In My Shoes (17 page)

I unzipped her backpack and pulled out the
clothes. “Well, I called this a dress to Jessica, and she asked
since when did I not know the difference between a dress and a
skirt.”

“Wait, this is what you were wearing? This
isn’t what I left out for you. Where did you…”

After a short pause, she groaned as if it all
became clear what had happened.

“What?” I asked.

“I was organizing the outfits when my mom
came in and had the dating heart-to-heart with you. It kind of
threw me out of sorts.

“
That
outfit,” she said, pointing to
the clothes I had worn to school, “was parts of leftover clothes I
had out and forgot to hang back up. The outfits you were supposed
to wear were hanging up together at the far end of the closet.
There was one outfit for each day of this week. The left was the
first outfit. It was a cute blouse I just got that you were
supposed to wear with a different pair of jeans.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea that you had hung
up multiple outfits for me.”

“It’s fine. I should have pointed it all out
when I was done. I was just distracted, I guess. Just skip today’s
outfit and wear the second outfit tomorrow. You can bring the jeans
you were supposed to wear today and a plain green shirt to school
tomorrow to replace those in my locker,” she said, pointing to what
I was wearing. “The green shirt is hanging up in my closet.”

“Why do you have spare clothes at school
anyway?” I asked.

“For just in case.”

“Just in case what?” I persisted, but in a
thoughtful tone.

“In case something happens to the clothes I’m
wearing,” she said in not nearly as thoughtful of a tone.

“Okay spill,” I said.

“Spill what?”

“You have been in a bad mood all morning. And
that’s just the two times I’ve talked to you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s been a rough
morning. How did P.E. go?” she asked as she started to open up her
locker for me.

“It went fine. It’s my new favorite subject,”
I said, smiling. I don’t know why, but I was hoping it would make
her smile, too. Instead she rolled her eyes.

“So, how was your class?” I asked.

“Well, let’s just say it’s not
my
new
favorite subject,” she said. “Look, we’ve only got a few minutes.
Here’s my locker info,” she said handing me a piece of paper.
“Write yours on here.” She handed me another piece of paper. I
wrote my information and handed it back.

“Thanks. Now, I don’t carry my backpack
around with me all day. I drop my backpack off at my locker in the
morning and just take the subject books I need before each class.
Don’t forget to always take your purse with you.”

“Got it. Let me get my stuff and I’ll walk
you to my locker.”

“No, that’s okay. I can find it with the info
you gave me. I’ll see you in class in a few minutes.” With that,
she was gone.

Nicole and I both have A.P. Literature and
Composition next period, so I would actually see her in a few
minutes. What I really wanted to do was to talk to Mike, but I
wouldn’t see him until physics. Even then, I wouldn’t have much of
a chance to talk to him, since he would be sitting next to
Nicole.

I walked into lit. class and was looking for
a seat when Nicole’s friend Meredith was looking at me like she was
offended.

“Oh, hey!” I said.

“What, you’re not going to sit next to me
today?” she asked.

“Yeah, sorry. I was lost in thought.”

The bell rang just as I sat down, bringing
our conversation to a quick end. Nicole walked in just a few
seconds after the bell.

“You’re late, Mr. Matthews!” said Ms. Early.
She doesn’t like tardiness. Go figure.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I had locker
troubles.”

“Very well. See that it doesn’t happen
again.”

“Yes ma’am,” Nicole said, quickly taking a
seat at my regular spot. She did seem to be having a rough day. I
was curious what could have gone so wrong this morning.

The rest of the period went fairly smooth.
Neither of us got called on. We handed in our homework and received
an assignment for tomorrow. As the bell rang, I got my things
together and stood up to leave.

“Bye, Mer. I’ll see you later,” I said
smiling.

“Okay. See you at lunch.”

I looked back to see if Nicole wanted to talk
to me, but it didn’t appear as though she did. There wasn’t much
for me to screw up, and she was able to see everything anyway.

I exchanged books from Nicole’s locker and
headed to physics on my own. The class was half full, but I had
arrived before Mike or Nicole. I took Nicole’s usual seat, next to
Jessica. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Nicole arrived a few
moments later and took my seat. Mike came in just after Nicole and
gave me a strange look as he walked by to take his seat. Whatever
happened this morning, I had a feeling Mike was going to fill me in
with what he knew as soon as he could.

“I passed Jeremy in the hall and he totally
ignored me,” Jessica said, bringing my attention back to her.

“Well, are you sure he saw you?” I asked
thoughtfully.

“Yeah, he looked right at me and when I said
hi, he just kept walking and talking to his friends. He…didn’t even
say hi.”

“I’m sorry, Jessica. There are other, better
guys out there.”

“Well, do you think I should talk to him
about it?” she asked.

“Why? If he were into you, he would have said
hi. Whatever reason he had for ignoring you, it can’t be a good
one. Don’t put yourself through it. You’ll find the right
person.”

She gave me a look that made me think that
wasn’t something Nicole would probably have said.

“Well…I
guess
you’re right.”

The tardy bell rang after that and we left
the conversation where it was.

If I had been asked a week ago about what it
would be like being a girl, I would have probably said it’s not
that hard and I could do it if I had to. Now that I am a girl…yes
that sounds strange to me…I can truly appreciate how hard it is.
Not necessarily because being a girl is so hard, but because it is
quite different. I think it would be similar to telling someone to
play the piano because they can play the guitar. I spend every bit
of effort trying to remember to walk right, and talk right, and do
everything the way that Nicole would so I don’t make things more
difficult for her when we change back.
If
we change back…but
that’s another story.

Being in class, so far, has been nice because
I don’t really have to worry as much about messing something up. I
listen to the lecture and answer questions when directed at me. No
walking, and not much else to mess up. As long as we study, we
should be okay with the classroom time. I think.

Physics seemed to go just as fast as A.P.
Literature. I got called on once, but the answer was easy. Before I
knew it, the bell had rung and we were packing up our things. I
looked back at Nicole and Mike. Mike was doing his own thing.
Nicole was packing up, but she gave me a glance and a nervous
smile. It is still strange to see facial expressions, that I’ve
seen on my face for seventeen years, look somehow different with
her in my body.

I smiled back at her a little more
confidently, trying to help ease whatever concerns she was having.
After saying goodbye to Jessica, I left for Nicole’s locker.

Next up was Nicole’s calculus class. I was a
little more nervous about this class, just because it wasn’t my
calculus class. I knew the assignments, but the unfamiliarity of
the class and teacher was making my stomach a little uneasy.

Nicole walked up to me as I was exchanging
books from her locker.

“You seem to be doing okay,” she said. “Are
you ready for calculus?”

“I think so. Everything seems to be going as
well as possible. How about you?”

“I’m feeling a little better now. I think it
helped having our first couple of real classes together. Being able
to see that you can handle it was nice, and I feel a little better
about my ability to handle it.”

She paused for a moment. “I think we can do
this!” she said, somewhat enthusiastically. “Good luck.”

With that, she headed toward my Spanish class
and I headed toward her calculus class.

When I arrived in Nicole’s calculus class, I
looked around for people I knew. I recognized two people, but I
didn’t see them as being friends of Nicole. I found the desk Nicole
usually sits at and sat down. Jessica wasn’t there yet. I glanced
at the other people around me and smiled. They each smiled back and
went back to their own business. Jessica arrived just as the bell
rang and took her seat.

Okay, so calculus didn’t go quite as well as
the previous classes. I got called on once, but I was a little
distracted admiring a girl in the front row who I’d never seen
before. I knew the answer to the question, but it didn’t register
when the teacher called Nicole’s name the first time. When Ms.
Clark called on me more sternly the second time, I quickly sat up
and answered. A little embarrassing, but I survived.

The bell rang, and I quickly got my stuff
together and headed to lunch with Jessica. Just about the time I
started wondering what Nicole usually does for lunch, Jessica,
Meredith and Caryn caught up with Jessica and me and we walked into
the cafeteria together. We all got in line at the pizza kiosk. They
each got one piece of pizza and a drink, so I did the same. We all
found an empty table and sat down to eat.

It’s not like I’ve been oblivious to it, but
sitting at a table with three girls made me realize just how much
faster girls talk than guys. Maybe they’re not all like this, but
these girls seemed to just feed off of each other. I could barely
keep up with the conversation. They talked about boys and lunch and
these cute outfits they saw at the mall and their classes and it
just went on and on. I tried to respond just enough to not seem
suspicious, but…I was scared to talk.

After about five minutes of speed talking,
they stopped suddenly and I thought I might have done something
wrong. Then I noticed they were looking at Mike and Nicole standing
behind me. I turned to look at them, but I didn’t know what to
say.

“Hi, Nicole! Do you mind if we sit with you
guys?” Nicole asked.

Okay, I had no idea why she was doing this.
But if she’s asking, she must be okay with it.

“Uhh…sure. Be my guest.”

I looked at Nicole’s friends and they had
different expressions that I didn’t yet know how to read. They
looked more surprised than bothered. I was still trying to figure
out what to say when Nicole broke the silence.

“Hi, I’m Jake. This is Mike,” she said.

“Oh, sorry. These are my friends Jessica,
Meredith and Caryn.” They each waved their hand when I said their
name.

“You girls are hot!”

“Mike!” Nicole and I yelled at the same time.
Nicole smacked him.

“Ouch! I’m just sayin’!”

Jessica and Caryn both laughed a little to
themselves, but Meredith didn’t seem amused.

“I’m sorry,” Nicole offered. “Mike likes to
keep his manners in a jar by his bed. Just, sometimes he forgets to
take them out before he leaves the house.”

I was irritated at Mike, but that made me
laugh. Not that I’d ever say something like that. After that, Mike
and Nicole sat down. Mike had a silly look on his face that told me
he wished he could talk to me without everyone around, but that
wasn’t going to happen until after school.

“So, Nicole,” Nicole started, “are we going
to study after school today?”

“Uhh…sure…Jake. I guess we could do that.” I
wasn’t sure why she was doing this. The last thing I would think
she would want would be for her friends to think we were spending a
bunch of time together. I still didn’t understand why she was
here…with Mike!

I looked over at the girls and they all had
smiles on their faces, except for Meredith, that told me they were
getting a kick out of all of this.

“How are your classes going today?” Nicole
asked me, ignoring her friends looks.

“My classes are going pretty well. How are
your classes going?”

“Fine,” she said somewhat
unenthusiastically.

“Well,” Meredith interjected, “as intriguing
as this conversation has become, I think we should head toward
class. “She stood up and looked at Caryn and Jessica. When they
didn’t get up, she nudged them both. Jessica sighed and got up.

“Nice meeting you,” Nicole said to the
girls.

“Nice meeting you, too!” said Jessica and
Caryn together.

Meredith smiled, an unconvincing smile, and
they left.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“Meredith is selective about her friends,”
Nicole said. “She probably thought it was forward of us to invite
ourselves to sit down with you.”

“No, I meant you. What are you doing?” I
asked.

“What do you mean, what am I doing?”

“I thought we were going to keep our lives as
normal as possible. I didn’t think you wanted your friends to know
we were hanging out.”

“You don’t really think I’m that shallow, do
you? I mean, why would I care who knows we are hanging out?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you…”

“Look, I’ve never been ashamed of being
friends with someone. I wasn’t going to have you around my friends
before because…well…I didn’t really like you. Things are different
now.

“And as for normal,” she continued, “I think
we can agree that’s only going to be possible to a certain point. I
don’t know about you, but being around you makes me feel more
comfortable.”

“Kind of like having a safety net,” I said in
agreement.

“Yes, exactly.”

“So, spill,” I said, looking back and forth
between them.

Mike had a smile on his face and Nicole
looked uncomfortable.