In Place of Never (27 page)

“You look different.”

I smiled. “You think? A little?”

He stood before me. I parted my knees and Cross leaned forward, pressing me back against the soft down comforter. “I like this look on you. Strong. Defiant. Alive.”

I waited for a kiss that didn’t come. Instead, he traced the contours of my body with his hands. His eyes rarely left mine. “You’re beautiful.”

There was no waver in his tone or expression.

“You don’t miss the long girlie hair?”

He shook his head. “I would want you if you were bald.” He dropped a kiss on my temple. “Twice my weight.” He kissed my throat. “Had hairy legs.” One long finger hooked in the waistband of my shorts. “Talked like a trucker.” He kissed my lips. “I fell hard for this.” He laid a palm over my heart. His soulful eyes burned with emotion. “The rest is icing.”

I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him to me. His kisses boggled the mind, as did my luck of finding him. One perfect soul, an exact match to mine, had traveled to my town only weeks before I planned to leave. He’d arrived on the day I woke from a three-year sleep. Times like these I questioned the sanity of those who didn’t believe in divine intervention. Fate. Destiny. Some force greater than human understanding.

Cross tugged his shirt over his head. His bare chest pressed against me as our breaths became one. My thin tank top revealed all my scars, but he didn’t seem to see them. He lifted his mouth from mine. “Are you okay?” The words were labored.

“Yes.”

My fingers slid against a sheen of sweat as I clung to his back, trying desperately to get closer.

Our kisses deepened, desperate and delicious. Clothes piled on the floor, one piece at a time, awakening someone new in me. Faith was right. Physical love was worth waiting for, and Cross was the only man I’d want to share this moment.

* * * *

We dressed and curled together on my bed. Cross’s long frame encompassed mine. His arms held me close. “Still okay?”

I pulled his arms tighter over mine. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t come here tonight thinking…”

I turned in his arms. “No. I know.” I licked my swollen lips. “I didn’t think. You know. Me either.” My cheeks burned. “It’s good. I’m glad.”

A wide smile broke across his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I kissed his chin and snuggled into his chest. “Very yeah.”

He rested his cheek against the top of my head. “How was your day? Did you make it to the school?”

My tummy rolled. “Yeah. I saw Sheriff Dobbs on my way back. He said he’s doing added patrols by the river. I think he saw the henna. We have to be careful.”

He chuckled. “Definitely.”

I tilted my chin for a look at him. “What?”

Cross lifted onto his elbow, smoothing hair behind my ear. His dimple caved in. “I probably shouldn’t sneak inside while your dad’s asleep downstairs.”

I smiled. “That would be dumb.”

He kissed my hair and squeezed me. “It’s after three. I’d better get back.”

“You have to leave?”

He smiled. “I wish I didn’t. Maybe one day.” He shoved his feet into black boots and tightened the laces. “Does the sheriff plan on telling your dad about your visit to his place?”

“No. He was cool. I think he worries about us. He and Dad are close and we lost Faith on his watch. That has to have an impact on him, right?” I slid to the bed’s edge and gathered a pillow in my arms. “Pru and I contacted some of Anton’s old girlfriends today.”

Shock and confusion rolled over his features. “What? Why?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Mouse is scary and Nadya doesn’t want her children with settled people. We wondered if they got rid of the women Anton cared about.”

Confusion turned to disbelief in his tone. “So you contacted them? What did you say?”

“I asked why they left the sideshow. Nothing personal or complicated, just why.”

“And.”

“Mazey was bribed. Lexi was threatened with pox and boils.” I inhaled. “Trina is dead.”

Cross sat beside me. “What?”

“She died in a car accident the day they left town without her.”

Fury scorched his cheeks. “You think Nadya killed someone?”

“No.” I grabbed his hand. “Not at all. I just…wondered. I thought maybe someone chased Faith away too.”

He squeezed my hand and released it. “You’ve seen Mouse in action. That’s all she’s got. Weird words. Nothing else. And Nadya wouldn’t hurt anyone.” He opened my window and swung a long leg over the frame.

Tears stung my eyes. “Don’t be angry.”
Don’t ruin a perfect memory
.
Not you.

He turned his heated gaze on me.

“Cross. Please.”

