In Search of Lost Time (24 page)

And this certainly does not mean that M. Legrandin was not sincere when he ranted against snobs. He could not be aware, at least from his own knowledge, that he was one, since we are familiar only with the passions of others, and what we come to know about our own, we have been able to learn only from them. Upon ourselves they act only secondarily, by way of our imagination, which substitutes for our primary motives alternative motives that are more seemly. It was never Legrandin's snobbishness that advised him to pay frequent visits to a duchess. It would instruct Legrandin's imagination to make that duchess appear to him as being endowed with all the graces. Legrandin would become acquainted with the duchess, filled with esteem for himself because he was yielding to attractions of wit and virtue unknown to vile snobs. Only other people were aware that he was one himself; for, because they were incapable of understanding the intermediary work of his imagination, they saw, coupled together, Legrandin's social activity and its primary cause.

Now we at home no longer had any illusions about M. Legrandin, and our contacts with him became fewer and farther between. Mama was infinitely amused each time she caught Legrandin in flagrante delicto in the sin that he would not confess, that he continued to call the sin without forgiveness, snobbishness. My father, on the other hand, had trouble accepting Legrandin's manifestations of disdain with such detachment and good humour; and when, one year, they thought
of sending me to spend my summer vacation at Balbec with my grandmother, he said: ‘I absolutely must let Legrandin know that you'll be going to Balbec, to see if he offers to put you in touch with his sister. He probably doesn't remember telling us she lives only a mile from there.' My grandmother, who believed that when staying at a seaside resort one should be on the beach from morning to evening inhaling the salt and that one ought not to know anyone thereabouts because visits and excursions were only so much time taken from the sea air, asked on the contrary that we not speak about our plans to Legrandin, as she could already see his sister, Mme de Cambremer, arriving at the hotel just when we were about to go fishing and forcing us to remain confined indoors entertaining her. But Mama laughed at her fears, thinking privately that the danger was not so great, that Legrandin would not be in such a hurry to put us in touch with his sister. Yet no one had to mention Balbec to him, it was Legrandin himself who, never suspecting that we had any intention of going to those parts, walked into the trap of his own accord one evening when we met him on the banks of the Vivonne.

– There are very lovely violets and blues in the clouds this evening, are there not, my friend, he said to my father, a blue, especially, more flowery than airy, the blue of a cineraria, which is surprising in the sky. And that little pink cloud, too, has it not the tint of some flower, a sweet william or hydrangea? Nowhere, perhaps, but on the Channel, between Normandy and Britanny, have I made richer observations of this sort of plant kingdom of the atmosphere. There, near Balbec, near those wild areas, there is a little bay, charmingly gentle, where the sunsets of the Auge country, the red and gold sunsets which I do not in the least disdain, let it be said, are characterless, insignificant; but in that damp and mild atmosphere, in the evening, you will see blooming in the space of a few instants celestial bouquets of blue and pink which are incomparable and often last for hours before they fade. There are others that lose their blossoms immediately, and then it is even lovelier to see the entire sky strewn with the scattering of their countless petals, sulphur or pink. In this bay, which they call Opal Bay, the golden beaches seem gentler still because they are chained like blonde Andromedas
³⁶
to those terrible rocks of the nearby coast, to that
gloomy shore, famed for the number of its wrecks, where every winter many a vessel is lost to the perils of the sea. Balbec! The most ancient geological skeleton of our soil, truly Ar-mor, the Sea,
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the land's end, the accursed region which Anatole France
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– an enchanter whom our little friend here ought to read – has painted so well, under its eternal fogs, like the veritable country of the Cimmerians in the
Odyssey
.
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From Balbec especially, where they are already building hotels, superimposing them upon the ancient and charming soil which they cannot change, what a delight it is to go for excursions just a step or two away through regions so primitive and so lovely!

– Oh, do you know someone in Balbec? asked my father. As it happens, this boy of ours will be spending two months there with his grandmother, and my wife, too, perhaps.

