In My Head (23 page)

“All right, guys. You can come on in!”

The guys pile in and Ben puts Kody in his high chair. Kay claims a chair and pushes her booster seat into it and then climbs up. I push her chair in and gesture for Robert to take the chair to Kay’s right. That way he can get to know her a little bit better without all the toys. She really has a one tract mind when she’s playing.

All throughout dinner, Kay dominates everyone’s attention. Being cute at the right times, not being a slob while she eats, but when she gets tired it’s very obvious she needs to go to bed. Ben says he’ll take her and Kody up and gets them ready for bed. I grab my bottle of water and take a sip.

With Kay gone, the conversation instantly dies.

“So, I wanted to tell you more about your mom.” Huh, okay.

“I would love to know more about her.” I adjust in my seat, then say, “Let’s go back to the living room, it’s more comfortable out there.” He doesn’t object so we both grab our waters and head back out.

As soon as we sit down, he starts. “Your mother was a very loveable person, she had so much love to give out. She just didn’t know how to use it. You look a lot like her, you act a lot like her too. I see the sadness in your eyes, I just want you to know that your mom suffered from devastating depression. Her lows were so low that she turned to drugs to just feel alive. And when the current drug of choice no longer helped, she went in search of the next best high. Which was ultimately her downfall. I didn’t see it at the time, but as each year passed, it got worse until she could no longer handle it anymore”

I feel like I just got hit with emotional whiplash. She suffered from depression? Well, that explains a lot. I thought it was just the baby blues, maybe it has been more than that. Add on top of that the guilt from whatever is going on with Bronson, and that makes for one hell of combination.

“How long did she suffer, do you know?” I start peppering him with questions. Maybe I can get more insight to how long she suffered and just how severe it was before she turned to drugs.

He looks lost in thought, like his eyes are years away from where we are now. “She suffered for probably as long as I knew her. She was just really good at hiding it.”

Sounds familiar. “I can see your wheels spinning in there. If you think you have it, you need to talk to someone.” Oh my god, could I talk to someone about this? Could I really be helped? Now I feel like even more of a piece of shit for having the pills sitting upstairs.

First chance I get, those things are going down the fucking toilet. I’m surprised that I haven’t gotten rid of them since I found out I’m pregnant. I don’t know that I could talk about everything that I’ve done with a therapist. I feel like vomiting just from the thought of baring my soul to someone. But I might have to. I certainly can’t talk to Michelle about any of this. Or anyone that I know personally.

“I’m pretty sure I have been suffering. But I feel like I’m better right now.”

Nodding, he goes on to explain the ups and downs that she would experience. They sound so eerily similar to how I’ve been feeling since moving back home. It’s like moving back here triggered everything.

“WHAT IS WITH
you and these damn surprises lately?” I scowl at him from the passenger side of our car. It hasn’t been that long since our trip to New Orleans to warrant a new getaway somewhere else.

And just like the last time he seems content with not telling me where we’re going at all. “I hate you right now.”

“You don’t hate me, you love me. You’ll love me even more in a little bit. We aren’t staying anywhere tonight, we’re just going to be gone for the day.”

I cross my arms over my chest and huff. We left Mansfield about an hour ago. We’re on the highway heading North, I can only assume we’re going to Cleveland. But I don’t know why. It’s a Sunday in October, there really isn’t much up north I want to do except go to
Cedar Point,
but we’re going in the wrong direction for that.

Looking out the window, my eyes glance over all of the car dealerships we’re passing. Checking out all the brand new cars. “We should go car shopping soon, we could use a bigger vehicle.”

Ben barks out a laugh. He looks over at me, a smile lighting up his face. “You think we need a bigger car than what you have now?” He looks forward again. “I have this truck and you have a Ford Escape. How much bigger do you need?”

Narrowing my eyes, I snap, “You do realize that these kids are only going to get bigger right? And the amount of shit we carry around for them now is only going to keep multiplying. Then there will be friends and their friends crap. And if we go on vacation it is best to have a bigger vehicle.”

“What kind of car are you thinking we need?”

I mull it over for a minute, trying to come up with something quick. But something that I would actually want. “A brand new Chevy Tahoe. That has enough room for us to grow. Black with chrome rims.”

“Sure, let me get right on those rims for you. I can get you rims for your Escape
.
Won’t that be nice?” I know what he’s doing. It won’t work. Not this time.

“Why don’t we just stop and look sometime? It’s not like it will kill us to look.” I smile and bat my eyes. He takes his hand off the center console, pushes it up and locks it in place. Urging me to move to the center of the truck, to be closer to him.

I unbuckle and move over, and grab the center lap belt and buckle back up. “All right, you got me where you want me, what are you going to do with me now?”

He places his hand on my leg and rubs back and forth. “Now that I’ve got you where I want you? Baby, I’ve always got you. If you want to go look at a new car, we’ll go look at a new car. But, we aren’t breaking the bank with one either. We need to think somewhat sensible. If we can find a Tahoe within our price range, we’ll talk about it.”

Beaming at him, I sit up straighter and press a kiss to his cheek. “You know that will get you a blow job later, right?”

He glances at me, then puts his eyes back on the road. “I don’t think you have ever given me road head. We don’t have the kids. What do you say?”

I glance out the windows, taking in how many cars are around us. Trying to gauge if it would be too much to do this. I can’t believe I’m even considering doing this. But I want to make my husband happy. Hell, I know that just by not arguing about the car I’ve made him happy for today.

“What if a cop drives by? Oh! What if you wreck us? You know I give good head.” I wiggle my eyebrows at him making him chuckle.