He grabbed my cheeks and kissed me protectively. Reassurance filled my soul. He rested his forehead to mine and caressed my cheek with one wide thumb. “I’m not angry. Not with you. I need to tell Anton about Trina, though. He’ll want to stop in her town and pay his respects. This news sucks in an enormous way. His mom shouldn’t have asked those girls to leave. How screwed up is that?”

“I know.”

He pressed his lips to mine. “Lock the window behind me.”

“’Kay.”

A smile curved my lips. I’d given him a part of me that no one else could have. He had the power to break my heart in ways I never dreamed, but I trusted him with that power.

Cross stopped on the tree limb and cursed. “Someone’s down there.” He landed on our lawn a moment later and tore through the grass. I strained my eyes in the darkness, but they were gone. I locked the window and shut the curtain before sending him a text.

“Tell me everything when you can.”

Ten excruciating minutes later, he responded.
“Lost him on Main Street. Get sleep. I’ll find you tomorrow.”

I curled onto my side and wedged a Cross-scented pillow under my cheek. Even my skin smelled like him. Exhilaration mingled with worry. Who saw Cross climb out of my window? Why were they out there? Who would they tell?

Scrapes

The thing about time is that it’s evil. While I was wretched with grief and self-loathing, the minutes of every day stretched into eternity. Time dragged in endless, unchanging cycles of torture and regret. Not long ago, I woke up and the pain eased for five minutes. I became blissfully happy and time lurched forward, slipping through my fingers faster than I could hold on. I ached for more time, but there wasn’t more.

I held the door to White Water Coffee open for Pru. She blinked at the blazing sunlight and pumped her straw through the thick, ice-blended coffee. “I can’t believe summer’s almost over. It just started.”

“Not really. You have another month.” If only Cross had another month. I examined my henna-covered palm. The delicate lines lightened more every day. I wouldn’t miss hiding one hand from my new work-from-home dad, but they represented my time with Cross. Proof he was real. Soon enough, I’d wonder if I imagined him. I missed Cross already.

Dad and his posse were at our house, plotting impenetrable plans in which the Lovells and other shows like theirs could never sully this fine town again.

Pru pressed her ice-cold cup against my bare arm. “Why are you smiling?”

“Hey!” I jumped. “Dork.”

“Nerd.”

A group of locals watched as we moseyed toward home. I pressed my arms to my sides, hoping my scars didn’t offend them. My fingers tugged the hem of my shorts. The few cuts I’d made on my thighs were light. Even with a tan, they were nearly invisible. “Are they looking at us?”

Pru spun and stared. “I don’t know. Maybe. We are hot.”

I laughed. “I’m not convinced that’s why they’re looking.”

She shook her cup and tried the straw again. “Who cares?”

I cared. Nothing good started with a group of gawking people.

My mind wandered to Cross. Memories of his touch warmed my skin. He wanted me. Scars and all. Since that night, I’d braved my old wardrobe. Wearing shorts and T-shirts on sweltering days was liberating. I’d never appreciated temperature-appropriate attire before. Even with my scars unmasked, people mostly looked at my hair.

A few girls gasped.

Mark Dobbs jogged onto the sidewalk and froze. He cursed under his breath and his eyes narrowed on me. “I can’t seem to get away from you these days.” Red basketball shorts hung to his calves. His high-tops were unlaced. Everything about him was overconfident and assuming, like his T-shirt. White letters dared “Bring it.”

I frowned but kept my mouth shut. Pru stepped off the sidewalk and into the street, I followed. No need to stand outside Red’s and argue about nothing.

Mark called our names until we stupidly turned back. He widened his stance and pressed giant palms over his hips. A few people drifted into earshot, hoping for a showdown on Main Street, no doubt. Golden Boy Jr. verses the pastor’s daughters. Who would win? It was anyone’s fight.

I sighed. “It was such a gorgeous day three seconds ago.”

Mark shook his angry face. “Jesus, Mercy. I taunt you for being like your sister and instead of proving me wrong, you keep upping the game. You cut your hair now? Put on some short-shorts? Stupid.” He smacked his head. “So unbelievably stupid. Worse, you’re screwing the circus freak.”

Pru snorted.

I blanched.

Mark scanned the crowd, steadily growing more frustrated and angry.

Pru’s snort was poorly timed.

“That’s right, Prudence. You come from a long line of loose-legged ladies. I’d tell you to learn a lesson from them, but I heard about you and Jason already.” He tipped his head and shrugged. “Hey, at least he’s not a freak.”

Pru stumbled back as if Mark had gutted her. She wasn’t made for confrontation. She smiled through schoolyard teasing and won people over with her charm. Mark wasn’t like the others, and he was way too old for a schoolyard. Mark was devious and enraged.

I stepped in front of her. “Knock it off, Mark.”

Shock registered in his cocky expression. He’d expected me to run. I would’ve if he’d left Pru out of it.

“You were a nice girl once. What happened? What is it about those freaks?” He moved closer. “You’re all dressed up. No more hoodies and baggy jeans? Are you meeting your boyfriend?” He glanced over his shoulder at the little crowd of onlookers outside Red’s. “He’s kind of old for you, isn’t he? What do you see in him?” A flurry of emotions flashed through his eyes. “I don’t understand you. First you curl up and disappear. Disengage. Leave. Then the circus comes back to town and you’re out every day. You’re making house calls to anyone willing to talk with you about the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to St. Mary’s. You’re stirring up trouble, and you’re walking around like you have no effing clue. What is
wrong
with you?”

I gaped. “My sister died.” I stood straighter, pressing back seething words. “Her death didn’t happen to St. Mary’s. It happened to
me
. I grieved and I’m healing. What I don’t understand is what any of it has to do with you. What’s
your
problem? Huh?”

His eyes slid over me like I was naked. Could he tell what I’d done with Cross? Did someone know and tell him? I was different and somehow he could see it.

I hadn’t told anyone, not even Pru.

I wetted my lips and lowered my voice. “I don’t know why you hate me, and I’m sorry that you do, but you need to leave Pru alone.” Pru was stuck here with this lunatic for two more years. She shouldn’t have to navigate his wrath. “She’s never done anything to you.”

He scoffed. “That’s right. You get to leave.”

My forehead pinched. No one was stopping him, were they?

A rumble inside Red’s drew my attention. Mark headed for the door, overcome immediately by a giant shadow with an awkward gait.

Brady burst past him onto the sidewalk, slurring and staggering. “There you are.”

Pru grabbed my elbow. “Uh-oh. Drunk before lunch again?”

I couldn’t speak or move. Brady’s glassy eyes roamed over my bare limbs. Skin I hadn’t exposed in years ached for cover.

He stumbled off the curb and nearly fell on me. “I loved her.” He lifted a finger to my hair and I stepped away. “You cut it just like her. Why?”

I gathered my courage and ignored the blatant onlookers. “Time for a change.”

Mark grabbed Brady’s arm. “Come on, man. People are staring.”

I guffawed. “You didn’t mind them staring at me while you called Pru and me names.”

Brady slapped Mark’s hands away. “You called her names?”

“Nah. I just... I wanted her to go away. She’s freaking everywhere.”

Brady’s long arms snapped out and grabbed my wrists. “Tell her I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make her sad. I didn’t mean for her to go. She didn’t believe me, but you believe me, don’t you?”

His speed had caught me off guard. I wobbled into Pru, and she fell with a screech.

Anton dashed out of Red’s and into the street. His hands clamped down on Brady’s shoulders. “Let her go.”

Mark grabbed Anton and was deflected without comment, like a bug. Mark swore. Loudly.

Brady’s head swung in a lazy arc, looking for the problem. His eyes widened. “You!” He growled. “You no good piece of… You ruined my life!”

The door to Red’s swung open again. This time Cross appeared. Confusion turned to rage as he took in the scene. Pru sat on the ground, screaming for Brady to let me go. Brady’s huge hands formed shackles around my wrists, tugging and pushing me in time with his movements. Cross’s expression turned feral. He rushed into the mix, eyes blazing.

Anton shoved Mark onto the pavement and focused on Brady. “Get your hands off her. Now.”

Mark scrambled to his feet and went for Cross’s legs. His favorite football tackle. Except Cross lifted a knee into his mouth and Mark crumpled onto the pavement. Again.

Pru jumped into the action, digging her nails into Brady’s fingers and my wrists. “Let her go!”

Cross’s arm snapped back and rocketed forward, connecting with Brady’s chin, sending his weight into me.

Pru landed on the ground a third time. Brady and I crashed over her like dominoes. The sick
thud
and
crunch
of bone meeting asphalt sent ice fingers over my neck.