Legrandin, caught unprepared by this question at a moment when he was looking directly at my father, could not turn his eyes away, but fastening them more intensely second by second – and at the same time smiling sadly – to the eyes of his questioner, with an expression of friendliness and frankness and of not being afraid to look him full in the face, he seemed to have gone right through that face as though it had become transparent, and to be seeing at that moment, far beyond and behind it, a bright and colourful cloud that created a mental alibi for him and would allow him to prove that at the moment when he had been asked if he knew someone at Balbec, he was thinking of something else and had not heard the question. Usually, such an expression makes the other person say: ‘What are you thinking about?' But my father, curious, irritated and cruel, said again:

– You know Balbec so well – do you have friends in the area?

In a last desperate effort, Legrandin's smiling gaze reached its highest degree of tenderness, vagueness, sincerity and distraction, but, no doubt thinking there was nothing else he could do but answer, he said to us:

– I have friends wherever there are companies of trees, wounded but not vanquished, which huddle together with touching obstinacy to implore an inclement and pitiless sky.

– That was not what I meant, interrupted my father, as obstinate as the trees and as pitiless as the sky. In case something should
happen to my mother-in-law and she needed to feel she was not all alone in an out-of-the-way place, I was asking if you knew anyone there?

– There as everywhere, I know everyone and I know no one, answered Legrandin, who was not going to give in so quickly; I know a great deal about things and very little about people. But in that place the very things themselves seem to be people, rare people, delicate in their very essence, disappointed by life. Sometimes it is a manor house that you encounter on a cliff, by the side of a road, where it has stopped to point its sorrow towards the still pink evening where the golden moon rises while the returning boats, fluting the dappled water, hoist the flame of evening on their masts and carry its colours; sometimes it is a simple solitary house, rather ugly, its expression shy but romantic, which conceals from all eyes some imperishable secret of happiness and disenchantment. This country which is so unreal, he added with a Machiavellian delicacy, this country of pure fiction makes bad reading for a child, and would certainly not be what I would select and recommend for my little friend, already so inclined to sadness, for his heart, already so predisposed. A climate of amorous confession or vain regret may be suitable for a disillusioned old man like me, but they are always unhealthy for a temperament as yet unformed. Please believe me, he went on insistently, the waters of that bay, already half Breton, may act as a sedative, though a questionable one, on a heart like mine that is no longer undamaged, on a heart for whose wounds there is no longer any compensation. They are contra-indicated at your age, my boy. Good night, neighbours,' he added, leaving us with that evasive abruptness which was his habit and, turning back towards us with a doctor's raised finger, he summed up his advice: ‘No Balbec before the age of fifty, and even then it must depend on the state of the heart,' he called to us.

Although my father talked to him about this again in our subsequent encounters, torturing him with questions, it was a useless effort: like that erudite crook
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who used to employ, in fabricating false palimpsests, a labour and a scholarship a hundredth part of which would have been enough to guarantee him a more lucrative, but honourable position, M. Legrandin, had we insisted further, would
have ended by constructing a whole system of landscape ethics and a celestial geography of Lower Normandy, sooner than admit to us that his own sister lived a mile from Balbec and be obliged to offer us a letter of introduction which would not have been such an object of terror for him had he been absolutely certain – as in fact he should have been given his experience of my grandmother's character – that we would not have taken advantage of it.

We always returned in good time from our walks so that we could pay a visit to my Aunt Léonie before dinner. At the beginning of the season, when the days ended early, when we reached the rue du Saint-Esprit there was still a reflection of the sunset on the windowpanes of the house and a band of crimson deep in the timbers of the Calvary, which was reflected farther off in the pool, a red which, often accompanied by a rather brisk chill, was associated in my mind with the red of the fire over which was roasting the chicken that would allow the poetic pleasure given me by the walk to be succeeded by the pleasure of good eating, warmth and rest. But in the summer, when we returned, the sun was not yet setting; and during the visit we made to my Aunt Léonie, its light, lowering and touching the window, had stopped between the great curtains and the curtain-loops, divided, ramified, filtered, and, encrusting the lemon-wood of the chest of drawers with little pieces of gold, illuminated the room obliquely with the delicacy it acquires in the forest undergrowth. But on certain very rare days, when we returned, the chest had lost its momentary encrustations long before, when we reached the rue du Saint-Esprit there was no reflection of the sunset spread over the window-panes, and the pool at the foot of the Calvary had lost its red, sometimes it was already the colour of opal and a long ray of moonlight that grew broader and broader and broke over all the wrinkles of the water traversed it entirely. Then, as we came near the house, we would see a figure on the doorstep and Mama would say to me:

– Dear me! There's Françoise, watching for us. Your aunt must be worried; that means we're late.