“Sunshine, I would never put us at risk, you know that. If I feel like I’m starting to lose control, I’ll stop you.” He moves his hand from my leg to the front of his pants and starts to undo them.

“I can’t believe I’m really going to do this. You owe me bigtime, Mr. Morris.”

“Get my cock in your mouth, wife.” Oh, my nice husband has taken a break. It’s time for Mr. Alpha to fill his shoes. Unbuckling myself once again, I bring both of my legs up onto the bench seat. I get up onto my knees and sink down so my thighs are resting against my calves. My hands finish pulling his dick out of his pants, I tuck the belt buckle away so that way I don’t hit it at all.

I work my hand up and down a couple times, getting him a little hard before I put him in my mouth. Once he’s harder, I lean over his lap and tentatively dart my tongue out to lick the very top. He moans and winds his free hand into my hair, wrapping the strands around his fist to control my movements.

I take the head of him into my mouth, close it around him and suck hard on his cock. He moans and shoves himself into the back of my throat, making me gag. He pulls my head back almost immediately after.

“Breathe through it, baby. You can do this.” He lets me take a deep breath, and starts to shove himself into my mouth again. This time when he hits the back of my throat, I breathe in deep through my nose, relaxing my throat muscles, forcing myself not to gag. He holds himself there longer this time, making my throat get used to the invasion. Spit is dripping out of my mouth and down his cock, making a mess.

He pulls out and slams home a couple times before relaxing his hand. That’s my queue to take over things, I start bobbing my head up and down his length. Not taking him near as deep as what he was going, but I’m still taking him as deep as I can.

His moans and groans fill the cab of the truck. I work my hand up and down, giving my jaw a break for just a second before I start sucking on him again. His fist tightens a little bit in my hair again, letting me know that he’s getting close. I work my hand and mouth in tandem. Trying to suck harder to get him off faster.

He explodes in mouth with expletives spilling out of his mouth. He thrusts his hips into me as he rides out his orgasm.

“Ohhhh my god. I swear to god you get better at that every time you do it.” I take one last lick at his head, knowing that he’s super sensitive right now. He laughs and pushes my head away from him.

I sit up and move across the cab, taking a drink of my water. It’s been awhile since I’ve given head and had to swallow, I normally don’t like the taste of it. I’m not sure how my stomach is going to handle it.

“You know, I’ve been pretty lucky this pregnancy. I haven’t been nauseous this time around.” I tell Ben, trying to recall any moment that I hadn’t really felt well except in the very beginning.

I’m edging on four months. I’ve started to show a little bit, sooner than the last two. I absently place my hand on my belly and rub circles. “I can’t wait to find out what we’re having. Can you?”

Ben looks over at me, he reaches across and places his hand on top of mine. “I love the gender appointments. They were my favorite, both times.”

“What do you think it’ll be this time?” I have a feeling it’ll be another boy.

“I don’t know, I don’t care. You know that. I just want a baby that’s healthy.” I nod. Healthy is good.

I reach for my water again and take a small sip. Ben’s driving can’t ever be trusted to not hit bumps when trying to take a drink of anything. “I think it’s a boy. I have a feeling.”

“Well, you were right both times. So, I won’t argue with you.” He takes his hand away and places it back on the steering wheel. He signals to get over onto an exit lane, finally exiting the highway. He takes a couple roads and finally pulls into a parking area.

He smiles at me and hops out of his truck. Coming around to my side of the truck, he opens the door for me and helps me out. Shutting the door behind me, he takes my hand in his and threads our fingers together.

“Wanna tell me what we’re doing yet?” He just continues to pull me across the street and walks down a road, and finally comes to stop in front of what likes a restaurant. I look up and read the name of it.

“The Great Lakes Brewery?” I snap my eyes to him. “You bring me to a brewery when I can’t even drink? What kind of shit is that?”

The guy standing at the podium outside taking names and guest numbers laughs at my outburst. “They’re supposed to have really great food, babe. Just enjoy it. It is our anniversary after all.”

The color instantly drains from my face and I feel hot all over. What kind of asshole forgets their own anniversary? I do, I guess.

“Oh my God, babe. I’m so sorry!”

An achingly tender smile crosses his face. “I know, it’s okay. You’ve had so much other stuff going on. It’s my job to spoil you, this is me spoiling you.”

I press in close to him and wrap my arms around his neck. “Thank you for bringing me here. Let’s go eat some good food!”

It doesn’t take long for us to be seated, we perused the menu and ordered a sausage sampler for an appetizer. When it was time to put in our main dish order, I chose pretzel chicken and Ben got fish and chips. We both split the appetizer and finished both of our meals. Not needing a to go box, we threw enough cash down on the table to cover the tab plus some for our waitress.

Ben said when we left the restaurant that our day wasn’t over yet, that we still had one more stop to make. Hopping back into the truck, he starts it up and heads onto the main road. Then drives straight. Reaching into the backseat he roots around the floor trying to find a specific bag. When he finally latches onto the bag, he throws it into my lap.

Confused I look at him while I start to open the bag. I pull out a t-shirt that is clearly not my size so I set it on the console. Dragging out the next shirt, it looks to be a little smaller. I open the shirt up and look at the front and it has a picture of one of my favorite Indians players on it.

Looking back and forth between Ben and my shirt, I can honestly say it takes a few minutes longer to figure out what he’s trying to will me to understand. It isn’t until we pull up to the intersection right in front of Progressive Field that I finally put everything together.

Ben brought me back to the spot where he proposed for our anniversary. Cue the swooning.

“God, Ben. You’re seriously the best husband ever!” I squeal and rip the shirt I have on off and over my head. I throw the new shirt on and pull it down over my ever expanding belly. A belly that looks more pregnant than just fat after eating so much food.