natalie didn’t need a mirror to know she was smiling, because she had never felt so much love in her heart. Ted was like a brother, someone she would always have in her life. Everything would be okay.

Ted took extra care packing for the weekend. He couldn’t help thinking what Ashton would’ve chosen for him. With that eye, he was careful to leave behind anything stained or tattered or from last season. Well, the season before Ashton died. Ted didn’t shop, and he hadn’t shopped for himself in the past year. Watching from the dining room window, he saw a car pull up and handsome Jeff get out and signal to the doorman. The buzzer rang out as Jeff was announced. Taking his suitcase down in the elevator, Ted felt a little like a teenaged girl going on an overnighter without her mother’s permission.

When he stepped out of the building, Jeff quickly came forward to help put the suitcase in the car. It was absurd that the men had seen each other once for sixty seconds at Pam’s house weeks ago and then a short visit when Jeff came to collect the videos. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“It’s not too late to back out,” Jeff said.

“We’re not going to an orgy, correct? A weekend of art sounds great. And I haven’t had a decent meal in over a month.” He flushed, thinking how Jeff might interpret it.

“No orgy unless you want one,” Jeff replied, winking at him. “And I have a great meal or two planned for you.”

They talked easily during the tip, Jeff surprised Ted had a place upstate, too. “My daughter’s mother is spending the summer there, so I didn’t have to worry about renting it out.”

“Oh, I never would allow strangers to stay at my place,” Jeff said. “You’ll see why when we arrive.”

“How often do you come up here?” Ted thought of that gorgeous beach and wondered how a place in Rhinebeck could compare.

“Every weekend I can,” Jeff said. “I could come during the week, but I got into the habit of staying in Babylon because of work, and now that I’m retired, I like my routine. Why are you still working, if I may ask?”

“Force of habit, I think. I didn’t want to miss out on making the money, especially now that the market is better. My daughter just graduated from Rutgers and has a knack for sales, so I’m letting her acclimate before I dump the whole thing on her.”

“Do you travel?”

“No. Well, I used to when Ashton was alive. I like it here enough that I’m reluctant to leave.”

“I know just what you mean!”

They pulled off the freeway into Rhinebeck, a quaint little borough. Ted wasn’t impressed, but kept his mouth shut. Assuming when Jeff pulled into a driveway that the tiny house at the back of the lot belonged to him, Ted wasn’t sure both men would fit inside.

“Wow, is this your place?” he asked stupidly.
No, asshole, we’re going to break in.

“It sure is,” Jeff said proudly. “Wait until you see inside.”

Ted was alarmed at the timber exterior; it looked like a firetrap. But the good thing was that if he had to jump for it, it was so tiny the second-story windows were not that far from the ground. After getting their bags out of the trunk, Ted followed Jeff up the slate pathway. The door was arched and barely tall enough for the men to get through without stooping down. Once inside, Ted was further shocked. The front door opened onto a tiny living space jam-packed with modern furniture. There was a beautiful stone fireplace with an unwieldy flat-screen television over the mantel.

“Do you like sports?” Ted asked, hopeful.

“Oh God, yes, I follow all the teams. As a matter of fact, I could be talked into season tickets for any team, no matter how far away.” Retirement was looking better to Ted. “Do you like sports?”

“Yes,” Ted said shortly. “Is there anything else?”

Jeff laughed, a loud guffaw. “Food. I like to buy it, cook it and eat it. I’ve been told I’m a bore about it.”

“Bore me, then! I’ll learn.”

“Wine. I like wine, too.” Ted hadn’t heard about Jeff’s snobbery yet. “I’m a huge supporter of the local vintners. Come with me.”

They put their bags in a pile by a narrow, steep staircase with a low roof; Ted’s claustrophobia surged through him. “I’m not sure about that staircase,” he admitted.

“A glass or two of Pinot noir and you won’t care about the stairs.”

Going down another narrow steep staircase to the basement, Ted was afraid he’d be trapped down there, breathing deeply.

Jeff heard and turned around, grabbing his arm. “I promise you, you’re safe, okay? There are Bilco doors in back leading to the alley if we have a fire, and we aren’t going to have a fire. This house is two hundred years old, and it hasn’t burned yet.” A very narrow hallway led to a doorway made from a round barrel top.

“Well, this is cool,” Ted said, relaxing. “You have a wine cellar?”

“I do.” He pushed the door open to a well-stocked room with a barrel table surrounded by four bar stools in the middle.

“This is great!” Ted exclaimed, not put off by the tacky barrel set, although he knew Ashton would be appalled.

“Thank you,” Jeff replied, remembering another visitor, Pam’s sister Marie, who was ready to camp out down there among the wine bottles. “We can choose a bottle to open now if you’d like.”

“I’m ready,” Ted answered. Suitcases still heaped on the floor, the men sat in the basement of Jeff’s old house and drank the first of many bottles of wine together. He’d later tell Natalie he felt like a teenager, being with Jeff was so much fun.

Later that evening, Ted managed to get up the stairs without killing himself, and Jeff showed him his room, the very same one Marie had stayed in years before. They dressed for dinner, and Jeff called a car to take them to the best restaurant in town, where they had a fabulous meal.

By the end of the weekend, Ted knew he was in love. Jeff was smart and witty, handsome and charming. He seemed proud to be with Ted when they went out in public, and when they were home, he was attentive and considerate. They didn’t have sex the first night, but they talked about it and decided they were old enough to wait until they were sure it meant something to the both of them.

“I’ve never turned it down in my life,” Jeff said, laughing.

Thinking of Natalie, Ted agreed. “Me either. But I feel like we are sort of transcending that now, don’t you? Jeez, maybe I’m growing up.”

“Is that what it is? Because I want you, don’t get me wrong. We could do it now. But it’s more than that with you.”

But by Sunday, they were lovers. Jeff reluctantly got up to make them breakfast.

“Stay here. I don’t need to eat yet! My stomach is still full of food from last night.”

“I want to take you to a farmers’ market before we leave, so I better get moving or we’ll stay in bed all day.”

“Jeff, I’m ready. I can’t remember the last time I was relaxed enough to do this.”

But they decided Jeff might have some kind of nervous breakdown if he didn’t take a carload of fresh produce back to Long Island.

Driving back to Manhattan, he admitted his feelings. “I wish you’d come home with me.”

“I’d like that,” Ted said. “But I better get back and help my daughter plan her week at the office. If you’d like, I can visit you later, even tomorrow.”

“We need to stay in touch. I can barely stand the thought of not being with you,” Jeff said. “It’s very depressing.”

By August, they knew they wanted to get married. “Why wait any longer?” Ted said when Jeff brought it up. “We’ll have a prenuptial agreement, so it’s not like either of us is marrying for the money. Maybe for a beach house, but that’s all.”

“When do you want to do it?” Jeff asked.

“As soon as we can. If you’re thinking of a big throw down, we might have to plan a little longer. But if we just go to the judge, we can go anytime.”

“I’d like to have a real wedding,” Jeff replied. “You know the kind—tuxedos and ushers and a wedding cake.”

“If you want that, you can have it,” Ted said.

They decided to have a small, formal affair before the weather got too cold, with their aged parents and friends and family in attendance.

Natalie was relieved they weren’t having attendants, concerned Ted might ask her to stand up for him, too self-conscious of her weight no matter how many people told her how lovely she was. Ben was coming to stay in Greenwich Village with Natalie, and they’d attend the wedding together.

It was a happy time for their family, Jason thinking more about what it would mean to get married again. Putting a tissue to his eyes, he wept for what was now gone, a life with Emily that began when they were just kids, he was a senior in high school and she was a year behind. Making the decision to go to Temple University, he’d be close to home and to Emily. Working as a secretary after high school, Emily took a night class or two each semester, and by the time she started nursing school, Jason was doing his residency. Making enough money so they could get married, Jason supported her while she went to school. They had a crazy, love-filled life, with the excitement of children strengthening their bond.

Would he ever have that kind of devotion for another woman? He looked over at Pam and could see the ceremony moved her. He was certain what he felt for her was love. Living three hours away from her didn’t help, but he was reluctant to leave Philadelphia. His oldest child, Jane, questioned him. “Dad, it sounds like the love you have for a city is preventing you from acting on your love for Pam. You might want to rethink that.”
Was he making excuses not to make a commitment to her?

As Pam listened to Jeff and Ted repeat their vows, her heart filled with regret because she could
say
the words to Jason, but they would never mean what they’d meant when she’d said them to Jack. It was time to get married, she decided. Jason fulfilled the necessary requirements. Busy with his own life, he gave her a lot of space. The weekends were filled with activities they both enjoyed, going to swap meets and flea markets up and down the East Coast. He helped her with her garden chores, neglecting his own small garden in Philadelphia.