And, without taking the time to remove our things, we would quickly go up to my Aunt Léonie's room to reassure her and show her
that, contrary to what she was already imagining, nothing had happened to us, but that we had gone the ‘Guermantes way' and, bless us, when one took that walk, my aunt knew very well one could never be sure what time one would be back.

– There, Françoise, said my aunt, what did I tell you? Didn't I say they must have gone the Guermantes way? Heavens! How hungry they must be! And your leg of lamb all dried up after waiting so long. What a time to be getting back! Well, imagine that, you went the Guermantes way!

– But I thought you knew, Léonie, said Mama. I thought Françoise saw us go out the little gate from the kitchen garden.

For in the environs of Combray there were two ‘ways' which one could go for a walk, in such opposite directions that in fact we left our house by different doors when we wanted to go one way or the other: the Méséglise-la-Vineuse way, which we also called the way by Swann's because we passed in front of M. Swann's estate when we went in that direction, and the Guermantes way. About Méséglise-la-Vineuse, to tell the truth, I never knew anything but the ‘way' and some strangers who used to come and stroll around Combray on a Sunday, people whom, this time, even my aunt, along with all the rest of us, ‘did not know at all' and whom because of this we assumed to be ‘people who must have come from Méséglise'. As for Guermantes, I was to know more about it one day, but only much later; and during the whole of my adolescence, if for me Méséglise was something as inaccessible as the horizon, concealed from view, however far we went, by the folds of a landscape that already no longer resembled the landscape of Combray, Guermantes, on the other hand, appeared to me only as the terminus, more ideal than real, of its own ‘way', a sort of abstract geographical expression like the line of the equator, like the pole, like the Orient. So, ‘to set off towards Guermantes' in order to go to Méséglise, or the opposite, would have seemed to me an expression as devoid of meaning as to set off towards the east in order to go west. Since my father always talked about the Méséglise way as the most beautiful view of the plain that he knew and about the Guermantes way as a typical river landscape, I gave them, conceiving of them thus as two entities, the cohesion, the unity that belong only to the creations
of our mind; the smallest part of either of them seemed to me precious and to manifest their particular excellence, while beside them, before one reached the sacred ground of one or the other, the purely physical paths in the midst of which they were established as the ideal view of the plain and the ideal river landscape were no more worth the trouble of looking at them than, for the spectator infatuated with the art of drama, the little streets next to a theatre. But most importantly I set between them, much more than their distances in kilometres, the distance that lay between the two parts of my brain where I thought about them, one of those distances of the mind which not only moves things away from each other, but separates them and puts them on different planes. And that demarcation was made even more absolute because our habit of never going both ways on the same day, in a single walk, but one time the Méséglise way, one time the Guermantes way, shut them off, so to speak, far apart from one another, unknowable by one another, in the sealed and uncommunicating vessels of different afternoons.

When we wanted to go in the direction of Méséglise, we would go out (not too early, and even if the sky was overcast, because the walk was not very long and did not take us too far away) as though we were going anywhere at all, through the front door of my aunt's house on the rue du Saint-Esprit. We would be greeted by the gunsmith, we would drop our letters in the box, we would tell Théodore from Françoise, as we passed, that she had no more oil or coffee, and we would leave town by the lane that ran along the white gate of M. Swann's park. Before reaching it, we would meet the smell of his lilacs, coming out to greet the strangers. From among the fresh green little hearts of their leaves, the flowers would curiously lift above the gate of the park their tufts of mauve or white feathers, glazed, even in the shade, by the sun in which they had bathed. A few, half hidden by the little tiled lodge called the Archers' House, where the caretaker lived, overtopped its Gothic gable with their pink minarets. The Nymphs of Spring would have seemed vulgar compared to these young houris, which preserved within this French garden the pure and vivid tones of Persian miniatures. Despite my desire to entwine their supple waists and draw down to me the starry curls of their fragrant heads, we would
pass by without stopping because my parents had ceased to visit Tansonville since Swann's marriage, and, so as not to appear to be looking into the park, instead of taking the lane that goes along its fence and climbs directly up to the fields, we would take another that leads to the same place, but obliquely, and that brought us out too far away. One day, my grandfather said to my father: